Total Abandon (27 page)

And wondering once she returned to the city after this weekend if she’d ever have the chance again.

*   *   *

Sandra flopped into bed on her own that evening. After a day of hot sex, all of them decided they needed to stretch out and get some sleep. It was strange being alone after being touched and kissed—and fucked—so much today.

Being alone like this is what she’d return to after the weekend. Although there were still a few weekends left in the summer, once Aimee closed the cottage for the season, Sandra would miss the carefree atmosphere she’d found here. Allowing her to be wild and free. To enjoy sex with multiple men. To have total erotic freedom.

Would she see Craig and James again? It would be weird seeing them away from this environment. Inviting them to her apartment. Or going to their places.

But she would still have Devlin.

She sighed.

In addition to the pleasures of being fucked by three men, the main thing she’d learned this weekend was how special Devlin was to her. His loving and encouraging nature had helped her accept this wild side of herself right from the beginning. He was a great friend. A sensational lover.

Could he be even more to her?

Did she want him to be?

Her thoughts kept her awake for quite a while as she stared out her window at the night sky, filled with twinkling stars, but finally she dozed off.

A while later, she became aware that someone was behind her. A warm, solid body spooning with her.

She was sure it was her Fantasy Stranger.

Twenty-three

Heat washed through Sandra, pooling in her groin. She felt a cock stir between her thighs.

God, it felt good.

“I want you to fuck me,” she said.

He nuzzled her neck as his big cock slid back, then pushed against her vagina. Slowly, it glided inside.

He thrust forward, impaling her. She gasped at the intensity of the sensation. Tightening internal muscles, she squeezed him, then pivoted her hips forward and back, driving his cock deep into her every time.

He grabbed her hips and thrust deeper still. Harder. She felt his cock swell and she squeezed it again. His hands slid to her breasts and he cupped them tightly. Her nipples ached. Waves of intense pleasure washed through her, rising toward a tumultuous flood of bliss. She could feel it. So close.

She gasped as an orgasm rocked through her, then catapulted her to the edge of paradise. His hand released her breast and slid down her stomach to her clit, then stroked. Her pleasure intensified and she wailed as ecstasy exploded through her.

Finally she collapsed against the solid chest behind her, gasping for air. His rapid breath rushed past her neck, lifting tendrils of her hair, tickling slightly.

A part of her felt guilty, being here with her Fantasy Stranger but not Devlin. Devlin knew about her Fantasy Stranger, of course, but it felt so intimate lying here in his arms. So close. So wonderful.

She felt her heart swell. Her Fantasy Stranger always touched her with such tenderness. She always felt loved in his arms. She knew it was James or Craig, yet lying here with him, it felt nothing like when James or Craig held her in their arms.

Which totally proved the power of the human mind. And fantasies. The Fantasy Stranger embodied her idea of love.

And she could revel in it without feeling she might go down the wrong path, as she had with Eric. Because the Fantasy Stranger wasn’t real.

She drew in a deep breath and rested her hand over his as it cupped her breast.

“I love the way you touch me. The way you make me feel.”

He leaned forward and nuzzled her neck tenderly. “Do you love
me
?” he murmured softly, his voice hoarse.

“Yes.” The word slipped from her lips before she could stop it. She hadn’t wanted to admit that.

He’d never spoken to her before as the Fantasy Stranger. He’d spoken so quietly, she couldn’t tell whose voice it was.

His cock slipped from her and he drew her onto her back. As she saw the shadowy figure above her in the darkness, she realized she wore no blindfold. He prowled over her and his cock pushed against her.

“I love you, too.”

It was Devlin’s voice. She gasped as he glided inside her.

She wanted to dive away and escape, but his big cock thrust into her again, stirring the pleasure still spiraling through her from her previous orgasm. His cock filled her deeply again. She squeezed, then clung to his shoulders as she moaned at the intense pleasure … building … filling her whole being. Then blissful sensations cascaded through her and she flew into ecstasy, trembling in his arms.

His cock erupted inside her.

Finally she caught her breath. She was too aware of his solid chest against her cheek, of his arms around her body … of his cock still embedded inside her.

Oh, God, it was Devlin.

Devlin
was her Fantasy Stranger.

*   *   *

Sandra squirmed out of his arms and pushed herself to her feet.

“Sandra, where are you going?”

She grabbed her robe from the chair as she raced out of the room, desperate to get away from him. She had to think. She heard his footsteps behind her as she slid open the deck door and raced into the darkness outside. She hurried down the deck stairs, hoping he wouldn’t follow.

“Sandra. Wait. What’s wrong?”

She heard his footsteps on the deck.

Stopping on the beach in front of the cottage, she stared across the glistening water. She wasn’t going to run away into the darkness of the woods.

Hands on her hips, she turned to face him. “You are the Fantasy Stranger?”

“That’s right.”

“You lied to me,” she accused.

“I didn’t lie.”

She glared at him. “You didn’t tell the truth.”

“If you had known who the Fantasy Stranger was, it would have ruined it.” He stepped toward her. “Sandra, I don’t think that’s why you’re mad. In fact, I don’t think you’re mad at all.”

She stared at him, the blood pounding through her temples, her breathing hard and erratic. Why was she mad? Because he’d played a role? Because he hadn’t told her about it?

Or because he’d done it so well?

“I think you’re using anger to distract yourself,” he said.

She bit back her question—
From what?
—because she didn’t want to hear his answer.

He stepped forward. She took a step back.

“You said you loved me,” he said.

“I was in the moment. It just came out. I didn’t mean it.”

“Now I think
you’re
lying.”

“It doesn’t matter.” She gritted her teeth. “The person I said it to isn’t real.”

“He is real.
I’m
real.”

Her chest tightened painfully. She shook her head, desperately wanting to run away.

“Sandra, why did you think I was the Fantasy Stranger? I didn’t blindfold you. I didn’t bring a yellow rose.”

“I … well, it was … I mean, the way you touched me…”

He held his hands open at his sides. “But I was just being myself.”

She took another step back.

“Devlin, I don’t love you.”

He stepped forward and caught her shoulders. “Are you sure?”

She stared at him, willing herself to pull away as his face drew near. But she didn’t move a muscle to escape as his lips found hers and he kissed her. Sweetly. Tenderly.

The world swayed around her.

“I can’t love you, Devlin.”

“Why not?”

Tears welled in her eyes. “Because…” She choked back a lump in her throat. “The only time I believed I was in love, I was wrong.”

He smiled, his eyes glowing in the moonlight. “But what if, this time, you’re right?”

Her breath caught and she stared into his eyes, lost in the glittering blue depths, her head shaking.

He cupped her face between his hands. “Sandra, what are you afraid of?”

“What if…” She sucked in air and started again. “What if I’m right and…”

“And what?” he prompted.

She stared into the fiery depths of his eyes and the heat washed over her, making her feel wanted. Needed.
Loved.

And it scared her because she remembered when Eric had looked at her like that and how much it had hurt when that heat had faded away.

She trembled. “And … I lose you?”

He hugged her tight against him, stroking her hair gently.

“Oh, God, Sandra. You’ll never lose me.”

“You can’t know that. Your feelings might change.”

“They won’t. I promise you that.” He drew back and stared into her eyes again, his blue eyes intense. “But even if you don’t believe that, you should still take the chance.”

“Why?”

“Because being afraid to love is no way to live.”

Her heart pounded. She’d been so proud of herself when she’d recognized that what she felt for the Fantasy Stranger wasn’t real love. Because the Fantasy Stranger wasn’t real. But now that she knew the Fantasy Stranger was Devlin, she realized those feelings
were
real. And they were a reflection of what Devlin felt for her.

She’d met Devlin at a time when she’d promised herself she wouldn’t get involved romantically with a man, so they’d become friends, but she’d always been attracted to him. And ever since she’d gotten involved with him sexually, she’d felt the difference when she was with him and when she was with the other men—even James, whom she’d had a strong attraction to in the past. It wasn’t the same. What she felt for Devlin was deeper. Stronger.

Could she be in love with Devlin for real?

“Besides, if anything,” Devlin said, “this whole experience must have convinced you that you don’t have any problem attracting men. As friends. As lovers. Even if you aren’t in a committed relationship, you don’t need to be alone.”

Devlin smiled at her and her heart swelled. Sweet, encouraging Devlin. He seemed to know her better than she knew herself.

She ached to lean forward and kiss him again. To feel his arms holding her tight.

“You really do love me?” she asked.

His blue eyes glittered brightly. “Are you kidding? I’m crazy about you.” A deep ache thrummed through her, and her heart pounded with joy because she knew now that what she felt for Devlin was true love.

Devlin stroked her cheek. “I see it in your eyes, but I need to hear it. Tell me.”

She blinked back tears of joy, and her mouth broadened in an irresistible smile. She stroked his raspy cheek.

“I love you, Devlin.”

He chuckled and picked her up, then spun her around. Their mouths found each other and he kissed her breathless.

When he finally released her, she grinned at him. “Just my luck. I finally fall hopelessly in love with a man just when I’ve figured out all I have to do is make a list of fantasies and they’ll all come true. Life was just getting interesting.”

He chuckled. “You don’t think I’m going to stop you from enjoying your fantasies, do you?”

Her eyebrows arched. “Really? Even with James and Craig?”

“As long as I can play a starring role.”

She laughed and hugged him tight. “Always.”

He stroked her hair back and kissed her. At the tender touch of his lips, her heart swelled with love.

As that feeling swept through her, she realized this was totally different from what she’d felt for Eric. This love settled deep in her heart and rippled through every part of her, filling the deepest, darkest—and loneliest—spots within her.

She sighed as she gazed into Devlin’s glowing eyes.

Devlin’s love completed her. And deep down in her soul she knew she was totally and thoroughly in love with Devlin.

Twenty-four

Devlin awoke to soft lips nuzzling his neck, under his chin. He tightened his arms around Sandra and drew her closer. She snuggled against his chest, then pushed on his shoulder until he rolled onto his back. Then she climbed on top of him, sitting on his stomach.

“Good morning.” She grinned down at him.

“Good morning.” He smiled and his gaze wandered to her naked breasts. He stroked his hands down her sides, then over her hips, loving the feel of her curves.

He couldn’t stop smiling. Last night Sandra had admitted she loved him.

As if reading his thoughts, she said, “So you love me, right?”

His smile broadened. “Yes, I do.”

“And you honor my desire to keep living out my fantasies?”

He raised an eyebrow at her odd wording, but said, “Of course.”

She grinned impishly. “Great. Do you also agree to
obey
me?”