Train Station Bride (18 page)

“Miss Crawford. You have a visitor.”

Jillian smiled brilliantly when she saw Julia. Had it not been for Miss Abernathy, Jillian may have responded with more excitement. As it was the girl cloaked her face in a mask and spoke softly.

“I am happy to see you, Julia.”

Julia touched Jillian’s chin and smiled. “I am so very happy to see you.” Julia looked at Miss Abernathy as she watched the exchange.

“One hour, Miss Crawford.” She turned to Jillian. “I certainly hope granting you this time will not interfere with your upcoming test.”

Jillian’s face hardened. “Thank you, Miss Abernathy. I will do my best.”

When the door of Jillian’s room closed behind them, Jillian threw herself into Julia’s arms. “Oh, Julia. I’ve missed you so much. I hate it here. Miss Abernathy is a witch. The other girls are mean. I hate it here.”

Julia hugged Jillian close to her and for so long, Jillian finally looked up at Julia with concern.

“Is everything all right, Julia? Are Mother and Father all right? Where is your husband?”

Tears misted Julia’s eyes. She kissed the top of Jillian’s head. “Everyone is fine, dear. Let’s sit down here on the bed.” Jillian eyed her curiously but sat down close and held Julia’s hand. “I have something to tell you, Jillian. Something very important. But first let me ask you something.”

Jillian jumped up. “I’m not going to that dreadful Elizabeth Bell’s party. Mother sent you, didn’t she? I won’t go.”

Julia shook her head. “This has nothing to do with Elizabeth Bell.” Julia cleared her throat and handed out the first scolding she’d ever given. Mild as it was. “Don’t call someone dreadful, Jillian.”

Jillian drew her hands to the waist of her white eyelet dress. “I tell you I won’t go. She’s nasty. She doesn’t like me, and she’s a bore. Just because her father and Daddy know each other means nothing to me.”

This was Julia’s first view of her daughter without a cloud of guilt. It was not a pretty picture. “Jillian, I know nothing about Elizabeth Bell or her party.” Julia swallowed and rubbed her sweating palms. “I’ve come to ask you if you’d like to leave Ramsey.”

Jillian’s eyes widened, and she nearly knocked Julia over with her hug. “Leave Ramsey? I would give anything, anything to leave this place. When shall we go?”

Jillian’s smile tore through Julia. Julia’s throat was dry and her stomach turned. “Remember I told you I had something to tell you?” Jillian nodded and scrambled down on all fours pulling a leather suitcase out from under the bed. “Jillian, sit here beside me. I need to talk to you.”

Jillian clasped her hands in front of her chest and her blond hair swung in sheets around her shoulders. Eyes skyward. “You don’t know how often I’ve dreamed of this moment.” Jillian looked at Julia. Her eyes widened and she smiled. “Mother will be furious, Julia.”

“Yes, I suppose she will. There should be no joy in making someone angry though, Jillian.”

Jillian’s head cocked. “You sound like Mother. Since you left, I’m the one taking the blame for everything. I can’t tell you how glad I am you are home. What did your husband say about you leaving?” Jillian yanked open drawers and began to throw socks and undergarments in her now open bag. “He didn’t care much, did he?”

Was the sweet girl of Julia’s memory merely a figment of her imagination and longing? Or had Jillian always been this way, and Julia simply chose not to see it. She tried a tactic she’d seen Flossie employ. A stern look and voice seemed to settle Jake’s niece and nephew in no time. “Jillian. Sit down. We need to talk.”

Jillian sent her hairbrushes and toiletries into her suitcase in one wide sweep. “We can talk in the carriage, Julia.” Jillian straightened. “You did bring the family carriage, didn’t you? Nellie Mills goes home in this old thing Paul Revere must have rode in.”

“Jillian, please sit down,” Julia shouted. Jillian’s head snapped up and her eyes widened. “I didn’t mean to shout, but I need to talk to you about something very important.”

Jillian acquiesced as she sat down beside Julia. “What is it, Julia?”

Julia swallowed hard and picked up Jillian’s hand. She looked into Jillian’s eyes. “There is no easy way for me to tell you, Jillian.” Julia’s lip quivered. “Mother is not actually your mother.”

Jillian tilted her head. “What are you talking about, Julia. Of course she’s my mother.”

Julia shook her head and stared at the pale white delicate hand of her daughter. “No, Jillian. She’s not. I am.”

Jillian jumped from her place beside Julia. “That’s not true. Father calls me his little girl. They sent me here like my sisters. Like you.”

“Yes, they did. And don’t doubt they care for you very much. But you are their granddaughter.”

“That’s a lie.”

“I was very young, Jillian, when I had you. Mother,” Julia swayed as her mother’s voice revealing that long ago plan whirled in her head, “Mother decided it was best for everyone that you be raised as a daughter.”

Tears filled Jillian’s eyes. “Why are you doing this? Why are you saying these dreadful things?”

“Because it’s the truth.” Julia watched a mass mix of emotions play out on Jillian’s face.

“You were not married, Julia.” Jillian crumpled to the floor in a ball. “I’m a bastard, just like Mary Evans.” She looked up at Julia with disgust. “No one speaks to her. It’s only her father’s money that keeps her here.”

“Where did you hear such language? Young ladies don’t say words like that.”

“Don’t be a goose, Julia. The girls here talk. We have older sisters and brothers. You think we don’t know about things, but we do.”

Jillian’s tone was vengeful, derisive and filled with disgust. Julia had laden her daughter with a label she never expected the girl to understand. “We are not going to worry what the other girls say. We are leaving. You won’t have to worry about any of this.”

Jillian’s eyes widened. “Does Mother know you are telling me this?”

“We are not returning to Market Street. I thought we’d visit Aunt Mildred for a while.” Julia held her breath for Jillian’s reaction. “We will stay at Eustace’s tonight and then board …”

“Eustace’s! She’s colored!”

Julia stood up and glared at Jillian. “Eustace is my friend. She has been more of a friend to me than I can describe.”

“She’s a servant. I’ll not stay there,” Jillian said and crossed her arms over her chest.

Julia decided the time was not right for a confrontation. “Do you want to leave Ramsey?” Jillian’s lip trembled as she nodded. “Then you will stay at Eustace’s.”

“I’m going home to Mother,” Jillian spat. “She’ll not make me stay with a nigger servant.”

Julia’s hand slapped Jillian’s cheek before she could stop it. Mother and daughter stared at each other as Jillian’s hand touched her face. This was surely not the time to back down. She and Jillian would have time later to sort everything out. For now, Julia needed to get Jillian away before her parents knew. “Mother will return you here in an instant.”

Jillian slammed the lid of her suitcase closed and turned in a fury. “I hate you.” Jillian pulled her coat off a hook and shoved her arms through the sleeves. “I hate you,” she whispered as she stood at the door of her room, her back to Julia.

Julia’s hands shook wildly. Her worst fears were materializing. She needed a chance to talk to Jillian when they had both settled down. She needed her heart to quit pounding and her knees to hold her upright. Julia needed the time to explain to her daughter why she done what she’d done and how sorry she was. She needed Jake. Craved his arms around her. His encouragement to know she’d done the right thing no matter how ugly Jillian’s reaction had been. Needed his conviction to keep what was hers, hers.

Julia and Jillian walked silently into Miss Abernathy’s office past a sputtering assistant. Jillian followed. “This birth certificate indicates I am rightfully Jillian Crawford’s mother. I am taking her home.”

Miss Abernathy stood. “How dare you barge into my office? And what nonsense is this?” The woman took the paper from Julia’s hands and read.

Julia watched the usually stoic woman as she read and came upon Julia’s name as mother. Her eyes shot up. “This is ludicrous. You can’t mean to take Jillian now. Your parents need to be notified.”

“My attorney has researched the validity of this certificate. A duplicate is filed at city hall. As Jillian’s mother, I am entitled to enroll or remove her from this school. It is merely a courtesy I extend to you by informing you.”

Julia ushered Jillian out of the office as Miss Abernathy shouted her outrage. The two, mother and daughter, walked silently out the door and into the waiting coach. Jillian huddled on one side of carriage. Julia sat quietly reviewing all that had been said. Certainly, her start as a mother had been rocky.
One foot in front of the other, she chided herself.

Chapter Fifteen

A divorce, Jake thought and harrumphed as a he speared the last sardine in the can. His parents would have never divorced. He didn’t know anyone who’d been divorced. But if Julia was gone for good, his dreams of children to pass his farm to were over. No use kidding himself, Jake thought. His time with Julia had led him far past a helpmate and someone to bury him. Her gee-gaws and painting and wall-papering were done with anticipation and an unspoken plan. Julia had prepared his home to be a place he wanted to spend time in and that children would be happy in.

All the little things his mother had done before she died flew through his head. Paper chains at Christmas. Cherry pies for the Fourth of July. Sharpened pencils in a tin can for his ciphering. All the little details he’d scoffed at that still burned in his memory. His children, if Julia and he had any, would remember doilies under lamps, paper dolls and a cozy room with a fireplace and rugs and throw pillows. Julia probably did all those things half-happy for their children to come and half-sad for the daughter who’d never enjoy it.

After a few days of self-imposed exile from his family, Jake had cooled off. He supposed Julia was doing exactly what she thought he would want her to do. And his reaction had been derision. Now, Jake couldn’t shake the feeling Julia needed him. Like he needed her when Gloria had Joshua and the thought of his sister’s death loomed before him. Or when she put on his old work clothes and rode out to the fields with Slim to gather corn. Julia took twice as long to pull errant ears from stocks and dropped them before she got to the wagon more often than not but that was hardly why he needed her that day. Julia stood side-by-side with him. Facing the kind of hard work she’d never experienced, trying to right a wrong her parents had instigated. He needed her courage that day.

And although it galled him to admit it, Jake needed her kisses and touches as much as he needed her body for sex. He was missing her eyes lighting up when he said he loved her. He was missing her saying it to him. Sleeping alone without Julia cuddled next to him, touching his face in the morning was proving to be more difficult than he’d expected. He’d slept alone for thirty-some years. But after six short months, he could hardly remember a day not waking up beside his beautiful wife.

Jake recalled Julia’s exhausted but smiling face when she came home from Gloria’s each evening after William’s birth. He had kissed her nose and helped her take her shoes off one night. Jake had told her she was over doing, not used to doing laundry over a fire and scrubbing. Julia’s face had glowed when she told him she was going back the next day.
They need me, Jake.
Nothing he had done or said to her had ever summoned that look on her face. She was proud as punch, and crying as usual, when she curled up that night beside him. And knowing her family, Julia probably needed him something terrible right now. Jake lowered the lamp. His eyes closed quickly, and he fell into the deepest sleep he’d had in weeks. Jake knew now, what he needed to do to keep what was his, his.

* * *

It took more than an hour for Julia to convince Jillian to come into Eustace’s home. She was sure every eye in the neighborhood watched as they finally stepped out of the carriage. Julia had warned Jillian in the most serious voice she could summon; she would allow no disrespect of her friend or her daughter. Julia opened the door of the small home with the key Eustace had given her. Julia went straight to the kitchen to boil water for tea. Her nerves were frayed to their very ends. Jillian walked down the darkened hall, slowly, taking in all around her. The girl stood in the doorway of the kitchen, watching her mother.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Jillian said finally.

Julia pulled the hatpins from her hair. “Sit down. I’m going to change, and we’ll have tea and talk.”

After Julia had changed into one of her dark skirts and blouses, she found Jillian rooted to the same spot. “The kettle’s whistling, Jillian.”

Jillian just stared. Julia bustled around, finding teacups and opening a tin of sugar cookies.

Jillian repeated her question.

“I should have never agreed to Mother’s plan. But I was seventeen at the time and thought I was doing the right thing.” Julia took a deep breath. “I am so sorry.”

“What if I don’t want you for a mother?” Jillian asked. “You’re always embarrassing us. Being silly and stupid. Jolene and Jennifer could hardly bear being at a party with you for fear of what you would say.”

The words cut through Julia’s heart. She hadn’t realized how hurtful a ten-year-old could be. And she was now responsible for this particular ten-year-old. “Well, then, you’ll just have a silly, stupid mother, I suppose.”

“I don’t want you as a mother.”

Julia swallowed. “Well, I don’t imagine you do. But unfortunately, you have nothing to do with who your mother is. We can’t choose our parents, Jillian.”

“No. You chose for me.”

Julia refused to give in to tears. She opened the bag of flour from the groceries she’d bought for Eustace the day before. “I was wrong, terribly wrong.”

“What are you doing?”

Julia looked up as she measured lard from a tin. “Making biscuits for dinner.”

Jillian’s brows rose. “You know how to make biscuits?”

Julia kneaded the dough in a crockery bowl. “I learned how to do lots of things while I lived in South Dakota. I gathered eggs and shucked corn. Flossie made all the bread for Jake and me, but I was tutoring Millie and Danny in exchange.”