Truly Madly Deeply (31 page)

***

One fine day, Rahul was trudging near the school before the onset of the Indian monsoon which had been unpredictably delayed like the college admissions that year. His searching eyes saw her smiling amongst her group of friends in the school compound, all in deep discussion about the happenings of the institute. He looked on from far, standing near the narrow alley close to the school compound and was happy to see her smile, which he missed so much, the curve of her lips that he longed to set his eyes on. It was the joy his heart yearned for, to quench the thirst of his gaze.

She was laughing with a hand over her mouth and her innocent, almost childlike laughter was music to his ears. There was no one who could distract him then from that trance and in that hypnotised state; he found his steps taking him to the source of the seraphic sound. He crossed the gate, the guard also couldn't hold him back after recognising him. Gingerly, he stopped behind her, her friends saw him first and ceased their conversation; all of them looking behind her shoulder. She sensed a change in the jovial climate and turned. He saw the smile recede from her lips, the joy drain from her face. It was one of the most agonising scenarios of his life. He never wanted to see the effects of the hurt he had caused her.

“What do you want?” she snapped, breaking his trance as he continued to look at her as if she was the first and last thing
he wanted.

What could he answer to that? How could he say that he wanted to kiss the very source of the question? How could he explain himself when the seeds of doubt had permeated in the soil of her mind? How could he maintain the apology in his eyes without getting carried away by her cherubic innocence?

“Nothing. Sorry!” Rahul said before shaking his head slowly and walking away.

***

Rahul had wanted to forget her after his results came out. He had wanted to erase her from his memories, but the amount of strength it required was colossal and he had no reserves of energy left to fight it out with his heart. His mind scolded him for his stupidity and urged him to forget her but his heart had no justifications for its stand. It remained unmoved, its solidarity unaffected, its arrogance still holding.

Rahul decided he would wait until he got a chance to talk to her and sort it out. He would keep trying until she would yield to his convincing. He would bide his time and search for an opportunity to explain everything to her and beg her forgiveness. He still hoped that things could work out. He had never learnt to give up in life and it had always paid him in the end.

***

The days seemed to pass quickly as a jet plane having a time
machine for an engine. Rahul was still waiting for the colleges he had applied for, to put up their lists so that he could finally
join junior college. He was growing restless with each passing moment. His blood-like, thirsty hollow eyes were being tortured by fate's decision. The only way their thirst could be quenched was by seeing her perfect shape, by consuming drink after drink of her soothing presence. Therefore, he decided to hang around alone at the solitary bus stand near her tuitions, the way he used to. The only difference was that he would arrive much earlier than she would set out from her home and he would remain there for hours after she left, watching her figure fade away into the setting night. She would spot him no doubt, but would change her direction and walk with her tuition friends discussing the last problem that was taught in class.

People in her class had started calling him Seema's Romeo as per what Raj had informed him and he not in the least disliked it. On the contrary, it made him happy to see himself connected with her, in some way or the other. He loved the sobriquet as much as he loved her. Now that he was losing his image, it did not matter to him if her name was taken before his own.

He would gain pleasure just from watching her, taking in each and every detail of his vision; of her elegant walk that bought her in his direction yet took her away from him, of her downcast eyes that worked carefully to avoid his loving gaze, of her silky brown hair that bounced in layers with every step she took, of the way she held her hands folded near her bosom that made her look defensive but nevertheless amplified her beauty making her look more gorgeous than she already was, of the little earrings that adorned her ears and added to her charm, of the hues and colours of her dresses that he could almost recognise blind folded-a result of observing her outside school innumerable times, of the shape of her sandals that he was sure would one day touch his cheeks, of the way the air near him would change when she would pass by and he would sniff in as deep as it would carry in his senses; and he would go over the entire visuals from his flawless memory when he lay on his bed at night, eluded by sleep and rest. He would smile to himself and laugh on his misery because the tears would no longer come.

One such evening when he was watching her go, someone tapped him from behind.

“Your bus never comes to pick you up, I see.” Rahul recognised the moustached person as Seema's tuition sir.

“Yeah, no… I just hang out here... I like it around here,”
he stammered.

“You like the pollution and the dirt?” he said pointing to the smoke the vehicles emitted on the highway and the gutter near the bus stop.

“Not really… I…” Rahul trailed off being caught unawares.

“Get a life mister, and let others have theirs!” the man warned, before resuming his walk on the route Rahul's gaze was following some moments back.

“That's what I'm trying, sir… getting my life,” Rahul said to himself. He consoled himself with the fact that the man was not the first one to know about them and went home, only to come back the next day and take up the same position.

***

Since the past half a week, he would watch Seema been accompanied by a tall, lanky boy who stayed in her locality. Thick round spectacles contained his equally rotund eyes and oil dripped from his hair onto his forehead like a blessed waterfall. He remembered having seen her once with Seema on the route to her building. Rahul's throat would dry up and he would punch his fists in fury on eyeing her laugh at his stupid one-liners.

“Do you know who that guy is?” Rahul asked Raj, after their image together had been stamped in his mind.

“Tall and lanky, wears thick round spectacles, sits near Seema. Hmm ...” Raj thought. “That sounds like Bhavik. He's from my school, studies in the tenth grade and sits with Seema in the class. I guess he lives in her colony, hence they share a warm companionship.”

“Keep him under observation,” Rahul said.

“There's no need for that. He's already under my scrutiny since I joined, just that I didn't suspect him of any foul play with Seema because he's a simple guy,” Raj said.

“Simple or complex, I'm going to solve his equations once and for all,” Rahul said in a determined voice.

Rahul decided to take Bhavik to task the very next day. He reached his usual spot on time and luckily, he saw Bhavik arrive alone that evening. He paused to have a cold drink at a store near the bus stop. Rahul ambled towards him with fury in his eyes. His cold gaze fixed on the boy who was trying to walk away with his girl. Bhavik sensed someone standing behind him and turned to look at a rage that could have burnt him to the ground. He had heard about Rahul and his obsession with Seema, he had seen him once near Seema's school trying to force her to talk to him, so it was only natural that he started shaking nervously from head to toe.

“Here have a sip,” he offered the bottle of the cold drink to Rahul with a nervous smile.

Rahul accepted the bottle from his hands and poured it over his head. For a moment, he was tempted to break the glass bottle on his head but he controlled himself. Bhavik tried to run but Rahul held him to his place. He slapped him hard, right beneath his ears. Bhavik's round spectacles flew from his face and shattered on the dirty ground beneath his feet. Tears started streaming from his face as his legs trembled.

“Trying to be some kind of a hero, are you?” he asked.

“N… No, I didn't do anything, I didn't do anything!” he repeated continuously.

“Listen, you don't know me, you bastard. I can crack your bones and bury them at a place where none can find it. I don't want to see you with Seema ever again, do you understand?” Rahul fired.

“B …But we only talk studies,” Bhavik justified.

“Do you understand?” Rahul repeated, ignoring his remark and pulling his oiled hair with all his might.

“Y …Yes!” Bhavik stammered.

“No more going to her place, am I clear?” Rahul raised his voice, wiping his now sticky hand on the front of Bhavik's shirt.

“Y... Yes, bhai!” Bhavik nodded.

“No more accompanying her, here or anywhere,” Rahul commanded.

“No, …” Bhavik protested half-heartedly, still stammering.

Rahul raised an eyebrow.

“I mean no… I won't. I am sorry!” Bhavik said.

“From today, she's your sister, get that? And I don't want any show of brotherly love either,” Rahul warned, poking a finger in Bhavik's shuddering chest.

Bhavik folded his hands in an apologetic manner, hoping that no one else would observe his humiliation in the almost isolated alley. The couple of people present at a distance were already having their cup of entertainment at his expense.

“Next time, I won't be this lenient and you will have no chance to apologise. I will know each and everything that you do around her, get that you harami?” Rahul asked looking with anger in his eyes. He lifted his hand and Bhavik stumbled a few steps backwards.

Bhavik almost fell on his feet.

“Bhai, I... am sorry. I won't go around with her, please don't hit me. I am a good student, a nice boy…” Bhavik's voice cracked.

“Good… stay that way! I don't like to harm nice boys but I'll not warn you again. This is my first and last ultimatum. Now get your ass out of here!” Rahul thundered, pushing him away.

Bhavik thanked him nervously and made a mad dash towards his home. He was in no condition to attend his tuitions. When Rahul turned, he saw Seema looking at him from a distance. She had a disgusted look on her face. As he made his way towards her to try and explain his situation, she shook her head with still more disgust and hurried towards the tuition building.

At home, that look disturbed him. It was love, he expected but it was hatred, which he received. Rahul could sense a change in the ambience at home, even though his senses were not fully functional. His father had come to know about his obsession with the particular girl. Earlier on, he had a fleeting doubt but Rahul's consistent depressed condition at this age and Rahul being an adolescent, he could pretty much guess what was happening but dismissed it as puppy love, hoping that his son would have the sense to eventually get over it. Twice he overheard his conversation with Raj while they were seated on the first floor staircase in the corner of the building and he could reasonably make out what or rather who occupied a major bulk of their conversation.

One day, he confronted Rahul and claimed he knew everything about Rahul's activities. Rahul did not give much thought to it. His father's knowledge of his feelings was not as big an issue as clearing himself before Seema. He knew being the only son, and a good one at that, his father would be understanding and Seema being from his own caste, would perhaps ease things a little from the elder's point of view. His father did not let him down.

“Beta, you are a promising child, you've always been the best I could've asked for but recent happenings have not been going your way and I can see that,” his father said, while he was twisting and turning in his bed trying to sleep.

“I know you are not asleep, so you can wake up and talk to me,” his father tapped him while being seated on his bed. Rahul opened his eyes; he felt a lump in his throat. His father was talking to
him with such love after what seemed like ages. Usually his work kept him busy and he had little time to interact with his
small family.

“I know what's troubling you. I'm your father you see, I've been through all this too, at your age,” he smiled encouragingly.

Rahul could not imagine his father going mad behind someone he loved, he hoped it was his mother but knowing her, he doubted it. He could not think of anything to say.

“What you need to realise is that this is not the time for getting attracted to someone. Such attraction is nothing but distraction at your age. Though people say that one has no restraint on one's heart, but one must take all kinds of precautions at this age. If you balance the rope now, then you can truly succeed in life and once you do that, no girl will be in a position to reject you,” he advised, stroking his hair lovingly.

Rahul nodded in response.

“And that includes Seema,” he told him after getting up and before wishing him goodnight.

It somewhere felt comforting to have his father's support but it still did not lessen the heaviness in his chest. What could he have replied to his cajoling father when he defined the success of his life through other parameters.

***

Rahul's idle mind became not just the devil's workshop but someone else also became a permanent denizen of it. Thinking about Seema made his heart ache and he was not content on just seeing her. He was seized with a stubborn desperation to talk to her.