Tracie Peterson (6 page)

“Then ask Him to help you understand. There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and as corny as it might sound . . . that light is Jesus Christ.”

“It doesn’t sound corny at all,” Brad said, feeling at peace. “It sounds very right.”

****

“Oh, Kim, she’s beautiful,” Tess said, gazing at the week-old infant.

“She is, isn’t she?” Kim replied excitedly.

The tiny newborn yawned and blinked dark blue eyes up at Tess and her new mother.

“We finally decided to call her Laney Rose. Rose is her birth mother’s name, and the girl is positively darling.”

“How old is she?” Tess asked curiously.

“She’s almost eighteen. She’s anxious to finish high school. She’s going to graduate in two months.”

“How did she ever keep up with her studies during the pregnancy?”

“They have some special classes set up. She’s done really well. She wants to go to college next fall.”

Tess watched as Kim carefully lifted Laney into her arms. “I’m just so new at this and I always worry that I’ll do something wrong.”

“I would imagine all new parents feel that way,” Tess replied. She knew that if it were her, she’d be just as worried.

“Do you want to hold her?”

Tess smiled. “Absolutely. That’s why I’m here. I have to spoil her for you.”

“Well, you’ve certainly gotten a good start,” Kim said, bringing Laney to Tess. “I can’t believe all those clothes you bought her. I’ve got so much stuff I could change her five times a day into a different outfit and still have plenty of clothes left over.”

Tess held out her arms and took the baby. A current ran through her as Laney settled against her breast.
Oh, God, help me not to fall apart
, Tess prayed.

“She’s just perfect,” Tess whispered, tears misting her vision. Raising Laney up, Tess bowed her head to kiss the baby’s forehead.

Soft. So very soft. Tess marveled at the feel and the smell—a sort of baby sweetness that wafted up to meet her senses. Running her index finger along Laney’s cheek, Tess was surprised when Laney turned her face to suck on her finger. The action caused Tess’s emotions to crescendo. Forcing down the lump in her throat, Tess bit her lower lip to keep from crying.

“We’re going to have her picture taken on Saturday,” Kim said as she buzzed around the nursery. “What do you think of this outfit?” She held up a lacy miniature dress of pink dotted Swiss.

Tess nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She gazed into Laney’s face and felt an iron band wrap itself around her chest. The tightness threatened to cut off Tess’s air. The desperation of ten barren years rose up to haunt her in a fit of jealousy.
Why can’t you be my child? Why should some seventeen-year-old be able to give birth, but I can’t?

“Tess?”

Tess looked up to find Kim staring at her rather quizzically. “What did you say?”

Kim grinned. “I was asking you about the dress for Laney’s pictures. Travis and I figured we’d have some taken of Laney alone and then have a family picture taken. Won’t that be wonderful? Afterward, we’re going to my mother’s and the family is getting together for a party. I’m just so happy I can hardly stand it.”

Her animated voice and beaming smile were Tess’s undoing.
I have to get out of here. I have to leave
 . . . now!
Tess gently placed Laney back into the crib. As she straightened back up, her arms ached at the sudden emptiness.

“I’m sorry. I just remembered an appointment I have. I’m going to have to leave.”

“But you just got here,” Kim said, disappointment in her voice.

“I know. I’ll come back. I promise,” Tess said, heading out of the room and down the hall. She knew her self-control would only hold out another minute—maybe two, but certainly no more. She had to leave before she said something she would regret.

“Well, you know you’re always welcome,” Kim said. She caught up with Tess at the door. “Now, don’t forget about the baby shower that the girls from work are giving me. That’s Thursday night at seven. You don’t have to bring another gift, but I want you there for the fun.”

Tess nodded. “I should be there. I haven’t talked to Brad yet, so I’ll have to let you know for sure tomorrow.”

She didn’t even wait to hear Kim’s reply. Instead, Tess hurried from the small but stylish two-bedroom house and nearly ran to her car. She turned as she opened the door and gave Kim a wave. “I’ll call you,” she promised.

She ignored the stunned look on her friend’s face and started the car.
I should never have come. I knew this was going to be hard. I just had no idea how bad it would be
.

She threw the car into Reverse and backed out of Kim’s driveway. Jealousy overwhelmed her as she pulled onto the street. “It’s not fair!” she declared. “I can’t take it anymore. It’s just not fair, God.”

She could barely see the street for her tears. Grateful that Kim lived in a quiet neighborhood, Tess took a shortcut that led her to a small park. She pulled the car to the side of the street and let her tears fall in earnest.

“What are you trying to teach me, God? What is it that I’ve missed that keeps you so distant?”

She remembered a sermon several weeks earlier on the patriarch Jacob. Jacob and Rachel had been unable to have a child, but Jacob had no trouble producing heirs with his
other wife, Leah, Rachel’s sister. It was bad enough that Rachel was barren, but that her own sister should be able to give their husband so many offspring was more than Rachel could bear. Tess remembered reading the verses in Genesis where Rachel cried out in her jealousy and told God to give her children or else she would die.

“That’s how I feel, God. I can see myself coming to you in my jealous spirit, pleading to give me a child or I will die. I just know I’ll die. I can’t bear this emptiness anymore, Father. I just can’t.”

Tess thought of all the times she’d lingered in the baby department of certain stores. She thought of the cradles and bassinets and sweet little lamps with laughing moons and dancing stars. Even now she could see the people in the park. One couple swung a toddler between them. The little boy laughed in pure rapture and the joy on his face only made Tess feel worse.

Bowing her head, she hugged her empty arms to her chest. “It hurts so much, God. I hate myself for feeling jealous of Kim. I know I have the same opportunity. I could adopt. I could give up my selfish agenda and . . .” Her words trailed off. Was that the answer? Was God merely waiting until she was ready to purge herself of having to have her own way?

Tess sniffed back tears and searched through her purse for a tissue. If that was what it took, then she was ready to give it a try. The pain of trying to orchestrate things her way wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t working, for one thing, but beyond that, she felt as though she’d alienated the only other person in the world who really loved her: Brad.

“All right, God, I give up. I yield. If this is the only way to have a baby, then let me stop wasting time and give Brad the answer he wants to hear.”

She had thought a sense of peace would fill her heart, but nothing felt any different. Had God heard her? Or was it too late?

Surely it wasn’t too late.

CHAPTER 6

The file on the judge’s desk read
Sherry Macomber
. Glancing up, Judge Barbara K. Woodsby eyed the slender teenager over the rim of her reading glasses.

“I’m not happy to see you here, Sherry,” she began. The indifference on the face of the teenager made it difficult to proceed. How many times had it been? Sherry was in and out of the court so often it was joked that she should have her own office. But this was no joke to Barbara.

“Sherry, what did I say to you the last time?” Barbara questioned, pulling her glasses off to hang from a chain around her neck.

The girl toyed with her long blond hair, twisting it around her finger as she rolled her eyes toward the ceiling. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”

Barbara knew better. Why was this child so much more difficult than the rest?

“I warned you that the foster-care system had reached its limits with you. No one wants you in their home, Sherry.”

The teen shrugged. “Their loss.”

After years of working with foster children, particularly the older kids, Barbara found herself better able to interpret them than most of her peers. She saw the fleeting look of pain in Sherry’s eyes. But she also knew the teen would readily deny having any feelings on the matter whatsoever. Unless, of course, that feeling was anger.

Barbara continued to study the child. At fourteen, Sherry was already wearing too much makeup and dressing too immodestly. She had no idea how Sherry got the makeup or the clothes. She’d probably shoplifted them, as Barbara had already talked to the current foster parents about finding a lot of other things that didn’t belong to Sherry.

Barbara could have wept for the girl. She was pretty and
her school grades proved she was smart. In fact, the psychologist who did the most current case study on Sherry said she was exceptionally bright. So why couldn’t the girl see that she was ruining her life?

With a sigh, Barbara put her glasses back on and opened the folder.

“You have been in foster care roughly since birth,” she announced as if Sherry had somehow forgotten. “You’ve been listed as abusive to your foster parents. I have notes here showing everything from theft to vandalism to verbal tirades and physical fighting.”

“Yeah,” Sherry replied. “So what?”

Barbara ignored her question. “You have been taken from one home to another, always at the request of the foster parents.” She looked at Sherry and for a moment locked glances with the girl. “I want to know why,” Barbara continued, “when you finally had a decent place to stay, a place, by your own admission, that was acceptable to you, did you go and pull a stunt like this?”

Sherry looked away. “Why are you blaming me? Joey had just as much to do with this as I did.”

Barbara looked again at the latest complaint against Sherry. It seemed that the Delberto family had come home to find Sherry in bed with their fifteen-year-old son. Upon investigation, the parents learned that their son and Sherry had been an item for some time. It was the final straw as far as they were concerned.

“Sherry, I realize that Joey Delberto had equal responsibility in this situation. You’re both just kids and you’re bound to make stupid mistakes, but in this case, you’ve just lost yourself another home.”

“So what else is new?” Sherry looked down at her hands and picked at her chipped nail polish.

“Sherry, I have the results of your lab work. Your drug testing proved clear, but your pregnancy test came back positive. You’re pregnant.”

The girl looked up at this announcement. Barbara read the fear in her eyes and for a moment Sherry appeared to forget her façade.

“No way,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief. “No way.”

“I’m afraid so,” Barbara said, leaning back. “I can see this comes as a surprise to you.” She watched the teenager try to collect herself, but apparently this news was more than she could cope with. “I’ve asked the Delbertos to come here today. I’ve asked them to bring Joey. You’re going to have to decide what you want to do about this, and because Joey is the father—”

“I’m not pregnant!” Sherry screamed, jumping to her feet. “I’m not! You can lie to me about everything else, but I’m not going to buy this one.”

“Sherry, I wish I were lying about this. I had the tests run through twice, however, and the results are the same.”

The girl raised her tight midriff top to show even more of her stomach. “Do I look pregnant?”

“Sherry, surely you know enough to know that it takes months for a baby to grow and change your physical shape. You’ve probably already suspected you were pregnant, but you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. My dilemma is first to figure out what you want to do about this pregnancy. Next, I have to figure out what to do with you.”

“I just want to be left alone,” Sherry said, flopping back down in the chair. “I don’t understand why you all don’t just leave me alone. I can take care of myself. Why don’t you just let me sign some papers and I’ll be out of here.”

“It doesn’t work that way, Sherry, and you know it.”

The girl said nothing more. She chewed on her nails instead and stared out the window.

“I’m going to ask the Delbertos to come in now. They have no idea why I’ve asked them here, but I will expect you to be civil.”

Still Sherry said nothing.

Barbara picked up her phone and dialed her secretary. “Yes, send the Delbertos in.” She replaced the phone and within seconds the door opened.

First came Mrs. Delberto, a petite redheaded woman with a haggard expression. Her eyes looked swollen and red as though she’d been spending a good deal of time crying. Judges in the juvenile court system saw a lot of red-eyed mothers.

Next came Mr. Delberto, a short, stout man with a clean-shaven face and balding head. Behind him came the lanky-framed Joey.

“Thank you for coming,” Barbara said. “Please take a seat and we can get down to business.”

“What’s she doing here?” Mrs. Delberto questioned, throwing a look of disdain at Sherry.

“She’s here because I’ve asked her here,” Barbara replied. “If you’ll take a seat, I’ll explain.”

“We’re not taking her back, if that’s what you have in mind.”

“I have no such plan in mind. Please just take a seat and we’ll discuss the matter at hand,” Barbara instructed.

The trio sat down almost in unison, and Barbara gave them a moment to settle into the leather seats before continuing. “I’ve been given this case and it is my desire to help all of the parties involved to reach the most amicable and beneficial solution.”

“The solution was to get that little hussy out of my house,” Mrs. Delberto ranted. “I have other children, you know. Young, impressionable children—three of them are foster children. I’ve been caring for foster kids for most of our marriage, but this piece of work . . .” She pointed at Sherry. “She takes the cake.”

“Be that as it may,” Barbara replied, “we now have another issue at hand.”