Torch Red: Color Me Torn with Bonus Content (2 page)

“Don’t be such a prude,” said Kirsti as she threw the towel back at Emily.
“Everyone
does it.”

“Everyone does
not
,” said Andrea as she adjusted what had to be the coolest bra in the locker room that day. Obviously Victoria’s Secret and, I suspect, slightly padded, maybe with gel or water or whatever it is they put in those things. I’m glad to say I don’t need
that
kind of help.

Thea rolled her eyes at Andrea. “Well, everyone knows you’re too much of a goody-goody to have any real fun when it comes to guys. Lucky for you that Jamie doesn’t seem to mind.”

“Yeah,” said Kirsti, “but you’d better watch out, Andrea, or some other babe might come along and give your boy toy a run for his money.” Then she made a loud slurping noise and laughed.

“You’re disgusting,” said Emily as she pulled on her T-shirt.

Kirsti laughed. “Poor Emily,” she said with mocking sarcasm. “We shouldn’t be so shocking when there are
virgins
around.”

Well, all eyes were on Emily just then. Okay, maybe some were on me too. But then I realized that
Emily was no longer a virgin
—which meant I would be the only virgin left in this big-mouthed circle of so-called friends. And I think I actually began to sweat. Fortunately, my deodorant was nearby and I pretended to be completely absorbed in applying layer upon layer to my damp armpits. I did this with such focused perfection that I might’ve won an audition for a Secret anti-perspirant ad.

“You don’t know
everything
about me, Kirsti,” said Emily. “Unlike some people, I don’t go around blabbering about the private details of my sex life to the entire student body.”

“Yeah.
And we all know
why
you don’t.”

I glanced over my shoulder at Emily, hoping and maybe even praying that she wouldn’t spill the beans. But it was too late.

“Fine,” said Emily. “If you
must
know, I’m
not
a virgin anymore. There.” She glanced around. “Are you happy now?”

Thea put her arm around Emily’s shoulders and smiled, and I could tell by her expression that she already knew about Emily’s little secret. Still, it was weird the way Thea looked sort of like this proud mother, like Emily had just learned to ride a bike. Or maybe it was like they were in some special club together, with a secret handshake and everything. And then there was Emily, just smiling like she’d received a national honor or college scholarship or maybe even the Nobel Peace Prize. I just stared at them in amazement.

“Emily has officially joined the ranks of womanhood,” Thea announced to everyone within earshot in the locker room. Several girls clapped and cheered.

“No way,” said Kirsti.

“Way.” Emily firmly nodded.

Kirsti frowned at Thea now. “How come you never told me?”

Thea put a finger to her lips then winked at Emily. “Sworn to silence.”

“I still don’t believe it.” Kirsti’s eyes narrowed as she turned back to Emily.

“Whatever.” Emily just shrugged.

“You and Todd really did it?” asked Andrea.

“Well, it wasn’t me and Zoë!” Emily laughed and nodded in my direction.
Thanks a lot,
I was thinking. I mean not only did that stupid comment make me look totally lame, it was a reminder to the other girls that I was still there and, worse than that,
still
a virgin. Worst of all, I was now the
only
virgin in our group—perhaps the
only
virgin in our entire school, maybe even the planet. As I tugged on my sock, I vaguely wondered if there might be some tribe out on a deserted island somewhere that might pay good money for a real honest-to-goodness virgin. Perhaps I could be used as a sacrifice somewhere to appease a volcano god or something.

“So it’s just Zoë now,” said Thea in what actually sounded like a sympathetic voice. “The only one left.” She patted me on my head as I tied my shoe. “Our little girl.”

Well,
that
just got me. So right then and there I decided that the only way out of this thing was to lie—simply and believably. And so I did.

I looked right up at Thea and, using my best poker face, told a whopper. “What makes you think
that
?”

“Huh?” Now Andrea turned around and looked at me with wide eyes. “Really? You too?”

Our area of the locker room got a lot quieter and I felt my friends all staring at me now. Without even blinking, I returned their looks, avoiding Emily’s eyes completely. I mean if anyone could blow my cover, it would be my best friend. Just the same, I decided to risk it.
I nodded at Andrea and then shrugged as if it were nothing. “Yeah, it’s no big deal.”

“No way,” said Kirsti as she sat down on the bench beside me. “You’re making this up, Zoë.”

I rolled my eyes at her. “Yeah, like I would make this up.”

“When?” demanded Thea. “With who?”

“Last summer,” I lied like an expert. “Remember when I went to California to visit my grandma?”

“No way,” said Kirsti again. “You met a guy in California?”

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah. A surfer.”

“No way!” shrieked Kirsti. “You did it with a surfer dude?”

“I don’t believe you,” said Thea. “What’s his name?”

“Daniel Englewood,” I said without even blinking an eyelash. It was actually the name of a little neighbor boy that I’d babysat a couple of times while staying at my grandma’s house, which, by the way, wasn’t even close to a beach. “He was tan and blond and really buff.” Then I actually sighed as if the memory was making me light-headed. “Daniel was so incredibly cool. I really miss him.”

“Way to go,” said Kirsti, patting me on the back.

“Yeah,” agreed Thea, apparently convinced. “Was he good? Did you do it on the beach?”

“Oh, yeah.” I stood and looked at Thea. Emily would see right through me. “But it was more than just the sex, you know. He was really nice too. We were together the whole time I was in California. We promised to write.”

“Do you love him?” asked Andrea.

I pretended to consider this. “I’m not sure. But he was a cool guy—a great first, you know.”

It wasn’t until Emily gave me a ride home later that she questioned my little story. “You never told me about this Daniel guy, Zoë,”
she said as she drove away from school.

I just shrugged and looked out the window. “Everyone has some secrets.”

“But I’m your best friend. I told you all about Todd, practically the next day.”

“Well, that was different. You and Todd had been going together a long time. I guess I was a little embarrassed about my fling with Daniel, since I’d just met him, you know, and he lives so far away.”

Emily didn’t say much after that, but I sensed that I’d hurt her feelings. I even considered telling her the truth, but somehow I couldn’t make myself do it. And so for the next few months, I engaged in the locker-room talk a bit more, just so I could be believable. Oh, I never actually said anything too specific when it came to sex. I followed Andrea and Emily’s leads by remaining slightly elusive and aloof. But I’d sometimes laugh at Kirsti’s off-color jokes and then I’d just roll my eyes at Thea’s sleazy descriptions of her latest sexual exploits. But all the time I just kept thinking that I didn’t fit in, that I would never fit in.

So now that it’s time to go back to school again, it seems more painfully obvious than ever that (1) I don’t even have a boyfriend, (2) I am living a complete lie, and (3) I am the last remaining virgin on the planet.

D
ESPITE MY
N
EW
Y
EAR’S RESOLUTION TO BE MORE HONEST
, I
HAVE ALREADY
contrived a story about what I was doing on New Year’s Eve. Pathetic, I know. But what’s a girl supposed to do? I was just thinking through the details when I was summoned from my first-period class to go to the office.

Now, as I walk down the mostly deserted hallway toward the office, I’m not feeling too concerned. I suspect that I’ve simply been called down to help with a new student. That’s because I’m on H.S. (Hospitality Squad). It was really Emily’s idea to sign up for this back when we were sophomores, and she talked me into signing up with her. Then she got too busy with her other activities, but I realized that I actually enjoy it, and so I’m still doing it. Besides, it’s a way to get out of class now and then. I guess I’m a fairly outgoing person, and I’ve discovered that I like making new kids feel comfortable. At least for a while. It’s not like I take responsibility for what happens with them later. I mean I don’t have to sign on to be their best friend or anything. But it’s kind of fun to show them around and help them find their classes on their first day.

It turns out that I am exactly right. “Her name is Shawna Frye,” Mrs. DeWalt informs me, “and she just transferred here from Jackson High.”

“Okay.” I nod and look around for this girl. Usually Mrs. DeWalt just introduces me and that’s that.

“She’s in the waiting area,” explains Mrs. DeWalt. “I just wanted to tell you that she seems a little down, Zoë, and I thought maybe you could go the extra mile to make her feel more at home here. Maybe introduce her to some of your friends?”

I kind of frown, thinking this is a little out of the norm, but then I just shrug. “Yeah, sure, I guess I could do that.”

Mrs. DeWalt smiles. “Thanks, Zoë. I knew you’d be the right girl for the job.”

Then we go out to the office foyer and she introduces me to a pretty girl who’s wearing a very cool outfit. But I immediately see what Mrs. DeWalt is talking about. This girl definitely looks bummed about something. Maybe having to switch schools. Anyway, I decide that I’ll go out of my way to be really nice to Shawna.

“What year are you?” I ask as we begin to walk down the hall.

“Junior.”

“Me too,” I say in my most cheerful voice. “It must be hard to move in your junior year.”

“Yeah,” she answers in a glum voice.

I make my best attempts at small talk as I show her the cafeteria, the classroom wings, the girls’ gym, and finally her next class, which happens to be the same as mine, but this girl seems determined not to be cheered up.

“And this is English lit,” I finally tell her as we go into our second-period class. I nod to the old guy up front. I’ve heard they’ve tried to force him to retire, but he won’t give in. “Mr. Franklin comes across as kind of grouchy at first,” I whisper to her as we find seats. “But he’s really not so bad.”

Then Shawna sort of smiles. “I guess you could say the same thing about me.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” We sit next to each other. “It must be a drag changing schools.”

She nods. “Yeah. It’s kind of hard.”

Then Emily and Andrea come into the classroom and I quickly introduce them to Shawna. To my relief they both smile and even welcome her to our school.

I pretty much hang with Shawna all morning and even invite her to join me and my friends for lunch. I’m thinking that she’s really a lot like the rest of my friends and actually seems to fit in pretty well. But I’m a little worried about girls like Thea and Kirsti. I mean Shawna is cool and everything, but she seems a little quiet and I’m not sure how she’ll react to their big mouths.

“Where are you from?” asks Kirsti.

“Jackson,” Shawna answers as she sticks a straw into her diet soda.

“My cousin goes to Jackson,” Andrea says. “Maybe you know him.”

Shawna kind of frowns now, like maybe she doesn’t want to talk about this, or maybe it’s depressing her.

“I think it’s been hard on Shawna,” I say quickly, “I mean moving in the middle of the year.” I hope that Andrea will catch my drift. But unfortunately she doesn’t.

“His name is Caleb Andrews,” she continues.

To my relief, Shawna smiles. “Oh yeah. I know Caleb,” she says. “We even went out a few times last year.”

“Really?” Andrea nods with approval. “I think he’s pretty popular over there.”

“Yeah,” says Shawna. “He’s a cool guy. And nice too.”

Well, that seems to settle it with Andrea. It’s like she’s completely accepted Shawna now. And if Andrea accepts someone, everyone else usually just follows along. Shawna tends to stick pretty close to me throughout the rest of the day, and I don’t really mind. In fact, I think I’m really starting to like this girl. After she lightened up I could see that she’s pretty funny. And she wasn’t even offended by Thea’s and Kirsti’s locker-room stupidity. Let me tell you, they were a little out of hand today. Fortunately for me, they were so busy yakking about
their
New Year’s Eve that they never even asked about mine.

After school, Shawna offers me a ride home.

“Good idea,” says Emily, my “sometimes ride.” “I mean since I’ve got cheerleading practice today.”

“I used to be a cheerleader,” says Shawna in a flat voice.

“Too bad you moved here too late to try out,” says Andrea. “Maybe next year.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

Then I remember that today is tryouts for the spring play. “Hey, I’d love a ride, Shawna, but I was going to try out for the play this afternoon.”

“Yeah,” says Emily, “Zoë is our drama queen.”

“I am
not
.”