Tools of Ignorance: Lisa's Story (18 page)

Lisa’s teammates burst out of the dugout and mobbed her at the plate. They left her standing dizzy to mob Marlee coming back from first base.

Lisa tried not to smile too much when they walked the high five line with the Central Leatherstocking team. The Cougars headed back toward their dugout, and Lisa smiled. Sam was at the fence.

“Great game, Lisa.” Sam’s blue-gray eyes glistened.

“Thanks.” Lisa’s heart swelled. She wished she could take Sam somewhere and kiss her. “I’m so glad you made it.”

Sam leaned closer and whispered, “Baby, I wouldn’t have missed it for anything.”

Lisa was just about to whisper back when Tara walked by. “Lucky game, apple picker. Give us a minute to beat Arsdale, and we’ll see you in the finals.”

Sam looked at Lisa with a puzzled expression. “That girl is kind of cocky. I hope you don’t have to play them.”

Lisa nodded. “Me, too.”

Chapter Fifteen

Never in a Million Trillion Years

AFTER THE WIN against Central Leatherstocking in the New York State Class C semi-finals, the Clarksonville Cougars from the North Country Region advanced to the finals for the first time in school history. They would play whichever team won the next game. Lisa kept her mental fingers crossed that Arsdale would beat Tara’s Brookhaven team.

Lisa grabbed her catcher’s gear and followed Julie out of the dugout.

“There she is.” Julie pointed to Coach Spears’s roommate who was handing out Subway sandwiches.

“I’m not really hungry,” Lisa said, “but I guess we need to eat before the finals.”

“Eeee,” Julie gushed. “Can you believe we’re in the finals?”

“Not really. This whole season has been crazy.”

“No kidding.”

They reached Coach Spears’s roommate. “Great job today, girls. Keep it up.” She handed each of them the subs they had ordered.

Julie grinned. “Win the last, right?”

Coach Spears’s roommate nodded with a smile.

“Win the last.” Lisa knocked sandwiches with Julie.

They headed toward the bleachers to find their families. Lisa looked around for William, but he was in line at the concession stand, and Tara, of course, was on the field getting ready for her game against Arsdale, so the coast was clear. She relaxed a little.

A couple of black girls walked past them. They looked at Julie and said, “Hey.”

Julie nodded back. “Hey.”

Lisa waited until the girls were out of earshot and asked, “Do you know them?”

Julie shook her head.

“Why’d they say hello to you?”

“It’s a black thing.”

“Oh,” Lisa said, “like black solidarity or something?”

“I guess. I’m not sure why we do it.” She laughed. “It’s not like it’s in the handbook or anything.”

Lisa laughed.

Julie looked back at the girls they had passed. “Actually, now that I think about it, they were kind of rude saying, ‘hey’ just to me and not to you.”

“Guess I’m a little too white, eh, White Girl?”

Julie laughed. “Probably, Brown Girl, but you know what? Just ‘cuz those girls were black doesn’t mean we’d even like each other. Color isn’t automatic when it comes to friends.” Julie bugged her eyes out at Lisa and grinned.

Lisa grinned back. “Friend, I feel the same way, too.” She readjusted her softball bag on her shoulder, and they stepped off the path so they wouldn’t get run over by a Little League softball team scampering toward the concession stand.

“Hey,” Julie said, “nobody’s the same, anyway, right? People are different in all kinds of ways, not just color.”

“Yeah.”
I hope you’ll accept the fact that I’m different when I finally get up the nerve to come out to you.
“Being different makes us unique.”

“Exactly, and you, Lisa, are definitely unique.”

“Hey, what do you mean by that?”

Julie looked at her wrist as if she were wearing a watch. “Gosh, would you look at the time?” She pointed to the top row of the bleachers. “There’s my mom and dad. I gotta go.”

“Oh, way to get out of that one, White Girl.”

Julie laughed. “I’ll see you later, Brown Girl.” She bounded up the bleachers.

Lisa smiled when she saw Susie sitting with Marlee and Marlee’s mother near the top of the bleacher seats. She spotted her own family sitting with Sam on the bottom bleacher. Apparently, Sam and Susie were both sucking up to the future in-laws.

She walked over to her family and wondered if gay people acknowledged each other the way Julie did with those two girls. Did gay people nod and say, “Hey,” when they passed each other in the mall? Not everybody had good gaydar, though. She’d have to ask Tara about it later.

Whoa, Tara? Where the hell did that come from?
Lisa shook her head and hoped she didn’t slip up in front of Sam. She desperately didn’t want Sam to know that Tara was there. Never in a million trillion years did she think that Sam and Tara would ever be in the same place at the same time.

“Hi guys,” she said to her family when she reached them.

“We’re very proud of you, Lisa Bear,” her father said.

“Thanks, Papa.” She gave him a hug and then patted Lawrence Jr. on the head. She hugged Bridget who sat sandwiched between her father and mother for safe keeping.

Her mother gave her a quick hug. “You played so well, honey.”

“Well, I don’t know about that. I had a rocky start.”

“But you worked it out,” Sam said with a smile. “Marlee pitched really well, too.”

“Oh, geez, I know. She’s even got her screwball working today.”

Lisa squished in between her mother and Sam. She looked past Sam and said, “Hi, Lynnie.”

Lynnie waved. “I was cheering for you.”

Lisa smiled. “I heard you. Thanks.” She smiled inside, because Lynnie used to complain about getting dragged to her softball games.

Lisa opened her sandwich. She took a bite and realized she was starving. She took another bite before she had even finished the first.

“Slow down, honey,” her mother scolded.

“Sorry,” Lisa said with her mouth full. “I’m famished.”

Lisa followed her mother’s gaze toward William where he stood in the concession line. She said, “Larry, why don’t you go play soccer with Lawrence Jr.”

Her father followed her gaze. “Ah, okay. We’ll see you later, girls.” He herded Lawrence Jr. away from the bleachers toward an open patch of grass near the parking lot.

“Honey,” her mother turned toward Lisa, “can you watch the girls? I’ve got something to take care of.”

“Okay, Mom. C’mere, Bridget, slide over next to me.”

“‘Kay.” Bridget crawled in her lap.

“Oh, okay.” Lisa handed her sandwich to Sam until Bridget got situated.

“Weesa?”

“Yes, Sweetpea?” Lisa took the sandwich back with one hand. She held Sam’s gaze for an extra long second before concentrating on her little sister.

“Papa took me to the ‘session stand.” She pointed toward the concession stand.

“Me, and Wynnie, and Wawrence got orange pop.”

“Did Lawrence Jr. spill his pop all over the place?”

“No.” Bridget giggled. “You’re siwee, Weesa.”

“Oh, yeah? Let me ask Sam. Am I silly, Sam?”

Lisa and Sam locked eyes over Bridget’s head. God, how she wished she could be alone with Sam and kiss her.

Sam broke their gaze and winked at Bridget. “Lisa, you’re the silliest person I know.”

Bridget giggled.

Lynnie, who was sitting on the other side of Sam, laughed and said, “Lisa, you are kind of silly sometimes.”

“Everybody’s picking on me today. I’m going to go sit on the other set of bleachers.”

“No, you have to stay here so we can torture you some more. Right, girls?”

“Yeah,” Lynnie and Bridget said with gusto.

“I’m so insulted.” Lisa handed her sandwich to Sam and stood up holding Bridget tightly with her left arm, legs dangling.

Sam reached up and grabbed Lisa’s right hand and started to pull her back down.

“Yeeow,” Lisa cried and sat down with a thump. She clung tightly to her sister with her good hand and pulled the bad one close to her chest.

“What? What happened?” Sam’s eyes were wide with fear.

Lisa didn’t have a chance to answer because Sam’s face lit with understanding. She leaned close and whispered, “You told me that hand was okay.”

Lisa took a couple of deep breaths as the pain subsided. She shrugged.

“Let me see,” Sam demanded.

Lisa knew she had no choice. She laid her hand in Sam’s.

“Oh, my God, Lisa.” She lowered her voice. “This bruise is gross. Look how swollen this is. You shouldn’t be playing with your hand like this.” She rubbed the bruise with a feather-light tough as if trying to see how bad the injury was.

The pain was so intense that Lisa pulled her hand back. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Sam sighed, “but I know I won’t be able to convince you not to play.”

Lisa shook her head. “Nope.”

The Brookhaven team ran onto the field, and Lisa was glad they had something else to focus on. She watched Tara warm up at shortstop. So pretty. So athletic. So— She sighed in mid-thought. Watching Tara was dangerous territory. She looked for her mother instead.

Her mother stood with William on the side of the concession stand away from other people. She was shaking her head emphatically, and Lisa could tell she was pissed. Lisa almost laughed when she noticed William drop his gaze as he got scolded. He was trying to get a word in, but her mother wouldn’t let him. She wagged a finger in his face, spun on her heels, and marched back toward the bleachers.

Lisa could only imagine what her mother had said to him. She probably reamed him out for showing up at the game. Lisa still hadn’t decided if she wanted to meet him or not.

“Hey, Sam?” Lisa turned to look at Sam.

“Hmm?”

“My bd.” She lifted her head and pointed her chin toward William.

Sam looked where she pointed and took a quick breath. Her eyes grew wide, and she nodded her head slowly as if to say she could tell that he was her biological father.

“Really?” Lisa asked.

Sam nodded again.

Lisa sighed and decided not to think about her bio dad at the moment. She took another bite of her sandwich.

Tara’s team got the Arsdale team out one-two-three in the top of the first, and it was Brookhaven’s turn to bat.

Sam pointed to the dugout closest to them. “I don’t like that team.”

“Brookhaven?”

“Yeah.” Sam made a sour face. “I hope Arsdale wins.”

“I just want to play whoever we can beat.” Secretly Lisa prayed that would be the Arsdale team because facing Tara was the last thing she wanted to do, especially in front of Sam.

Sam chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably a better plan.”

Tara stepped into the on-deck circle right in front of them. Lisa cursed the fact that her family decided to sit so close to the field. She looked at her feet trying not to be seen. She felt Tara’s gaze on her.

“Hey, Lisa,” Tara called.

Lisa groaned. She had to look up. She had no choice.

“Is that my replacement?” Tara pointed at Sam with her bat.

Lisa closed her eyes mortified. Geez, Tara, tell the whole friggin’ world, why don’t you? She pursed her lips together in anger and glared at Tara without saying a word.

Tara laughed. “Thought so.” She took another practice swing and walked toward the plate.

Lisa felt her cheeks turn blazing hot. She turned toward Sam.

“You know her?”

Lisa nodded slowly, but couldn’t find any words.

Someone on the Brookhaven team yelled, “C’mon, Tara. Get a hit.”

Lynnie leaned over Sam and said, “That’s Tara? She’s pretty, but I like Sam way better.” She looked up at Sam with admiration.

Me, too,
Lisa thought,
but how the hell do you know who Tara is?

Sam smiled at Lynnie, but then glared back at Lisa. “Um, I think we need to talk.”

Lisa nodded and smiled at her mother who had just come back from her talk with William. “Mom, is it okay if Sam and I go for a walk?”

Her mother sat down. “Go ahead. I’ve got the girls.”

Lisa and Sam made their way off the bleachers in silence. They headed toward the concession stand, but then Lisa spotted William.

“Uh, let’s go the other way.” She nodded her head toward William.

“Oh, yeah. Your bd.”

They turned around and headed toward a maintenance shed on the far side of the right field fence. They walked behind the shed out of sight.

Sam confronted Lisa. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

“Yes.”

“I mean, who is she? Is that your ex-girlfriend Tara? The one you told me about? The one you said you had no more contact with?”

Lisa took a deep breath and started to explain, but Sam interrupted. “You were the one who said we needed to be honest with each other, and here’s your ex-girlfriend parading around right in front of us, and I don’t even know it.”

“I was going to tell you.”

“When?” Sam put her hands up in the air. “Or were you, like, hoping I’d never find out?”

“I wanted to wait until after the finals. That way it wouldn’t be so complicated.”

Sam’s eyes held a certain sadness that tore at Lisa’s heart.

Lisa stepped closer. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Honestly, I didn’t know her team had made the tournament.” She wanted to brush a stray lock of Sam’s hair off her face, but checked herself just in case anyone could see them.

“Hell, Lisa. Even Lynnie knew who Tara was.” Sam’s cheeks turned a dark red from anger or maybe it was embarrassment, Lisa wasn’t sure which.

“Look, I have no idea how Lynnie knows about her. Maybe she answered the phone when Tara called me or something.”

Sam seemed lost in thought, but then said, “Tara’s kind of hot, you know, and that’s got me more than a little annoyed.”

“Annoyed?” Lisa was confused.

“Yeah, I always pictured your first girlfriend as some ugly duckling.”

“Why?”

“To make myself feel better.”

Lisa laughed.

“Baby,” Sam said, “I know she broke up with you, but are you…”