TRAPPED (26 page)

Not even her latest novel had been able to send her off and the only explanation she could come up with was that she was worried. Worried about Nicky. It was stupid; he was a grown man but yet so much of a young boy as well. She knew her allegiance should lie with Johnny and to a certain extent it did, but there was a vulnerability about Nicky. And he was her friend.

Granted, he was a junkie but he was a person first, as were all junkies. Underneath the coke and crack, the meth and the smack, was a boy who’d been hurt and broken from the day he’d been born.

She couldn’t get the picture of his eyes out of her head when he left. They were full of fear and panic but what’d struck her the most had been the loneliness in them. Shit. She hated herself now, and lying staring at the wall wasn’t going to make her feel any better.

She might as well get up and washed. Perhaps she’d go and speak to some of the street girls to see if they’d seen him. Most of them were bang on it as well and frequented the crack dens nearby. So if anyone had seen Nicky they would have done.

Junkies were creatures of habit and Saucers doubted very much he would’ve gone far, though a huge part of her wished he would. Far away from Soho and to a new life, but she knew perfectly well that wasn’t reality as she knew it.

A hammering on the front door had Saucers getting up off her bed a few minutes before she was planning to do so. She looked at the clock, but it was pointless, the battery had gone a few weeks ago and she’d never got around to buying a new one.

Pulling her silk kimono on, which she’d been given by one of her punters as a present, Saucers shouted loudly as the hammering persisted.

‘Alright, alright. Anyone would think you needed to talk to me.’

Part of her hoped it might be Nicky but as she opened the door she was pushed to the side aggressively, hitting her head against the cream coloured walls. Used to fighting and having her door kicked in over the years, Saucers didn’t feel fear, only anger. Quickly she hauled herself up to see who the intruder was, not having had a proper glimpse of them.

‘Oi! What the hell do you think you’re doing?’

As Saucers spoke the man turned around, and she got a face full of Gary Levitt. Gary snarled as he slammed into the front door with his boot.

‘Where is he?’

She’d known Gary for a while; only as an acquaintance, never as a friend. He was low life scum; the runt of the pack who thought he was something to be reckoned with. She’d come up against worse in her life; much worse. Hard, sadistic men who made Gary look like Snow White. All he was, was a violent bull and she’d recently heard he was now hiding under the shirt tails of Max Donaldson to sell his crap.

‘Am I supposed to say, ‘where’s who?’ because you’re wasting your time darlin’; whoever you’re looking for ain’t here. Besides, you know me well enough to know I ain’t telling you jack shit sweetheart.’

‘Is that right? We’ll see. I want to know where Nicky is.’

‘Oh we’re talking about Nicky are we?’

‘Make this easy on yourself; people talk, one of the girls in the club said you had him staying with you.’

Saucers stared at him saying nothing. It never stopped amazing her how much people gossiped. Even when people were turning tricks and smoking rock there was still tittle tattle.

‘You won’t find him here, but you’re welcome to take a look. Then you were always going to, weren’t you Gal?’

Gary marched back out of the room to kick open Saucers’ bedroom and bathroom doors, leaving her standing with her arms crossed in the hallway.

‘He ain’t there.’

‘Jesus, we’ve got a genius in our midst. I told you he wasn’t, Gary.’

‘Yeah, you did but
now
I want to know
where
he is.’

‘I don’t know, but you’re not going to believe that are you Gary, so I might as well pack my hospital bag now.’

Gary sneered at Saucers.

‘You better believe it darlin’.’

With one swing of his fist, Gary Levitt knocked Saucers unconscious, cutting her eye with the sovereign ring he was wearing as he did so.

The Hilton hotel near Warren Street was chic and stylish, decorated in contemporary cool, calm colours, in stark contrast to the way Johnny was feeling. It was stupid, he felt like a school kid going to tell his parents he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t.

He’d kept the secret about Maggie for so long now that he was nervous. He hadn’t told Maggie that he was going to tell his mum but once it was all sorted, he knew she’d be fine.
Thinking of it in those terms gave Johnny a little boost of con
fidence as the lift door opened to the air-conditioned sixth floor.

Room 403 was at the end of the thick carpeted corridor. Johnny gave the door a slight tap, knowing his mother was waiting for him.

When Gypsy opened the door her face lit up with a beaming smile. ‘Alright my darlin’, I’m so pleased to see you. Come in baby.’

Johnny kissed his mum as she squeezed him in a loving embrace. ‘Alright mum, Jesus, you’ll break me bleedin’ ribs.’ Gypsy let go and smacked him playfully. ‘Give over, you sound like Lorna; one theatrical queen in the family is enough. How is the scheming witch?’

Johnny shrugged his shoulders, not really wanting to get into a conversation with his mum about his auntie but not really knowing either. After the phone call this afternoon from his mum, his father had called immediately after, wanting Johnny to sort out the clubs because he didn’t feel up to it.

He’d probably stay at the flat for the next couple of nights with Harley; the last thing he wanted to do was make an appearance at home. He hated gloom at the best of times and the last thing he wanted to do was to get in the middle of his mum and dad. He didn’t want to be seen to be taking sides. Even though it seemed to him his Dad was being a prime arsehole, he loved them both in equal measures.

Yes, he was going to help his mum out by offering her the flat to stay in, but that would help him as much as it did her. He knew his father would be mightily pissed off with him when he found out, but at the same time Johnny also knew his dad – though he would never admit it – would be relieved that she wasn’t shacked up with some fella, which no doubt his imagination and Lorna had convinced him she would. He also knew his father’s pride would stop him going round to see his mother at the flat, so until he was ready to tell his dad about Harley, his secret would still be safe.

‘I ain’t seen her Mum. Dad says she’s coming home from hospital tomorrow apparently, but I’ll be keeping a low profile.’

‘How was your Dad when you talked to him?’

Johnny noticed how his mum’s voice softened and her eyes looked sad as she spoke. It was clear they both loved each other but they were equally as stubborn when it came to backing down on something.

‘I think he’s in a bad way, Mum. He asked me to sort out the clubs for now. Why don’t you just go back?’

Gypsy put her hand up. ‘If you’ve come here to try and persuade me to go back, you can forget it darlin’. I know he’s your dad but the man drives me over the edge. Staying here will be the first bit of peace I’ve had from him since I’ve been married.’

‘All I want is for you to be happy.’

‘I know you do, but if he’s sent you to talk to me, do me a favour sweetheart; don’t.’

Gypsy got up and walked across to finish off the coffee she’d ordered from room service. It was true what she sai
d about it being the first bit o
f peace she’d had from Frankie, but even though it’d been only a few hours, she was hating every moment. She’d wanted the freedom but she’d also wanted her husband too. Was that so much to ask?

‘That’s not what I came here for, Mum. If you really don’t want to go back, I might be able to help you, but first I’ve got something to tell you.’

‘Good news I hope son. I could do with some.’

‘Yeah, it is. Well I think so.’

‘Go on babe. I’m all ears.’

Johnny watched his mother sit down eagerly. He took a deep breath, noticing he didn’t feel as anxious as he did before. Maybe this was going to be easier than he thought.

‘You’re a grandmother.’

‘Sorry?’

‘I’ve got a kid.’

Johnny watched his mother’s face and then saw a grin appear.

‘When? Crikey son, you kept that quiet.’

‘She’s four.’

‘Four! How come you’re only saying now? Have you only just found out?’

‘No, I’ve known all the time.’

Gypsy’s face dropped and she looked serious.

‘So why didn’t you tell me, Johnny? Why keep it schtum? Why didn’t you come to me? You know me better than that; I would’ve been there for you, for both of you. Are you still with her?’

‘Yeah, but it’s complicated.’

‘Nothing can be complicated about me being a grandmother.’

Gypsy roared with laughter as she heard herself.

‘Hear that? Grandmother. Makes me sound old. And does your dad know about this?’

‘No.’

‘What’s up with you, Johnny? Is this why you’ve kept yourself to yourself a bit more these last few years? I was worried but I just thought it was you turning into a man; needing your space. It makes sense now. Though I don’t understand why there’s all this secrecy. For what?’

‘I guessed I thought you and Dad would …’

‘Would what? Disapprove? Have you lost your nut? Your Dad earns his living from Toms and I’ve been chasing women out of your bedroom since you were fourteen. So a beautiful baby ain’t going to matter to us is it?’

‘It’s who the mother is.’

‘Oh what! Go on tell me; she’s only a few years younger than me.’

‘No.’

‘Is she black? Because Johnny, don’t insult me by saying you thought I’d mind, I ain’t having that. You know I’m not like that at all …’

Johnny stood up, agitated.

‘No, she’s not older, she’s not black, she’s not even in a flipping wheelchair.’

‘Well what then? What’s so bad you ain’t telling me? I’m not following you babe. What you getting upset about?’

‘She’s a Donaldson, okay? That’s what she is. Through and through, a Donaldson.’

Gypsy’s face drained. She sat back on the bed, her whole body beginning to shake.

Johnny watched his mother’s reaction, slightly disturbed by seeing her in shock.

‘I know it’s a bit of a surprise, but …’

Gypsy looked up, her face rigid with tension, mouth drawn back into a grimace. Spitting her words, she shook as she spoke to Johnny.

‘A surprise? A surprise is a gift at Christmas time or a special holiday, even coming home to find the washing machine’s flooded is a surprise.
They’re
surprises, Johnny, not this.’

‘I don’t get it.’

‘I don’t want to talk to you; just get out of my room.’

Johnny had never seen his mother like this; he knew she might be upset but the hatred which was spewing out of her genuinely shocked him.

‘What?’

‘You heard me, get out of my sight.’

‘What’s wrong with you?’

Gypsy stood up and faced her son, her eyes glaring with anger as she raised her voice and threw her magazine at him.

‘You never fucking listened did you? Why couldn’t you just stay away like I told you? Why go there, Johnny? God knows there are enough whores in Soho to dip your dick in.’

Johnny was angry now. ‘Maggie ain’t a whore, you know that. I never planned it, it just happened.’

‘It never just fucking happened, you stupid, stupid boy; nothing ever
just happens
. Now get out, Johnny. Now!’

‘No. Stop it Mum! I know Dad hates them because of business, but you, what’s your problem? You’ve always wound Dad up about the Donaldsons; pushing and pushing so he won’t let his barrier down. Always wanting him to continue the fight. It was you who stirred up the hatred. He would’ve let things drop a long time ago if it wasn’t for you. You gave him so much grief, but he always thought you were backing him up but you weren’t, were you? This is about you.’

‘That’s right, Johnny. About me, is that so bleeding hard to get into your cranial? It’s about how I feel about them.’

‘Oh yeah that’s right, Mum, all about you. Sod the rest of us because otherwise it’d stop being about you.’

Gypsy was beside herself. ‘Accept it, Johnny; you’ve fucked up. Fucked up so big, that
big
ain’t coming into it anymore. Now for the last time; GET OUT!’

‘And for the last time, Mum; no. Not until you tell me what’s going on.’

Gypsy lashed out at her son, smacking him across his cheek. Her face was red and tears streamed down as she screamed whilst Johnny held onto her wrists, wanting to avoid getting another smack.

‘Please, just go.’

‘Harley, that’s her name. She’s your granddaughter. Don’t that mean anything to you?’

‘Don’t mention her name to me. Do you understand? I don’t want to hear her fucking name.’

‘Well too bad, because you know what I’m going to do, I’m going to bring her to you, and then try telling me you don’t feel anything.’

‘I will
never
feel anything apart from hate towards the Donaldsons, Johnny. Why ain’t that sinking in?’

Johnny let go of his mother’s wrists.

‘Why, Mum? Just tell me why.’

‘Ain’t no reason when it comes to hate. That’s reason enough. So from now on, you stay away from that girlfriend of yours and her daughter. Do you understand?’

Johnny laughed out painfully. ‘You ain’t putting rules on me mum. I’m a bit old for that now. I feel sorry for you because your hatred is going to make you miss out on such a special girl. God knows I’ve missed out on her long enough because of all this shit. Me and Mags have hidden away for years like a pair of flipping fugitives because of your feuds. But no more, Mum. From today, there ain’t going to be no more hiding. Oh and you can stop calling her my girlfriend because she ain’t; she’s my wife.’

Gypsy, who was already reeling, staggered to the side to lean against the wall.

‘You kill me, Mum, you know that. I thought you’d be different but you’re as twisted as the rest of them. Decay in your own self-pity because I’m going to go home to Maggie.’