True Confessions (5 page)

Later that evening, after a somewhat tense day with Mother, I decided to give Taylor a quick call. I didn’t feel like talking, but I knew if I didn’t call her back, I’d get sixty questions later on. And I had no intention of telling her of my attempt to take my life. Sure, she was my best friend, but I was a private person to a fault. There were some things even Taylor didn’t know about me. Many things she probably never will.

She was always complaining that she told me all her business and I consistently held out on her. Not that there was much to tell on my end. Taylor, on the other hand, always had an exciting story to share. I told her that she needed to write a book or two. Relationship stories with lots of drama were bestsellers.

I dialed Taylor’s phone number from memory, and lay back against my bed pillow. It was raining lightly outside and I could feel the gloom trying to pull me back in and consume me. I had lit a couple of my favorite candles to give my room a nice, fragrant smell. Lately, it smelled stuffy and confining. I realized I was going stir crazy; the walls were closing in on me and my random thoughts.

Mother and I had shared an uncommonly quiet dinner. I knew what was bothering her even if she wouldn’t admit it. She didn’t want me to talk with Drake or have anything else to do with him. And I could understand her feelings, but I couldn’t make that promise to her, not just yet. I couldn’t make the promise to myself. So, Mother tried not to confront me, and I tried not to upset her anymore than I already had. Therefore, dinner was quiet and subdued and strained. Each of us was lost in our own personal thoughts as we ate shrimp linguini, a garden salad, and rolls, and drank iced tea.

“Hello?”

“Hey, girl,” I said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible.

“Oh, so you finally call back your best friend? Where have you been? I’ve been calling and calling for two days now. Images of your dead and rotting body were running through my mind,” she said, releasing that high-pitched, cheery laughter of hers. Taylor was always in a good mood. I could probably count on one hand the number of times I’d seen her in a foul mood. Me, I was another story. I thought that Taylor didn’t know how close she was to the truth about me being dead.

“I haven’t been feeling well. I had to go to the emergency room the other night.”

“What? What happened? Why didn’t you call me?” she asked with concern etched in her voice.

“No, Mother came by, took control as usual, and drove me to the hospital.”

“You still could have called; I am your best friend,” she pouted. “What’s the verdict?”

“Nothing much. I caught the flu and had gotten severely dehydrated.” I surprised myself at how convincely the lies rolled off my tongue.

“Better you than me. You should have gotten a flu shot.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Girl, you know I’m kidding.” She chuckled.

“I’m not so sure.”

“Can I bring you anything? Soup? Orange juice?”

“No, I’m cool.”

“Well, how are you feeling now?”

“Better.”

“Is that why Mrs. Logan is over there? She answered my call last night.”

“Yeah, Mother is nursing me back to health. You know how she is; this is right up her alley.”

“Well then, I know you are in good hands. It’s sickening the way that woman dotes on you. Gives you anything you want and then some.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m not hatin’. Girl, you got it made.”

“I guess.”

“You guess? You know how my mom and I just coexist. Consider yourself lucky to have a mother who puts your needs before her own.”

“You’re right and I do count my blessings.”

“But you are feeling better?”

“Yes, a little.”

“Good, because you have to go with me to the club this weekend. I’ve already bought this tight, sexy black dress and shoes. Cost me a small fortune.”

“I don’t know, Taylor. You know how I hate that entire club scene.”

“I know, but you need to get out now that you and Drake have broken up. He can’t stop you from going out with me anymore.”

Just the mention of Drake’s name momentarily sped up my heart. I burrowed deeper into my pillow, exhausted.

“Are you there? Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“Well? You still are broken up, aren’t you? Don’t tell me you’ve gotten back together,” she questioned cautiously.

“Yes,” I answered, cutting her off. “We are still broken up.”

“Well, is it a go for this weekend?” Taylor asked.

“First of all, Drake didn’t stop me from going to the club with you when we were dating. I wanted to spend time with him because he was always out of town on business.”

“Yeah, right. Tell me anything, K. Quit making excuses for that man. You know Drake was always trying to tell you what to do and you usually listened. You did what he said, period. I’ve witnessed it with my own eyes and it made me sick to my stomach.”

“Whatever, Taylor. Just drop it.”

“I am going to drop it because I don’t want to upset you. So, are we hanging out?”

“I don’t like feeling like I’m on display. I only go to hang out with you; do you a favor and spend time with my best friend.”

“Maybe you’ll meet a nice man.”

“I’m not looking for one.”

“I know, because you definitely didn’t meet one in Drake.”

“I thought we agreed.”

“I’m sorry, K. I couldn’t resist.” She snickered.

“Besides, I don’t meet men like you do.”

“Girl, I love you like a sister, but for the life of me I can’t understand why you don’t realize the spell you cast on men. K, you are gorgeous. With that good hair, flawless skin, light eyes, a model’s figure, and a sister’s butt, you are just what the doctor ordered. Add in that innocence and naivety you project and you are quite mysterious and desirable to most men.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Innocence I project?” I asked, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Yes, I don’t know any twenty-eight-year-old woman who doesn’t cuss, drink, or kiss on the first date.”

“Taylor, stop exaggerating. I curse when I’m in rush-hour traffic and I do drink when we go out.”

“Yeah, and when you do cuss, it sounds ridiculous. Who cusses using proper English? And two drinks is not what I call drinking.”

We both laughed. It was the first laugh I’d had in a while and it felt good. Real good. I had forgotten the feeling.

“But, I love you anyway,” Taylor offered.

“Love you back.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I have to ask. Have you heard from him?”

“Who?”

“Girl, you know who. Don’t act dumb. This is Taylor you’re talking to.”

“Drake?” I asked with some difficulty.

“Yes. Drake. Who else would I be talking about? I know by now he has tried to crawl back to you like the snake he is, by way of an apology or intimidation.”

“Haven’t heard from him. He knows it’s over; we both realize that this time around.”

“If you say so, K. I’ll have to see it before I will believe it. It’s still early in the breakup. I’ve seen y’all go through this break-up, get-back-together cycle numerous times. I realize you love him, but you are like some sort of trophy to Drake the way he is always showing you off. Wanting you to dress sexy. Wear your hair a certain way. He wants you to be someone you’re not. Can’t you see that? By the way, you never told me what the big breakup was all about? You guys have broken up so many times, I’ve lost count. What was it this time?”

“It doesn’t even matter. I couldn’t handle any more of his foul ways and this was definitely the end.”

“It’s amazing, a man that gorgeous with all those damn issues.”

“Issues?”

“Yes, issues, girl. He has you so dick whipped that you can’t see whether you are coming or going. Why the man make you dress up in costumes all the damn time? It ain’t Halloween. Or the time he wouldn’t let you touch him, and he sucked your tatas all night long? Girl, that was a trip when you told me about that. His breastfeeding days are long gone. You ain’t his mama. What was up with that? Strange, I tell you.”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t defend him. Taylor had seen Drake in action, more than once, and I had told her things about our relationship to determine if Drake’s actions were normal.

“You are definitely going to the club with me, right?”

“I don’t know. I’ll let you know later in the week.”

“K?” Taylor asked, irritated.

“I promise.”

“Okay, cool. I guess I’ll have to hold you to that. At least you didn’t say no.”

I heard a beep, indicating that I had another call on my other line. I figured it had to be for Mother. She had received more phone calls since she’d been staying with me than I typically received in a week.

“Hey, Taylor, hold on for a minute. I have another call.”

“Okay, don’t leave me holding, Kennedy. You know how I hate that shit.”

“Girl, hold on.”

I pushed the button to click over.

“Hello?”

“Hello, baby. How are you doing? I’ve missed you so much.” I heard a deep, familiar, sexy voice, smooth as silk.

For a second, my heart fell down to my feet. My hands started to tremble uncontrollably. I don’t even know how I managed to click back over to Taylor. I was functioning on autopilot after hearing the sound of his voice.

“Taylor, let me call you back. I have another call I need to take.”

“Who is it?”

“Bye.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?”

“Bye, girl. Quit being so nosey. I’ll call you later.”

“Kennedy, don’t give in to him this time. Have a backbone. Please.”

“Bye.”

Slowly, I clicked back over and hugged my pillow closer.

“Hello?”

“Baby, what took you so long? I thought you had hung up on me. That would have hurt my heart.”

“Taylor was on the other line.”

“Probably talking about me.”

“Drake, contrary to what you may think, we don’t sit around discussing you all the time. The world doesn’t revolve around you, believe it or not.”

“Listen, baby, I didn’t call to argue with you. Okay? Just talk to me,” he stated, smooth as honey.

“What do you want, Drake?”

“I was just checking on you. I haven’t seen you at work for a few days. Wanted to make sure you’re okay. Besides, I miss you, baby.”

“I’m fine. Is that all?” I asked coldly.

“Hold up. Listen, I want to see you, Kennedy.”

“Can’t. We are over. Remember?” I stated with no emotion.

“Baby, I could never stop loving you and we could never be over. Love doesn’t cease to exist overnight.”

“You never
started
loving me and we are definitely over. Believe that.”

“Calm down. We can work this out, talk it out like always.”

“Not this time.”

“Just let me see you,” Drake begged.

“See me? For what?”

“To bask in your beauty and make sweet love to you.”

“You must be kidding. Have you forgotten what happened? Have you forgotten all those horrible things you said to me? Did to me? All the unspeakable names you called me?”

“Spoken in anger, that’s all. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Well, it hurt me just the same. Some things you can’t take back.”

There was a silence.

“Listen, I have to go. I can’t do this,” I whispered as tears threatened to spill forth.

“Baby, don’t treat me like this. Don’t treat
us
this way; give
us
another chance. We deserve that much.”

“Me, what about you? You can never accept the blame for anything.”

“Kennedy, calm down. You know how you get when you let your emotions get the best of you, and then you don’t think rationally.”

I didn’t say anything. The double-talk was in full force.

“I love you. Seriously, we can work this out. I don’t want to lose you,” he said in that sexy, deep voice. The voice I used to adore. Now, the one I despised with a passion.

“Too late. You already have. Lost me.”

I actually heard my pitiful sobs before I realized I was crying. Fresh tears were spilling down my cheeks and I was totally surprised. I didn’t think I had any more tears left for Drake. I didn’t even have the strength to wipe them away as they fell onto my cover.

“Drake, don’t do this to me,” I managed to murmur between sobs.

“Sssh. Kennedy, I need to see you. I need to touch you, feel you. Fit snugly inside you, make you come.”

“Don’t, Drake. Let me go. You have to let me go.”

“I can’t do that, baby. Never. I need you too much. Need to feel you pressed up against me, underneath me. I yearn to cradle you in my arms, where you belong. Let me come over and I’ll slowly lick my tongue over your clit, bury my tongue deep inside you, and make you feel good again. You don’t have to do anything but lie there with your legs wide open for me.”

“No.”

“No?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Well, I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. We’ll discuss it while I’m undressing you.”

“Don’t, Drake. I have no desire to see you.”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“No. My mother is here.”

“Damn, why didn’t you tell me that before? When is she leaving?”

“She’s not; I’m sick. Recovering from the flu. She’s taking care of me.”

“It figures. She treats you like you’re a little girl; her precious baby.”