Trade Off (2 page)

Growing up with a troubled mother and no father meant Neil had not known the first thing about building a healthy relationship. In spite of the wasted hours in a therapist’s office, little changed between them. She stayed married to him because the prospect of being alone was daunting, and at the end of the day, she still considered him a friend.

“Just because Aiden’s coming home, that doesn’t change anything between us.”

He framed her face with his hands and leaned in to kiss her. “Promise me you won’t ever leave me. Promise me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He’d probably do the same things he did now: get drunk with his buddies, cavort with his puck bunnies, and work out at the gym. If Sela was
in
love with him, she may have cared that he didn’t spend more time at home, but the quiet time alone allowed her to work and reflect. “I’m not going anywhere.”

A life with Aiden became out of the question when she made the decision to marry Neil, and the prospect of finding real love again seemed too overwhelming to consider. So she focused on her work, friends, family, and a rare night out with her husband. Her mother told her she was too young to settle, but she knew life could be a lot worse, so she tried to be grateful for the things she did have: a beautiful home, business, a nice lifestyle. She just had to forget about the one thing that would complete her life: sharing it with the man she loved.

“I won’t let you,” he said, sliding his hands into her hair. “You know I won’t let you leave me.”

Sela tried to ignore the shiver that worked its way up her spine at his ominous words. Even during therapy, they’d never discussed divorce. Not because they were so blissfully happy, but because they were both satisfied with the status quo.

“Stop it,” she said, bracing her hands on his shoulders. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Let me take you out to dinner tonight, then we can come home and…” He brushed his lips across hers. “It’s been a long time, too long, since we’ve made love.”

“It’s not the right time, sorry.” Another little white lie she hoped would buy her one more reprieve. Headaches, stomach cramps, multimillion-dollar offers that couldn’t wait… her excuses to avoid intimacy seemed to run the gamut lately.

She knew her husband satisfied his needs while he was on the road, but she couldn’t muster the will to care. Sex between them had always been about the physical release; they’d never connected on an emotional level, and she knew they never would. She preferred a battery operated plaything she could use at will to a flesh and blood male who always wanted more than she could give.

“I hope you’re not too disappointed?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m gonna hit the shower.”

Aiden wasn’t looking forward to telling Monica about his trade, but the team would go public with the news soon and she deserved to hear it from him first. He pulled the door to her flower shop open and the fragrance of lilies assailed him. He always associated that fragrance with funerals, despite the fact Monica claimed it was one of her best-selling blooms.

“Hey, handsome. You here to take me out for a romantic dinner?” She smiled at his surprised expression. “A girl can dream, can’t she?”

He glanced at his watch and realized she would be closing soon. Prolonging the inevitable seemed cruel, so he said, “Why don’t you lock up? I need to talk to you about something.”

She frowned. “Uh oh, I don’t think I like the sound of that. What’s up?”

Monica was a nice girl, and he’d made an effort to build a relationship with her, but no matter how hard he tried to pretend… she just wasn’t Sela. “Something happened today, and I just wanted to fill you in.”

“Give me a minute.” She crossed the tile floor, her ballerina flats soundlessly marking her footsteps. She flipped the sign in the window from open to closed and turned the lock before facing him again.

“Okay, you’ve got my attention. What’s going on?” She folded her arms over her body and stood staring at him, like she was waiting for him to deliver the final blow. It was no secret to either of them that their relationship had been deteriorating for months, but neither had the courage to put the other out of their misery.

“I got traded today.”

She sucked in a breath. “Oh, I see. Wow, I didn’t see that coming.”

“It wasn’t a complete surprise to me. I knew it was a possibility,” he admitted. He hadn’t told her because they would have been forced into having a conversation about their relationship that he wasn’t ready to have. He hated dating, and sometimes being in a comfortable relationship, even if it wasn’t going anywhere, seemed like a better alternative.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I guess I was just waitin’ to see how it all played out.”

“Where are you going?”

“Back home to Nashville. They signed me for five years. If all goes well, I’ll probably finish out my career there.” Or until he went crazy watching his first love play dutiful wife to the man he used to consider his other brother.

“Nashville, huh?” She rubbed her hands over the silk covering her arms, as though she was trying to ward off a sudden chill. “Your family must be happy about that.”

Aiden had never introduced Monica to his family. It seemed pointless. He knew she would only serve as a bridge on the path to the next unfulfilling relationship. He was too young to be so cynical, but if the past eight years taught him anything, it was that a love like the one he shared with Sela only came around once in a lifetime.

“Yeah, I talked to my old man earlier. He was pretty stoked about it.”

“So, where does that leave us?”

He wasn’t expecting that question. A long distance relationship hadn’t even entered his mind. “Um, I think it’s time we…” He shrugged. He was terrible at breaking up with women; he preferred to let his relationships die of natural causes. “You know, went our separate ways. I’d still like to be friends—”

“Seriously?” She walked around him as she returned to her post behind the counter. “That’s the best you can do, huh?”

He reached for her hand, but she pulled back, just out of his reach, and began to tidy the counter. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I convinced myself that you’d get over her eventually, but that’s never gonna happen, is it?” She jammed a pair of scissors into their frame as a tear slid down her cheek. “You’re never gonna give anyone else a chance because you’re so sure Saint Sela is the only woman in the world who can make you happy.” Her big brown eyes shone with tears when she looked up at him. “I could’ve made you happy, if you’d given me the chance.”

Aiden wished he could say Monica was the first woman who claimed he was stuck in a relationship that had been over for years, but it was par for the course. Sela was always the third person in his relationships. She was the person between him and his lover when they went to bed at night, the scent lingering on his sheets when he woke up in the morning, the number he hoped to see on his call display every time the phone rang. She was… the missing piece in the puzzle of his life.

“Did you set this up? Are you hoping to go back so you can work things out with her?”

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans and wished they could just part friends, without discussing his feelings for the woman who broke his heart, but he knew Monica deserved some answers. “No, Nashville was the last place I wanted to go.”

“Why? Your family’s there, your friends are there…
she’s
there.”

“That’s the whole reason I didn’t want to go back… because she’s there. And last I heard, she’s still married to the rat bastard who called himself my friend.”

She shook her head. “When are you gonna stop blaming him, Aiden? She chose to marry him. He didn’t force her, and the fact that they’re still married tells me she probably made the right call.”

She wasn’t telling him anything he hadn’t told himself, but thinking that Sela and Neil were more compatible than they were still killed him. “I’m not going back there hopin’ to get her back. I know she’s married now, and I’ve never been the kind of guy who’d even think about goin’ after another man’s wife.”
Even if she was my woman first.
“Nashville is just where the job is takin’ me.”

“It still drives you crazy thinking of her as someone else’s wife, doesn’t it?”

They were past the point of trying to spare each other’s feelings, and she’d demanded brutal honesty the second she chose to call him out about his feelings for Sela. “Yeah, it does.” He threw his hands up in the air as he started pacing. “We were the best of friends in high school, all of us, me and Sela, Neil and his girlfriend, Sharon. I don’t understand how the hell they went from being friends to lovers in a matter of weeks. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Maybe they had feelings for each other before and you were too blind to see it.”

Aiden knew she was just trying to hurt him because he’d hurt her. After all the nights she’d fallen asleep in his arms while another woman drifted through his mind, she deserved retribution. “I’m sorry, you know what… You don’t need to deal with this. It’s my problem.”

“It is a problem,” she said, quietly. “You do realize that, don’t you?”

“You’re not telling me anything I haven’t told myself, Monica.”

“You’re letting your past dictate your future, and that’s not right. You need to figure out what the hell went wrong in that relationship, why she chose him over you, so you can put it behind you and move on with your life.” She smiled. “I know it’s not gonna be with me, but you’re a good guy and you shouldn’t spend the rest of your life loving a woman who, in my opinion, didn’t deserve you.”

Aiden’s first impulse, as always, was to defend Sela, but he knew Monica was mostly right. He had to find out what happened so he could put it to rest and figure out where to go from here. “Thanks,” he said, leaning over the counter to kiss her cheek. “I meant what I said. I’d like for us to be friends.”

She brushed a strand of hair off his forehead and smiled. “If that’s all you’re offering, I’ll take it.”

“That’s all I can offer.”

“I know,” she whispered. “Because you’ve already given her the rest.”

Aiden did his homework while in Vancouver, and his first stop in Nashville wasn’t his parents’ home. It was the real estate office owned by the woman who caused him too many years of misery.

He smiled at the pretty brunette receptionist behind the desk. “Is Sela…” He cleared his throat, trying to force her married name past his lips. “Michaels in?”

The receptionist grinned as she pointed her silver pen at him. “Hey, I know you. You’re that hockey player… Aiden Cooper, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I saw you bein’ interviewed on TV last night. That was a pretty sweet deal you signed.”

He dropped his head to hide his grimace. Same old story. He was one of the unlucky few men who had their annual salary posted on the Internet and broadcast all over the news for every gold-digger the world over to see. “I can’t complain. So listen, is your boss in?”

“Um, yeah, I think so.” She picked up the phone, but he held his hand up to stop her.

“Don’t tell her it’s me. Just tell her she has a client here to see her.” At her quizzical expression, he offered, “We’re, uh, old friends. I’d kinda like to surprise her.” He and Sela hadn’t been friends in years, but he would say anything necessary to get past her gatekeeper.

“Sure.”

Aiden held his breath as he listened to her follow his instructions, praying Sela wouldn’t ask for additional information.

“She’ll be out in just a minute.” She smiled. “Can I get you a coffee while you’re waiting?”

His hands were trembling so badly he wouldn’t even trust himself to hold a cup. “No, I’m good, thanks.”

He heard that distinctive raspy voice before he saw her face. The boys on the football team used to swear she worked part-time as a sex phone operator, which triggered more than a few fights as Aiden set out to defend her reputation.

“Corine, I’m waiting for Bob Daniels to call me back. His client is planning to make an offer on the Roberts place and we need to set up an appointment for the offer presentation today. Tell him—” The color drained from her face as she grabbed the edge of the wrap-around desk. “Oh my God, Aiden. What are you doing here?”

He felt like he was stepping back in time, to the first time she walked into their tenth grade chemistry class and dropped her books, scattering them all over the floor at her feet. The blush that colored her cheeks when she felt every eye in the classroom on her stole his breath. Today was no different. She still rendered him speechless.

Everything about her reminded him of the years they’d spent together. The long, thick sweep of her dark hair brushing her waist conjured images of the first time they made love and her hair created a curtain that shielded them from the rest of the world. Those big, dark eyes, shining with excitement the first time he told her he loved her, the hairline scar that graced her forehead. No one else would have noticed it, but he knew it had happened when he’d taken the ATV out on Ty McCall’s ranch and a low-lying branch pierced her delicate skin.

Everything about her recapped the story of their lives, the last time he’d been really, truly happy. When he still believed he could have it all: the woman of his dreams and a career that would give him satisfaction. He knew he should be grateful he got one of the two, but if he had to choose between Sela and hockey, he would choose her every time.