Tough Love (Hidden Secrets) (8 page)

Chapter Nine

Jackson

Fuck!

How did it get this far this soon? Damn it! She’s the only person in four years that had me feeling like this. The hurt in her eyes… Damn it! I put that there. She tried to put on a happy face, but as she talked about it not being a big deal and only being friends it was there. Fighting hard to keep her face straight.

As
if that wasn’t enough, I walked in to make sure that Sebastian was okay and she was crying. My heart knew it wasn’t because of Sebastian’s nightmares. It was because of me. Damn it! Even as much as it hurts to see her that way, I couldn’t stay away. It was like I liked torturing myself. Moreover, I didn’t want to hurt the boys. I really have grown to care about them.

Walking
into the apartment, I am met by the sound of giggling. “What the fuck?” I mumbled to myself.

Walking
down the hall, I stopped in front of the door that Jake was occupying. Hearing muffled moans and the squeaking of the bed. I lost it. Damn, if anyone else was going to get lucky in my house when I can’t have the one woman I could easily love… Flinging the door open, it bounces off the wall with a loud banging sound.

“Damn
it Jake! Get the slut out of my house! I told you! I didn’t want your shit in my house!”

The
girl screamed. Jake seemed to not even notice I was there and continued to fuck the girl even as she tried to cover herself. 
What the hell?
He groans loudly and then rolls off to the side. Gagging, I look around the room and spot her clothes. Collecting them, I throw them at her.

“Get
your shit on and get the fuck out of my house!” I roar.

Jake
turns his head and smiles at her, “See ya.”

The
woman gets dressed frantically and takes off. I follow her out making sure she leaves. Though judging by the tears running down her face, she wasn’t staying around. My anger kicks up another notch when I realize I’m going to need to change my codes again because Jake had to bring someone here.

Storming
back into his room, I started to yell. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

When
I saw that he was passed out, I punched the wall before storming out of the room slamming the door. Marching into my room, I slam the door behind me. This night was bad enough. Having to push away Shannon killed me, but she was getting too close. There was no way, I can handle it if…

Shaking
my head, I took a shower and got into bed. This day needed to end and it needed to end now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel a little better about having to push Shannon away. After all loving her was painful enough. Losing her would be more than I could bear.

FUCK!

Waking up the next morning, I wasn’t in any better of a mood. To top it all off, Jake and his little friend must have been hungry. There was next to nothing left in my damn fridge. Slamming the fridge door shut, I moved to the coffee pot and started it.

“Someone’s
in a foul mood this morning?” Jake said, yawning.

Flipping
around, I glared at him. “Yeah, no thanks to you!” I growled.

“Whoa!
Man, what is your deal?” He asked alarmed.

Slamming
down the cup I held in my hand, I leaned on the counter. “Well, let’s start with why I have no fucking food in my house!”

“Uh,
I ate it?”

“If
you are going to fucking eat every last fucking thing in my house, REPLACE IT!” I ended on a yell.

“Okay…
Fuck! Sorry! Who pissed in your Cheerios?”

“Next,
on my list. What is my one rule when you stay with me?” I hissed.

“Damn
you are worse than mom and dad,” he grumbled.

“What
is it, asshole!” I roared.

“No
one comes here. I’ve-”

“Then
why did you bring your fucking whore to my house last night!” I yelled getting in his face.

“Holy
shit, Jack! You’re going to have a coronary. Calm down! I didn’t bring anyone home last night.”

“What!”
I roared, shoving him.

“Dude!”

The look on his face was pure terror. Jake and I rarely ever fought. We understood each other. Hell, I rarely raised my voice to anyone. Eli and I kind of calmed the rough waters. We were the peacemakers of the group. Not today! I was pushed to my limits.

“I
came home last night to hear you and your lady of the evening getting it on. Not only that, but I barged into your room to kick your ass for bringing someone here. She’s screaming and you…”

A
sudden thought occurs to me. “Jake,” taking a calming breath. “Are you doing drugs?”

“What?”
Jake asks, looking nervous.

“Damn
it, Jake! How long? Why?” I asked, running my hand through my hair.

“I’m
fine Jackson. I’m a big boy. No need to worry about me.”

Sighing
heavily, I looked him in the eyes. “You know I’m always here for you right? No matter what you can come to me.”

“I
know brother. I know. I’m okay. You’ll be the first to know when I’m not.”

Walking
over to the coffee pot, I filled my cup and a cup for him. “What did you take last night?” I asked my back still to him.

“Don’t
ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to.” He said simply.

Nodding,
I said nothing. Handing him his glass, we exchanged looks that spoke silently between us.

Me:
I’m here. You don’t have to do it alone.

Jake:
I know. When I need help, I’ll ask.

Me:
Please promise me you’ll stop.

Jake:
I will.

Me:
Promise?

Jake:
I promise, brother.

Ever
since we were little, we’ve always been able to communicate silently between each other. We could read looks and signals. The others always hated it because we could get away with so much more. My brother was more than that, he was an extension of myself. This bothered me a lot, but he wouldn’t accept help until he was ready for it.

“So
is my little tryst what had you so upset this morning or is there more?” Jake asks, sipping his coffee. When I ignored him, he pushed forward. “Look, I was honest with you.”

“I
know,” I sighed. “It’s Shannon.”

“She
turn you down?”

“No.
I think I’m falling in love with her. It’s crazy, I know. We’ve only just met a couple of months ago. Only really started spending time outside of the office together this week, but it’s there. Last night, we had two almost kisses. The second one, I begged her to stop me because I couldn’t and I needed to.” Looking up at Jake, “I hurt her, but I can’t be involved with her…with anyone.”

“
Dude, screw the whole patient/doctor thing. Seriously! If she doesn’t care, why should you? Especially if you think you’re in love with her. Go for it man.”

“It’s
not me being her doctor that’s stopping me,” I mumbled.

“Then
what is it?” Jake said, irritated.

“Nothing,”
I dumped my coffee down the drain and got ready for work.

The day went by fast. Rachael pissed me off a couple of times more than usual today, but it all faded away when Shannon walked in with the boys. I smiled at her as the boys ran up to hug me.

“Hey,”
I said, trying to keep the longing from my voice.

“Hey,”
she says back with a smile on her face.

Clearing
my throat, I bent down and looked at the boys. “You ready to go play while Sissy and I talk?”

“YEAH!”
They cheer.

Once
they are in the playroom, we sit down in the other room at the table and start going over possible plans for Sebastian outside of surgery. Of course she really wasn’t listening. For whatever reason she was sticking to her guns on having surgery. No matter how much she pushed me, I was determined to find another way around the surgery.

“Was
that normal, last night?”

She
sighs softly, “Yeah. Happens more nights than I can count. One of the reasons, I get no sleep half the time.” She starts fidgeting with her cup in front of her.

“One
of the reasons? What else is wrong?”

Looking
at her with concern, I saw a tear roll down her cheek. Quickly, I moved in front of her, taking her hands in mine.

“Hey,”
I said softly. “Look at me.” She slowly raised her head. “There are those beautiful eyes of yours. You can talk to me. Let me be here for you.”

She
laughed sadly. “You know, you are like my only friend.”

Reaching
up, I cupped her face in my hands just as the door opened.

“Jack,
I have-” Rachael starts, then glares at us. “What the hell is going on here?”

Ignoring
her question, “What do you want Rachael?”

She
tossed a folder at me then stormed out. Setting it on the table without even looking at it, I turned back to Shannon.

“I’m
here for you, no matter what. Please talk to me.”

Shaking
her head, she stood up and walked over to the window. “Why would you want to know?”

Standing,
“Because you’re my friend and what bothers you bothers me.” Of course it bothered me for far different reasons than her being a friend, but I can’t tell her that. “I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

She
snorts. “You have space at your place for three house guests?” She mumbled without turning around.

“Are
you in some kind of trouble?” I asked immediately on guard.

“You
could say that,” she wiped her hand across her cheek.

Quickly
I moved over to her, wrapping her in my arms. “I have more than enough room for you guys. Will you tell me why you feel you need to leave your home though?”

She
wrapped her arms around my waist and I couldn’t stop the sigh that left my lungs. It felt so good to have her in my arms and her arms wrapped around me. 
She’s only a friend. She’s only a friend. She can only be a friend.
I kept repeating to myself.

“I’m
losing the house unless I can show proof of bringing it up to code. I can’t afford it. The last thing I have of my parents will be gone in a couple weeks.” She kept her head on my chest as she talked.

“You
can come stay with me,” I said without hesitation. “But, I’m not letting you lose your place either. I’m going to help get it up to code.”

“No,
Jackson. I can’t let you do that,” she says, leaning back, placing her hands on my chest.

Again,
here we are with our faces mere inches from each other. It became harder to breathe. Shannon was having similar problems. Just as I was leaning down, unable to fight the pull, the door opened again.

“Jackson,
can I talk to you?” Rachael asks, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed.

“No,
I’m leaving. I have a family thing to get to.” Taking Shannon’s hand without realizing it, I walk over to the playroom and collect the boys.

As
we walked out into the parking lot, Jake runs up. “Oh good, I didn’t miss you. Can I bum a ride out to Mary’s?”

I
was relieved to see that Jake looked semi-normal today. He still looked a bit disheveled, but I’m beginning to think that’s all part of his look now. At least he wasn’t stupid to come to the family get together on something. Though looking at my brother, I was scared for him. If he was really into drugs and my gut told me he was in deep, I could lose him. That was something I definitely couldn’t handle.

“Jack!
Jack!” Atreyu yelled to get my attention.

“Yeah
buddy,” I asked, ruffling his hair.

“Can
we ride with you again?”

“Please!”
They begged together.

Thinking
for a moment, “How about this? Jake you drive Shannon’s car and then all of you can ride with me.”

“YAY!”
The boys scream, jumping up and down.

“Let
me get the boys’ seats out of my car,” Shannon sounded almost scared.

“No
need. I bought some for my car.”

Her
eyes widened, but she handed the keys to Jake and we walked to my car. She wasn’t saying much. Then the guilt came back from last night. Shit, she probably wanted the space between us. It’s weird. Though I pushed her away when everything in me wanted to hold her close, I still wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. It was almost like I loved to torture myself. Shaking my head, we got the boys strapped in and set out on our way out to the ranch.