Truly Madly Deeply (26 page)

“Don't go… Seema, wait… wait, I can explain!” he rushed out after her but could not catch up with her. He lost her somewhere in the long passages of the school. He remained there, searching for her, shouting her name, not able to locate her. He ran through all the corridors of the school. He searched the compound, the
canteen and the chapel. He realised then, he had lost her, lost her in the true sense.

When he came back to the auditorium, the stage was half-filled with the participants. He spotted Nazia and Jay in the corner. He strode off towards them.

“Why did you bring her here?” he asked Jay, his voice quivering.

“Are you talking to me?” Jay shot back.

“Yes, you bastard!” Rahul grasped his collar. Jay looked down in trepidation, his legs shook and he held the chair for support. Almost everyone turned towards the source of the commotion. Thankfully, there were no staff members present.

“Rahul, you are creating a scene. Jay was not aware about you and Farha,” Nazia urgently whispered in his ear, hoping he would let go off Jay's collar.

“What about me and her? I have nothing to do with Farha. Fuck her and fuck this asshole! I love Seema and only SEEMA!” he shouted back to all those who were listening. He pushed Jay back, releasing his collar and he fell back on his chair, wiping the accumulated sweat on his face with his sleeve.

He searched the crowd to see if he could spot Seema. He didn't, and another person he failed to spot was Akshay, Seema's little brother who was witnessing the proceedings silently from backstage.

“Fuck you, fuck you all,” he abused everyone around him.

“I don't want to participate with shitty people like you. To hell with you and all that you did!” he cursed Jay.

“You can't simply just walk away. I will complain about this to Dorothy ma'am,” Nazia threatened.

“Suit yourself!” Rahul said and trotted towards the auditorium door.

On his way out, he bumped into Sapna.

“Hi!” she exclaimed, enthusiastically.

He merely nodded gloomily.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Did you see Seema?” he questioned.

“No, but she might be backstage, rehearsing for her performance,” Sapna said.

“She's participating in the dance?” he asked, raising an eyebrow while sensing an opportunity.

“Yes, if I'm not mistaken, she took part at the last moment. She learnt the steps from Shweta after giving the Science paper, as we had a holiday the next day; she went ahead and practiced at her place. So unlike her! Yesterday, she was practicing for an hour at Jyotsna's place. They have an all girls' performance lined up… Hey, where are you off to?” Sapna shouted but Rahul was no longer within earshot. He ran quickly to the backstage and on the way bumped into Jyotsna, one of Seema's classmates.

“Where's Seema?” he asked.

“No idea, you tell me. We've been searching for her since we came here. She told us she would be here on time. We called at her place; her mother said she had left early in the morning. God knows where she is. We won't be allowed to perform even if we are one participant less and at this moment, we can't even teach the steps to a new member. How irresponsible of her!” Jyotsna said, angrily.

Rahul shot her a ‘shut up' look.

‘How irresponsible of me!' he cursed himself and tore his hair
in frustration.

After about half an hour, the judges arrived and the audience was in their place. Rahul decided to stay back, hoping Seema would come back in time for her performance and he would get a chance to clarify things. His chest was still heaving and his parched throat would not moisten, no matter the amount of water he drank.

The host announced that the Blue house would perform first. Dorothy ma'am spotted him and almost fainted on seeing him, seated in the back row.

“What in the name of Jesus are you doing here? Go, get ready, quick!” she pushed him. He had no time to explain.

When he went to the dressing room, the others were already outside, on their way to the stage.

“Oh, you came, hurry up. I had almost taken Juned as your replacement. They have announced our arrival!” Nazia pushed him into the dressing room.

He took his own time to change into the fancy white shirt and black pants; all the while his mind was being disturbed by the constant knocks on the door and Nazia's urgent plea to hurry up.

Finally, Dorothy ma'am started banging the door.

“Rahul, come out quick!” she thundered.

Rahul rushed out dressed in the clothes he was provided.

He did not realise when he came on stage with the others. The noise died down as they arrived a full ten minutes late! The music started even before he had taken his position. He was in no mood to dance and his movements were clumsy. When Farha held his hand, he was trying to jerk it away. She looked at him and shook her head.

“Please behave!” she whispered in his ear.

He held her hips and let her revolve around him. He closed his eyes and saw Seema in his arms as they elegantly moved on the dance floor. Memories of the annual day came rushing back and he did not realise when he pulled his hand away from Farha's hold and rushed backstage, ditching the performance. Somehow, the others completed their performance. Farha was fuming that she had to dance without a proper partner.

Dorothy ma'am found him backstage. The others came along
with her.

“What was that Rahul?” she asked in a voice she used to scold the fifth-grade kids.

“I'm sorry. I was feeling sick,” Rahul justified.

“Then you should have told me in the morning baba, we could lose out because of this. You know we are almost running head-to-head with green, if they perform better than us…” Dorothy ma'am was saying when he interrupted.

“They won't!”

“Sorry?” Dorothy ma'am asked.

“They won't, ma'am,” Rahul said tersely.

“Why?” she asked again, shaking her head.

The question was answered the very next instant by the drama that unfolded on stage as the Green house was invited to perform.

“You're missing a member,” one of the lady judges informed the participants of what was already on display.

“Yes ma'am, actually one of our members is absent,” Jyotsna explained.

“Being absent is not an excuse,” the burly, moustached judge beside the lady said.

“We three can perform the same,” Jyotsna was trying her best to plead their case.

“No, I'm sorry but rules are rules. I guess it was told to you by your house coordinators that a minimum of four and a maximum of ten participants should take part,” the man stated.

“But…” Jyotsna was left in tears.

“I'm sorry we have to disqualify you!” the lady judge said.

All the girls on the stage broke down and some staff members representing the Green house had to come on stage and coax them to stop crying and leave the stage.

Seeing that, Dorothy ma'am did not utter anything further and left Rahul where he was. Jay and Nazia too, went ahead in the dressing room to change. Rahul remained seated with his head in his hand for a long time, suppressing a headache, awaiting heartache. He heard the results being announced after an hour or so, the Yellow House won the dance competition, Red stood second, Blue came in Third and Green made the tail. He had wanted to perform at his best for this dance competition but what one expects is not what one gets, he tried to console himself. His life had taken a U-turn again and he was back at the same junction he was standing on, a couple of weeks back.

“You really love her, don't you?” a familiar voice asked. He was not at all pleased to hear it.

“Go away, Farha, before I challenge my morals and slap a girl for the first time in my life,” Rahul said not caring to look at her.

“Slap me then, Rahul! I deserve it… every bit of it,” she said kneeling down in front of him, to be at his level. He looked at her and noticed that she had tears in her eyes.

“I'm sorry if I would have known you were so serious and committed to Seema, I would never have done what I did, never agreed to do it in the first place,” Farha sobbed.

“You agreed to do? What does that mean?” Rahul freed himself from his disturbing thoughts to hear her properly.

“Seema and I have always been competitors, if not in books then at least in the looks department. I was always jealous of her, whoever I liked was floored by her and only when she rejected their advances, they came to me. I was always the second preference, perhaps I still am. I have always wanted to be the head girl, Rahul. Trust me! It has been a dream to be in the spotlight for some reason other than my curves,” she paused to sniff her tears.

Rahul was eyeing her intently.

“During a casual conversation two weeks back, Jay asked me whether I had a crush on anyone in school. Half the girls in our class are floored over by you. I'm no different!” Farha mocked her own answer.

Rahul remained indifferent.

“What did he tell you?” Rahul asked as his brain started considering the possibilities.

“He told me that you and Seema are together but you are not happy with her and her tantrums. I asked him how he knows that. He said he talks to a couple of your friends and they told him. He said that he pitied you and in reality, you deserved me. He said I was the most beautiful girl in the school and Seema was nowhere near. He praised me till a point where I could take it no more,” she paused to sniff her tears again.

“I told him of my dream of becoming the head girl and taking Nazia's place when you people pass out and we cursed Seema together as she was the first contender. Then, Jay said that he could make my dream come true, if I did one thing for him,” Farha admitted.

“What?” Rahul asked, pushing his chair back and standing up.

“He told me that I would need to take your mind off Seema. He told me that if I really liked you then I should not hold back as this meant a huge favour to you as I would be ridding you of Seema, who keeps on hurting you for no fault of yours and bitches behind your back. He told me that I would also benefit in the sense that I would get you and also the head girl post. The only person to lose out would be Seema, our common enemy but what I didn't realise that Seema was never his enemy, it was you all along. He had made it clear that I had to urge you to makeout with me. Only if I would have known…” Farha cried, holding her shameful head in her hands.

Rahul did not believe his ears.

“Why are you telling me all this, now?” he asked, his voice echoing in the surroundings.

“To be honest, it is more because of guilt than Jay laughing off his promise. I told him that I held you in front of Seema in the morning and he was amused. I sweetly told him that he should now seriously consider my name for the head girl's post next year. He looked at me and started laughing. He said he was joking when he had said that he would recommend me for the head girl's post. He said I shouldn't have taken him too seriously. He was joking about the task he had set for me and I shouldn't have been so cruel in destroying your relationship. I cursed him but he just laughed and went away,” Farha told him, still wiping the tears that flooded her eyes.

“Just go away. Never talk to me again!” Rahul shouted.

“Rahul, I told you everything. He has our pictures from that evening; I guess he showed them to Seema. He warned me against doing anything now otherwise he would put up those pictures for display to all but still …” Farha sobbed.

Rahul literally felt the ground beneath his feet being pulled off. He held on to the chair and clenched his fists so tight that his knuckles almost burst out of the skin.

“Go away before I wring your neck,” Rahul bellowed, unable to control his infuriation.

“I'm sorry, please forgive me. I don't care whatever happens to me. I'll go and talk to Seema!” Farha offered.

“Don't you dare even take her name from your slutty tongue!” Rahul shouted before walking away and leaving the auditorium. As he stepped outside the empty hall, he met an old friend, whom he had been missing for quiet sometime now. The friend named,
Grief embraced him and welcomed him back, showering tears upon his arrival.

***

FROM TRAITOR TO CONSPIRATOR

Rahul felt a pang in his stomach. The signal for hunger in the evening called for some snacks, which unfortunately he did not stock in his room. So, the sudden hunger meant going down and walking half a mile south to old Colins' store to find some chips and a pack of Marlboro that he was waiting to puff on. He rarely ventured out even for such minor tasks. Usually, Sahil would get things for him from his home and though most of the times he did not accept them, he was grateful to him for that.

Rahul pulled on a long coat over his loose shirt. He did not care to look at himself in the mirror or comb his hair. Such an activity would have amounted to sacrilege once upon a time but today it hardly mattered to him. Rahul trudged along the sidewalk, hands in his pocket, he was immersed deep in thought and he did not realise that he had passed the store a couple of minutes back. Shaking his head, he turned and walked back along the same route.

“A couple of packets of chips and a regular Marlboro pack,” Rahul ordered, placing the exact amount of money on one of the jars of candy. He did not look at the person in the shop but eyed the long road, lost in his thoughts.

“Sure,” a girl about his age answered him and then not hearing the usual rough voice, he turned to see the speaker.

“Oh, what a pleasant surprise! I still have your jacket from the other day. I keep it with me all the time, hoping you'll drop in sometime. I did try searching for you in school after glimpsing you once near the canteen but you always seemed to disappear whenever I came near,” she said looking up at her customer and picking up the jacket from a tool behind her and handing it over to him.

He recognised her as Colins' daughter. He saw the same blue eyes that met him when he had earlier visited the store. She was the same girl he had rescued in the woods on the evening he was returning from Sahil's home.

He quietly took the jacket in his hand and nodded.

“My order, please!” he repeated in a thick voice.

“Sure, here it is,” Colins' daughter said, quickly gathering the things he had asked for.

He pointed at the money that he had placed on the jars and turned to go.

“Hey, I can't take money from you. I am indebted to you, so …” she tried to say but Rahul's almost menacing look quietened her.

“Ok, this time I'll make an exception,” she nodded nervously, collecting the currency.

Rahul picked up the items and was turning back when the girl called him again. He looked at her enquiringly, thinking that there had been some problem with the change.

“You are the same Indian guy, whom Lucy, Shaheen and many other girls from our class adore, aren't you?” she asked.

“Huh?” Rahul turned back to resume his gait towards the hostel.

“Hey wait, is it true what they say about you…” Rahul did not bother to reply, not in the least bit bothered what anyone talked about him.

“… that you are a bit cracked up there?” She completed, pointing towards her skull and twisting her finger in circles.

Rahul turned towards her with a look that melted her expression. She stammered for an explanation.

“What's with Colins?” Rahul asked still holding her gaze.

“He's… he's out,” she said nervously.

“Tell him to come back soon,” Rahul nodded before walking off.

He opened one of the packets of chips and started munching them en route to the hostel. Before he realised it, he had finished the entire packet. Involuntarily, he turned the pack around and saw that the packaging date of the product was of July and it declared that it was best consumed before six months, which meant February that was long gone from the month he was living in.

For a moment, he considered going back and shouting at the girl for stocking stale food but her father was to be blamed, he thought and so he decided to give Colins a sound lashing whenever he saw him next. He saw the month again to confirm the expiry period.

February! There was something about that month. Apart from being the month of lovers, February had also introduced him to his first love but the February he was thinking of started to push his relationship in the dark, deep corners of hatred. The decline of his love life had started in December but gathered momentum in the month on his mind. February, the month which had given him his love and ultimately had snatched it away from him. All the months stirred in the calendar of his mind and stopped at one which brought him memories, old but not forgotten.

Woh beetein din yaad hai, woh pal cheen yaad hai

Guzare tere sang jo, lagaa ke tujhe ang jo

Woh muskana tera, woh sharmana tera

December ka sama, woh beeghi beeghi sardiyaan

Woh mausum kya hua, na jane kahan kho gaya

bas yaadein baaki.

(I remember the old days, I remember those gone moments

Which I spent with you, holding you close to me

That smile of yours, that shying away

The December climate, the wet winter.

What happened to that season, it has lost itself somewhere,

Only memories remain.)

A song in Purana Mandir, Singer Ajit Singh.

It was around last December that the inevitable started happening. Seema's growing interaction with Rahul's school rival Jay, blossomed even more due to ‘school politics' played by the latter. After the Farha incident in December, the situation for Rahul had only worsened. Even the so-called ‘Rahul supportive' friends of Seema's, did not even do as much as look at Rahul, when there was a time all that they would do was tell him and tease him about Seema's activities which Rahul simply loved to hear.

The ignorance by such ‘important' people had enraged the aggressive youth. He took to the old habits of dialling Seema's residence number and trying to talk to her. The only difference was that he could not even muster the courage to open his mouth, let alone mimic Sapna's voice. Waves of guilt would sweep over him and shut out his vocal chords. In the rare case when Seema would answer the phone, his heartbeats would rapidly increase and he would fear that Seema would recognise him through their sounds. Seema knew where the blank calls came from. Her instincts always told her. She would disconnect the call as soon as no one answered her first ‘Hello'.

Rahul's birthday would usually be a candid affair but this time there would be no celebrations, he guessed as things were not working out the way he expected them to. However, his friends still demanded a party and he had promised them a small treat. His birthday fell in the first week of February and he realised the importance of the month as it had been the same period last year when she had come into his life.

He had specially ordered Swiss chocolates for ‘special people', passing them through Dorothy ma'am, a day prior to the big day. Dorothy ma'am informed him the next day that Seema had refused to accept the chocolates while the others had taken their shares.

It was a downright insult to him; he had bought her giant Hershey's bars which were not at all available in India around that time. He had gone places to find a dealer who would import good quality chocolates sooner than others and it was all for no use! He had spent his entire month's pocket allowance to order the expensive chocolate bars, not just for Seema but also for her friends as he knew she would be enraged if he singled her out in front of so many others, but it had all been in vain.

Rahul locked himself in the bathroom of his home and sat crying there for a long time before his father called him for dinner. It was his birthday, he thought, at least today she should have reserved some respect for him. That evening, Rahul snapped at Raj when he came home to greet him as he would not step outside. He cancelled the treat he had promised to his friends and did not even touch the unwrapped gift – an I-pod – which his father had gifted him.

What he never realised then was that it was Jay, who had noticed Rahul passing on the chocolates to their teacher and had somehow manipulated the entire scheme of events in such a manner that the chocolates never reached the person whom they were meant for but came back right to the person who gave them.

Rahul never came to know how he did that but the truth of the matter was that Jay had a talk with Dorothy ma'am outlining Rahul's failing interest in his studies and how he as a ‘responsible friend' and house member thought that his interest in Seema was the prime reason for it. Dorothy ma'am, who somewhere always felt a little guilty for supporting Rahul in personal activities during his final year at school, paid rapt attention to Jay's successful attempts of smoothly talking her into doing things, he so wanted her to do.

The arrow had found its mark as Dorothy ma'am, without even consulting Seema, returned the chocolates to her pet student for his own good, seemingly concerned about his behaviour and the fast approaching board exams. As such the concerned teacher did not want Rahul to lose his academic vigour, just when it was required the most. On Jay's behest, Dorothy ma'am told Rahul that Seema did not accept the chocolates how much ever she forced her and she advised him that he should concentrate on his studies now. She realised a lie that could help someone was better than a hundred simple truths.

“There would be ample time in life for all this, you'll get so many good girls but you should study first and become something,” she sounded like his father, while she softly rebuked him near the staffroom when she had called him in private to return
the chocolates.

On the other hand, Seema thought that Rahul deliberately had given chocolates to everyone in her group except her and that too the ones she so desired. She remembered telling him once on how she specifically liked chocolates and apart from Mars, which was available in select locations here, she also enjoyed Hershey which she had tasted just once thanks to a gift from one of her distant relatives who had brought it from one of his trips abroad. Sapna and Jess offered her some pieces from their share but she politely declined their offers.

She saw this action as a mockery of her dormant feelings and an effort of Rahul to show her that she belonged to a lower stature than his family. She had, after a lot of consideration, passed a birthday greeting to Rahul through Sapna. One can call it the scheme of events as Sapna on her way down bumped into Jay, who was monitoring the second floor while the students left their classrooms as the school ended for the day. He saw Sapna and casually enquired about the object in her hand. Hearing her muffled reply about something concerning Rahul's birthday and sounding something fishy that could distort his plans of snatching the first rank from Rahul and undo his scheme of things, he informed her that he was just on his way to a house meet post-school to organise certain things.

“He would not be free now. It's a house-meet so you won't be allowed in; you'll have to wait for a long time. I was just winding up and going to him,” Jay said.

“Oh, will you give it to him?” Sapna asked the very thing he wanted her to.

“Sure,” he nodded, taking the card from her hands with a sly smile on his lips.

He had not forgotten the way Rahul had manhandled him in the auditorium on the day of the dance competition. His revenge was still unfulfilled!

He promised to deliver the little card to its destination himself. The card was delivered all right, but neither to Rahul nor to Sapna but to the little nallah that ran parallel with the school.

The next day when Sapna enquired about the delivery of the card, Jay blatantly told her that he had delivered it to his ‘friend' personally. Seema got the same message from Sapna, which she was anyway never going to confirm it with Rahul.

***

Rahul had been cautious about Jay since he had heard Farha's statements backstage on the day he so wanted to forget. He had been observing Jay for quiet sometime but the clever Jay had been cautious too.

Jay knew that Rahul was suspecting foul play on his part as he could sense that Farha had blown the whistle, seeing her changed demeanour after his foolish admission of the false promise he had made to her. He had been too excited seeing Rahul's state and in a burst of excitement, he had laughed off Farha's statements about the head girl's post. Jay cursed his stupidity of sending all the uncensored pictures of Rahul and Farha to Seema without taking the negatives or making another copy. However, he still had threatened Farha that he had the negatives, hoping that would keep her from opening her mouth but that too had not worked. He did not care about it as the rest of the events were going exactly as he had planned.

Rahul had come to know about Jay's other evil deeds but the damage had already been done by that time. Jay had filled up Seema's ears and was trying his best to set her up with his best friend, Vinay, the assistant head boy from her class but Seema kept her distance from everyone and became unusually silent than she already was. She would not hang around much with Jess and Sapna and could only be seen with her head buried in thick pages. With time, Jay gave up trying to harm Rahul further through Seema. He had anyways half achieved his goal; the other half, he would know on the day of the SSC results.

***

Yes, that night lying on his bed, Rahul had remembered it was the very same Jay, who once had been his best friend, a thorough failure in academics but today due to the motivation and coaching provided by Rahul's guidance in earlier grades, he had overtaken his friend without showing any gratitude.