Tortured Beginning (2 page)

I pour myself a cup of coffee, lean against the counter and look out my window. It's a beautiful morning, I decide to sit out on the patio. I grab my bowl of fresh fruit, my cup of coffee, then open the sliding door. 

I set my bowl on my patio table and sit down. I pull my legs up on to the chair, then take a long sip of coffee. I have always loved this weather, I spend alot of time out here in the summer. I light a smoke, they always help with my stress level.

I smile to myself, which I haven't done in a long time. I keep trying to quit, then think why bother, I enjoy smoking. It helps with my stress and I'm not hurting anyone but myself. Plus every time I try to quit, something always happens to fuck it up.

I look around my beautiful backyard, thanks to my mom and Anne. They planted all my flowers, all low maintenance so I don't kill them. But the fairy gardens are all mine. It took me several summers to get them how I wanted them. Anne and I went to garage sales, picking out all kinds of interesting things to make the perfect little gardens. Each flower bed has a different theme.  Everything from princess, whimsical and then the darker side. Every summer I add more things, and replace broken items. It's the one place I love to be.

I grab my dirty dishes and go back into the house. I left my phone on the counter, I notice that there are several missed calls. I look to see that it was Lynette trying to call, I roll my eyes. So now I will have Anne's cousin, Lynette bothering me too. I know I need to snap out of this and get back to work. Yet, I don't feel like I have the will to do it. I decide to ignore her for now, she usually isn't easily swayed.

I wake up to a pounding on my door, I roll over and look at the ceiling. Whoever it is, better have a good reason for this. I take a deep breath and roll out of bed. I take my time walking down the stairs, to the door and peer out the window. Oh great, I am so not in the mood for this. I unlock the door and step back to open it.

"What the Fuck, Jaylah? Where the hell have you been?" Lynette greets me.

"What do you want?" I ask instead of answering the obvious her questions.

"Can I come in? I want to talk to you."

I move out of the way and gesture her to come in. I walk into the kitchen and reheat a cup of coffee in the microwave. I don't bother asking if Lynette wants anything, again I didn't invite her here. Plus, I know what is coming and I am not feeling very hospitable. I mix my creamer in, grab my smokes and head for the patio.

Lynette sits across from me, as I light my cigarette. I look over at her, but don't say anything. She wants to talk, she will have to do the talking. I look around my yard and I hear her sigh.

"Ok, look I know you are mad."

I shoot my head around to look at her. She puts her hands up in defense, I know it's not her fault, but what the fuck? Mad doesn't even cover it right now.

"Sorry, I know. Anne is worried sick about you. I know what she did was wrong, she should have told you. She knows that. She is your best friend and business partner. You can't walk away from it all."

"I'm not. I need some time, that's all."

"Hey I get it. But, Jay it's been a week. You haven't been into work, you don't return phone calls. You look like shit, girl. When's the last time you took a shower? You can't lock yourself up in your house."

I look down at myself, shit....when was the last time I took a shower? I can't even remember. Damn, that isn't good. I haven't been in this dark of a place in a long time. I know I need to snap out of this. But....awe shit!

"Ok. I know, I don't know what to do about all of this, Lynette." I don't want to admit that I am scared of Ben. I know she would understand, but I hate to burden anyone with my problems. "I finally thought Ben would leave me alone. Anne not telling me, it was such a betrayal. How could she do that to me?"

"She was only thinking of you and you know it! Yes she should of told you, but come on....YOU need to snap out of this! We will help you with Ben, but you can't walk away from everyone and your life. What about Anne's girls? Katie and Shannon miss their aunt, are you walking away from them too? What about your parents? They need you."

"OK, OK. I get it. Fuck woman, you are so fucking annoying sometimes!" I glare at her.

"Yeah, but I  am always right," she smiles smugly at me.

I can't help myself and I start laughing at her. She is right, damn it. I hate to admit it, but I need to get back to my life and take care of my situation with Ben. I get up and head for the kitchen, Lynette follows me into the house.

I turn to her, "Thanks. I will go back to work tomorrow."

"Good. Maybe we can go check out that band this weekend. Maybe you can see O, again."

I smile, the thought of him sends shivers down my back. Maybe that isn't such a bad idea. Getting laid always helps a girl feel better.

I nod my head, "Yeah that sounds good."

"Okay. Take a shower, you stink! I will call you later."

"Yeah. thanks," I say to the back of her. She is already walking out the door, she waves and shuts the door behind her.

I look down at myself and lift my armpit for a sniff. Shit when was the last time I showered. Damn....I would really like to slap that smug look off of Lynette's face. She can be such a bitch sometimes! I go into the bathroom to take a much needed shower.

I grab my plate of dinner and glass of wine and get comfortable on the couch. I turn on the TV and try to find something to watch. I pick at my food and think about my conversation with Lynette. I guess I should let Anne know I will be into work in the morning. I am sure Lynette told her, but I need to let her know too.

JayJay  6:32pm

I will be at work in the am

Anne  6:33pm

Great to hear :)

I throw my phone next to me on the couch. I really don't have anything more to say to her right now. We can talk in the morning. It will be harder to get into a deep conversation at work, which is fine with me.

I grab a cigarette and light it. I don't normally smoke in the house, but it's my house. I am not looking forward to this conversation in the morning with Anne. I walk over to the window, so I can blow the smoke outside. I see Anne pull into her driveway and glance over to my house. I step away from the window, before she can wave or smile at me.

I put my cigarette out and decide to go to bed early tonight. I will need my energy to get through tomorrow. I put a movie on in my room and fall asleep shortly after it starts.

Getting up this morning was not as bad as I thought it would be. I make a pot of coffee, then hop in the shower. As I shower, I think about what to say to Anne. I love her, she is my best friend, but what she did was wrong. I forgive her, I always do, but she doesn't need to know that, yet. She needs to work to get me back.

I get out of the shower, dress and go grab a cup of coffee. I walk to the deck to have a cigarette. I look around my yard and enjoy all my gardens. I notice something in the back of the yard....what is that? I walk to see what it is. Once I get close enough, I stop and can't seem to move.

That can't be what I think it is. I look around the yard and I am completely alone. Not that I thought someone would be here. I finally move to grab the heart in the garden. With shaky hands, I flip it over and see the inscription on the back, that I already knew was there. I throw it into the corner of my yard without even thinking.

Damn, it's the gift Ben gave to me, that I left at his place. I was hoping to never see it again. He gave that to me after one of the times he beat me. The inscription floats through my head, "My Love, My Life, You are Mine Forever. Ben." I rub at my eyes, as if that will take the image from my head.

I look around the yard. How did he get that back here? What the hell am I going to do? I run into the house and lock the sliding door. For the first time in over a week, I can't wait to get out of this house. I hurry and finish getting ready to leave.

I hurry out of the house, hop in my car to make the short trip to work.

I pull into the shop parking lot in the back and see that Anne is already here. I feel a wash of guilt come over me that I haven't been here for her. I shake my head to clear my thoughts, still rattled about my find this morning. I take a deep breath and walk into the shop.

As I walk in, Anne looks up to me and smiles. I try to give a smile and I know it came out with me looking weird. I see her face turn into concern.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?" I try to brush it off and look away.

I feel Anne follow me into the office. Not wanting her to see my shaking hands, I stay with my back to her. She puts her hand on my arm and gently pulls me towards her. I roll my eyes as she looks at me.

"That's better. Hey, I know you are mad at me and I can't say I'm sorry enough. I hope we could talk about everything.

"Not right now, okay?"

"Sure. But I am glad you are here."

I nod, "Yeah me too."

"Are you sure you are okay? Did something happen Jay, you look really shakin' up."

She looks at me with worry in her eyes. She knows me to well and I can't hide the fact that I am scared as hell of Ben. Finding that heart in my garden, bothered me more than I want to admit.

I take a deep breath, "I found a heart in my fairy garden this morning. It was from Ben."

"Oh no. How do you know?"

"His fucking name was on the back. I don't know what to do, Anne."

"We will figure something out, okay?"

I nod my head and we walk back to the kitchen to finish the baking. I know I should still be mad at Anne and we will have a talk about what happened. But I need her right now. Why can't Ben leave me alone!!