True Beginnings (11 page)

Chapter 11 HIM

Her eyes blink to the light, as I stand over her. She hasn't moved all night, except small twitches and moans from bad dreams that I could hear from my side of the door. I squat down and untie her ankles, then her wrists. I stop her from sitting up though. "Move your arms first. Before you sit up." Her look is hopeful to my tenderness. I help her sit, holding her upper body. She has to sit sideways, her ass still swollen and raw, her thighs not as bad. 

I pick her up under her arms and help her to the bed. She sits softly on the edge. I have a glass of water for her and make her take a sip. "I have to use the bathroom." Her lips and throat are dry.

"Ask me." My abruptness changes her hopeful look into fear and shame again.

"Please...may I go...to the bathroom, Sir?"

"Who does your body belong to Lucy?" She blinks for only a second.

"You, Sir."

"I own you." I say this flatly.

"Yes...Yes, Sir."

"Say it."

"You own me, Max." She pleads to me, a look of love, longing, lust. "You own me. Max, you own me...you own me...please...you own me...you own me..."

I hush her with a kiss. And quietly, "I own every part of you, Lucy. You don't even have the right to decide when you pee, unless I give you that right. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Go make breakfast." She moves slowly off the bed and heads towards the door. "Lucy." She turns to me. "You may use the bathroom first."

"Thank you, Sir." She quietly walks to the bathroom and I follow her. I take aspirin out and walk back to the bed. When she returns I make her take these with the water. We have a long drive today and I don't want her too stiff to go.

I watch her make breakfast, quickly moving around the kitchen. Bending over with some obvious stiffness, her ass a mess of redness and bumps. But so beautiful.

Last night, I didn't have complete control of my anger. I've been afraid of that...losing control like that. Not being able to pull myself back from the edge of darkness, back from the violence I knew with my Mom.

I've questioned If I'd be able to stop my anger long enough to keep Lucy safe... from me.

I realized that it's what's been holding us back. I've been holding us back. I've given Lucy many rules, threatened her with punishments, even spanked her a little...but always in the back of my mind, I've wondered what would happen if...if I lost it. Saw red and really wanted to hurt her for angering me, disobeying me.

Last night, I proved to myself that I can reign in my anger. That I can keep as strong of a control of myself as I can of her. That my desire to keep her safe is as strong as my desire to punish her, to control her, to own her.

I realized something else last night, in the darkness, feeling her absence in my bed, her soft moans tearing into my heart. I don't want only part of her. I want everything. I demand everything. I don't want to hold back anymore...I don't need to.

Today, I'll start her new lessons...

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"I know you know that how you
behave
is important to me." She stops mid-air with her fork, lowering it and looking at her hands, only nodding so she doesn't interrupt. "How you
think
is equally important to me, Lucy." She looks into my eyes, trying to tell me how ashamed she is. "What lesson did you learn last night...by yourself?"

"I...I learned how badly I'd betrayed you..." She doesn't look at me, only her hands. I’d allowed her a small pillow, so she sits higher in her seat, with her hair down around her, her nipples just above the table's edge, her cheeks swollen and tear-stained still; her beauty takes my breath away. "That I will never betray you again!"

"Go on."

"I learned that I never want to make you so angry again...so angry that you can't find a way to make me your good girl...to forgive me. That I didn't deserve your forgiveness."

"Good. Because you won't be walking the next day from the spanking you'll deserve if you ever let another man touch you again. Do you understand me?" And I know now that I can take my anger to that level, that Lucy will accept it as her punishment...and that I'll be able to stop myself from going too far. That I can keep her safe even from my own anger.

"Yes, Sir."

"I need you to understand something else." I take her hand from her lap and hold it in mine. Her puppy-wants-a-treat look makes me smile for a second. "I don't mean I want you to
think
about your behavior more." A little confusion crosses her face. "I mean that I want to get you to a point that your thoughts are automatically centered on me...and nothing else...and your behavior is second nature." She nods. "Even alone in your own thoughts, I demand your obedience. I want to own you mind, body, and soul, Lucy."

"You do!" I smile at this. I know she thinks this is true...but she has quite a few lessons before I know it
will
be true.

"You better eat something...we have a long day, little girl." She obediently picks up her fork and starts eating again, smiling at me as I still hold her hand.

Chapter 11 HER

This drive is so pretty, miles of trees, sunshine and peeks at the lake. The houses get bigger, the land spreads more. I recognize the area...we should be at his parents' house soon. This trip is so different from the last; I feel a flutter in my stomach. I'm excited and nervous.

Excited because I can't wait to show his Dad how much I love Max. Ron had asked me that question last time...this time I hope he'll be able to see that I do! And I hope to make up for everything to Max...to be on my very best behavior, so he'll be nothing but happy with me!

I squeeze his hand on my knee. Max smiles at me again, raises his hand to my face and squeezes both cheeks gently. I've been getting him to give me little looks and touches for the whole drive. He seems to understand that I need his constant touch...after last night...I don't want to be without his touch ever again!

Nervous...well, that's obvious..., Ron is very intimidating. I know how much Max looks up to him...and I really want him to like me...to think that I'm good enough for Max. I've never really cared about what a guy's parents thought of me before. But I know that it's important to Max, so it's important to me.

And of course, I'm nervous that Max will make these next few days a test...of my obedience to him. I want so much to please him, but I'm still afraid of making him angry...my as...my
butt
can't take much more.

I smile, squeezing Max's arm. I know he'd be proud of me if I told him that I just stopped myself from cursing. This is what he wants...what he said he demands...that even in my own thoughts...I'm his good girl. He leans over and I give him a kiss on his cheek, he hugs my face to his, still looking at the road.

I can't believe how happy I am...and with a sore bottom. My thighs are more strained from Max pushing on them than the belt, but my butt is still raw where I sit, it still throbs a little. Max gave me a small cushion for the carseat, but this only helps a little.

The drive is long, but I'm grateful for it. Even though I know I'll be stiff and sorer when we get there, I'm glad to have this time to think. Everything went downhill so fast yesterday, that I haven't had a chance to think about it.  Now that it's over, I can. 

Max was so angry; I still can't believe that I was that stupid! I felt this almost out of body thing...I saw myself doing the things that I knew would make him angry...acting like I could do whatever I please. But I didn't know why. Last night, in the closet...I kept reliving everything. Going over and over it all.

I felt this tug-of-war between what my co-workers and friends expect of me and what Max expects of me. I just went into auto-mode and acted like I do at work, around Tracy and Laura. Last night, just before falling asleep, I realized that this is when I get into trouble...when I ignore that Max expects me to be his good girl all the time...no matter what...and I try to get away with being my old self.

But my old self didn't have this. 

I steal a guilty look at him. He only picks up my hand and kisses it, making me smile again. "I'm sorry about yesterday, Max."

He looks surprised. "Is that what has you so quiet? You're thinking about yesterday still?"

"..Yes..." I still feel guilty.

"Well...stop. That's an order!" He kisses my hand again and winks at me.

"But...can I say one more thing, Sir?"

His smile gets bigger. "Yes, you may..."

"I was bad on purpose!" I blurt this out. He looks sideways at me quickly before pulling his eyes back to the road. "I mean...not on purpose exactly...but I...I wanted to pretend that I could...I could get away with acting like that...that just because I was around my friends...and co-workers, "I say this part extra quiet, extra guilty, "that it was an excuse."

"Go on." I'm beginning to feel that knot again....why did I start this conversation, we were having such a pleasant drive?! He kisses my hand again. "You are a very good girl for telling me. Go on."

"I...realized last night...on the floor...that I...I wouldn't have been happy if you'd let me get away with it...if the excuse had been ok with you..."

He smiles again. "You don't have any excuse for disobeying me, Lucy...ever." I smile at this too.

No, my old self didn't have someone who cares so much about me...loves me as much as I love him!

Chapter 12 HIM

"You didn't forget the presents, right?" It's the second time Lucy's asked me.

"No, baby. They're in the trunk." I laugh as she fidgets with her hands. She's been needy all morning. Doing little things to get my attention, to draw my hands to her. I give her reassurance again, squeezing both her hands in her lap. She smiles at me.

I'm impressed that she was able to see her own actions so clearly yesterday. I knew that she was testing her limits. Seeing what she could get away with. But the fact that she could see it too, and see that she didn't want me to let her get away with anything...well, I'm a lucky man to have such a good girl!

This second trip to my folks is a family tradition. An end of summer, closing of the lake house, although not officially. We've even spent Christmas up here before. It's a little soon after our last trip here, but I'll be happy to show off Lucy. She's come so far in such a short time.

She's so much more confident in her place with me. She understands what I expect. She's grown in her ability to stand up for us. The talks with Jake and Dan were big helps. She was able to say that she was fine with my disciplining her. Not the full, shout from the roof kinda thing...but I'll take it for now.

I know she's ignored all calls and texts from Tracy and Laura. I'll have to make her deal with that sooner or later...before the end of our visit. My friends and family accept me, her, us...hers need to do the same or no longer be counted as friends. I need to push her on this point. She's ready.

And after yesterday, I know that I can push her on anything. I believed that before, but now I know it's true. I hit her hard with the belt. I took my anger out on her, but I stayed in control...I smile to myself, although I imagined hitting her twenty more times...I gave her a just punishment, and she took it. She accepted that she deserved it. And she's better for it.

Lucy was excited about coming up again so soon. We're going to spend three days. I made her take off Tuesday to make the long weekend even longer. She insisted on shopping and getting presents for both my parents, as thank yous for their hospitality this time and last.

I smile as she squeezes my hand again...such a needy girl today!

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I open the car door and help Lucy out, just as Mom is walking out the front door. Lucy is stiff from sitting for so long. But she embraces my Mom with a big hug.

"Mrs. Traeger...I mean, Alex! It's so good to see you again!"

"Lucy, it's good to see you, too!" Mom keeps her arm around Lucy's shoulders. She's almost a head taller than her. Lucy is dressed in a plain white dress with short sleeves, soft and loose. The dress reaches just below her knees, covering the marks on her thighs.

I lean in and kiss Mom on the cheek; she hugs me with her free arm. "Where's Dad?"

"He had to go into town for a bit. I forgot some things back at the house and he had a few errands to run. He should be back any minute." Mom turns Lucy towards the house.

"I'll grab the bags and be right in."

Lucy turns at the first step up, "You'll bring
all
the bags in?"

I only roll my eyes at her, "Yes...go inside." She immediately turns and follows my Mom, who waited by the front doors. Mom notices how slow and stiff Lucy is on the stairs, but says nothing. Only smiles at me.

Dad pulls up just as I'm setting our bags on the gravel drive. He walks over, setting a grocery bag down and hugs me. "Glad you could make it up this weekend!"

"Me, too! Sorry we couldn't be here yesterday. I let Lucy go to her company's picnic up in Michigan. But we made good time getting here today." I open the passenger door to grab Lucy's purse, Dad notices the pillow, but doesn't say anything.

We walk together up the stairs, hearing Mom and Lucy in the kitchen, laughing.

Lucy is leaning over the counter. Ron sets the bag of groceries on the island. They were probably only apart for thirty minutes, but Mom rushes to be in his arms and kiss him hello again. Lucy smiles watching them.

"Put the groceries away, Lucy." I intend to order her around a lot this weekend!

She startles for a second, unsure of where everything would go, but immediately starts taking everything out of the bag and placing it on the counter. "Do you put your onions in the fridge, Alex?" I smile that she's being on her best behavior. Dad winks at me.

"No...There’s a bin in the pantry...Yes, just down one shelf is for the onions...thank you, sweetie." Mom smiles at me too. "Now...all men out of my kitchen...I have lunch to prepare!" She shoos us out with her apron. "Lucy...you can help me with the pie for tonight."

Dad and I head out to the terrace. The landscape is already changing, the waves are higher and the beach is smaller, rockier. Every spring, they have to repair the retaining wall after a harsh winter. Today it's still warm and the water in the air is sweet, the thunderclouds just rolling in.

Lucy comes out with two beers and hands each of us one. She laughs and rubs the top of my head, "Your Mom was just telling me that you've never liked peas...she couldn't get you to eat them either." Lucy is learning my likes and dislikes...not all of what she's made has been good, but she's learning.

Dad answers, "Max was a picky eater as a kid...at least he
tried
to be." He tips his beer at me and laughs.

"I went to bed many a night with an empty stomach and a sore butt!" I laugh too. Lucy winces when I squeeze my arm around her hips. Her own butt is still very sore. "Lucy's becoming a good cook."

"I want to make breakfast for all of us tomorrow...if that's ok with you, Mr. Tra...Ron?" The only way I could've been prouder of her is if she'd called him sir. 

Dad smiles at us, looking from me to Lucy, "Of course, Lucy...that'll be very nice. Give Alex a break...but she'll probably be snooping around trying to help, just so you know." He winks at her. She relaxes against my arm.

"I can use all the help I can get! I'm still burning toast!" She laughs at herself and heads back into the kitchen.

"She seems...happier...this time," Dad is watching me as I follow Lucy with my eyes. Her hips just visible under her loose dress, her hair swaying with her pretty walk, one foot in front of the other. She knows I'm watching her.

"She is." I take a swig of beer and change the subject. "Have you talked to Jake?"

"Yes. He called yesterday...finally."

"Good. He still won't return my calls..."

"I know. He says he needs a little space still." Dad looks down at the bottle cradled in his hands. "He told me that his split with Julia is a good thing though...so maybe he's coming around. Have some faith."

I sigh, "I will. But I'm not going to give up trying to reach him."

"I wouldn't expect you to." He tips his beer to me again and takes a deep drink.

Lucy comes back out, "Alex says lunch is ready. Where would you like to eat, Ron?"

Ron gives her a big smile. "Looks like it might actually rain...we can eat inside, Lucy." He gives me a big smile too, as Lucy walks away. "She's definitely different..."

                                                                                    .....

"Lucy'll clean up, Mom." Mom stops from picking up plates, looking at Dad. Lucy just looks at me for a second, before jumping up and taking the plates from her. Dad puts his arm out and Mom steps into his arm, out of Lucy's way.

"Why don't you get a game ready for us, Max...the weather's perfect for a good ass-kicking?!" Ron is rubbing his hands together. He's always loved being in this house during a storm, all of us around to play games.

We head into the family room while Mom heads into the kitchen with Lucy. She doesn't do anything, just tells Lucy where everything is. She knows better than to interfere with an order I've given to Lucy.