Trade Off (3 page)

He had not missed the hush that fell over the office when the other agents caught Sela’s reaction to him. “Surprised to see me?”

“Um, I heard you were coming home, but I…”

“Can we talk in your office?”

She seemed to notice for the first time they were not alone. “Oh, I, uh, of course. Come on back.”

He followed her to the end of a long hallway lined with private offices, trying not to notice the tempting swell of her bottom in the tight, black skirt. She still had the same irresistible figure he remembered: tiny waist, full breasts, and a gentle swell to her hips that she’d cursed, but he always loved.

Sela closed the door and gestured to the guest chair on the opposite side of the large oak desk. “Please, have a seat.”

Had he not known her so well once upon a time, he may have been fooled by her calm and composed demeanor, but he saw the way her eyes widened when the familiar undercurrent of awareness passed between them. “I guess not much has changed, huh?”

She claimed the swivel seat behind the desk and linked her hands in front of her. “That’s where you’re wrong. Everything has changed.”

His eyes landed on the large diamond decorating her left hand and she quickly covered it. “Some things will never change,” he said, quietly. “Like the fact that bein’ in the same room with you reminds me of when you were my whole world and I was yours.”

She closed her eyes briefly before finding the courage to stare him down. “If you came here to talk about the good old days, you’re wasting your time. I don’t have to remind you that I’m married now.”

He looked around for a picture of his former best friend, but found none. “But are you happy?”

“My God, Aiden. Don’t you think it’s a little late to ask that question? We’ve been married eight years.”

He smirked, though nothing about this situation amused him. “Yeah, you know how I celebrate your wedding anniversary?”

She winced before shaking her head. “I’m not sure I want to know.”

“I go out and get loaded. Doesn’t matter where I am, what I’m doing, or who I’m with. That’s the one night of the year I can’t face without a little help from my old buddy, Jack Daniels.”

“Please, don’t,” she whispered, pushing her chair back from her desk. “Nothing good can come from this. We need to put the past behind us and move on.”

“That’s why I’m here today, to get some answers, so maybe I can move on.”

She blanched at his announcement before sitting back in her swivel chair and linking her hands over her mid-section. “I’m not sure what I can tell you about that time.”

“Why’d you do it? Why the hell did you marry him? We both know you weren’t in love with him. It was me. It was always me.”

Her eyes hardened. “You don’t know anything about my relationship with Neil.” 

“Tell me he was the guy you always wanted, that you were just passing time with me, and I’ll walk out of here and never bother you again.” The Sela he knew had never been cruel or spiteful, but if she found the nerve to deliver the final blow, that would surely send him reeling. He would keep his word and his distance.

“Why are you doing this?” she asked, gripping the wooden armrests of her chair until her knuckles lost color. “Why can’t you just let it go?”

“Can you let it go?” He leaned forward, determined to force her out of the silence she’d lived in for the past eight years. “Tell me you’re in love with your husband, more than you ever loved me, and it’ll be all over.” When she said nothing, he said, “Please. I wanna move on with my life, believe me, but before I can, I need to know that you have too.”

She covered her face with her hands and drew a deep, shuddering breath. “Aiden, you don’t know what you’re asking of me. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything. What happened, what I did to you… it still haunts me.”

“Why?” They were finally getting somewhere, and as much as it hurt him to see her in pain, he could not let her off the hook until he had the answers he’d come hoping to find.

“Because you deserved better.” She nibbled on her full bottom lip, a nervous gesture that used to amuse him. “I never intended to hurt you, but I was young and stupid and scared.”

Before he could ask what had spooked her, the office door flew open and her husband stood in the frame, effectively filling the space. They’d stared each other down every time their teams met, even got in a bloody battle a time or two, but they’d never uttered a word to each other since Aiden found out he betrayed him.

“What the hell are you doin’ here?” Neil asked.

Aiden rubbed his hands together and decided to try to provoke his old friend by baiting him. Neil was a hothead, a tough defenseman who’d earned the role as the team’s enforcer, but the two men had mixed it up enough times to know that no one would come out on top, though both were prepared to fight to the death to claim they’d drawn last blood. “Must be my lucky day. I came here to get some answers. I was off to find you next… Looks like you just saved me the trip.”

“We don’t owe you anything. Get out. Now.”

“Is that fear I see in your eyes, Michaels?” Aiden asked, laughing. “Now that I’m back in town, you’re worried about what it might mean for your marriage?”

“You son of a bitch,” Neil said, taking a step forward.

“Stop it,” Sela said, holding her hand up. “This is a place of business, not a locker room. I can’t have you two coming in here trying to stir up trouble. Aiden, I think it’s time for you to leave. Please.”

He wasn’t surprised she’d shown him the door. What choice did she have, with her husband glowering at her like she invited her ex to a cozy little rendezvous at her office in the middle of the afternoon?

“Fine, I’ll give you a little breathing room, but don’t think I’m ready to let this go. I’m gonna get some answers, one way or the other.” He pushed past Neil. “There’s gotta be a few people who know what happened, even if you two aren’t willin’ to tell me.”

Sela sunk back in her chair and heaved a sigh of relief when Aiden closed the door behind him. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Neil glared at the closed door. “Did you know he was comin’?”

“Of course not! If I had, do you think I would have stuck around for his little interrogation?” Her heart still pounded because the Aiden she used to know never made idle threats. If he was determined to find out the truth, he would eventually, and when he did, he would never look her in the eye again without remembering what she did to him or to them.

As painful as letting him believe that she’d fallen in love with his best friend was, it would pale in comparison to the pain of knowing he’d lost what little respect he still had for her.

“If he stops by again, I think we need to think about gettin’ a restrainin’ order.”

Sela reached for the water bottle on her desk and brought it to her lips before she asked, “Don’t you think that’s a little over the top? The press would be all over us.”

Neil started pacing the floor, his hands on his hips. “I don’t care. I’m not gonna have that guy harassin’ my wife. Period.”

“If you were in his position, you know you’d feel the same way.” She hated to provoke her husband, especially when his moods were so volatile, but they both had to live with the course of action they chose. “He was the victim in all of this, not you, and certainly not me.”

“Really, Sela?” he asked, turning to stare her down. “You don’t think I’ve suffered the past eight years… sleepin’ next to a woman I knew was thinkin’ about another man?”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “When we got married, I thought it was for the best. You said you wanted—”

“Stop!” he shouted. “I know what I said, but things didn’t turn out the way either one of us planned, now did they?”

Sela didn’t need to be reminded of everything she’d lost. She thought about it every day. “I already said I was sorry about that. A hundred times. If I could do anything to change it, you know I would.”

“You can do something,” he said, bracing his fists on her desk as he leaned forward. “You can remember who was there for you when you needed someone.” He pointed a finger at his chest. “Me. I was the guy there to support you when you were scared out of your mind. Where the hell was he?” he asked, pointing toward the closed door.

“You know that’s not fair,” she whispered. “He didn’t even know about the baby… or my father.”

“No, he didn’t know because you were afraid to tell him. You didn’t want to screw up his precious career. He was entertainin’ multi-million dollar offers, trying to decide which team to reward by wearing their jersey, and you were here, all alone, pregnant with his kid and scared out of your mind ’cause you thought you were gonna lose your old man.”

“You don’t have to remind me.” She covered her mouth with her hands.

“I was the guy who wanted to marry you, and be a father to
his
kid. When I got that contract, I was the one who stepped up and offered to pay the medical bills so your family wouldn’t have to mortgage their house. I cared about you. I wanted to help, the only way I knew how.”

“I know,” she said, covering his hand with her own. “And I’ve always appreciated that, believe me.”

“Yeah, well, this is your chance to prove it. You owe me a debt of gratitude that you’ll never be able to repay.”

Admitting he was right pained her. “I know that.”

“So when he comes back, you better tell him whatever it takes to get rid of him. Is that understood?”

She resented his high-handed approach, but she couldn’t deny she owed him. “I want to forget the past as much as you do.” Trying to change the subject, she asked, “Why’d you stop by? Was there some reason you needed to see me?”

“It can wait until you get home. I’m not in the mood to talk about it anymore.” He turned toward the door. “If you’re harborin’ any fantasies about gettin’ back together with him, don’t. We both know he’d despise you if he ever found out you planned on passin’ his kid off as mine.”

“Are you threatening me?”

“I’ll do what I have to do to protect what’s mine. I told you last night, I’m not lettin’ you out of this marriage without a fight. So you decide how this is gonna play out. Either we carry on the way we have been for the past eight years, or I tell him the truth. That way, we both wind up alone. It’s your call.”

Sela waited until she heard the soft click of the door closing before she gave in to the tears. Neil claimed to love her, but she knew his fear of being alone prompted him to try to hold on to their loveless marriage.

He’d grown up alone, left home by himself long before it was permissible in the eyes of the law, but that didn’t seem to matter to a mother determined to escape the responsibilities of being a single parent. The little five-year-old boy who’d curled up under the covers and cried himself to sleep because he was scared of monsters in the closet wasn’t all that different from the man who claimed to love his wife. He was still scared of being alone, still willing to do or say whatever it took to keep her from leaving him alone to face the skeletons buried deep in his closet.

Sela knew her husband could find another woman to share his house, but having a real relationship with someone meant he would have to reveal the ugly truth about himself eventually, and that obviously was not a prospect he was willing to consider.

Sela thought back to the day she found out she was pregnant, the same day her father told her he’d been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

She was barely eighteen, only a few days from starting college. The man she loved just signed a deal that would take him thousands of miles away from her and their unborn baby and her father, her hero, was about to embark on a costly battle to save his life.

The thought of being away from him when he was so sick was unthinkable. Her parents needed her and she needed them.

Terminating her pregnancy or giving the baby up for adoption was not an option for her. She’d already fallen in love with that baby, but she knew Aiden. He would never allow his child to grow up without him. When she thought about Aiden sacrificing the career he had worked so hard for, she knew she had no choice. If she told him he was going to be a father, he would have given up his dream of hockey and tried to find a way to support his young family. That’s the kind of man he was. Family meant everything to him, and spending the better part of the year missing all of the important firsts in his baby’s life wasn’t a choice he would have considered.

She reached into her desk and unfolded the letter Neil wrote to her the day after she confided in him about the baby.

Sela,

I know how scared you must be, but I want you to know you don’t have to be. I love you, as a friend, and I want to help you get through this difficult time.

I know you were shocked when I told you I couldn’t have children of my own. Aiden’s the only other person who knows. To be a father to your baby would be such a blessing, you can’t even begin to imagine.

My own childhood was so messed up. I’d give anything to be able to change that, but I can’t. If you would give me the chance, I’d like to be the kind of father to your baby that I always wished I’d had growing up.

I would love him or her as my own, and Aiden would never have to know the truth. He’s worked hard for this chance to play professional hockey, and no one deserves it more.