Treading Water (40 page)

“
I don’t know if I can do
that. I just don’t know if I can.”

“
Be sure to let me know
when you decide.”

“
Would you go back to her
if things don’t work out between us?”

“
I don’t know that she’d
have me.”

“
But you’d try?”

“
I’m not thinking about
that right now. I’m focused on helping you get well and trying to
save our marriage.”

“
I need some time to
process it all.”

Hands on his hips, he studied her. “I’m so
sorry I hurt you, Clare. I wish there was some way to convey to you
how very lost I was without you.”

“
Until you met
her.”

“
Even then… I never stopped
missing you or thinking about you or wishing for your wisdom with
our girls.”

“
I have a lot to think
about.”

“
No matter what happens
between us, we have three amazing kids to consider. I understand
you’re angry with me and hurt by the choices I made, but they’ve
been through so much. Can we please try to be civil to each other
for their sake?”

“
Yes,” she said softly. “Of
course.”

“
Whenever you’re ready to
talk about what’s next for us, I’m here.”

“
Okay.”

Andi threw herself into her work and taking
care of Eric. She kept her days long and busy so she’d drop into
bed exhausted every night. More often than not, though, the pain
she’d run from all day would catch up to her at night when her
yearning for Jack would leave her breathless.

As she moved into her sixth month of
pregnancy, the babies were more active than ever, and she knew she
needed to take it easy. But she couldn’t imagine having all that
free time to think about how badly her life had gone off course. So
she kept up the frenetic pace. She also needed to find a permanent
place for them to live, but she and Eric had settled into a routine
at the hotel, and she was too tired at the end of every day to even
think about house hunting.

Eric lived for his weekly visits with Jack.
Andi set up the visits by email and arranged it so she didn’t have
to see him when he picked up Eric or dropped him off. Until one
day, about a month after she moved out, she wandered upstairs to
the window in her suite to watch the parking lot when she knew Jack
would be leaving with Eric. She was hungry for just a glimpse of
him, and her heart raced when she saw him holding hands with her
son on the way to the car.

Jack opened the passenger-side door for Eric
and helped him into the backseat. He shut the door and then looked
up, as if drawn to the window.

She gasped when he caught her watching him.
Frozen, she couldn’t bring herself to move and was startled to feel
the overwhelming connection to him even from a distance. The pain
of losing him sucked the air from her lungs, as fresh as it’d been
the day she left him. Unable to bear the sadness she saw on his
face, she moved away from the window and let the drapes fall back
into place.

Still rattled by the encounter, she returned
to her office off the lobby. She was walking fast and not paying
attention to anything around her until she heard her name. She spun
around and suppressed a groan when she saw her mother and Aunt
Lou.

“
Mom! Auntie Lou! What are
you doing here?”
Oh, dear
God
. She hadn’t told her mother about
leaving Jack or anything that’d happened.

“
We decided to surprise
you,” Betty said.

“
Well, you did.” Andi
forced herself to be cheerful as she hugged and kissed
them.

Betty stood back to pat
Andi’s pregnant belly. “Let me get a look at you. You’re so
big
!”

“
Gee, thanks,” Andi said
with a dry chuckle. “There
are
two of them you know.”

“
Should you still be
working?” Lou asked as she took in the hustle of the busy hotel
lobby.

“
I’m fine for another month
or so. Why don’t you come on back to my office so we can catch up?”
Andi’s stomach churned with anxiety.
How
will I ever tell her that she was right all along?

They followed Andi into the office where she
offered them coffee or sodas. They both chose diet sodas, and Andi
opened the cans for them. “I can’t believe you guys are here.”

“
We wanted to see where
you’re living, dear,” Betty said. “I hope you don’t
mind.”

“
Of course I don’t. You’re
staying here I hope.”

“
We are,” Lou said. “We
wanted to check out your new hotel, too. It’s so
lovely.”

“
Where’s Eric?” Betty
asked.

“
With Jack.” Andi felt a
pang at the sound of his name rolling so easily off her tongue, as
if everything were normal. “He’ll be dropping him off here in a
while.” She paused before she added, “There’s something I need to
tell you…”

“
Is something wrong,
honey?” Betty asked. “I knew you didn’t look quite right. Is it the
babies?”

“
Everything’s fine with the
babies.” She took a moment to summon the courage to tell her mother
the truth. “I’m not with Jack anymore.” It hurt to say the
words.

Betty gasped. “Since
when?
Why?
”

“
His wife’s medical
situation improved. She’s recovering, actually. I moved out about a
month ago.”

“
Oh, honey. Oh God, I’m
sorry—not that his wife is better, but what it means for
you…”

“
You tried to tell me,”
Andi said with a shrug that did nothing to betray her true
feelings. “I didn’t listen.”

“
You followed your
heart.”

Andi looked at her mother with surprise.

“
I have to give you credit
for that. But what’ll you do? You’ll have three
children!”

“
I’ll keep doing what I’ve
always done. I’ll work and take care of my kids and do the best I
can. That’s all I can do.” She still found it hard to believe she’d
be doing it all without Jack and the girls. She missed them almost
as much as she missed him.

“
Will you come home to
Chicago?” Lou asked.

Andi shook her head. “My children’s father
is here, and he’ll want to be involved with them—all of them.”

“
He still sees Eric?” Betty
asked.

“
Every week. He won’t let
Eric down, and he won’t let these children down, either.” Andi ran
a hand over her pregnant belly. “That’s the one thing I’m sure
of.”

Betty reached out to caress
Andi’s face. “Are
you
all right, honey?”

The loving gesture put a lump in Andi’s
throat. “I’m better than I was. I miss them all so much. But
sometimes I think I’ll die from missing him.” Tears spilled down
her cheeks, and she swiped at them, refusing to give in to the
helpless grief again.

Betty hugged her daughter. “I’m so
sorry.”

“
It’s such a mess, and you
told me it would be.”

“
Not another word about
that,” Betty said. “We’ll get through this together. Don’t you
worry.”

Andi spent a lovely week with her mother and
aunt. Eric was thrilled to see them. They spoiled him rotten and
insisted on pampering Andi, too.

They left promising to be back to help when
the babies arrived. Andi appreciated that her mother offered only
support and never came close to saying, “I told you so,” even
though Andi wouldn’t have blamed her if she had. Who could’ve
predicted just how big of a mess she’d find herself in?

Andi was working in her office the day after
her mother and aunt went back to Chicago when the front desk called
to tell her she had a visitor. She walked out to the lobby and was
surprised and thrilled to find Kate waiting for her.

“
What’re you doing here?”
Andi asked as she hugged the girl.

Kate gaped at the round bulge under Andi’s
black dress.

Andi laughed at her reaction. “I know. I’m
explosive.” The babies seemed to get bigger by the day, and she
found herself frequently out of breath as they squeezed closer to
her lungs. “Come on back.”

“
I know you told Frannie
you don’t want to see us,” Kate said as she followed Andi to her
office.

“
Oh, sweetie, it’s not that
I don’t
want
to
see you. I just think it’s better for you to focus on your mother.
But I’m so glad you’re here.” Andi patted the sofa. “Come, have a
seat.”

“
I’m glad I came. I’ve
missed you. We all have.”

“
I’ve missed you, too. But
I’m so happy for you girls that your mother’s getting better. You
must be thrilled to have her back.”

“
I guess,” Kate said with a
shrug. “I mean, we are, don’t get me wrong. It’s just that
she’s…well… She’s different. She seems mad a lot of the
time.”

“
I’m sure she’s very angry
to have lost so much time with you all. I can’t imagine how that
must feel.” Andi didn’t mention the far more obvious reason for
Clare’s anger.

“
I wanted to tell you that
Dad has agreed to give me a year to pursue my music. He’ll even pay
for me to have an apartment in Nashville. I have to wait until I’m
eighteen in November, and then I’ve got a year to get a recording
contract. If I can’t do it in that time, I have to go to
college.”

Andi was proud of Jack and knew how far he’d
had to bend to reach such a compromise with Kate. He’d never have
the animosity with his daughter that he’d experienced with his own
father. “That sounds very fair. Are you happy with it?”

“
It was hard for him, I get
that, but I can do it. I know I can.”

“
I have no doubt. You
certainly have the talent. What’ll you do until
November?”

“
That’s what I wanted to
talk to you about. I was wondering if I could work here. I know you
planned on outdoor entertainment in the summer, and it’d give me a
great chance to practice before a live audience and to try out some
of my own songs.”

“
Have you talked to your
father about this?”

Kate nodded. “He said I have to ask you,
that it’s your decision.”

So he put the ball in my
court
, Andi thought. Kate would be a
terrific draw on the verandas, each of which had outdoor bars in
the summer. She decided to hire her to work during the day when the
crowds at the bar were less likely to be rowdy, since she was still
only seventeen. However, Andi wanted Kate to believe in her talent
and not see the job as a favor.

“
My assistant manager, Jen
Brooks, is in charge of hiring the entertainment. You’d have to try
out for her. Is that okay?”

Kate’s eyes widened. “Now? I have my guitar
in the car.”

“
Do you have something
ready?”

“
I’ve been working on a few
new things—well, really they’re old things, but you know how I love
the old stuff.”

Smiling at Kate’s enthusiasm, Andi walked
around her desk to open the door. “Let me find Jen and see if she
can do it now. Go get your guitar and meet me back here.”

She surprised Andi with a hug. “Thanks,
Andi.”

Kate went to get her guitar, leaving Andi
staggered for a moment by intense longing for Kate, her sisters,
and their father. She shook it off and went to find Jen, who was
happy to be brought in on Andi’s plan to hire Kate but to make it
look like it was Jen’s decision.

“
Wait until you hear her
play,” Andi said. “It won’t be any decision at all.”

They escorted Kate into the deserted lobby
lounge, which wasn’t due to open for another hour. Kate set up her
guitar and plugged it into the amplifier on the small stage while
Jen flipped on the power to the microphone.

Watching Kate tune her guitar and do a quick
sound check on the microphone, Andi was startled by her
professionalism. She hoped Jack was prepared for his daughter’s
success.

“
This was originally done
by Carole King,” Kate told them.

As Kate began to play, Jen looked at Andi as
if to confirm she’d been right about the young girl with the
powerful talent. She played “Now and Forever,” a song about a
perfect love that had gotten away and the memories it left
behind.

As Kate played the last notes of the song,
Andi stood, muttered an apology, and rushed from the room. The song
had pushed its way past her stiff resolve and punctured her broken
heart by summing up exactly how she felt without Jack.

She ran through the crowded lobby where one
employee after another called out to her with concern. Pushing
through the large double doors leading to one of Jack’s stone
verandas, she hurried across the lawn. Andi knew she shouldn’t be
running in her condition but was unable to stop herself until the
grass met the rocky shore. There she sank to the grassy lawn and
sobbed.

That’s where Kate found her.

She sat next to Andi. “I’m so sorry. I
didn’t even think before I played that song. I was so excited to
have the chance to try out.”

Andi reached out to hug her. “I’m sorry I
reacted that way. At least you don’t have to wonder if your music
touches people.”

Laughing softly, Kate said, “If it helps at
all, I don’t think my dad is in much better shape.”