Tracie Peterson (12 page)

“I’ll really think about what you’ve said, Laura. I’m going to pray, too. I won’t let this just slip by me.” Tess put her hand over Laura’s. “I’m so glad you’re coming to live in Miami. I need you.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. The feeling is mutual.”

CHAPTER 12

Brad found himself greeted by a new woman when he came home that night. Tess stood at the door smiling and eager to talk.

“If you’ve got some time,” she began, “there’s something I’d like to discuss.”

Brad shrugged out of his suit coat. “Okay.” He felt almost fearful of saying anything more. Tess had been a ball of nerves since Kim had lost Laney. Whatever else happened, Brad didn’t want to be in any way responsible for Tess going back into her depression.

Tess took his coat and draped it across a chair. “I had the most wonderful visit with Laura today.” She held out her hand and Brad reached for it. “Come sit with me and let me tell you what we talked about.”

Brad couldn’t fathom what had brought the change in his wife’s behavior, but he was grateful, nevertheless. Tess led him to the living room and quickly took a seat on the sofa. She curled her legs up under her as she often did when they relaxed together to watch television or a movie. Seeing her like this caused Brad to relax a bit.

“So what’s this all about?” he questioned.

Tess positioned herself so that she could sit facing him. “I know I’ve been positively awful to live with and for that I’m sorry,” Tess said, suddenly serious. “Seeing what happened to Kim was devastating. I kept seeing myself in her place.”

“I know,” Brad murmured.

Tess continued. “I told Laura everything. In fact, I’ve talked to her several times this week. I just couldn’t work it all out in my mind and I needed someone to help me think it through.”

Brad felt a twinge of jealousy. “I would have helped, if you would have let me.”

She smiled sympathetically. “I know you would have done
your best, but I guess I just needed a mother-type figure. With both our mothers dead, Laura was the closet thing I could find.”

“So I take it she had all the answers,” Brad said casually. He didn’t want Tess to know that his feelings had been hurt by her rejection of him or his counsel. If Laura had managed to break through Tess’s wall of pain, he knew his attitude should be one of gratitude and nothing more.

“No, not exactly. She did share some thoughts that I felt were very wise, but she made it clear that she didn’t know why things had to happen the way they did. She didn’t have the answers, even though I wanted her to. I really did. I wanted her to tell me why bad happens when people have prayed for good. I wanted her to explain how injustice could be allowed to destroy the lives of men and women who trust in God.”

“So what did she tell you?”

“She basically said that I had to accept that God knew what He was doing, even when evil seemed to reign supreme. When she took me to the airport, she shared several accounts in the Bible of bad things that happened to innocent people, but she also showed me how God took the intended evil and made good come out of it.”

“We were just talking about that in our men’s Bible study last night,” Brad said, taking interest in his wife’s words. “We’re studying the life of Joseph in the Old Testament.”

Tess nodded enthusiastically. “That’s one of the examples Laura gave. It made more sense to me when I looked at the examples she gave. I even studied them on the way home. The lady beside me on the plane even asked me if I was a preacher or Bible teacher.” Tess smiled and it warmed Brad’s heart.

“Anyway,” she continued, “added to that, Laura told me my fears aren’t from the Lord. She told me about a verse in Second Timothy that says God hasn’t given me this spirit of fear. That got me to thinking. In a sense, by giving in to my fears, I’m serving two masters. On one hand, I love God and want very much to follow His ways and be pleasing to Him.
On the other hand, I’m wrapped in the past and the fears and insecurities that those memories bring.”

Brad could see the correlation. “But it isn’t easy to just cast aside a lifetime of worry. I’ve always understood your longing for a child. I’ve even understood why you tried so hard to get pregnant. I never minded that it was important to you. We had the money to spend, and I couldn’t think of a single thing I wanted more than to see you bear my child. I just didn’t want it to be the final word. If we couldn’t have a child naturally, I wanted to adopt.”

Tess nodded. “I know. But I also know that my desires for my own baby were bred and born out of my fears and the empty places that people left in my life. My biological mother and father left a huge hole in my heart. I wanted to fill that hole with my own flesh and blood.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

Tess shook her head. “No. I want to fill that hole with God and His love.” Tears came to her eyes. “Oh, Brad, I know I’m going to have moments when I take three steps back, but for now I feel as though I’ve run several miles forward. Can you forgive me for being so selfish?”

He opened his arms to her and sighed as she allowed him to cradle her against his chest. “You weren’t selfish, Tess, you were just hurt. How could I ever hold that against you?”

“But I’m thirty-six years old,” Tess replied, looking deep into his eyes. Brad had once said that he could lose himself in her gaze, and now was no different than the first time he’d felt that way.

“So what?” he questioned.

“So . . . I’ve caused us to waste a lot of time.”

“But I thought we were going to accept that God’s timing is perfect. If we were supposed to have a child by now, we would have one. I trust Him to be on time, even if you were still caught up in dealing with the past. There’s nothing to forgive.”

Tess reached up and took hold of his face. “I love you so
very much. I can’t imagine being happier with anyone or anything else. I just want you to know that—in case you might have doubted it these last few weeks or months.” She smiled and added, “Or years.”

“I never doubted it,” Brad said, his heart racing. She was the light of his life. Beautiful and radiant, intelligent and efficient, everything he wanted in a wife.

He tightened his grip on her and pulled her closer. Pressing his lips to hers, Brad felt the overwhelming desire to take the phone off the hook, deadbolt the front door, and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist. Just him and Tess. Nothing more.

Tess sighed and put her head on his shoulder. “Do we have to go anywhere tonight?” he asked, his voice husky and low.

“No,” she said softly. “Tonight is ours.”

“Good,” he grinned.

She raised her head. “Any ideas how we might busy ourselves?”

His grin broadened into a roguish smile. “I might have some thoughts on it.” He pressed a warm kiss against her neck, pleased to see how eagerly she responded.

“Mmm,” she sighed, reaching up to run her hand through his hair. “I’d love to hear your ideas.”

“Better yet, why don’t I show you,” he said. He surprised her, causing Tess to squeal in delight as he lifted her in his arms and got to his feet.

Just then the telephone began to ring.

“Let it go,” Tess suggested.

“Is the answering machine on?”

She nodded.

He started for the bedroom and had reached the door at the precise moment the machine picked up the call.

“Tess? Brad? This is Justin. Look, I have something important I need to talk to you about.”

Brad stopped and looked at Tess. The romantic enthusiasm seemed to drain away with the excitement they perceived in
their friend’s voice. At Tess’s nod of agreement, Brad put her down and went to the telephone.

“Justin, this is Brad. What’s up?”

“Brad, I have a case to discuss with you. I know Tess wanted to drop the idea of adoption, but my sister has an unwed mother who is seeking a family to adopt her child. Can I come over and share the particulars with you?”

Brad felt a cold tingle run up his spine. He looked at his wife, who had been so very vulnerable and hurt for the past few days. Dare he ask?

“Ah, just a minute,” Brad said, stalling for time. He covered the receiver even as he issued a silent prayer. “Tess, Justin wants to talk to us about adopting. Seems his sister—you know, the one who’s a judge?” Tess nodded, her eyes growing wide. “Well, she has an unwed mother who wants to give up her baby for adoption. He’s asked to come over and talk to us about it.”

He saw the color drain from Tess’s face and knew her answer would be no. Now the evening would be spoiled, and unless something or someone intervened, Tess might well sink into another depression.

But to his surprise, Tess nodded very slowly. “Tell him to come over,” she said, her voice soft but not in the leastwise hesitant.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded again. “If I’m to trust God for the details, I have to start somewhere.”

Brad had never loved her more. “Justin, Tess says to come over.”

“Great! I’ll be there in half an hour.”

“See you then.” Brad hung up the phone and looked to his wife. “He’ll be here in thirty minutes.”

****

“This is her picture,” Justin said, holding out the photograph of a young blond girl.

Tess took the picture in hand and looked at it for several silent moments. The girl’s expression haunted her. She knew that look—the pain mixed with anger.

“What’s her name?”

“Sherry. Sherry Macomber,” Justin replied. “She’s been a ward of the state nearly from birth.”

Tess nodded, suddenly feeling strangely connected to the child. “She looks too young to be pregnant.”

“She’s only fourteen,” Justin replied, shaking his head. “But I had one who was just twelve, not six weeks ago.”

“Twelve?” Brad asked in disbelief. “What is wrong with this world?”

“You and I both know very well what’s wrong with it,” Justin replied.

“So tell us everything,” Tess said, taking her gaze off the photograph and placing it solidly on Justin. “Everything. The bad parts and the good.”

Justin laughed a little nervously. “Why, Tess Holbrook, what makes you think there are any bad parts?”

Tess grew very serious. “Because you’re here with information about a fourteen-year-old who has no one in her life to even care that she’s gotten herself pregnant. A better question might be, what makes me think there are any good parts.”

“You’re a pretty wise lady,” Justin replied.

“No,” Tess said, shaking her head. “I’m simply being practical. I know this child. I could have been this child.”

“Well, given what Brad’s told me about your background, you aren’t far from the truth.”

“Her mother was a drug addict,” Justin began.

Nearly an hour later Justin concluded telling what Barbara had been able to share with him about Sherry.

“She hasn’t really done a lot in the way of violent acts. She did get out of hand with the family before the Delbertos, but that came from the fact that they were very strict and believed in corporal punishment. They’ve been taken off the foster-care program because of this, but it still resulted in
Sherry being labeled as physically violent. Barbara assures me, however, it isn’t the child’s general nature. She’s been on this case for many years now and has paid an undue amount of attention to Sherry.”

“Why?” Tess questioned.

Justin shrugged and reshuffled the papers he’d been reading from. “She told me she saw something of value in Sherry. Something she didn’t think most people saw. She felt the kid was worth saving, as all of them are, but that Sherry would have to be convinced of it first.”

Tess looked again at the photograph of the girl. She saw it, too. She knew exactly what Barbara Woodsby was talking about. There was something in Sherry’s eyes that stared out from the photograph like an animal in a cage. Only the cage in this case was a self-imposed isolation that Sherry had created for herself.

Drawing a deep breath, Tess handed the photograph back to Justin. “I think we should meet her.”

Brad looked at her questioningly. “Are you sure? I mean, this isn’t going to be easy under any circumstances, but with a troubled child it’ll be just that much harder. What if you decide you want to go through with this and the kid changes her mind?”

“If I might add something here,” Justin interrupted. “Sherry doesn’t really have a whole lot of options. She can’t have the baby with her where she’s at right now, and Barbara isn’t entirely sure what’s going to happen to Sherry in the future.

“Sherry has done some petty thievery, but she’s never been caught or charged. Still, no one wants her in their foster home, and Barbara is feeling rather pressed to keep her in local or state detention. The baby would therefore go into foster care after its birth. I think Sherry has seen enough trauma in that area to last her a lifetime, and I don’t think she’ll want it for her baby.

“She’s already assured Barbara that all she wants is the
right to pick her baby’s parents and to have a home for the months of her pregnancy and for a short time afterward to see how the baby and parents respond to each other. It’s a big demand, we know, but she agrees to sign all papers up front. Barbara doesn’t feel she’ll be a risk to harming herself or the child, as she already contemplated an abortion and couldn’t go through with it.”

“And the expenses and care for Sherry would be our responsibility?”

“Her state funding from foster care would be available. But that doesn’t amount to much. She’ll have to start immediately with an obstetrician.”

“But she’s healthy, right?” Brad asked.

Tess was surprised to find that suddenly Brad was the one who seemed hesitant.

Justin nodded. “The medical reports show a healthy pregnancy just starting the tenth week.”

Tess nodded. “How soon can we meet her?”

“If you’re both willing, I’ll set something up as soon as possible,” Justin replied.

Tess looked to Brad and smiled. “We agreed that we had to start putting all of the details in God’s hands, right?”

“This is testing that pretty hard, don’t you think?” Brad asked.

“I think that Justin wouldn’t be here if God didn’t want us to at least consider the situation. Maybe the answer is no, but we should at least see the situation in its entirety.”