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Authors: Iceberg Slim

BOOK: Trick Baby
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She smiled at me and said, “Why yes, if I can.” I said, “I'm a stranger in town and I want to know where I can find a nice clean hotel in the neighborhood.”

She said, “Are you really a stranger? Where's your luggage?”

I said, “It's in a locker at Union Station. I'm not jiving you, beautiful.”

She blushed and said, “I don't know too much about hotels. But I suppose all of them are pretty clean up in this neighborhood. Why not try that one across the street?”

I said, “Thanks. I will. Say, what's your name? No, let me guess. I'll bet it's a beautiful one like Dawn, or Diane, or maybe Angel. Did I hit it?”

She giggled and said, “You're way off. It's Jackie. Disappointed?”

I said, “No. Jackie was on the tip of my tongue. I like it. It's cute and jazzy. It fits you like a glove. My name is Johnny. Where are you going?”

She said, “I'm going to work. Where else?”

I said, “Are you married?”

She said, “Yes, I am. Why?”

I said, “If I had a pretty wife like you, I'd work two jobs so you could stay pretty at home.”

She said, “I haven't been working long. My husband got hurt on his job. He hasn't worked in a couple of months. We have two babies. I have to work.”

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. I said, “You look like a little girl of fourteen. I just can't believe you're married and a mama, too. Excuse me for asking, but what do you make a day on your job?”

She sighed and said, “Oh, about seven dollars. Why?”

I said, “How would you like to work for me this morning for twice that?”

She said, “Doing what?”

I said, “Just keeping me company for a couple of hours in one of those hotel rooms across the street. How about it? I'm in the mood, Jackie, to be the best company you ever had.”

She frowned and said, “I'm respectable. I'm no whore.”

I said, “Any fool can see that Jackie, I'm so lonely in this big city. It would never cross my mind that I was paying a whore. Besides, I know some ways to make love to you that could make you fall in love with me.”

She bit her bottom lip and looked at her streetcar rattling toward us a block away.

She said, “I can't do it. My boss might call my husband at home if I didn't show up for work. I'm a fry cook in a hotel grill. The morning is very busy. I just can't do it. You're very handsome and nice. You won't have any trouble finding a girl. I'm sorry, Johnny.”

I said rapidly, “Jackie, you've got to. I'm about ready to pop off in my pants. I know I can't find a girl as cute as you. Go to the hotel with me and call your boss. Tell him you'll be late a couple of hours.”

The streetcar came to stop in front of us. People started climbing aboard it. She walked two steps away toward it. She came back. She said, “Will you give me the money before we—?”

I said, “Sure, Jackie. I'm on the level.”

I gave her the money and the wildest thrills she said she ever had. I followed Celeste's routine almost to the letter. I didn't have the equipment for the crotch scrape. And I just couldn't cut the cannibal bit with the foot. But believe me, I got my money's worth after I lit her up.

My fever was gone when I got home. I took a bath and went to bed. I turned on the radio. An announcer said it was eleven
A.M
. I
felt sorry for Jackie's husband. He was going to be a bore in bed. Jackie had really been a pig for the lesbian technique.

I dozed off just as a soap opera came on the radio. It was Stella Dallas, One Man's Family or something. Anyway, I got sucked into the plot in my sleep. In my dream I was getting a piece of the action.

Suddenly the action stopped. I opened my eyes. I looked up at Blue dressed in hunting clothes. The radio was off.

He said, “Sorry, Folks, I didn't intend to wake you up. I peeped in to see if you were all right. You must have had a helluva night to be sleeping this time of day. Midge was asleep, too. You two must have cabareted last night.”

I said, “We didn't cabaret Blue, I laid a fine doll this morning. I cut into her with that approach for the drag you taught me. It worked like a charm. I got back from the hotel a short while ago. Did you bag any deer?”

He said, “Hell, no. I shouldn't have taken Memphis with me. The clumsy sonuvabitch got drunk. He stumbled around in the woods and spooked the game before we could get in range.

“Folks, I stuck my head into Midge's room a moment ago. It stank like a two-buck whorehouse. There's been some fucking going on in there. Has one of those slimy broads been in there with Midge? I give you my word of honor I won't tip Midge that you told me.”

I thought fast and looked him squarely in the eyes. I said, “No, Blue, I haven't seen a broad in there.”

He said, “Goddamn it Folks, don't get cute with me. You wouldn't have to see a broad to know. Did you hear a broad in there?”

I said, “No, I didn't hear one either.”

He had a sly look on his face. He said, “Now, Folks, let's get an understanding. I believe you. You know I'm not so old I can't remember how hot young asses can get. You and Midge are alone a lot.

“She's not your blood kin. She's your play sister. Look, Folks, I got a big heart and a broader mind. You were conning me about that doll in the hotel, weren't you? You ripped off a piece with Midge in her bedroom, didn't you?”

I didn't answer. I couldn't figure what road to take. He pounded me against the shoulder with the heel of his hand. He was grinning.

He said, “Why so shy? Tell me the truth. Say you did it. Can't you see I'm not mad? You shot her down, didn't you, Folks?”

I mumbled, “Yes, Blue. Like you said. That's what happened all right. I couldn't help myself. She was naked in the bathroom. I didn't know she was in there. We lost our heads. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I deserve to be thrown out of the house.”

He laughed and said, “Thrown out? You deserve a medal. It was just what she needs most. Go on and finish out your nap. I'm going to let some fresh air into Midge's room.”

He went through the bathroom. Blue was a strange father all right. But I was glad he wasn't like Minnie's old man.

Blue came back into my bedroom. He had a woman's plastic makeup pouch in his hand. His eyes were flashing. His black face was gray with anger. He held the pouch before my eyes.

He said slowly, “What is this?”

I said, “It's a makeup kit. I think.”

He loudmouthed, “I know what the hell it is. Since you told me there was no broad in there, I'd like you to tell me how I could pick this up on the floor in there?”

I said, “It probably belongs to Midge. She wears makeup when she goes out.”

He said, “This powder and lipstick is too dark for Midge. Folks, what's been going on?”

I said, “Blue, I told you the truth the first time.”

He snatched off his heavy leather belt. It whistled through the loops. He went back to Midge's room. In a moment I heard him wake up Midge.

He roared, “What is this damn thing doing in your room? If you lie to me I'll cut the blood out of you. I've got a bellyful of your freakish shit.”

Midge screamed, “Get away from me, Blue. I'll put your big black ass in jail if you hit me. I borrowed that makeup from a friend and forgot to return it. Get the hell out of my room, Blue.”

He shouted, “You little funky freak. You think you can play the con for Blue Howard? I'm gonna do what I should have done a long time ago. I'm going to slit your fast yellow ass wide open and tell the rollers why I did it. How about that?”

I heard the loud smash of the leather. Then another scream and a scuffling sound. Then again and again. At least a dozen times I heard the belt blasting flesh.

I went into Midge's room. Midge was on the floor face down. Blue had his knee in the middle of her shoulders. He was leaning all of his two hundred pounds down on her, pinning her to the floor.

Her legs were flailing as he lashed her butt and back.

I grabbed his wrist and said, “Please don't hit her anymore.”

His wide eyes looked up at me. He got to his feet. Midge rolled over and lay there on her back and stared up at him dry-eyed.

She gritted her teeth and almost sang in a whisper, “I hate you, Blue Howard. I've always hated you. Do you understand, Blue Howard, how much I hate you? I wish you were rotting in your grave. I hate you. I hate you.”

Blue's shoulders slumped. He heaved a deep sigh and pressed his palms against his head. He extended his open hand down toward her. She rolled away from it.

He tried to speak. All that came out was a garbled cackle. I put my arm around his shoulder and guided him down the hall to his bedroom.

He just kept shaking his head as I helped him undress and get into bed. I went back to Midge. She was in the bathroom throwing cold water on her face. Ugly red welts striped her back.

I said, “Midge, I tried to alibi for you. Your back is in bad shape. Let me put something on it.”

She turned and looked at me. She smiled sadly. She said, “No thanks, Johnny, it doesn't hurt. You know something? I've really enjoyed being your play sister. Too bad that we couldn't have grown up together with Pauline our mother and Blue not our father, but some kind, clean-cut guy for our father.

“Then I could have been happy for all those years and all the ones to come. I know I wouldn't be all fouled up like I am. Johnny, I'm leaving this house and never coming back.” Tears sprang to her eyes.

I put my arms around her. I said, “How will you live? You're just a girl. You'd be in trouble out there.”

She said, “That's what Blue thinks. But I have an out. There's a woman named Celeste that I can count on. She was here last night.

“Johnny, we are madly in love. Nobody can make love the way she does. I can't live without it. She's got a fabulous apartment. She's begged me to live with her. She makes as much money as Blue does. Maybe more. When Blue goes to sleep, I'm going to have her come to get me.”

I said, “What does she do for a living? Peddle dope? You better stay here, Midge. Blue won't beat you again. You should have seen him in his bedroom. He's falling apart. He's so sorry that he did that.”

She said, “Celeste is no dope peddler. She's smarter than that. She's not forty years old for nothing. She's got three girls shoplifting for her.

“I'm going to keep the apartment and make love to Celeste like a good little wife while those boosters steal our living.

“So, don't worry about me. I'll be happier than I've ever been in my life. If you were smart, you'd get away from Blue as fast as you can. He just wants to use you. He has no real friends. Get away before it's too late.”

I said, “You're angry. Blue has his faults. But he's not that bad.
He's got at least one real friend. Me. I heard you say once that you wouldn't let Blue wake up if he ever beat you. Please Midge, don't sneak in there and do anything to him. He's your father, and he loves you.”

She laughed bitterly and said, “You poor chump. He's really got you conned, hasn't he? Don't worry. I don't feel enough for him to kill your precious Blue Howard.”

That afternoon around three, Celeste sent a cab for Midge. I went to the front window and watched the cabbie put Midge's last bag into the cab. Midge blew me a kiss as it pulled away. It disappeared into the January gloom.

Blue was snoring when I went down the hall to my room. I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling. The moan of the wind tricked me into jagged sleep.

That long ago train from Kansas City to Chicago was hurtling through an inky night. A little boy's shoulder bounced against the ceiling of the coach as the train flew from the track and fell down, down into blackness.

I woke up in the grayish-purple fog of sunset. Blue was sitting on the side of my bed. He was shaking my shoulder. He said, “Well, Folks, Midge is gone. She's taken all of her clothes.”

I said, “Are you going to find her and bring her back?”

He said, “Hell, no. She'll come back crawling on her own. I know Chicago. She can't survive in those streets. She'll have to come back.

“She'll wake up that those freaks are not her friends in need. Folks, she has to come back. I know she'll realize we are all she's got.”

I said, “I'm sure going to miss her. I hope you're right. I hope nothing bad happens to her before she sees the light. She's a stubborn little girl. Yes, I hope you're right.”

He got to his feet. He looked like an ebony statue of an old man standing there in the purple haze.

He said, “I'm going to the barber shop for a shave and a good massage. Want to come along?”

I said, “No, not this time. I think I'll take a bath and go to bed early.”

He went down the hall. I heard the front door shut. I went to the beige leather chair near the window. I sat there and watched the wild wind bend the groaning trees.

I thought about Grandma Annie. Maybe she was lucky to be dead. I felt so sad for Blue, for Phala, Lester Gray, Midge and the trees.

11
CONNING IN THE SPRING TRA LA TRA LA

G
olden Spring burst forth with its perennial promises of beauty and love to suckers. But it brought the exciting promise of the con to me.

I went to visit Phala on the third of April. Her eyes were still vacant and she was thinner. On the way back I sent my old pal, Lester Gray, another money order.

The sharp pain of losing Midge had dulled somewhat for Blue and me. We seldom talked about her. We tried to forget. But her room and her memory were there to remind us.

After Midge left, Blue didn't take any more trips with Memphis Kid. Memphis got a new partner called St. Louis Shorty.

Blue spent all of his time teaching me the smack game. We practiced the dialogue for the game until I was hoarse.

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