Trust Me (23 page)

Alaina was too upset by her own thoughts and the
inevitable conclusions she had drawn from them, they were so disturbing she
couldn't even confide them to Elise.  “I'm fine really. It’s just
disconcerting to realize my father was just using me.  I don't know why
that upsets me when I already knew he was bombing innocent people.” 

Not wanting to delve any deeper into what was really
bothering her, she told Elise she had to go since she was meeting Donovan at
seven.  Until a couple of minutes ago she had been looking forward to
their meeting with great anticipation, now she was filled with dread.  She
was too afraid he was going to confirm what she already suspected.

When Alaina arrived at her home, she found Donovan
waiting for her, sitting on the front porch.  He was still dressed in his
standard FBI blue suit, he obviously had not taken the time to go home and
change.  It reminded her of the first time she had found him on her
doorstep.  It was hard to believe it had been only last
week,
it seemed like a lifetime ago.   On the drive home, the more she had
thought about his possible deceit the angrier she had become.  Was she
that stupid or was he incredibly adept at lying?  Either way, she had the
overwhelming desire to punch him or to sue him or to do anything that would
cause him a great deal of pain.  He rose at her approach looking
incredibly happy to see her. Yeah, I just bet he is
,
she thought derisively.

His smile disappeared as he noticed the expression on
her face, which was frankly rather frightening.  He had dealt with quite a
few angry criminals in his line of work, but he had never seen anything like
that rage which was currently emanating from her. Maybe because he had the
distinct
impression that all that rage
was entirely
focused at him.  Alaina brushed passed him to the front door as she opened
it. She turned to him and said. “You've got some serious explaining to do.”

This wasn’t the greeting Donovan had been expecting
all day, but he had the sinking feeling he knew the source of her anger. It
could only be one thing.  As he followed her without comment, he noticed
she was running her hand through her hair, another sign she was agitated, as if
he thought wryly, he needed another one. 

When they reached the living room she turned and faced
him, her fury evident.  “What I want to know is am I still a suspect?”

Donovan wasn't shocked by her question, it was what
he'd expected, although he wasn't about to let her know that.  “Excuse
me?”

“You heard me, and don't try and pretend you don't
know what I'm talking about either!  Am I still a suspect?” she demanded.

Years of FBI training would not allow him to reveal
anything until he was exactly sure what she knew.  “Why would you think
you're a suspect?”

Alaina realized this wasn't going to be easy. 
Donovan her lover had disappeared, being by replaced by Agent Prentice. 
Was their relationship just part of his undercover job? 

“A funny thing happened today.  While I was
explaining to my friend Elise what my father had been involved in, it dawned on
me that I had been with my father prior to all of the bombings in each of the
cities.  Before today this had never been obvious to me.  I know that
sounds ridiculous, but you see my father and I had been together in many other
cities besides the ones that had been victims of bombings. In addition to the
fact the bombing always took place after I left. You might recall it was a year
before the series of attacks became a national news item. I had traveled
through fifteen major cities that year.  Why would I think it strange that
six of those major cities had been targets?  I never made the connection
between the two until today.”  Donovan stood quietly watching, making no
attempt to interrupt her while he listened. “Once I did make the connection, it
became obvious that I must have been a suspect, I mean, I was with my father on
every occasion.  It all made sense after I put those pieces together, why
you were following me, why my phones were tapped, why you posed as a lawyer
when you were actually an agent.”  She waited for him to deny this, to
tell her she was completely mistaken, but no such denial was forthcoming.

Donovan knew this was going to be difficult.  How
could he possibly justify his deception to her?  Nevertheless he was going
to have to try.

 He let out a deep breath. “You're right, you
were a suspect.  You must admit the fact that you were with your father
prior to every bombing incident gives the impression that you were
involved.  Your presence in those cities was very incriminating, yet only circumstantial. 
In an effort to find some hard evidence against you, the Bureau put you under
close surveillance, I was in charge.”

“So I was right, you thought I was involved in the
bombing and your whole undercover act was an attempt to find evidence which
would connect me to the bombings.  I don't get it, if you thought I was
guilty, why did you take me to the safe house for protection?”

“There was no denying an attempt had been made on your
life.  If you were guilty it was possible you would be able to provide the
Bureau with the evidence it needed to bring the OAS to justice.  If you
were innocent we were under an obligation to protect you.  Either way
making sure you remained alive was essential.”

“You still haven't answered my question. Am I still a
suspect?” she demanded, annoyed at his habit of avoiding answering her
directly. Most of all she was annoyed at him for appearing so calm.

“No you're not.” 

“You don't have to be so concise. Would you mind
explaining why?” she managed to ask through gritted teeth.

“After spending a great deal of time with you, my
instincts told me you were innocent,” he told her, hoping she would understand
that as he had gotten to know her he knew she wasn't capable of the crime of
which the Bureau had suspected her.

The expression on her face was skeptical at
best.  “I find it hard to believe the FBI would accept your instincts as a
valid reason for dismissing me as a suspect.”

He smiled wryly at the sarcasm evident in her voice;
she certainly never lost her spirit. “You're right of course. The Bureau does
require something a bit more substantial than my word.  For one thing,
there was never any mention of you in your father's papers to incriminate you
in any way.  For another, the surveillance you had been under for the last
six months had shown you never had any contact with the OAS except just prior
to the trial when you wanted their help in securing limited access to Tom
Simmons' papers.  It was our conclusion your father had just used his
visits with you as a cover to his real activities, and you had been completely
oblivious to his crimes.”

Alaina had the incredible urge to become physically
violent.  She had never felt such rage.   She counted silently
to ten in an attempt to calm down, but it wasn't very effective.  “Let me
get this straight, you thought I was guilty until the Bureau's lawyers called
and told you there was nothing in my father's papers to incriminate me?”

“No, I didn't think you were guilty.  I had made
up my mind before then that you were innocent.  It was the Bureau that
required evidence to clear you, not me.”

“So you were just following orders?  Was sleeping
with me part of those orders Donovan or was I just an easy lay?” she demanded,
wanting to know the truth, but terrified of it.

Donovan had expected her question.  Hell, if he
had been in her position, he would have asked the same thing.  “You've got
to believe me, when I saw you’re reaction to that file I knew you were
innocent, and since then it's only been my goal to protect you and to prove
that fact.”

“I'm supposed to believe you?  Why am I so
stupid?  First I was sucked in by my father and now you. How can I trust
anything you say?”

“The same way I knew you were innocent.  I didn't
have any proof that you weren't involved in those bombings, but I felt I knew
you and my instincts told me it wasn't possible.  Alaina you've got to
believe what is between us is real; you must know me well enough to know it's
true.”  Donovan had never wanted to make someone believe something so
badly in his life and he had the terrifying feeling he wasn't going to be
successful.

The disbelief radiated from her green eyes. “You’ve
lied to me from the beginning. How could I possibly have a relationship with
you?”

Donovan had the horrible feeling he was going to lose
her. He grabbed her by the arms, forcing her to look into his eyes. 
“Listen to me Alaina. I believed in you, you've got to believe in me now.
Trust
Me!”

She stared up into those piercing blue eyes, eyes that
had captivated her since their very first meeting.  She wished she could
believe him, but there had been too many lies.  “Trust is everything to me
Donovan, and at every turn you’ve lied to me.  With you I'll never know
what the truth is.”

He pulled her to him, lowering his head to her lips as
he said, “There was always truth in this.” 

As their lips met Alaina felt the familiar sensations
sweeping through her body, ready to claim her again.  She should have been
repulsed by his touch knowing what she did about him, but instead her anger
seemed to make her response even more passionate. This was wrong, she thought,
she wasn't going to let him manipulate her this way. 

She tore her mouth from his, and breathing heavily she
said, “No, I won't let you do this.   It's no more real than anything
else you've tried to convince me of.”  She pulled herself from his arms
knowing she was too tempted by his touch.

Donovan shook his head in denial.  “No you're
wrong Alaina, what's between us is very real.  I can't help the way we
met, I was doing my job, but that's over.  We can put it behind us. 
Let's not let a past neither of us had any control over destroy our
future.”  Donovan was beginning to feel desperate, she was slipping away
and nothing he said was changing her mind.

“How can you think there is any possible chance for a
future for us?  How many times do I have to say it, you've lied to me and
I'll never be able to trust you again.  Without trust there’s nothing.”
 She knew that despite her anger she wanted to forgive him. Her heart
wasn't ready to let him go, but her mind knew she had to end it.  A
relationship based on deception was not something she could ever accept. “I
think you'd better leave now.” Her voice was cold, completely devoid of
emotion.

“I'll go for now.  I think you need some space,
but it’s not over.  I've never felt this way about any other woman before
and I'm not going to let you go without a fight.  We belong to each other,
can't you see that?”

He was making this extremely difficult for her, but
she was still too hurt to forgive him.  “It's over Donovan, please just
leave,” she said tiredly.

Donovan was extremely frustrated. He had never felt so
out of control and he couldn't stand the thought of losing Alaina.  “Just
remember this when you're trying to figure out what's real and what not.” 
As he said this he wrapped her in his arms, his mouth finding hers, hoping to
convey the intensity of his feeling for her with a kiss.

Alaina struggled with her own intense emotions, and
tearing herself out of his arms she said, “Quit trying to control me with sex.”

“What's between us isn't sex Alaina. Sex isn't as
powerful as what we share.  I thought you'd realized that by now.” He knew
he would have to leave her alone for a while.   She needed time to
calm down, to forgive him for what he'd had to do before. “I'll say good-bye
for now, but I’ll call you soon.”

Alaina watched him leave, feeling betrayed, angry,
hurt, but most of all still desperately in love with Donovan Prentice. 
She'd get over him, she thought, there was no other alternative.  She must
have sucker written on her forehead because the men in her life obviously felt
they could tell her any lie.

Alaina, in an effort to put Donovan behind her, threw
herself into her work. It was easy to do since she had a tremendous backlog
caused by her earlier absence.  It had been two weeks since she had ended
their relationship, and she hadn't heard from him since.  This fact irked
her to no end.  After all, he had said he wasn't ready to let her go, yet
he had seemed to do it easily enough.  Not that she wanted him back or
anything, it was just that he hadn't followed through with his promise to call
her.  She guessed it was for the best. Quick endings were less painful, if
the break-up dragged on it would be more difficult for everyone.

Elise, as always, had been completely
supportive.  Her friend was ready to provide her with a shoulder to cry
on.  Work seemed the best cure for her problems so she worked all day
until she was too exhausted to think anymore and then she went home to collapse
gratefully into her bed.  Sometimes she forgot to eat because she was so
wrapped up in her work, but she never seemed hungry either so it wasn't really
a problem.  

She was at the office working at her desk when she
heard a noise, looking up she saw Elise standing in front of her appearing
extremely concerned. “Hi Elise, what's up?”