Truly Madly Deeply (27 page)

Three years back when they had become friends in the seventh grade, Rahul had taken care to nurture Jay as he hailed from a poor background staying in a deteriorating chawl somewhere near the slums of the area. Rahul's soft heart had instantly shown sympathy towards Jay's almost penurious condition. He studied with the amount that scholarships and grants generated for him.He had a little sister studying in the primary section of the same school, whose education his parents could no longer afford. Jay once told him that they would be transferring her to a municipal school that would provide her free basic education. Rahul almost cried on hearing that. He decided to stand by his friend no matter whatever happened.

He respected him as he was a hardworking lad and trusted him with all the things in his life. He would spare half of his daily pocket money on his best friend of those times, making sure that he could help him in whatever little way he could. He made sure that Jay got selected in extracurricular activities and inter-school events.

Jay would be cautious. He would start shivering on stage due to stage fright and his knees would turn to jelly, but Rahul held his patience and motivated him to practice more and more. He tried to help him with language and communication by calling him at his place and advising him on soft skills. He submitted Jay's name along with his own in events that had been his monopoly so far. Being a fast learner, Jay picked up from him very quickly.

No doubt, Rahul went with Jay for inter-school competitions but he made sure of giving Jay a meaty piece of the pie whenever he thought Jay was up for it. His efforts and trust yielded results as Jay won a popular inter-school elocution competition and then went on to win prizes in various essay competitions.

Rahul thought whether he did it or Jay made no difference. Jay was almost the brother he never had by then. He helped him during the exam times and congratulated him, seeing him climb the ladder from being a second-class failure to a first-class student and later on a division topper by the time he reached the ninth grade in the division other than Rahul's. Jay soon caught the fancy of some of the staff who were more than surprised at his sudden climb to success.

Rahul still encouraged him but towards the tail of the ninth grade, Jay had got enough of a foothold. Success mounted his head and made him greedy for more. Rahul's existence became a threat to him and he wanted to be a strong contender for the head boy's seat next year, which he knew Rahul was going to get unanimously. And so started Jay's politics of impressing the teachers by coming to study in school even in the early vacations, right after their
ninth grade had finished and staying back to help some teachers with their paper work and scheduling the prospective events for the next year.

It was good for Jay's plan that the vacations for teachers started a month after the vacations of the students began and he took maximum advantage of that fact. He soon came in the Principal's notice by often enquiring about school events and expressing his interests in all that followed.

He emerged as an able-bodied and intelligent student. And so it was, when the following academic year or the dreaded tenth grade for many began, Rahul had a surprising contender for the post of the head boy of the school, who would be decided by the votes of the staff. Student voting usually led to the election of a wrong candidate and since two years that process had been stopped and democracy had been banned in that sense from the school. The results of the staff election were shocking for everyone.

The head boy's post had been his right, Rahul had thought. It was his dream. He deserved it, he knew but fate had elected novitiate, Jay as the new head boy of the school and Rahul had lost the title by a margin of just one vote! That deciding vote could have come from anywhere, anyone who would have preferred Jay over him, anyone who would have preferred someone who was no one over the many years of selfless dedication that he had shown to his school.

Rahul then heard about all those things that Jay had done during the vacations while he was busy dreaming about Seema. He saw Jay's changed responses and witnessed his terse taunts to his statements. He did not pay much attention to what his friends told him about Jay speaking ill behind his back but it was for all to see. Somewhere, he still felt happy for Jay though he was hurt seeing the way he had been utilised.

Rahul lost his faith in the teachers, not knowing who all voted against him. Dorothy ma'am nominated him for the post of the head captain of his house, sidelining those who had originally given their name for that post. It was a prominent and responsible post but he still thought what it would have been to become the head boy!

Surprisingly, both the traitor of a head boy, Jay and the head girl, Nazia were from the Blue house – his house, so he would have ample opportunities to maintain his dignity in case Jay thought of acting smart. But the blow to his ego came when, Seema was appointed as the assistant head girl. There really was no choice there. She was the only one ever in contention even though there were two other girls standing for that post. Rahul felt suppressed by the inferiority complex that he felt inside him. Here too, he was the only one. No one was supposed to be in contention, but fate had decided otherwise.

But that was the past; he mentioned to himself, the history of Jay's growing malevolence. Jay had caused him and Seema to drift further apart. Jay, his best friend at one time and Seema, his girlfriend? Perhaps, more than that if the limitations of words could allow him to say!

***

Rahul still had not forgotten Seema's behaviour during his birthday and so he decided to confront Seema about treating him in this manner a couple of days after Dorothy ma'am had returned him the Hershey's bar.

As soon as his monitoring duties were over, he ran down to intercept Seema on her way back home. She was with Jess and some male friend. Seeing another guy with Seema further spoilt Rahul's mood, nevertheless he decided to go ahead with his plans. Noticing him, Seema quickened her pace but he matched speeds with her and finally caught her hand, stopping her almost running gait midway. Seema's face bore a shocked look as she tried freeing her arm.

“Why are you being so distant from me? What's my crime?” Rahul asked almost pleading.

Seema did not answer but gave him a disgusted look, which suggested ‘Are you asking me this? After all you have done?'

Rahul wanted to explain but he found no voice seeing her
angry expressions.

“Leave my hand Rahul, everybody is watching,” Seema said but Rahul held on as if that hand was all he needed in life.

“Rahul, leave me,” she cried but Rahul ignored her.

Seema's friends reprimanded Rahul for his crudemannerisms but all those tantrums fell on deaf ears.

“RAHUL!” Seema slapped him hard across the cheeks, the result of which Rahul staggered a few steps back and some passers-by sniggered openly.

As Seema ran away from the location, Rahul stood there alone and spoke to her within his heart. “It was not me you slapped today Seema… it was not me!”

***

After a couple of weeks of not getting to talk to her, he sensed insanity creeping in. His existence was a mere fallacy to her mind even if he deliberately crossed her path to make his presence felt. It was as if she was immune to his appeal and indifferent to his personality. His actions and her behaviour were opposites that could no longer attract.

When he stood monitoring the first floor corridor as the students left the school in a disciplined line, he would have no problems whatsoever in barricading the flow to allow her to leave before the others, on which some bold guys would whisper out aloud, “You cannot stop the entire line for a girl.”

“She's the assistant head girl,” he would justify and thereby deny himself a chance to talk to her.

After a time his desperation reached its saturation and Seema started feeling scared of him. It was as if she had never seen him, nor had any wish to know about him and her lackadaisical attitude made it clear to him that she did not care anymore. He tried to search for ways to talk to her, to ask for an explanation but it all remained a mystery to him, a mystery whose answers lay in his troubling past.

Another rumour which strengthened was a simple cock and bull tale of someone having filled Seema's ears against Rahul,that he was nothing but a skirt chaser, out there to play with her innocence, just like he had done with many other girls. The incident with Farha had been a nightmare for Rahul and he hoped that Seema would forgive him for it. He would set it right only if she would talk to him once. But the fact was that she did not even want to look at him, let alone speak to him.

***

One fine day the House Cup ceremony was announced without the usual excitement. Neither was any notification put up nor was any word sent to the students. Dorothy ma'am told Rahul that due to their approaching exams, the ceremony would be a bit mellowed down, so as not to distract them from their
studies. Anyways, he had enough to distract his mind already, she taunted him. All the house captains were called by their respective staff mentors in the staffroom. Rahul saw Asif standing near the entry door of the staffroom and smiled at him, strangely Asif did not smile back. He felt then, he had lost more than love in the quest for proving himself to his love. They were issued twenty-five invitations each to deliver to people of their respective houses.

Rahul handed out the invitations for the next day's function to all the people of his house who came to claim it from him. Though the news was a secret, it had soon spread and almost everyone was aware that the House Cup ceremony was going to be held the next day in the auditorium. It was difficult to contain any news in any of the cabins of the school as all the walls had extra-sensory organs.

Dressed in his shining navy blue suit, Rahul stepped into the auditorium half an hour before schedule. He bumped into Jay right near the entry corridor. Jay was unsuccessfully trying to control his guffawing and Nazia, by his side was trying to hush him. For a moment, Rahul considered reporting them as gatecrashers as he had not given them the invitation pass but then suddenly the realisation dawned that they were his seniors in the hierarchy and their gatecrashing was as legal as law.

Restraining himself from pushing Jay down the floor barricade and throwing a look of raw disgust at his mirthful face, Rahul walked towards the end-row and stood there, helping his housemates find their allotted seats. He did not turn back, his eyes rested on the jewel of his heart that adorned his dreams. She was seated in the front row alongwith the senior staff members and was looking around the auditorium. His eyes remained stationary and hers moved all over until both shook from the impact that their gazes generated on colliding with each other. He slipped into a deeper stupor while she made a face full of contempt and turned away to look at the stage.

He remained standing throughout the ceremony though there were ample vacant seats to place himself on. The view that particular position gave him could not have been compared with any other mise en scène in the world and beyond.

Rahul missed the opening ceremony even though he was physically present, he did not fold his hands for the opening prayer, he did not clap to greet the Chief Guest and did not join in the applause at the end of every speech. However, he did stand up for the national anthem at the start simply because he was already standing. He stood like that, immune to the world, eyes transfixed on the sole object of his desire.

He did not register people nudging him as the announcement of the House Cup drew near, neither did he notice the increasing tension in the air nor did he regard the looks as all heads turned to him together at once.

“…and now I call upon the Blue House Captain, Mr. Rahul Kapoor to kindly come up and lift the House Cup for this year. Congratulations to the Blue House!”

The voice did not register in his ears but somehow the thunderous applause and the pats on his back did awake him from his reverie.

“Go, go!” his housemates urged him.

He was in no hurry, he slowly ambled across the floor, much to the annoyance of those present on stage. He did not look the kind who would lead his house to win that prized trophy.

As his fingers closed across the handle of the cup, he saw Dorothy ma'am beaming with joy with her hands together, he could hear people applauding him for his efforts. He tried hard to bring that joyous feeling on his face, after all this was the moment he wanted ever since he became the captain of his house. What more could the house captain ask for than winning the House Cup for his house!

This was one of his dreams but the dream seated in front of him, evading her eyes from his, overshadowed every other illusion. This illusion strangely was a reality, a reality which should have brought him unlimited joy but surprisingly, none came. As the applause continued and people started standing up to acknowledge him, he wanted to tell them to stop their appreciation for his efforts. They appeared to be mocking his loss; this was not the trophy he desired, definitely not at the expense of what he had lost. No, he wanted to cry out but someone placed an arm over his shoulder.

He turned to see Father Tuscano smiling at him.

“You've done well, son. Go ahead and say something,” Father Tuscano handed over the microphone to him.

He placed the bronze trophy on the huge table set on stage, still clasping one handle in his hand and turned towards the audience. A meek smile finally emerged from his lips. He did not know what to say, words seemed to have dried up, their limits exhausted by his attempts at explaining his predicament to his beloved. He wanted to tell everyone then, that what he held in his hand today was not at all that desirable than what he would have liked to hold. He wanted to let his thoughts echo in the hall that his real trophy had slipped out of his hands while he was busy chasing these illusionary, materialistic victories. He wanted all those present in the auditorium to know about the intensity that drove him to achieve this, was the same madness which caused him, his doom.