Tracie Peterson (8 page)

Tess nodded, looking around the room. “I thought things seemed a little more barren.”

“Well, I figured if we were going to get anywhere, I was going to have to take some initiative or it wouldn’t get done. I swear, for a man who made a living drawing out the finer details of various architectural masterpieces, Darren would never get any of this accomplished. Sometimes I think he believes little fairies come in at night and see to these things.”

Tess laughed and felt lighter in spirit than she had in months. “It’s going to be so good having you close by.”

Laura patted her hand. “I feel the same way. Now tell me, what do you hear about adopting a baby?”

Tess put her pencil down and took up the coffee. “Well, generally it takes some time and doing to get an infant, especially a healthy infant, but we have a good connection with a lawyer—a Christian lawyer and good friend. Seems he has several prospects. All unwed mothers. All from good families. Most are girls who simply didn’t think and found themselves in trouble. Nothing too perilous or ugly. Nothing like my background.”

“Well, that’s probably good,” Laura said, pushing up her glasses.

Tess met the woman’s steely blue eyes. “Yes, I know I carried an awful lot of emotional baggage because of what happened to me as a child. I don’t know that I would ever want to deal with those kinds of traumas again.”

“Not to mention there might be health problems if the baby’s mother was a drug addict.”

“True,” Tess replied. “It’s just going to take some time
to work out the details. Most of these girls are in the early months of pregnancy, so there’s plenty of time. Then again, some of them may yet change their minds. The last thing I want to deal with is that.”

“You must be anxious.”

“Of course. There are a lot of variables, but I’ve prayed about it and feel that this must surely be the way God is pointing us. I’ve been putting together a nursery, but I have no baby and have no idea when I might get one,” Tess replied. “Brad is beside himself with joy. It’s all he can talk about. He wants to name the baby Thomas Michael if it’s a boy.”

“And if it’s a girl?”

“We haven’t really settled on anything,” Tess admitted. “We go round and round with the baby books and nothing really seems to fit.”

Laura poured herself more coffee. “It’s always that way.”

“So,” Tess said, drawing the conversation back to business, “we need to get some of these last-minute details figured out if you still want to move as soon as possible.”

“Fire away.”

“Well, I need to have you contact your doctors—optical, dental, family, whatever. You’ll need to give them the names and addresses of your new doctors in Miami so they can transfer your records. Since you have no pets, you won’t have to worry about doing the same for them.”

“Maybe once we get down to Florida we’ll think about a small dog. You did say that the condo will allow for that, right?”

“Right.”

“Well, we can worry about one thing at a time.”

Tess handed Laura a checklist. “These are things that you need to take care of. You’ll see there are suggested times for when you should have these accomplished.”

Laura looked the list over. “It looks very complete. You certainly know your work.”

Tess found a great deal of satisfaction in her ability to
make these moves as painless as possible. She pulled out another list and with it, a map. “This is a numbered list that corresponds to the map. You’ll be able to look at this and see where all the places are that we’ve discussed. For instance, you’ll see number one is the retirement condo. You can go from that point to see where things are in approximation to where you’re living.”

“Wonderful!” Laura declared, reviewing the map and list. “This is going to be so helpful.”

“I hope so,” Tess replied. “Now, do you plan to drive down or are you going to fly and have the car shipped?”

“Oh, I think we’ll drive the RV and pull the car. We love traveling and Darren hates to fly.”

“Do you need me to arrange a trip agenda?”

Laura looked at her rather oddly. “You mean plan it all out for us?”

Tess nodded. “Sure. I can get you maps with the best routes. Routes that have the least roadwork and the best accommodations and services.”

“You really are something, Tess.”

“In this computer age, Laura, it really isn’t that difficult.” She smiled at the older woman and took another bite of cinnamon roll. “I’m telling you this, if you wanted to open a bakery in Miami, I’m thinking these would go over quite well.”

“Your mom could make them just as good as I can.”

Tess grew thoughtful. “I miss her. Dad too. You know, I’ve had such a phobia about adopting a baby, but it never had anything to do with them. They were good parents and I would never want anyone to think otherwise.”

“So why are you afraid of adopting?” Laura questioned.

“Well, I’ve told you how much I wanted a baby that was my own, flesh of my flesh.” Laura nodded and Tess continued. “I guess I just feel like I’m settling for second best. I can’t have what I really want, so I’ll take what I can get. And if that’s the
way it is, how do I explain that to my child? They’re bound to grow up and find out how I feel.”

Laura put down her cup and reached out to take hold of Tess’s hand. “You aren’t settling for second best. Once you realize that, the other problems will kind of fade away. You are making a choice to be a parent. You desire a child, and, Tess, let me tell you—once you’ve adopted and had that child with you, you won’t know the difference. And if you do, you won’t care. That baby will be yours because whether your blood is the same or not, your heart will be. That baby will be such an intricate part of your heart that the paper work will mean literally nothing.”

“I’d like to believe that,” Tess said softly. She wanted very much for Laura to be right.

“Believe it, then. I speak from experience.”

“What? But I thought Adam and Aaron were your own children.”

Laura laughed. “Sweetheart, they are my own children. Aaron I gave birth to and Adam we adopted.”

“Do they know?”

“Of course. I wouldn’t hide something like that. But I’m telling you, Tess, I don’t love either one of those boys more than the other. I would die for either one. They are both mine just as surely as if they were both born from my body.”

“Did you always feel this way?” Tess asked hopefully.

Laura shook her head and Tess’s hopes fell. “No,” Laura admitted. “There were about five minutes prior to walking into the orphanage and seeing Adam that I loved Aaron more.” She grinned. “You’ll see. We’ll have another conversation about this in a few months and you’ll know exactly what I mean.”

“Sometimes I feel like no one can understand me. I’m not without a heart and I know how good adoption can be. I’ve benefited in every way from a good adoption.” She paused for a moment, trying hard to make her feelings understood.
“I guess it’s just the way I’ve structured my thinking and planning all these years.”

“But that can all be altered. Ask God to give you understanding and to direct your desires for a child, Tess. You’ll see His fingerprints all over your decisions and choices if only you’ll yield your heart to Him first.”

Tess clung to Laura’s words, desperately wanting to believe them. She knew from her background in the church and hundreds of sermons on faith that this was the right path to take.

“Sometimes I think I’m just a baby Christian,” Tess said, looking Laura in the eyes. “I feel weak and stupid and not at all the faithful follower that I want to be.”

“We all suffer growing pains. You’re not going to be any different than anyone else. No one’s faith is born fully grown. These are testing times, Tess. Times that will either grow your faith or squelch it. Mostly, it’s up to you, and it generally starts by yielding attitudes and desires that are steeped not in God, but in self.”

Tess felt an immediate conviction in Laura’s words. “I suppose I have a lot to consider.”

****

It was late Friday evening when Tess finally walked back into her own apartment. The trip from Kansas City had seemed ridiculously long. Mostly because she longed to be home with Brad, but also because she was hoping to hear news of their adoption plans.

“Brad? Are you here?” she called out. She dropped her luggage at the door and continued calling to Brad as she walked through the apartment. Apparently he’d had to work overtime.

She went to the answering machine and saw the light blinking. No doubt there were multiple messages from prospective clients. Tess was enjoying—or perhaps
enduring
was a better word—a huge surge of interest in her relocation skills. She’d signed on twenty new clients in the last month alone. Suddenly
Bartolo Aznar’s suggestion of additional help didn’t seem so unreasonable.

Pressing the button and grabbing a pencil, Tess prepared to write down the messages.

“Tess! Tess, call me right away!” The voice belonged to Kim and the tone was rather excited. Tess smiled to herself. Maybe Laney rolled over or did some other new baby thing.

Tess waited for the next message and jotted down the name and telephone number of a prospect in Seattle. The next two messages were both Kim and each one sounded more frantic than the other. The final message truly worried Tess.

“Tess, it’s Kim. I need you to call me as soon as possible. It’s really urgent—something’s happened. Oh, Tess, please call me.”

Tess immediately picked up the phone and punched in Kim’s number. The telephone rang and rang, but no one answered. The machine never even picked up, and Tess could only figure that maybe it was overloaded with messages or had broken down. She replaced the receiver with a frown. Something was obviously wrong with Kim and she hated that she hadn’t been there for her friend.

Just then Tess heard the front door being opened. “Brad? Is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

He sounds tired
, Tess thought. She walked into the foyer and helped him take off his suit coat. “I just got in myself.”

He pulled her close and kissed her briefly. “I missed you,” he said softly against her ear.

“I missed you, too.” She lingered a moment at his side, catching the faint scent of his cologne. When Brad didn’t try to kiss her again, however, Tess pulled away and saw the unmistakable look of worry. “What is it? You look upset. Has something happened?”

“I’m afraid so,” Brad replied.

“Is it Justin and something about the adoption?” Tess asked fearfully. She held her breath and waited for his response.

“No.” He reached out to take hold of her arm. “Why don’t you come sit down with me.”

“Brad, you’re scaring me. What’s this all about?”

He led her to the living room and motioned her to the couch. “Please sit down and I’ll explain.”

Tess shook her head and lowered herself hesitantly to the edge of the sofa. “So what’s going on? You look as if you’ve lost your last friend. Oh, Brad, it isn’t your dad, is it?”

“While you were gone, something happened. I didn’t call because I just found out this morning. I figured you’d be on your way home and fretting all the way, and it just seemed more responsible to wait until you got back.”

“What!” Tess nearly yelled in her irritation. “Don’t keep going on and on.”

“It’s Kim and Travis.”

Tess felt her stomach tighten. “I had three messages from Kim on my answering machine. She sounded horribly upset.”

“She is.”

“Is it Laney?” Tess questioned.
Please, God, don’t let anything be wrong with the baby
, she prayed.

“Yes. It’s Laney.” Brad bit his lower lip and appeared to struggle for the right words. “The birth mother has changed her mind.”

“What?” Tess had envisioned the baby sick or even dead, but never had this thought come to her mind.

“The birth mother has decided to take Laney back. You know there’s always a length of time given the birth parents to change their minds. Well, apparently the mother acted upon that choice. She claims to have been forced into the adoption, and apparently the legal system is on her side.”

“No,” Tess said, shaking her head. “Laney is Kim’s daughter.”

“I know, sweetheart,” Brad began. He took the seat next to her and reached out to take hold of her hand. “But the birth mother has rights, too. She and the birth father plan to marry and they want their child to be returned to their family.”

“So just like that,” Tess said, snapping her fingers for effect, “Kim and Travis have to give Laney up? They’ve bonded with this child for almost two months and now she’s going to be ripped away from them?”

“She’s already been taken. The social worker came today.”

“No!” Tess said, jerking away from Brad. “This can’t be right!”

“I wish I could say it wasn’t, but I’ve talked to Justin. He says it’s all perfectly legal. He says Florida adoption laws are chock-full of loopholes and problems. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to spoil our plans to adopt.”

Then a thought of dread washed over Tess. She had agreed to set herself up for the same nightmare. “This could happen to us.” She looked at Brad and instantly realized that the same thoughts had been on his mind. “You’ve already thought of this, haven’t you?”

“Yes. I knew it would be one of the first things to come to your mind. I just don’t want you worrying about it and giving up the idea of adoption because this has happened to Kim and Travis.”

Tess jumped to her feet. “How could I not be worried about it? You sound like I should just wave this off as one of those things. I didn’t want to consider adoption in the first place, but you told me it was our only real choice. Then seeing Kim and Laney together, and realizing how happy they were, I figured it might be okay. You were happy that I used Kim as an example to put my mind at peace. Why shouldn’t this painful nightmare also serve to be an influence?”

“But what about trusting God for the outcome?” Brad questioned. “I truly felt that God put us together with Justin for a reason. Adoptions take place all the time without a single hitch. We have to trust that God has this under control.”