Tracie Peterson (15 page)

“Kim! I’m so glad you stopped by,” Tess said, reaching out to pull Kim into the apartment. “How are you doing?”

“I’m better,” Kim said without any real enthusiasm. “I wanted to stop by and apologize for being so hard to reach. I just needed some time to myself.”

“Of course. I completely understand. Come on in. Would you like some coffee?”

“No, I can’t stay long. I’m actually heading down to the airport. I’m going back to work.”

It was only then that Tess noticed Kim was wearing her old flight attendant uniform. “When did you decide to do this?”

“Well, after Laney left I didn’t see any reason not to go back to work. I can’t bear being in that house alone.”

Tess nodded. “Have you heard anything more from the lawyer?”

“He says it’s pretty futile for us to fight any further.”

“What about adopting another baby?” Tess braved the question, though she feared that now was probably not the right time.

“I don’t want another baby,” Kim replied rather harshly.

Tess nodded and tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. “So will you be flying or working the ticket counter?”

“Ticket counter for now. I don’t really want to be there, but I hate the idea of going out looking for another job.”

Tess thought of how busy she would be in the months to come, and without thinking about anything else offered, “You could come to work for me.”

Kim looked at her strangely. “Why would you say that? You’ve never needed help before.”

Tess realized she’d made a mistake. Trying to think of how to explain the things that were taking place in her life, Tess tried first to make light of it. “It was just a suggestion. I don’t like to think of you having to work a job you hate. I’ve had more business than I can deal with and I’m even considering taking up an offer by one of Brad’s business associates. He wants to come in on this and help me expand by taking on several employees and moving the business to regular offices.”

“That doesn’t sound like you, Tess. What’s really going on?” Kim questioned, eyeing her suspiciously.

“I don’t want to upset you,” Tess finally said after a moment, not knowing how to avoid the truth. “I mean, I don’t want to add to your sorrows.”

“Just tell me what’s going on,” Kim replied. “I don’t like being kept in the dark. I don’t need people walking around on eggshells.”

Tess drew a deep breath. “All right. Brad and I have decided to go ahead with adopting a baby.”

Kim’s jaw tightened, but then she relaxed and nodded. “A newborn?”

“Yes,” Tess answered. “Justin Dillard has put us in touch with a young, unmarried girl. She’s going to come and live with us while she’s pregnant and for a short time after the baby is born, as well.”

“Oh, Tess, don’t do it!” Kim said, shaking her head. “You don’t know what that’s like. I mean, we didn’t have Laney’s mother living with us, but she shared in our lives enough for us to know her pretty well. Don’t do it. It’s just too much to deal with.”

“Well, that’s why I didn’t want to say anything,” Tess replied. “I know this is hard for you to hear. Our case is different, however. This girl doesn’t really have a lot of options. She needs us and we need her.”

“That’s what I thought, too. Just don’t count on it.”

Tess reached out to touch Kim’s arm. “Please don’t be upset. I want to be happy about my choice and I want you to be happy too. If not for me and Brad, then for yourself.”

Kim shook her head. “It’s going to take time for me to be happy again. I just hate to see you making the same mistake.” She turned to leave. “I know you won’t listen to me. I wouldn’t listen to anyone, not even to you. Remember how against adoption you once were?” She didn’t wait for Tess to speak, but added, “Just remember, I warned you.”

“Don’t go,” Tess urged. “Stay and talk to me. I was serious about the job.”

Kim shook her head. “It wouldn’t work out, Tess. I’m sorry.”

Tess let her go, wishing there was something more she could say. She hated seeing her friend in pain. And hated even more the thought that Kim was convinced that Tess was headed for the same pain.

Looking upward, Tess closed her eyes. “Oh, God, please protect us both. We can’t take too many more heartaches. We just aren’t as strong as we’d like other folks to think. At least I know I’m not that strong.”

CHAPTER 15

Tess waited nervously for Justin and Brad to bring Sherry back from the airport. She had fully planned to accompany them for the homecoming, but at the last minute found herself escorting Laura and Darren to their new home instead. Laura had been very understanding about Tess’s inability to stay.

“Call me when you have time,” Laura had told her. “I want to hear about everything.”

Tess knew Laura would be a great source of help in the months and even years to come. Laura was so supportive of their choice and decision about Sherry, in fact, that she’d insisted Tess bring Sherry over for a visit as soon as she was settled in.

“We’re here!” Brad called as they entered the condo.

Tess nervously hurried out to meet them. Sherry stood to one side looking around the room. She seemed curious but not overly excited.

“Sherry, welcome to our home!” Tess declared. She thought momentarily that maybe she should have said “your home,” but it was, after all, only a temporary situation. Sherry was quite used to going from home to home and never really having one to call her own.

“Did you have a nice flight?”

“Yeah, it was cool. I’d never flown before,” Sherry said, opening up a bit.

“Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you around,” Tess said, pointing toward the living room. Sherry followed her, leaving a plastic bag of things by the door.

“This is our living room. We have an entertainment center in here,” Tess said, opening the doors to a built-in cabinet of highly polished oak. The doors folded back to reveal a television, stereo, and VCR.

“Nice,” Sherry said before fixing her gaze on a collection of crystal. “Looks like this stuff cost a fortune.”

Tess worried only momentarily that Sherry might steal some of the Lalique crystal or other nice pieces they’d collected. She hadn’t really considered the possibility that the girl might take things from them. Justin said she’d been guilty of shoplifting, although never caught in the act. Would she rob them for her own purposes?

“It is expensive,” Tess replied. “We’ll be putting it in storage or building a higher shelf for its protection once the baby comes.”

Sherry nodded. “Yeah, a kid would destroy this place in a matter of minutes.”

Tess smiled, trying not to feel offended. “Maybe you’ll be able to help me figure out how to make the house more acceptable for a toddler.”

Sherry shrugged. “Maybe.”

Tess motioned to the balcony door. “This is our view of the ocean and our little haven in the sky. We’re only five floors up, but you’ll see for yourself we have quite a view.”

Sherry followed Tess out onto the balcony and for the first time really got excited. “Wow! I’ve never seen the ocean. I tried to see it from the plane, but I didn’t have a window seat. This is really awesome.”

“We thought so too. We spend quite a bit of time out here when the weather is nice.”

“What about when it’s not so nice?” Sherry questioned. “I’ve heard you get a lot of hurricanes down here.”

“Maybe not as many as you’d expect,” Tess replied. “And Miami is seldom bothered. It’s the way we’re positioned. Maybe we’ll study about that in homeschool.”

Sherry said nothing more, and Tess could see that she’d totally given herself over to the view.

“Why don’t I show you your room and then you can always come back here and enjoy the sun,” Tess suggested.

Sherry reluctantly followed her back into the house, and
Tess quickly picked up the tour. “This is the den, but we’ve made it into my little office.” She opened the door for Sherry to look inside. “Then this is the bathroom. We’ll all be using this one for showers and such. We have a half bath off the master room and Brad and I will be using that for our personal things. That way we hopefully won’t tie up the bathroom when you need it.”

Sherry popped her head in and nodded. “It’s a lot bigger than I figured. Wow, is that a Jacuzzi tub?”

Tess smiled. “It sure is. Feels good after a long day, let me tell you.”

Sherry smiled. “I’ll bet.”

“We can find out from your doctor if it’s safe for you to use,” Tess said before heading toward the kitchen. “This is the formal dining room and through this opening is the kitchen. There’s all kinds of food in the cupboards and fridge, but why don’t you make me a list of things you like to eat and we’ll make sure to incorporate them into our menus.”

“You’d do that? For me?” Sherry questioned, suddenly surprised.

“Of course,” Tess replied with a smile. “We want you healthy and happy. A happy mother means a happy baby.”

Sherry frowned and looked away. Tess wasn’t sure what she’d said that spoiled the moment, but she decided to put aside her concerns and move on.

“This is our bedroom,” she said, flipping on the light. “I have the drapes drawn to keep the sun from fading everything out quite so quickly.”

“Is this for the baby?” Sherry said, noting a cradle at the foot of the bed.

“Yes. We have a bigger crib in the guest room, which will be the baby’s room eventually. But we figured for the first few weeks we would need a smaller bed, something we could keep right beside our bed for those middle-of-the-night problems. Also, we figured it would be good for our bonding to the baby and for allowing you to have a quiet night’s rest.”

Sherry said nothing more, so Tess continued the tour. “Last but not least, we have the guest room and nursery. This will be your room for the time you’re with us.”

Tess opened the door and ushered Sherry inside. “We’ve put in a television and VCR, as well as a comfy chair and ottoman,” Tess said, pointing out the attributes of the room. She pulled open the blinds, “You have a nice view out the window, but if you aren’t going to be in the room, it’s best to close the blinds or at least the drapes, okay?”

Sherry nodded. “It’s nice.”

“Here’s the closet,” Tess said, going to the door. “You can put your things in here or in the dresser.” She hadn’t paid attention to Sherry and when she turned, she found the girl holding the feathery afghan that Tess had purchased for the baby. Sherry had brought it up to her cheek and appeared to be testing the softness.

Without thinking, Tess rushed across the room and pulled the blanket out of Sherry’s hands. “Please don’t. That’s for the baby and it cost quite a bit.” She hated her words as soon as they left her mouth.

Sherry looked at Tess in wide-eyed surprise. The hurt was evident in her expression, but then she quickly covered it with a look of scorn.

“I guess your money is pretty important to you. Sure hope you don’t plan to yell at the baby like that,” Sherry said, turning her back to Tess. She walked to the window, leaving Tess consumed with guilt for her actions. She looked at the baby blanket for a moment and then decided to put it in her own bedroom to avoid another scene like this one. She wasn’t entirely certain why she’d reacted as she had, but she knew it was wrong.

“I’m sorry, Sherry. I didn’t mean to snap. I guess I’m just on edge about this entire arrangement. To be perfectly honest with you, I just had a friend go through a similar arrangement only to have the birth mother change her mind and take back the baby. My friend was devastated.”

Sherry turned. “I don’t plan to change my mind. I don’t have anything to offer a baby. I’d like to finish school, maybe even go to college. Besides, they wouldn’t let me have the baby where I was.”

It was the most the girl had admitted to since Tess had first been introduced to her.

“I appreciate that you would share that with me,” Tess admitted. “It’s hard to want a baby so much and know that you have no control over whether you will be allowed to have one or not. I want you to know up front that this baby is extremely important to me. I’ve never wanted anything more. I’m grateful you care more about your child having the best than in keeping a baby you can’t take care of.”

Sherry said nothing and when she turned back to the window, Tess decided to leave Sherry alone for a while.

“I’ll give you some time to get used to the place,” Tess said as she went to the door. “Feel free to rest or watch television. I’ll call you when dinner is ready. Do you like Chinese food? We thought we’d call out for some.”

“It’s fine,” Sherry said, refusing to turn around.

Tess decided she’d said enough. “All right, then. I’ll let you know when it gets here.”

****

Sherry stared out of the window without seeing. Her eyes had filled with tears, to her great amazement. She hadn’t thought it would be so hard to come into the home of strangers—strangers who cared only about one thing: her baby.

The incident with the blanket had really put it into perspective for Sherry. She wasn’t wanted here. She was just extra baggage. She carried the child they wanted but was otherwise unimportant.

The realization hurt her so badly that Sherry crumpled to the floor and began to sob.

No one wants me. No one cares about me. They only care about the baby that lives inside of me. When the baby comes,
I won’t matter anymore. They’ll push me out and send me away, and that will be the end of it
.

Sherry rocked back and forth, hugging her knees against her chest. She rested her head on her knees and continued to cry. Her tears seemed endless, streaming down her cheeks in a heated frenzy.

The emptiness she felt frightened her more than anything she had ever known. Her life meant nothing. She might as well be dead. If she fell off the balcony, would anyone even care—if not for the baby?

Maybe I should just end it
. But her thought faded quickly. She hadn’t been able to end her baby’s life—she certainly couldn’t end her own.

Exhaustion overcame her, and dragging herself across the floor, Sherry crawled up onto the beautifully made bed and wrapped her arms around one of the pillow shams. Holding it close as if holding on to a lifeline, Sherry gradually stopped crying and fell asleep. Her only hope was that somehow in the months to come, she could figure out what she was to do and where she was to go. She had to find a place where she’d fit in.