TopGuns (14 page)

He was important to her.

Each swipe of her fingers along his stomach was followed by
a darted glance up, as though she were testing his reaction, his willingness to
accept her touch. He reached down and pulled his shirt off in silent
acceptance.

She sighed and kissed him. The hesitancy between them
disappeared, replaced by a wanton drag of her lips across his, then down his
neck as she sank lower. Deft fingers worked at the jeans zipper.

Slow it down.

Her hot mouth kissed along an invisible path until it
hovered there, along the small patch of skin now exposed by his parted zipper.
If she’d lowered the jeans a couple more inches his hard dick would’ve sprung
out of its painful confines but the little minx seemed content to take her
time. Each lap of her tongue made the need roll within him until it tumbled out
as a growl.

He reached for her but she grinned and slapped his hand away
from her arm. “I’m busy. It’s not polite to interrupt.”

“In that case, I’m not in any hurry.” He locked his hands
behind his head to keep from taking control. “I’m all yours.”

Her attention returned to the small patch of hair, the
triangle of skin she was slowly exposing with each slight tug on his jeans.
Amusement flickered in her gaze when she looked up at him. “That’s better.”

“Just remember, paybacks are a bitch.”

“Mmm…I think it’ll be worth whatever price I have to pay.”
Her voice was a husky whisper, a brush of breath along his skin when she pulled
down a little more. “I want to touch you so bad, taste you in my mouth.”

The plaintive statement broke his resolve to not touch, to
allow her this time to do whatever she wanted. Her hair was silky satin as it
glided through his fingers. He fisted it and tugged just enough to emit a soft
gasp. Her eyes clouded with arousal.

“I’m a patient man, sweetheart, but everyone has their
limits. You’re about to reach mine.”

She tugged on his jeans harder, releasing his engorged cock
as she dragged the heavy denim down his legs until he kicked it and his boots
off. Finally. Now all he needed was to get her naked.

“I want to see your tits.” Her gaze popped up at the blunt
statement that was issued as more of a demand than a request. She swallowed a
couple of times before sitting back on her heels. Trembling fingers worked at
removing the top.

She avoided eye contact and for some reason that bothered
him. He wanted her to see how turned-on he was by her. “Eyes on me, Nadine.
Only me.”

The control shifted within the room with the command, the
visible release of tension in her body as she complied without hesitation.
“You’re so sweet. Beautiful. I don’t deserve you.”

She chewed on her lower lip as though chewing on a response.
He waited but she reached behind her and unfastened her bra instead, flinging
it aside.

Holy crap. She was gorgeous. She closed the distance between
them until he could lean forward and cup each mound in a hand, weighing and
testing their responsiveness with a flick of his thumbs across the already
hardened nipples.

“Are you wet for me, Nadine?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t wait to taste you.”

She shivered. Her eyelids fluttered shut.

“Eyes open, Nadine. That’s my only rule.”

“I didn’t realize we could invoke rules.” She captured his
gaze. “Do I get to make one too?”

Amused, he cocked his head and pinched her nipples until she
cried out. “What would your rule be?”

“We leave the ghosts of our past outside, away from whatever
this is.” Her voice was a whisper against his hard shaft. She swiped her tongue
along the tip before sinking her hot mouth down onto his length.

He groaned at the velvety heat enveloping his dick one
agonizing inch at a time. The slow, sultry foray of her tongue along his skin
followed the same tortuous glide of her fingers along his balls.

“Sweetheart, I’m about to lose it.” He pulled her off him
and lifted her up. Her startled gasp made him smile as he moved down the hall
and toward what he hoped was the bedroom.

Or the bathroom.

Suddenly lathering her up and sharing a steamy shower
sounded like a darned good way to spend some time. There’d be plenty of time
for that later.

He deposited her on the bed and claimed her mouth. Her lips
were pliant, hesitant beneath his. Had she had anyone else since Hank? The
question burrowed through his consciousness, made him question each move as he
maneuvered to remove her clothing.

The way she responded to his touch, accepted his will so
easily, brought out the dominance in his nature—the dormant beast he’d caged
after Becca’s death. The various facets of his sexual nature hadn’t been worth
enjoying without her. The trust he’d developed, now needed, couldn’t be found
with the one-night stands he’d been offered.

He’d needed more after her. He needed someone to want the
real him—to see the real man buried beneath the wild facade he’d spun. No one
had bothered.

Except Becca.

But something within him—a yearning he’d never quite killed
off—swelled in him as he realized Nadine could be more. Whatever she’d heard of
his wild lifestyle hadn’t scared her off, despite the bullshit her ex had put
her through.

Maybe he was fooling himself, diving headfirst into a pool
drained dry. All he knew was he wanted this to be special, something both of
them could reflect on later in life.

He wanted her to know she was more than a one-time fuck.

Touching and tasting her beautiful skin was like a walk in
the park. The soft gasps and moans she emitted washed away the remnants of
numbness and incited bursts of pleasure along his skin as she followed his
lead.

He settled between her legs and pressed her thighs apart,
even though she vehemently shook her head. “No. You don’t have to…”

“You know you can’t stop me, sweetheart.” Tyler grinned. “I
promise you I know what I’m doing.”

“But I don’t,” she whispered.

The confession slowed his actions. He kissed her knee and
massaged his way up her thighs. “Relax and trust me. I’ll take care of you.”

He continued massaging and kissing her inner thighs, her
stomach, everywhere but where he wanted to be until he felt her relax beneath
him. Her ragged breathing matched his and he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.

He ran a finger across the seam of her pussy and suppressed
his groan when he swept it into his mouth, the taste of her arousal now on his
tongue. Leaning down, he tasted her fully, not stopping until his tongue was
buried within the pussy his dick was throbbing to feel around it.

His finger returned, pumping in and out in a slow, steady
rhythm that her hips followed easily. Desire flared within him with each gasp
and moan. When he settled his mouth around her clit, her entire body tensed and
her pussy clenched his finger as she surrendered to a wave of pleasure he was
determined she’d ride again and again.

“Ty, please.” Her fingers grasped his hair, pressed on his
head as she ground against him. He groaned and sucked her clit, flicking his
tongue along the sensitive nub until another wave of sensation swept her away.

He withdrew from between her legs and made quick work of
rolling a condom onto his cock. If he didn’t get in her soon he’d explode. He
claimed her mouth with a primal need he hadn’t felt in a hell of a long time.
Her body felt soft, warm beneath his as he thrust slowly into her wet, tight
sheath.

“Holy shit, you feel good around me, sweetheart.”

“Oh God. I can’t believe you’re really in me.” She gasped
when he thrust deeper. “Fuck me hard, Ty. Please.”

He positioned her knees to her shoulders and surrendered to
the need to fuck her hard, deep—until the need to possess her fully was sated.
His mind spun with a list of things he wanted to do with her—to her—tonight.
Waves of pleasure burst through his body, culminating where they were
connected.

Her hands were above her head, as if she were silently
offering herself as a sacrifice to the raging desire building between them. The
submissive stance made him fuck her harder until they both screamed their
releases and collapsed in a tangle of limbs and labored breaths.

Wow.

He settled on the bed beside her and dragged her into his
embrace. He didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to do anything but repeat
exactly what they’d just done. Again and again.

The tension he’d carried slowly dissipated and his eyes
closed. Suddenly coming home to Big Horn didn’t seem all that bad.

The dull roar of the gathering crowd drew Jason to reality
but the regret and loss of the times they’d recounted lingered. Titanium’s
laughter tunneled from the event room behind them. His gut clenched as though
unseen fingers of jealousy manacled him with an awareness that he wasn’t as
unaffected by the past as he’d hoped.

Time had passed but the connection, the emotions he’d had
for Jeanie were still there—dormant but very much alive. He chanced a glance
over at Tyler but he’d been bitten by the same need to be anywhere but here,
where the glory years were bittersweet memories of times they couldn’t change
even if they wanted to.

Truth be told, he wouldn’t have changed a thing. Okay, maybe
he would’ve fought harder to stake his claim on Jeanie—make sure she knew she
had mattered to him in a way he hadn’t been prepared to accept or admit back
then.

Funny. He’d worked like hell to be the tough shit who’d
overcome his past and made something of himself. But somehow he’d lost his true
purpose along the way—to be happy. Yeah, the parties had been a blast. The
money had been insane.

But…then what?

“Not much longer before we’ll have to head out or hang
around for the torture session.” Tyler’s hand trembled as he took a sip of
water. “I think this new karaoke Friday is Mrs. Flannery’s way of punishing
me.”

“No shit.” Jason shook his head as if the motion could shake
away the past’s death grip. “I can’t seem to let it go, man.”

“It, or her?” Tyler set the glass down beside him. “Maybe
you aren’t supposed to.”

“I had my chance a hell of a long time ago and fucked it
up.”

“Who’s to say your chance hasn’t come back around? You know,
that circle of life bullshit or whatever.”

“
Hakuna matata.
” The man had a point. “Funny. I
sometimes wonder if us being here was fate stepping in and shoving us back on
the right path or something. Probably sounds crazy, huh?”

Tyler shrugged. “Hard to say. I’ve thought the same thing
myself. That phone call about Dan couldn’t have come at a worse time for me.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

* * * * *

“Baby, don’t do this. You know how much you mean to me.”

“That’s precisely our problem, Jason. Or, rather, my
problem.” Meredith zipped her suitcase shut and stood, leveling a hardened gaze
at him. “This has been a long time coming. We both know it.”

“This is crazy. We’ve been together for…” Jesus. Why the
fuck couldn’t he remember how long he’d been with her? Six, no, seven years?
Crap. He ran his fingers in his hair and expended a breath.

The relationships and years had somehow been sucked together
in a vacuum. He’d existed but not truly lived. And now. Now as he looked around
at the meager home he’d paid off long ago he realized he’d missed the target on
the white picket fence somehow.

The wife and kids route had been his plan long ago but
somehow he’d gotten off the path. No, not somehow. He knew exactly when that
had happened because no one ever measured up to her. Only one woman was the
vision for that specific happily ever after.

And she’d gone and gotten hers with someone else.

Damn.

Meredith was a hell of a nice woman—a retired schoolteacher.
Her husband had passed away from unexpected surgical complications and she’d
been looking for a companion for her retirement years.

Deep down he knew she was right. The relationship had been
one of convenience rather than desire. Sure, the sex had been as good as could
be expected for two people well into their golden years. Their personalities
had complemented one another.

They’d been comfortable but not truly happy.

And wasn’t that all that really mattered when you were older
than dirt and too stubborn to die?

She approached and ran her hand on his chest, until it
paused just above his heart. “You’re a great man, Jason Ashford. I wish you
well.”

“I’m sorry, Meredith.”

“Go find whatever will make you happy, dear.” She smiled.
“I’ll be at my sister’s. I do hope we can keep in touch.”

“Of course.” Even as they exchanged the cursory parting he
knew it wouldn’t happen. They never called when they left. All they did was
vacate his life and strip away yet another piece of his soul, his heart.

Pretty soon there wouldn’t be much left.

The cellphone in his pocket rang and he cast a silent thanks
to whoever was calling for the distraction. Breakups always left him agitated
and ready to do something—anything—to get rid of the churning guilt and sense
of loss. The guilt was the real bitch of it. He knew all these breakups were
his fault.

Everything was always his fault.

He’d never invested fully in any of the women. Sure, he’d
tried but never all the way. He was man enough to admit the idea of doing so
scared the shit out of him. He could’ve saved himself years of grief if it
hadn’t taken so long figuring that out.

Maybe that was the wisdom of getting old.

The phone rang again, an incessant demand for response.
“Yeah.”

“Jase.”

The voice might as well have been a vise to his nuts. The
emotions he read into the one word choked him. Pain, need, remorse. How the
fuck could he possibly read that much into the sultry voice from his past?

Wishful thinking.

No. He’d never want her in pain.

“Jeans? What’s wrong?”

“God, you’re never getting past that name, are you?”

“Afraid not, sweetheart.” He took a deep breath and sat on
the edge of the bed that—up until about twenty minutes ago—he’d shared with
another woman. Defensiveness stormed in, shoring up his wounded heart with a
reminder he had no reason to chew on the guilt gnawing on his thoughts. Jeanie was
married to someone else. “How have you been?”

She laughed softly. “Exhausted. Blessed. Enraged. I’ll let
you pick. I’ve been through the full cycle several times and gone back for
more.”

“That doesn’t sound like much fun. You never were one for
roller coasters.”

“No.”

He closed his eyes and focused on the ragged drags of breath
at the other end of the line. In and out. It was almost hypnotic. But he hadn’t
heard from her for years—since the disaster at the bar that night. He wanted to
ask about Vanessa and their son, whom he’d never seen.

“Dan’s not doing good, Jase.” A sniffle punctuated the
statement. “He wants to see you.”

Dread spread like a fire in him. Despite everything that
went down, Jason knew Dan was a hell of a guy. “Are you all still at the same
house?”

She laughed. “Yes, even though we’re run over with grandkids
now. Vanessa and D.J. have been somewhat productive.”

“I’ll head over in a few.”

“Okay. We’re at the hospital though, Jase. The one where
Vanessa was born.” She added the last part with a measure of happiness, as
though part of her was hanging on by remembering the good times. “See you
soon.”

She hung up before he could get a room number or anything
else but he didn’t care. He made quick work of changing and headed out as
concern pressed heavily in his chest. Stress hadn’t been his friend lately and
any spikes in his blood pressure usually made the doctor pretty pissed off.

Fuck the doctors. Jeans needed him.

Memories flooded into his blood, surging a rush of regret
and adrenaline. The combination made him wonder if he should call anyone. The
guys would want to know. Hell, Jason had lost track of quite a few of them.
Retirement from the scene had wrapped him in a bubble, drowning in the
realities of owning his own business.

Event planning had been an easy transition for Jason. He’d
done quite a bit of it while at the club. He’d made a name for himself and had
a reputation of doing a stellar job all the time. His reputation meant money
and money was a good thing.

But Jeanie’s phone call on the heels of yet another breakup
had him questioning the direction he’d taken. He was sick and tired of the
hollow hole taking up permanent residence in him. Something was missing.

Not something.

Someone.

He wheeled into a parking spot at the hospital and made his
way to the desk. The lobby was thick with people as his gaze swept over them,
hoping to hell he’d see Jeanie. If she was here in the lobby then Dan wasn’t
that bad.

Son of a bitch. Why had he let so much time go without doing
the right thing and apologizing? That would’ve gone a hell of a long way to
opening the door that’d been effectively slammed in his face years ago.

“Jason?” An attractive blonde with bright-blue eyes stood in
front of him.

Her resemblance to Jeanie and Dan wrenched his heart.
“Vanessa?”

She lunged at him, her hands wrapping around him with a firm
grip. “I’m so glad you could make it. Mom was afraid you wouldn’t come.”

“Wow. You’ve grown into a very lovely woman.” He pulled away
and looked at her. “I hear you have made Jeanie a grandma.”

She blushed just the way her mom used to. “D.J. did his fair
share too. But yeah. I have five in my brood. D.J. turned it into a competition
though. He has four with a set of twins on the way. I’m declaring him the
winner. I am done.”

Holy hell that was a football team of kids.

Something twisted in him—a pang of longing he quashed
quickly. He wouldn’t have made a good dad. Okay, that’s not true. He would’ve
tried like hell and that’s what mattered most.

“I’m really happy for you, sweetie.” He looked around.
“Where’s your mom?”

“With Dad. She refuses to leave his side. The call she made
to you was the first time she’s been out of his room in days. The nurses are
worried.” She took a deep breath and looked up with tears glistening in her
eyes. “She knows he’ll pass soon and refuses to not be there.”

Damn. Emotion choked him for a moment. Why the hell hadn’t
he known Dan was this bad? He’d been so wrapped up in his own bullshit he
hadn’t bothered to think about anyone beyond himself. The thought made him
wonder what was happening with the other guys and even though this wasn’t the
time to deal with it, he made a silent vow to get ahold of as many of them as
he could.

“I’m glad she called.”

Vanessa nodded and headed down the long corridor to a
private room near the ICU. Nurses moved in and out of rooms with half-smiles on
their faces when they regarded him. How they handled sickness and death day in
and day out was beyond him. The hospital stench swept his mind to Vanessa’s
birth, then to another not-so-happy time. When Dan had fought for his life.

They’d come full circle again and the awareness that Dan
wouldn’t win this time made Jason unsure how to proceed. Why had he been
called?

A small computer on the table seemed to pull all the vitals
on a visual chart as they walked in. None of it made much sense to Jason. His
gaze landed on Jeanie, who was clutching Dan’s hand and holding a silent vigil
with her eyes closed.

She was beautiful. He couldn’t help but grin when he saw the
short bob her hair was now in. She’d always sworn she’d go short one day. Laugh
lines had formed along her lips but Jason doubted she’d had much reason to
laugh lately.

Dan lay there, quietly watching Jason. Heat rose in his face
as he realized the man he’d once considered one of his closest friends was
supposed to be his focus. “Hey, man.”

“Hey, yourself. It’s been a hell of a long time.”

The voices made Jeanie gasp with a startled expression on
her face. Weariness created dark circles under her eyes. “Jase. I’m so glad you
made it.” She stood and smoothed her hair with her hands. “Here, have a seat.”

“I’m fine.” He moved to stand on the opposite side of the
bed and looked down at Dan. “You look like shit, dude.”

“I didn’t want to show you up,” Dan commented.

Jeanie leaned down and kissed Dan on the lips and then
smiled. “I think I’ll go grab some coffee with Vanessa. I’ll be back in a few.”

Jason sat in the chair she’d vacated and leaned down to
where his elbows touched his knees. He winced at the stretch of muscle in his
back.

“Things don’t stretch the way they used to, man.”

“Don’t I know it?”

“I kept meaning to call but things just always crept up.”
Dan poked at the needle in the other hand’s vein. “I keep asking the nurse for
the good stuff but she says I’m already getting it.”

“I bet Ethan could hook you up.”

Dan laughed. “He’s a chiropractor now. Can you believe that
shit actually finished something for once in his life?”

“No kidding.”

Conversation flowed easily as they spoke about old times for
a few moments but Jason knew the inevitable reason he’d been called was
barreling around the corner. A part of him didn’t want to deal with
reality—whatever that may be.

“It’s great to see you, man. I’ve been wondering how you all
were doing.” He leveled a remorseful gaze at Dan. “I’m sorry for the way things
went down back then.”

Dan shrugged. “We each have our burden to carry from back
then. I didn’t exactly smell like roses. It’s water under the bridge.”

“What the hell are you doing here? Are you looking for some
attention from the women in white?”

They laughed for a few moments until the seriousness loomed
between them. “They’ve done about all they can. Think all those parties have
finally caught up to me.”

They both knew the irony in his statement since he was the
one among them that rarely partook in the craziness that was after-hour
parties. “Shit, man, you should’ve called sooner.”

“It’s crept up pretty quick this time. We wrangled it a
couple of times before this, but it came back with a vengeance.” Dan coughed a
few moments and winced. His thumb pressed a button in his hand. “Time for
another dose of happy juice I’m thinking.”

“What can I do to help?”

Moisture pooled in Dan’s eyes and he blinked a few times. “I
wish to hell I didn’t have to put her through all this. She’d been so strong—just
like you’d expect from her. She’s always had spunk running down her spine that
nothing could rattle.”