Trouble & the Wallflower (24 page)

Davy ended the call with his uncle and leaned on the wall outside Ray’s room, taking deep breaths. A roiling feeling Davy associated with a panic attack started trying to wrap its suffocating fingers around his throat.
Not now. I can’t
. He was so angry at himself. He hadn’t had that feeling in so long. This was definitely not the fucking time.

He slid to a squat on the floor and took deep breaths. He filled his lungs with sterile, foul-smelling hospital air as though it was fresh mountain air. The cold from the air conditioning tickled his skin, something to focus on. And focus he did. Bright, fluorescent lighting, chilly air, and disinfectant all anchored him.
You can do this. For Gavin, you can do this.
He felt the moment that the panic receded and smiled to himself.

“Davy?” A voice sounded down the hall.

As Davy stood, hearing a herd of footsteps, Sean, Devon, and Mason all rushed toward him. God, was he happy to see all of them. And Davy had
never
been happy to see a group of men running toward him.

“Davy, how’s Gav?” That was Mason. They all started asking questions in unison.

“Guys, hush. Quiet it down.” Davy shushed them all. “Thanks for coming.” He definitely meant that.

“I told them what’s going down,” Sean said.

“Well, I doubt they’ll let all of you in there, but I know Ray and Oliver will be happy to see you,” Davy assured them. “But Gav, he’s a wreck and I need to get him by himself for a minute.”

“Sure thing. We can handle baby duty,” Mason said.

“We can?” Devon asked. Everyone stared at him for a minute.

“Anyway,” Sean drawled. “Let’s go get our boy. You take him somewhere, we’ll handle the rest.”

Davy let out a breath and was shocked when Devon pulled him into a clumsy hug. “It’s all good, dude.”

“Okay, you can let him go now, Dopey.” Mason pulled Devon off and Davy could see Devon was sniffling.

Sean rolled his eyes, but patted Devon’s shoulder fondly. “There, there.”

Davy laughed lightly, and it really helped fend off the last of the panicky feeling from earlier. He was thankful he’d fallen in with this group of friends. He couldn’t imagine doing better than these guys.

Sean led the way into the room. “Ray, you old bastard, how do you make hospital white look so sexy?”

Ray laughed, and Gavin looked surprised when all of his friends spilled into the room. Everyone passed out hugs and jokes as though nothing was wrong with being cramped in a hospital room. Davy waited for Sean to signal that they had it from there, and then he grabbed Gavin by the sleeve and dragged him out into the hall. Switching from his sleeve to a strong grip on Gavin’s hand, Davy led Gavin to one of the stairwells he’d scoped out.

The door shut behind them, and Davy pulled Gavin down to sit on a step next to him. Gavin looked at Davy, confusion and hurt pouring out of his eyes.

“Oh, Gavin.” Davy pulled his lover to him and held him tight. Gavin was so tense in Davy’s arms, but he clung to Davy’s shirt as if he might disappear. “I’m here, babe. I got you.” And Davy did. He had Gavin.

They sat for a long, long time. Gavin had trembled for a while, the gears in his head grinding so loud Davy could hear them. But Gavin never cried. He held it together there in Davy’s arms, and Davy just sat silently, letting him do whatever he needed. If he just needed time to think, Davy would let him have it because there was so much to deal with right here and right now.

Eventually Gavin sat up and leaned against the rails of the stairs, looking blankly at Davy. Davy waited him out. He knew Gavin needed to come around in his own time.

“Why?” Gavin asked so quietly Davy would have missed it if he hadn’t seen Gavin’s mouth move. “Fucking
why
?” Gavin shouted. Davy reached for Gavin, but Gavin flinched away. “Why did she leave
now
?”

Davy looked at his feet. He had to tell the truth. It was now or never. He took a deep breath and said, “It’s my fault.”

“What?” Gavin’s tone was harsh. Davy kept looking at his feet until Gavin grabbed Davy’s chin and made him look up. “What did you say?”

“I said it’s my fault.” Davy wished his voice hadn’t shaken so much.

“How so?” Davy could tell Gavin was trying hard to be patient, and under the circumstances Davy understood why it was hard to deal with Davy’s inability to just fucking speak.

“I told her to leave, Gavin.”

Gavin jumped up, glowering at Davy. “Why in the
fuck
would you do that?”

Davy stood quickly and put his hands on Gavin’s shoulders. “She was drinking. A lot.”

Gavin deflated. “How do you know?”

“Sean saw her drinking when you guys went to the market.” Davy saw Gavin getting worked up again. “He didn’t know what to do, Gav. You have to understand. He didn’t want to say anything in front of Oliver. Then there was the big family dinner, and he didn’t want to spoil that.”

Gavin sank back down to sit on the steps, and Davy followed his lead. “Then I went to talk to Ray, but he was already here, which I didn’t know when I told her to go away. She was wasted and talking to someone about getting money out of Ray then skipping town after he died. She’d been lying. She was still drinking, and she was never going to stay. So I told her to fuck off. But I didn’t know she’d leave Oliver. I just told her not to keep him from you, honest.”

Gavin put a finger on Davy’s lips to quiet him. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I know. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have butted in.”

“No, babe. You don’t understand. I can’t believe you stood up to her. You just went up to her and told her to go?”

Davy grimaced. “Um, that’d be a polite way of paraphrasing our conversation.”

Davy was stunned when Gavin’s lips descended on his and Gavin held him close as he delivered a bruising kiss with tongue and teeth and no air. When they separated, Davy felt weak and his mind wasn’t functioning properly.

“You, Davy Cooper, are my hero. Don’t ever doubt that, okay.”

Davy nodded dumbly.

“I’m going to ask you to do something really hard right now, though.”

“Anything.” That was the truth. Davy knew he’d give Gavin anything he needed.

“I need a little time.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I just got my brother kinda dropped in my lap. I have to figure out what that means and I have to do it while preparing for Ray to die. I know this is when they say I’m supposed to hold tighter to those I love, but Davy, I need time.”

Davy hated how much his voice shook, but he was so confused when he asked, “Forever?”

“No, Davy. No. Just a little while. I need you, I do. And don’t stop coming to see Ray, but while I figure all of this out, I know myself well enough to know there’s a fucking major freak-out around the corner, and it seems like every time I freak out, you’re the one getting hurt, and I’d like to not do something to make
you
go away forever.”

“But, I’d know better, Gavin.” Gavin couldn’t do this to him. Davy wanted so badly to give him time, but Davy couldn’t go back to being alone. He needed Gavin, and damned if he cared how pathetic he sounded. “I need you.”

Gavin’s eyes were so soft, tears filling them. “I need you too.” Gavin kissed Davy so softly. Davy teared up, feeling how close that kiss was to a good-bye kiss. “Davy, you have to think long and hard too. If I really do keep my brother, I’m a package deal with a kid. That scares the fuck out of me, but he’s my brother. You made me strong, so I know I can do right by him.”

“Gavin, you were always strong.”

“Maybe. But you made me better. Never doubt it,” Gavin said before kissing both corners of Davy’s mouth.

God, Davy hated how much this felt like a good-bye. “What’s there to think about?” he asked earnestly.

“Are you ready for that? We’re twenty-two, Davy. I don’t expect you to be ready for a forever and a kid. We haven’t been together that long. I’d rather you go away now if you can’t handle it than rush into it and freak out down the road. Oliver can’t handle that, and God knows I can’t take it. I love you too much already.”

Davy knew what his answer was, but something in Gavin’s face made him relent. “Okay.”

“I’m always here, Davy.”

Davy kissed Gavin on the forehead. “Me too, Gav. I love you so much. If you need anything….”

“I’ll call.” Gavin looked away, chin trembling.

Davy stood and walked out the door, willing himself to follow Gavin’s wishes. He didn’t have to like it, and he didn’t have to stay away for long, just long enough for Gavin to know Davy could keep his word. Even if it hurt like motherfucking hell. This was worse than losing his mother, knowing Gavin and Oliver were live flesh and blood and just miles away but he couldn’t touch them.

“Davy?” He heard someone call his name. He couldn’t turn around, though. He knew if he did, he wouldn’t leave, and Gavin needed space. Davy would give him that.

When Davy stepped into the crowded elevator, he saw Sean standing in the hallway, eyes sad and knowing. The door closed, and Davy’s heart shattered.

D
AVY
WAS
ready to put summer behind him. July was almost rolling to a close and he was grateful. The days were long and so were the lines at the shop. Since an article had been published a few weeks earlier calling Bart’s a hidden treasure of the Emerald Coast, business, which was already booming in the tourist season, had tripled. The owner was pleased with the profits, and the employees were over the moon with the overflowing tip jars every shift. Davy couldn’t really complain, either. All the work meant he didn’t have as much time to obsess on how long it had been since he’d shared his bed with Gavin.

Davy still heard from Gavin if Gavin needed someone to sit with Oliver. Davy loved spending time with the little guy. And Davy still went to see Ray whenever he could. Ray slept more often than not, but that was a relief as most of his waking hours were spent in pain.

Today, though, Davy was exhausted. He’d been with Oliver late into the night while Gavin sat at the hospital after being called in by the doctors who thought it might be Ray’s last. Ray had pulled through, and Davy had made it home in time to get a few hours of sleep before another ten-hour day.

Davy was like a zombie as he dropped a scoop of birthday-cake ice cream into a tin for a shake. He was just thinking it’d be a damn hard thing to make it another three hours when the owner wandered behind the counter from the back. That told Davy how tired he was—he’d missed his boss even entering the shop.

“Hey, Davy.”

“Oh, hey, Henry.” Davy started at the appearance of the man. Henry had been coming in more frequently since business had picked up. He had several businesses around town, so he spread his time evenly among them, but Bart’s was his highest grossing at the moment, so he came by to help Davy when he could, and Davy was always happy to see him. They’d become decent friends since they’d had to spend more time around each other lately.

“You look tired. Another late night with the kid?” Henry had gotten about as bad at mothering as Drew. Davy thought they’d be perfect for each other.

“Yeah. A false alarm at the hospital had Gavin out late.” Davy had grown accustomed to the sympathetic looks people gave him lately. He supposed he looked like someone who had an impending death in the family. It was hard to shake that kind of sadness. He’d not worn it like a cloak around his mother’s death, though. He’d been so angry with her for leaving him to cope with a world he knew nothing about that the mourning fell by the wayside, though he figured that might have been his way of mourning, anger rather than sadness.

“Why don’t you cut out early? It’s not too crazy in here. I can take it from here.”

Davy was too grateful for the offer to argue for propriety’s sake. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely. In fact, I’ll open up in the morning. You come in at noon instead of nine.”

Davy almost collapsed from relief. “Really?”

“Yes. Now go. Off with you.” Henry dismissed him, turning to a customer. Davy didn’t have to be told twice. He started to clean up from his shift, but Henry insisted one of the night-shift workers could handle it.

Davy stopped by a gyro restaurant on his way home. No way he was cooking. He ordered some carryout that he could scarf down right before passing out. The woman behind the counter told him it’d be twenty minutes before his food was ready, so he collapsed in a sloppy heap on the booth against the wall that was for people waiting for carryout orders. He pulled out his phone to make sure there were no messages that needed his immediate attention.

Nope. No messages was okay with him. That meant no one was dead, no mothers had swooped into town to reclaim their children, and no one needed Davy to come back in to work a few more hours.

Davy looked up on the counter to see if his food had magically finished eighteen minutes faster than he’d been quoted. He caught a familiar form in his peripheral. He turned his head to see who it was and found himself meeting Nate’s gaze. Davy withdrew, looking away quickly and twisting his hands in his lap.