Torn (5 page)

Brody had been distant and quiet the last two
days. I knew I should talk to him, but I just couldn’t—I couldn’t
see that look of disappointment and dejection. My stress level was
through the roof waiting for Jax to wake up. I didn’t need to add
to it. So instead, we rode back to his house in silence, He stayed
in the study and avoided me at all costs, and I did everything I
could to stay out of his way. It was like walking on eggshells.

Jaxon’s parents had been at the hospital,
constantly by his side. Even though he was in ICU, I pulled some
strings so we could stay with him. Ashley and Doug were taking
turns staying the night, and since Jax coded yesterday no one had
the heart to argue with them.

Seeing the love his parents felt for him, I
couldn’t help but wonder if I would love my child the same way.
Awe-inspiring and terrifying at the same time, all I could think
was, what if I’m a bad mom? What if I didn’t feel
that
way? I mean, I knew I loved my baby girl already,
but how could I love my child as much as my mom loved me? Was that
even possible? I was so mortified by these thoughts, I couldn’t
bear to ask anyone if they’d had the same feelings.

Drew, Barb, and Drake came in a few times a
day to check on us. Drew fussed at me, while Barb constantly
brought food. I swear I’d gained five pounds in the last
forty-eight hours.

All in my ass.

Great.

Mark and Viper stopped by every day and only
stayed long enough to make sure I didn’t need anything, and to
check on Jax’s progress, or at this point lack thereof. I tried
asking what happened, why was my man shot, but they wouldn’t say.
No one told me anything other than they were working on it. When I
tried to press Mark, his glare was enough to warn me away from
doing that again
. I’m talking way beyond if looks
could kill
.

This morning I tiptoed—well, I tried to
tiptoe—into Jax’s room, and stood in the doorway watching his chest
rise and fall, praying this would be the day he woke up and said
something, anything, to me in that fabulous gravelly voice I so
loved.

“Good morning,” I whispered to Doug, who was
lying on the pullout cot.

“Well, it’s morning, but I’m not sure it’s
all that good.”

“Did he have a rough night?” I frowned.

“No, pretty uneventful. I, however, didn’t
sleep a wink. I’d have been better off in a chair, I think. This
bed, cot, or whatever it is, is a piece of shit,” Doug growled.
Ahh, that’s where my man gets his
cantankerousness.

“How about I go get you a coffee?” I
offered.

“Nah, I’ll go. You sit and put your feet up.
You need to relax and work on keepin’ that granddaughter of mine in
there ’til she’s ready.” Doug stood and stretched his long arms
above his head. “Anything for you or the baby? Breakfast?”

“I’m okay. Thanks though.” It still rocked my
world that Jaxon’s parents already accepted my daughter as their
own.

“Did you eat breakfast yet?” I heard Ashley’s
delicate voice from behind me at the door as she snuck in.

“No, but I’m not really too hungry,” I
explained.

“Doug, can you grab some fresh fruit, eggs,
some toast, and maybe some bacon?” Ashley requested, folding the
blankets on the cot.

“No bacon, please. The smell…ugh.” I wrinkled
my nose in disgust.

“Okay, you heard the girl, Doug, no bacon.”
She turned to me. “How about sausage? You gotta eat some meat,
honey.”

“Sausage is fine, if I must,” I pouted.

They spoke in unison. “You must.”

Doug disappeared and Ashley flipped the cot
back into a chair and rolled it over to mirror my position at
Jaxon’s side.

She sat her purse and overnight bag on the
floor, and pulled out the small pink, brown and cream chenille
blanket she has been crocheting over the last few days.

“I know it’s not my place to say so, but I’m
a mother, so I’m gonna say it anyway. You have to eat, Leila. I
know you’re stressin’ out ’bout Jaxon, but he’d want you takin’
care of yourself and that sweet little girl.”

“I’m trying, but the whole situation has me
so nauseous, I’m scared to eat anything,” I said. “Besides, Barb’s
been bringing food in the last few days and all but shoves it down
my throat. Which in retrospect, that’s probably why I feel so
sick.”

Ashley smiled as she weaved the soft, chunky
yarn into a beautiful blanket. “I just worry, ya know. Even though
we just met, I feel like we’ve known you forever.”

We sat and talked softly back and forth over
Jaxon’s prone body. Ashley told me stories about Jaxon growing up,
and I shared a few stories about Drew and myself, some funny and
some really embarrassing. Like this one night when I spent the
night at a friend’s house and her grandmother was visiting. Granny
was on the spare mattress and us girls were on the daybed. Just as
we all started to fall asleep the mechanism that held the spare
level with the other mattress broke or something because all of a
sudden with a loud crash Granny was gone. Her arms and legs went
flying up in the air and she screamed really loud. For an
eighty-year-old, Granny sure did have a colorful vocabulary.

Ashley laughed, and I was glad for a moment
of levity. She picked up where I left off, sharing that Jaxon was
really good at baseball and football. She glowed when she
reminisced about his childhood, and described how devastated she
was when he came home and told them he was enlisting in the
Marines. But after she had time to adjust, she admitted how proud
she felt to have such a brave son.

Doug returned with the coffee and food, which
I picked at, strictly because I thought there was a real
possibility Ashley would force-feed me if I didn’t eat. Doug joined
our story time and shared an interesting story about coming home
early one day during Jaxon’s junior year of high school. He was
supposed to be at football practice, but much to Doug’s surprise,
Jaxon was home, and he was not alone.

I burst out laughing. “Oh my God. Did you
actually walk in on him with a girl?”

“Please…don’t…answer,” a rough, gritty voice
said quietly.

My eyes whipped to Jaxon’s face and in that
moment I saw my beloved tiny flecks of yellow, immersed in the most
beautiful and vibrant emerald irises. I leapt from my chair and
crushed my very pregnant self to him.

“Oh my God, Jaxon! You’re awake. Oh, thank
God, you’re really awake!” I cried with relief.

“Oww, babe, easy,” he groaned in pain.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry, honey. Do you want a sip
of water?” I hit the call bell as Ashley stood and reached for the
cup and pitcher on the bedside tray.

“Hi there, baby boy. You really scared your
dad and me.” Ashley wiped a tear from her face as she handed me the
cup of ice water. She leaned down to place a soft kiss on his
forehead.

Jax took a sip then turned to his parents.
Doug had circled his arms around Ashley’s trim waist. “Mom, Dad,
I’m sorry I worried you.”

A voice boomed over the speaker in the wall.
“Can I help you?”

“Yes, can you page Drake Thomas and have him
come up? Jaxon is awake,” I said.

“Of course, Leila,” the nurse on the other
end answered jubilantly.

“See, you’ve got women fawning all over you
and you weren’t even awake. Sheesh,” I teased.

“Babe.” He cocked his head to the side and
just gave me that look. That look told me everything I needed to
know. Damn, just minutes after waking up he can say one word and
make every last one of my nerve endings spark to life.

“Okay, okay. Do you remember what
happened?”

“I’ll explain later.” He glanced toward his
parents. I guessed that was his way of telling me he didn’t want
them knowing what was going on.

“Oh, I have to text Mark and Viper.” I
whipped out my phone then had a better idea. I opened the camera
app, sat next to Jax on the bed, and said, “Smile, baby.”

“Really, babe? Is that necessary?” He
groaned.

“Jaxon. You better smile and be happy you’re
alive,” his mother scolded him.

He placed his hand over my belly and gave me
a weak, half-assed smirk. Quickly, I captured the moment and sent
the picture out to Barb, Drew, Mark, Viper, and Jane. I added the
caption “Sleeping Beauty’s awake. Get down here.”

Ashley and Doug huddled around Jaxon while I
excused myself to use the restroom. When I came out Drake and a
nurse were in the room talking with Jaxon.

My phone buzzed with several responding text
messages. Jane said she’d be down in a few hours, and she’d be sure
to let Brody know. Just seeing his name on the screen caused my
heart to ache at the thought of the pain I had caused him.

Mark and Viper were handling “stuff” and
would try to get by later today. Drew was on his way. I was sure
he’d be accompanied by a detective or two.

I stood in the doorway of the restroom and
just took in the sight of my gorgeous man. Relief washed over me.
Everything I had been holding in for the last three days just came
rushing out. Tears slipped from my eyes faster than I could wipe
them away.

“Babe?” Jax looked over at me. “What’s
wrong?” His voice laced with concern as he tried to sit up. I
walked over and sat at his hip.

“Nothing, honey. I’m fine, just pregnancy
hormones. It just really hit me, standing here, watching you.
You’re really going to be okay. I was so scared,” I whispered.

“She’s right, ya know. You should make a full
recovery.” Drake placed his hand on my shoulder.

“Drake, haven’t you learned yet to never tell
her she’s right?”

“Jaxon, you’re still recoverin’,” Drake
warned with a grin and snicker. “I’d watch it, buddy.”

Drake stayed a few more minutes before he
left to answer a page to the OR. Over the next several hours we had
a train of visitors coming and going. Drew, amazingly enough, came
alone. He didn’t ask any questions other than about how Jax was
feeling.

Barb and Viper, er, Cole or whatever the hell
he went by, stopped by around four. Mark came over just after them.
Brody and Jane arrived after Mark and Cole left. I was unbelievably
nervous to have Brody in the same room as Jaxon, but they were
going to have to learn how to get along.

“I hope you like chicken noodle soup. I
thought maybe you would like a break from the hospital food.” Jane
sat the sealed container on Jaxon’s bedside tray.

“Oh… That was very kind of you. The food here
definitely tastes like shit.” Jaxon pushed the button to bring the
head of the bed up and looked over at Brody, who was standing in
the doorway.

Turning his attention back to Jane, Jax said,
“I want to thank you…both, for takin’ care of Leila while I
was…unavailable.”

You could have heard a pin drop as I waited
for Brody to take the opportunity to blast him for leaving me the
way he did, but Jane spoke up first. “She is family. We are more
than happy to help any way we can.”

“She’s more than welcome to stay with
us
anytime she needs. I’m glad you’re going
to recover,” Brody said curtly. It was way more than I expected but
it gave me hope.

Whether or not he meant it was another story.
Brody’s parents had instilled and ingrained impeccable manners in
him. It was a shame he forgot them from time to time. When his
domineering side took over his manners were nonexistent.

Jaxon’s parents told him how Brody had made
all of the arrangements for them to fly down and stay at a nearby
hotel.

Looking up at Brody, Jax said, “Thanks, man.
Means a lot.”

“It’s really not a big deal.” Brody shook his
head, trying to play it off.

“Brody,” I tilted my head at him. “It was a
big deal. It’s okay to let people know you’ve got a huge heart in
there.”

“Really, man. Thank you. I mean that. I can’t
tell you how much I appreciate what you did for my family.” Jaxon
stuck his hand out. Brody stepped forward and shook the proffered
hand, then looked over at me.

I mouthed “thank you.” Brody acknowledged me
with a slight tip of his head.

“Lei, Jane and I are going be heading out
shortly. Do you want to leave with us or should I come back a
little later?”

Before I could answer Jax spoke up. “She’s
gonna head out with y’all.”

“Actually, I’m going stay just here—” I
started.

“No, you’re gonna go and get some rest. I
know you. You’ve probably been here day and night and you’re not
takin’ care of yourself like you should be. I’ll be here tomorrow.
Go.” Jax’s tone was stern.

I looked to Ashley for some backup. Nope. She
wasn’t saying a word. Doug was looking around the room, avoiding
eye contact.

“Don’t look at them, babe. You need to rest
and we all know you’re not.” Great, Jax was already back to playing
caveman. Not even twelve hours awake. “What? You’re going to tell
me you haven’t been having contractions all afternoon?”

Well, damn. He was more observant than I gave
him credit for.

“Lei, have you been having contractions all
day?” Brody asked crossly.

“I’m fine. It’s not like I haven’t been
having them for weeks now.”

“How far apart?” Brody demanded.

“I don’t know. I’m not timing them and they
aren’t bad, Brody. It’s fine.”

“The fuck it is, Leila,” Jaxon scolded,
shaking his head as he looked to Brody and Jane. “Please take her
back to your place, man.”

“Jax, you just woke up,” I implored, an
octave higher.

“Babe, I’ll be here tomorrow when you come
back. Besides, I’m pretty tired myself, I’m gonna crash as soon as
you leave,” he reasoned.

“Fine, but will you call me later when you
wake up?” I asked as I sat down on the bed next to him, forgetting
momentarily that we weren’t alone. Just as I leaned down to kiss
him I saw Jane, in the periphery, turn to Brody.