TRUTH (41 page)

Bile rose in my throat as I thanked Jamie. It was only knowing I was doing this for Brianna that kept me moving one foot in front of the other. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.

We didn’t bother packing anything since this was only going to be a day trip. I did, however, take her collar and leash, just in case. Airports could be unpredictable places. I also had no idea what we might encounter once we arrived in Dallas.
 

Jamie had given me specific instructions on how to locate our plane and pilot, so it wasn’t difficult. As promised, he was expecting us.
 

“You must be Mr. Coleman?”

He extended his hand, and I took it. “Yes. And this is Brianna.”

“I’m Kevin. I’ll be flying you to Dallas today.” He glanced down toward our feet. “Did you have any luggage?”

“No. You’re just taking us.”

He nodded. “Feel free to get on board. I need to finish checking a few things, and then we’ll get in the air.”

I guided Brianna onto the plane. It was nice. Nicer than some boardrooms I’d been in. Too bad I wasn’t going to be able to enjoy it. My palms were already sweating, and we hadn’t even taken off yet.

Brianna seemed to sense something was wrong and leaned her head on my shoulder. I pulled her against me as best I could in the bucket-style seats. She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I felt better. Even if it didn’t take my anxiety away completely, her being with me made more of a difference than she’d ever know.

The pilot boarded the plane about fifteen minutes later. He smiled at us before ducking into the cockpit. My stomach churned, and I closed my eyes, trying not to let my nerves get the best of me.
 

“Your heart is beating fast.”

“Yes. I . . . I don’t like . . . flying.”

“Because of your parents?”

I kissed the top of her head and tightened my hold on her. “Yes. Because of my parents.”

“I don’t . . . we don’t have to—”

“Yes. We do.” Tilting her chin up, I rubbed my thumb over her beautiful lips before giving her a soft kiss. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine. I’ve had to fly before—it’s just not my preferred method of travel.”

“What . . . happened? To the plane?”

I sighed. This wasn’t something I wanted to talk about, especially not when we were minutes away from taking off, but she was talking—finally. “The pilot had a brain aneurism. It was sudden and completely unpredictable. The plane took a nosedive. My dad had his pilot’s license, so he should have been able to take over, but he and my mom had been drinking. He could barely walk, let alone fly a plane.”

“That’s why you don’t drink.”

Tucking her head back underneath my chin, I took a deep breath and released it. “Yes. That’s why I don’t drink. I never want there to be a time when I’m not completely in control of myself. In college I tried it once, just to see what it was like. Even the buzz was too much. It left me feeling sort of disconnected from myself. I didn’t like it.”

She nodded but didn’t comment. A few minutes later, the pilot’s voice came over the intercom and announced we were ready to go. I made sure both of us were strapped securely in our seats as the plane taxied toward the runway.
 

Brianna

Maybe asking to see my mom’s grave hadn’t been the best idea. Stephan was tense the whole flight. I’d never seen him like that. It was strange. He was always so in control of everything, including himself.

When he told me about his parents, a lot of things I’d learned about him over the last few months began to make sense. His not drinking. His need to help others. His loyalty to his friends. It made me wish even more that I could give him what he desired from me. At one point, I’d thought I could, but now I knew that wasn’t possible. What he wanted . . . truly wanted . . . I couldn’t give.

The plane landed a little before one at the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport. It had been years since I’d been there, but not much had changed. There were people everywhere, and I held tight to Stephan’s hand as we weaved our way through the crowd to the rental cars.
 

Driving to the cemetery where my mom was buried took longer than I’d thought it would. I didn’t remember traffic in Dallas being so bad.
 

The cemetery, though, was exactly as I remembered, minus the small tent that had been placed over my mom’s grave the day she’d been buried. Stephan parked the car and helped me out, holding my hand the entire time. I knew he was concerned I’d have another panic attack. I didn’t think that would happen, but I was grateful he was there none the less. He was the only one who knew . . . who understood.

There was no marker, just a round piece of metal with a number stamped on it. No one had cared enough to get her a gravestone, other than me, and back then that wasn’t possible. As soon as the funeral had ended, John had driven us back to the house and had me pack my things.
“Our flight leaves in four hours.”
I could hear his voice as clearly as if he were standing beside me.
 

Not caring what the dirt and grass would do to my jeans, I knelt down and touched the ground. She was gone, and I missed her. I missed her so much. She’d always been able to make things better. Even when she’d been sick, she’d always tried to make me laugh. Stephan’s arms wrapped around me from behind as I sat there and cried, mourning my mother.
 

When I finally wiped the tears from my eyes and looked up, the sun was beginning to go down. “Thank you.” I wasn’t sure who I was saying it to, my mother or Stephan. Either way, neither of them answered me.

Turning, I circled my arms around Stephan’s neck. “I love you.” Whatever happened, I wanted him to know that.
 

“I love you, too, sweetheart. Are you ready to go?”

I nodded, and he helped me to stand. I didn’t want to leave my mom, but I knew I had to. My life wasn’t here anymore.
 

Stephan stopped at a drive-thru on the way back to the airport, insisting that I had to eat something. I was surprised to realize I was hungry, and I ate everything he’d ordered for me.
 

I fell asleep on the plane ride home. Stephan coaxed me awake once we’d landed back in Minneapolis. As always, the warmth of his lips on mine brought a feeling of comfort mixed with an electric charge. “We’re home. Did you have a nice nap?”

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

He chuckled, all traces of the anxiety I’d seen from him earlier in the day gone. The flying part was over, and he was back to himself. “You had a trying day. You deserved some rest. Plus, you didn’t sleep well last night.”

I glanced down, not wanting to talk about my shortcomings. It was only a constant reminder of what I could never be.
 

“I need you to talk to me, love. Remember what I said about communication?”

As much as I wanted to forget about the previous day, I knew he wouldn’t let me continue to avoid talking about it. The last thing I wanted to do, however, was point out what had become clear to me. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to give him up yet.

“I don’t . . . I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me how you’re feeling.”

The pilot emerged from the cockpit, breaking up our conversation, but I knew Stephan wouldn’t let it go for long. He thanked the pilot, and we walked back to where we’d parked his car. The drive home was quiet, but I knew that would change once we were inside the condo.
 

“Come,” he said as soon as the door was secure behind us.
 

He walked over to his chair, and I obediently followed.
 

Once I was seated on his lap in my favorite position, he took my hand and threaded our fingers together. “Now tell me how yesterday made you feel.”

“I felt . . . I felt like I was back there.”

“Logan spanking Lily is what triggered it?”

I nodded.

“Oh, Brianna. I wish I could take all those bad things away from you.”

Not knowing what to say, I clung to him. I wished he could take them all away, too, but he couldn’t. I was broken, and I knew it. There was nothing he could do to change that. There wasn’t anything anyone could do.

“We won’t do that again, all right? We’ll just keep things between you and me, no one else.”

I liked the thought of that. With Stephan, I felt safe. But for how long would he be content with that? How long until he wanted more again?

Since it was late, we went ahead and took our shower before getting into bed. He held me the same way he had the previous night, and I cherished every moment.
 

Chapter 30

Stephan

I woke up early. It was a rough night—for me anyway. Brianna had slept soundly even though she’d had a good two-hour nap on the flight back to Minneapolis. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that she was keeping something from me. I had no idea what it was, however. Then again, I could have been imagining things. My guilt over what had happened on Saturday hadn’t faded. Perhaps it was clouding my judgment.

Careful not to wake her, I tiptoed out of the bedroom to go get her gifts. I’d hidden the laptop in my briefcase and then secured it in one of the locked drawers upstairs. With it, I’d purchased a first edition of
Jane Eyre
for her. I’d been surfing online at the office for something else to get her, and an ad had come up for rare books. Once the idea had taken hold, I hadn’t been able to shake it.
Jane Eyre
was one of her favorites, and I knew she would love it.
 

Brianna was still asleep when I returned. After carefully setting her presents on the floor on the other side of the nightstand, I slipped back in bed and began my efforts to wake her.
 

I started by barely touching her pale skin with my fingers. Soon after, I added my mouth, placing featherlight kisses along her neck and jaw. She stirred, and I increased my efforts. Before long, she opened her eyes. “Good morning, Brianna. Happy birthday.”

She blinked. “Good morning.”

I leaned down and gave her a gentle but thorough kiss, tangling my tongue with hers. When I pulled away, I didn’t go far. “I’m taking you out to dinner tonight, but I wanted to go ahead and give you your presents.”

“You got me presents?”

I looked at her, a bit dumbfounded. “Of course I got you something. It’s your birthday.”

Moisture welled in her eyes, and I quickly pulled her into my arms. “Shh. Why are you crying?”

She shook her head, but I wouldn’t let her dismiss this. I needed to know the reason behind her tears.
 

“Tell me, sweetheart.”

“You took me to see my mom.”

“And you thought that was your present?”

She nodded.

“Brianna, I would give you the world if I could. I’d take you to see your mom every weekend if that’s what you wanted. This is your birthday, though, and birthdays mean presents.”
 

I smiled at her, hoping to lighten the mood, and it worked. She glanced up at me through wet lashes and smiled.
 

After a quick peck on the lips, I went to retrieve her presents. Both were wrapped, and I sat patiently as she tore the paper off her book. As soon as she saw it, her eyes lit up.
 

“It’s a first edition. I know how much you love the story. Now you don’t have to borrow my copy. You have one of your own.”

She cradled the book to her chest. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Brianna removed the wrapping paper from the laptop. It was still in the box, but it didn’t take her long to open that, too. “This is mine?” she asked reverently.

“It’s yours. I figured you’d need a computer if you’re going back to school. Besides, computers can be loads of fun. You can play games and look up all sorts of information. Talk to people halfway around the world . . .”

She was still looking at the computer in awe.
 

“I’m going to go make us breakfast. Come out when you’re ready.”

As I turned to leave, I heard movement behind me and knew she was already getting out of bed. She reached for the robe Lily had gotten her, and followed me out into the main room and then into the kitchen, where I began digging out the pots and pans I would need. “Can I help?”