TRAPPED (20 page)

A wave of sadness washed over Tommy. He recalled the time he’d gone with Gina Daniels to see Nicky, who’d been banged up on remand in Pentonville for intention to supply. Gina had been happy to smuggle some drugs into prison for Nicky in return for a ton.

He’d sat watching and listening as Nicky had begged Gina to take a photo of the ten pound statue. ‘Gina, do me a favour and take a photo of me statue.’

Tommy had stared at Nicky, not quite knowing what he was talking about as he’d watched a smirk spread across Gina’s face as she spoke.

‘You what?’

‘Me statue of the Virgin Mary, I want a picture. I’ll pay you a score.’

Gina had thrown her head back and laughed hard and loud. But Nicky had just sat there with his eyes downcast, looking hurt.

‘What’s with the Bambi look, Nick? You’re not telling me you’re for real?’

‘Forget about it.’

‘You’re being serious ain’t you?’

‘It makes me feel better and I can’t have it in here, so I thought if I had a photo of it …’

He trailed off and Gina looked at him as if he’d lost his mind.

‘Most people on bang up would be asking me to bring some bleedin’ porn in. I don’t get it, Nick.’

Nicky had shrugged his shoulders then, nodding to the passing lags before drawing his attention back to Gina.

‘You don’t have to get it, I ain’t asking you to. I’m asking you to take a photo and bring it to me.’

‘You’re off yer bonce, Nick.’

He’d stretched over to her and clasped her hands, bringing his voice down to a whisper so she’d had to strain to hear what he was saying. ‘I don’t get it meself and I can’t explain it. I ain’t no saint and God knows I ain’t got any intention of being one. I’m not saying I feel all that religious stuff that Father Maloney thumps on about. Funny thing is, I don’t even say Hail Marys to it or pray to it. It’s just something to hold onto. It’s all I’ve got left. So you can say I’m off me bonce and you’ll be right, but I need it darling. It’s my fucking life raft.’

Tommy had sat in silence as he listened to the conversation and he’d been amazed at Nicky’s passion, but more amazed at his tears. It’d cut Tommy to the core but he hadn’t said anything; didn’t know how to. Instead he’d carried on listening to Gina ripping the piss out of Nicky.

‘Cut out the tears right now Nicky. This ain’t the place to be springing tears. Not if you want to be able to sit on your arse tomorrow.’

It was then that Tommy had held Nicky’s gaze with his dazzling blue eyes, speaking quietly to his brother. ‘I’ll do it for you, Nicky. I’ll get the photo for you mate.’

When he’d got home he went straight to Nicky’s room and found the figurine at the bottom of the wardrobe where his brother had told him it’d be. Tommy had taken the photo like he promised, but instead of giving it to Nicky himself, he’d given it to Maggie to give to him.

The whole situation had made him feel uncomfortable and he didn’t want to have to face up to the way it’d left him feeling. The overriding sense was of emptiness and envy; envy that his brother had something aside from chaos to cling onto.

Nicky heard Johnny’s voice the moment the door had been opened. It was loud and cheerful, distinct with a lyrical cockney lilt. There was no mistaking it. He’d panicked at first, standing rooted to the spot as if he’d stepped into a can of super glue. Then his survival instincts had stepped in, wanting to escape from trouble. It’d drawn him towards the tallboy cupboard in the corner. Quickly he’d rushed over, still hearing Johnny’s voice gently remonstrating with Saucers at the door.

The white cupboard was stacked high with books making it impossible to even contemplate hiding in it. He couldn’t go to the bedroom or bathroom; they were by the front door, and impossible to get to without being seen. Greeting Johnny at the door and singing a show tune would be less obvious.

Nicky glanced at the kitchen, his heart doing overtime as fear set in. There was a cooker, fridge and wall cupboards but nowhere to hide. Panic whirled through his body as he heard Saucers’ voice on the other side of the door.

‘Johnny, no. Don’t go in there, please.’

Johnny Taylor flung himself into the front room with almost too much force. He stumbled forward with the gun in his hand, taken by surprise at how quickly the door had opened. The lounge was empty.

There was a cupboard in the corner, its doors wide open, books tumbling out of it. A television, a mismatched winged chair, a large sofa running along the longest wall, and shelves and shelves of books. It slightly disappointed Johnny to find no one. He’d imagined Saucers had been turning a trick who’d become nasty and she needed help to get it sorted.

‘What was all the fucking drama about?’

Saucers let out the breath she’d been holding and looked as surprised as Johnny not to see anyone there.

‘I … er … it’s a mess Johnny, the place is a total mess,’ was all she managed to come out with.

‘I’m not the bleeding dirt patrol. Jesus, Saucers, you need t
o calm down a bit darlin’, never seen you so highly strung. I
could play the fiddle on you.’

‘Ain’t a woman allowed to be house-proud Johnny Taylor? I may be a Tom but that don’t mean I ain’t got standards.’

Johnny looked at Saucers in disbelief. From her face he could see the tension. The lines round her eyes, filled up with foundation, seemed more prominent than usual as she squinted at him. Her lips, stained with baby pink lipstick, pursed in agitation. He’d never seen this side of her and clearly what he’d said had upset her.

‘Listen babe, I’m sorry. It’s lovely here, really cosy.’

Saucers relaxed slightly, starting to believe her own story and swiftly unconcerned at the whereabouts of Nicky. She continued pushing her face up as she spoke to her clearly bewildered boss. ‘Yeah well, I don’t like people turning up out of the blue if the place is a mess, it might give the wrong impression.’

Johnny had to check his mouth wasn’t hanging open as he gawped at her. The place was clean but unworkable and nothing anyone could do would make it feel cosy – plus, there were too many books for his liking, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he threw himself down on the mint green couch, astounded at this house-proud Saucers he’d been confronted with.

Saucers continued to talk; amazed at even herself at how much she had picked up from the daytime DIY programmes that had been on whilst she was disinterestedly being shagged by her punters. Curtains, paint, edging and even voiles were all thrown into the conversation with Johnny. It was only when she saw Nicky’s booted foot under the coffee table sticking out from behind the couch she stopped her Stepford wife routine and was brought abruptly back to reality. Getting flustered again, Saucers sat on the end of the couch, wanting to distract Johnny from looking anywhere near the other end of the couch. As she spoke she knew she sounded different. A nuance of high-pitched hysteria edged into her voice.

‘So Johnny, what was it you wanted? I ain’t got time for chat. Things to do, books to read, cakes to bake and all that.’

Saucers held her feigned grin, feeling the muscles in her jaw twitch and ache as Johnny leant slightly in towards her, checking again to see if she’d been on the foo-foo dust.

‘
Cakes
, Saucers? We are talking the same language ain’t we? When you say cakes I’m assuming you’re talking the ones you smoke in a pipe?’

Saucers’ laugh was loud and shrill. Everyone including Nicky – who right then felt like every breath he took was as loud as a clanging bell – knew it was as counterfeit as the money passed between the faces of Soho.

‘No, Johnny, I’m talking proper cakes. Muffins, scones, fairy. You name it, I bake it.’

That was the evidence Johnny needed. Saucers was tripping
and tripping hard. What he wanted to do was get the fuck out of the flat before she started banging even harder than she was already.

He would’ve got up and made his excuses then, but he needed to run his idea past Saucers first. He only hoped she’d be able to fully take in what he was saying.

‘I’ll make this quick then. I wanted to talk about Maggie. I went to see Gina and I’m telling you Saucers, if I wasn’t brought up not to kick the shit out of a woman, I would’ve battered her black and bleeding blue. Nothing more but a fucking thief; both her and Nicky.’

At the mention of his name Nicky swallowed hard, certain any moment Johnny would realise he was there.

‘That’s what cuts me up, but it cuts me up more for Maggie. Nicky was one of the few people she trusted and he as good took the bleeding food out of Harley’s mouth to shove shit up his nose. I know we all toot but at the price of your own? I expected it from Gina, she ain’t nothing more than a cockroach, but Nicky …’

Saucers had never felt more uncomfortable in her life, not even when she’d pranced around in a rubber latex suit two sizes too small for a punter who could only come if he saw her sweating.

‘Nicky’s a good guy underneath, Johnny. He ain’t really got a bad bone in his body. It’s the frigging stuff, tore out his common sense.’

Johnny hardened his voice, wishing Saucers didn’t always see the good in people.

‘When I’ve finished with him, bad bones, good bones, he won’t have any bones left in his body. I ain’t going to play charity matches with him. He needs to be taught a lesson. He knows I’m after him but he’s lying low.’

Saucers tried to divert Johnny off the subject of Nicky.

‘And Maggie, you said you wanted to talk about her?’

‘Did you know she was thinking about giving up Harley?’

Saucers’ face whitened. ‘No, oh my God. The poor cow, I know how much she loves that girl … Christ, Johnny. I’m sorry.’

From behind the couch, Nicky closed his eyes as a new kind of shame washed over him. He listened as Johnny continued.

‘I’m not going to let that happen Saucers … I can’t. I’ve decided to rent a studio flat. I dunno why I didn’t do it before … or maybe I just wasn’t thinking the way I should’ve been. It’s nothing special, things are a bit tight to squeeze too much from under my old man’s nose, but it’s alright. God knows it’s like a palace compared to the place where Harley is now. It’s the new build off Tottenham Street. Monarch Inn. Last one going. I’ve rented it under the name of Miller and touched the landlord with upfront money so he was happy to have no paper trail. What do you think?’

Saucers was genuine with her answer.

‘Good for you, Johnny. Bloody hell, it’s about time you got your finger out. I’m made up for you. She ain’t had it easy, Johnny, and I know you don’t like me saying but everyone bailed on her, including you. It ain’t just Nicky.’

‘I know. Christ knows do I know. She and Harley belong together; she’s a good mum. I’m going to try to make it up, if she’ll listen.’

‘If I know Maggie she will. How you going to make it work though? Who’s going to look after Harley when you’re not there? You ain’t moving nowhere, your old man will see to that. He won’t let you move out and for sure Max won’t let Maggie go anywhere either.’

‘I was hoping you might.’

‘Johnny, I’d love to but …’

Saucers stopped. She couldn’t say to Johnny what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him she wouldn’t have time because she needed to look out for someone else. She needed to look out for Nicky. Because if she didn’t, who else would?

‘Johnny … I …’

‘It’s fine, you don’t need to explain. It was just a thought. Until I find someone else I can trust I’ve recruited Gina again.’

‘Gina? After what she’s done? Are you sure, Johnny?’

‘It won’t be forever and believe me this time I’ll be breathing down her neck. If she makes a wrong move, I’ll be down on her. She’s going to work for me for free. You should’ve seen the face on her when I told her the new rules. But she owes me babe and the nights I ain’t in the clubs, I’ll be with Harley. I’m hoping Maggie will be too; even if it’s only once a week when we can both get away at the same time, it’s once a week where we can be a proper family. I know it sounds stupid but I miss her. Left me spinning when she did some bird.’

Saucers smiled at Johnny. He was a very handsome man but here he was looking like a boy as he blushed as he struggled to explain his feelings for Maggie.

‘Have you tried telling her that? She probably thinks you didn’t give a rat’s arse about her. I’m guessing she thinks you just spent your time shagging the whole of Soho and then some. I can give you a love poem to read to her.’

Johnny spluttered with laughter.

‘No thanks doll. I’ll give that one a wide berth.’

‘I don’t know what’s so funny. We girls like to hear it, no good bleeding chalking it up in your loaf. We may be a lot of things, but we ain’t mind readers.’

‘I wouldn’t know where to start, Saucers.’

‘Stone the crows, you know for an intelligent man you can be very stupid Johnny Taylor. You ain’t got no fear when it comes to having a barney with anyone or squaring up against the likes of Max Donaldson when you were a teenager, but a tiny bit of sentiment, you’re out and down for the count. Just tell her.’

Johnny’s face softened as Saucers spoke about him and Maggie. He shrugged, embarrassed, trying to shake off the awkwardness he felt. Saucers was right; since Maggie had come out of prison all he’d done was act the clown. He hadn’t shown her anything but disrespect. Jesus, the day she came out he was shacked up in bed with Saucers – granted he hadn’t shagged her or had any intention of doing so, but it was hardly the homecoming she deserved. He cringed openly as he thought about it.

‘But for what it’s worth, Johnny, I think it’s a great idea and once she’s stopped being mad at you she will too. Trust me babe.’

Johnny smiled at Saucers, touched by her sincerity.

Saucers smiled back. She was really pleased he was going to try to make it work but she knew the odds were certainly stacked against them. She sighed, feeling a tad wistful, though she didn’t have the luxury of indulging in other people’s romances at this moment. She needed to get him out of the flat and sharpish. Standing up to encourage Johnny to do the same, Saucers spoke, trying to convey a sense of calmness whilst feeling the opposite.