Trail of Kisses (16 page)

Her words were like being shot with three
bullets, each more painful than the last.

“
Is that what you think of me?” He
lowered his voice even further and leaned in to her. “That I’m just
some man who works for your uncle? That I’m just some man who would
lie with a woman without it meaning anything?”

“
But you did,” she said. Her eyes
swam with tears. “I don’t know what…. I shouldn’t have…. You’re
supposed to be protecting me, not… not….” She swallowed and pushed
away from him.

Cade tossed the soiled blanket into the back
of the wagon, then followed her around to the remnants of their
camp. Ben was already at the front of the wagon, yoking up the
oxen. There was only so much he could say to salvage the situation
now.

“
I don’t know what you think men
are like,” he whispered as he crouched beside Lynne to pick up one
of the last boxes of supplies that needed to be stored, “but I am
not the kind who thinks it’s all right to be with just any woman
the way we were together last night.”

She huffed as if she would disagree, but
didn’t say anything. Instead, she tried to lift one of the barrels
they’d sat on to carry it to the wagon. It was too heavy for her,
so she let go with a frown, still not meeting his eyes.

“
I consider what we did special,”
he went on. She needed to hear what he had to say. He needed to say
it. “So special that I won’t let it go.”

She faced him, cheeks flushing pink.
“But….”

“
But?” he barked. He shouldn’t be
angry, but he couldn’t help it.

“
I can’t face this right now,” she
said and walked away.

The last thing that she was able to lift was a
half-used sack of flour that had been cleared out of the wagon bed
to make room. She winced as she lifted it, but Cade had the
uncomfortable feeling that the expression was her attempt to hide
tears. He followed her to the back of the wagon.

“
You seem mighty concerned with
what a bunch of strangers think,” he told her, “but all that really
matters is what you think of me.”

She shoved the sack into the wagon bed and
dropped her arms, still not facing him.

“
So what do you think of me,
Lynne?” he asked.

She spun to face him. The emotion in her eyes
was so intense that he wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss
her and tell her everything would work out in the end.

“
I,” she started. Her eyes focused
on something behind his shoulder. “Emma,” she said, sidestepping
away from him. “You look very pretty today.”

Cade let out a hard breath and hung his head.
His chest ached as though he’d run up the Rockies and back down
again. He clenched his jaw and resisted the urge to punch the
wagon, then turned. Emma Sutton was approaching from several yards
away. She wore a dress fit for Sunday and had her hair
curled.

“
Mother insisted,” she told Lynne,
more embarrassed than prideful.

“
Well, you look delightful. Such a
change from the drudgery of the wagon train,” Lynne said. She met
her friend and hooked her arm through Emma’s. “I’ve just about had
it with the dullness and boredom of the trail. Do you need someone
to walk with you?”

Emma lowered her head, peeking up at Cade
briefly, her face flushed. Cade had the impression that as shy as
Emma might be, she was a dead accurate judge of character and
situations. She knew something was up. He wasn’t sure if he liked
it or not.

“
I… I came to ask if you wanted
company today, yes,” she murmured.

“
Good,” Lynne said with a nod.
“Let’s find a nice, open spot to walk.”

Without a goodbye or so much as a backward
glance for him, she turned and walked off, leaving Cade feeling as
though she’d ripped out his heart and shoved it in her pocket to
take with her.

What did she think of him? Cade’s question
rattled around Lynne’s brain all through the long day of walking.
What
did
she think of him?

The answer she thought should come to her mind
was not the answer that actually did. She should think he was
shameless and mercenary and wicked. He had sworn to protect her and
then turned around and damaged her forever. He was a blackguard and
a scoundrel and her uncle should send him packing as soon as they
got to Denver City. She
should
be thinking all those
things.

Instead, all she could think about was the
taste of his mouth as it explored hers. He hadn’t tasted like she
thought he would, but was warm and wet and heady with a hint of
coffee. She thought about his hands, large and slightly calloused.
They felt so good touching her, claiming her and pulling passion
from the depths of her soul. Even in places where no man but her
husband should touch her—especially those places—his touch had been
bliss. She thought about the way his hardness had invaded her, the
absolute perfection of being filled and tested, the stretch and the
friction. She thought about how much more of that she wanted until
her cheeks burned red.

“—
not sure I want to or even can
turn a man’s head like that,” Emma murmured softly at her side as
they walked behind the Sutton’s wagon. “But Mother insists, so I
must.”

She thought about the entire sensation of
lying under Cade’s weight as he moved inside of her, her arms and
legs wrapped around him, the feeling that they were one. The urge
to weep with longing and with shame poured over her.

“
Lynne?”

All this time, she had considered herself
brave. Brave to set out west on her own, brave to stand up to Cade
when she thought his way was wrong, brave to kiss him and to sleep
under the wagon with him.

“
Lynne?”

She wasn’t brave at all, she was just
bad.

“
Lynne, are you all
right?”

With a gasp, Lynne popped out of her thoughts
and faced her friend. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Her face
burned brighter than if she had been sunburned. She had been burned
by other things.

Emma pursed her delicate lips as she studied
Lynne. “Are you sure you’re quite well? You looked peaked when we
started walking, but now you look positively feverish.”

Lynne did her best to smile and dismiss her
friend’s concern. “I’m perfectly well. It must be all the walking.
Surely we’ll be stopping soon.”

“
I think so,” Emma said, though
she didn’t look convinced. “Although I can’t say I’m looking
forward to it today. Mother has designs on arranging for Dr. Meyers
and I to dine together one of these nights.”

Lynne nodded, even as her mind drifted. She
was well aware of Emma’s tender feelings for Dr. Meyers. If only
her feelings for Cade were as simple. She wanted him, she had to
admit it. Still. In spite of how wrong it was and how shameful. He
was so handsome it made her legs weak if she thought about it too
deeply. His smile could light the heavens. His tired eyes made her
want to kiss and soothe him until he gave up and fell asleep in her
arms and woke rested the next day. His body was firm and muscled
and perfectly formed. The plain of his abdomen and narrow lines of
his waist were delicious. And that male part of him had felt so
strange and strong and new when she’d touched it. She wanted to
touch him again like that, make him make those sounds that she had
felt in her core.

“
Lynne?”

How could she so wantonly desire to be ruined
again? And what was it Cade had said that morning? That he wanted
to make things right? What did that mean? Did he want to push her
aside and treat her like his responsibility again? Like they were
strangers?

Emma’s hand on her arm startled her out of her
thoughts.

“
I really think you should lie
down,” her friend said, face pinched in worry. “You don’t look well
at all. Shall I walk you up to your wagon so you can ride until we
stop for lunch?”

“
No.” Lynne broke away from her,
covering the suddenness of her move with a smile she hoped seemed
kind instead of desperate. “No, I’ll be fine walking on my own.
Thank you, Emma.”

She charged ahead without another word. She’d
been horribly rude to her friend, but what could she have said to
her? If Emma knew even a fraction of her thoughts, the gentle young
woman would never speak to her again. No one reputable would ever
speak to her again. She was twice soiled now, once for succumbing
to Cade’s charms, and a thousand times more for wanting, in her
heart, to do it all over. And over and over. How could a woman from
a good family, who had been raised well, want such
things?

It had to be the dangers of the trail. It had
to be the pressure she was under because of the threats that had
landed her on the journey west in the first place. She had to be as
cautious with Cade as she was around the oxen pulling the wagons to
avoid the temptations Cade presented. Lying in his arms hadn’t just
made her feel alive and on fire, it had made her feel
safe.

She was relieved to find Cade riding Arrow
several yards ahead of her wagon, beside Mr. Evans and his
assistants. It would give her a chance to calm her racing heart and
gather her thoughts to decide what to do next. If worst came to
worst, she could begin riding beside Ben on the wagon, asking him
to protect her in Cade’s place. Ben was only a boy,
though.

Her thoughts hadn’t gone far when Cade noticed
her and dropped back from the other men. He turned Arrow and rode
to where Lynne walked. She did her best to pretend he wasn’t there,
but he dismounted and tied Arrow to the wagon beside Clover, then
strode to match his pace to hers.

“
Pete says we’re going to stop for
a spell this afternoon just up ahead where that stand of trees is,”
he said. “There’s a fresh stream there, or so his scouts say. It
should give everyone a chance to rest. It’s going to be a hot
afternoon.”

Lynne nodded. She cursed herself for that,
even. She would be better off if she didn’t acknowledge him or the
pounding in her chest as he walked so close to her.

She managed a small victory in that she kept
silent until they got to the stream. Mr. Evans called for the
wagons to stop for the afternoon. Slowly but surely, the long line
of wagons and oxen and people ground to a halt. Children laughed
and ran away from their parents to let out energy in the fields.
Men and women who had been driving the wagons groaned and stretched
as they hopped to the ground. A few went through the trouble of
unyoking their oxen to give the beasts a chance to eat and
drink.

Lynne felt useless amidst all the activity.
She could think of nothing to do but head to the back of her wagon
to see if she had any work that would distract her while they were
stopped. She could cook something. Her cooking skills had improved
dramatically on the journey so far.

“
I wish you would look at me.”
Cade’s voice was soft behind her as she leaned into the wagon
bed.

She squeezed her eyes shut, blocking out the
warm, strong presence of his body behind her. All she wanted to do
was turn and throw her arms around him, bury her face against his
broad shoulder and confess how confused she was.

Instead she stiffened her back and tilted her
chin up. “I need to get a camp set up and start cooking if we’re
hoping to have lunch.”

Cade let out a breath that sounded more than a
little exasperated. “Would you please turn and look at
me?”

She wouldn’t let him get under her skin any
more than he already was. She turned and frowned at him.

One peek at the steady, concerned, frustrated
expression in his eyes and she had to look away. She was a terrible
person for doing what she’d done.

“
Look at me,” he
demanded.

She knew she couldn’t. That didn’t stop him
from sliding a hand under her chin and forcing her face up toward
him. Even then, it took everything in her heart to let herself look
him in the eye.

“
Here all this time I believed
you,” he said, his voice hard as cracked stone. “I believed you
when you said you were brave. You resigned yourself to this journey
and you’ve done well. Heck, you rode Arrow like you meant it. But
after this morning?” He let her chin go and Lynne glanced away.
“You’re a coward, Lynne Tremaine.”

“
What?” In a flash, her anger
returned with a vengeance and she shivered. “A coward?”

“
Yes.” He shifted his stance to
stand with his feet apart and his fists on his hips. The handle of
his old gun stood out from its holster and she could see the
outline of the Cooper against his side under his vest.

“
I am no coward,” she argued. If
he only knew how much courage it took for her to resist giving in
to what would mark her as an outcast and a fallen woman forever, he
would take back his hurtful words.

“
I’ve had nothing to do but think
about it all morning,” he went on. “You’re a coward who kisses and
runs.”

Lynne’s jaw dropped. “I am no such thing,” she
seethed. “You’re the coward.”

“
How do you figure that?” His
expression darkened by the second.