TRUTH (40 page)

I was up and out of my chair in a matter of moments, chasing after her. She hadn’t headed toward the door, so there were only so many places she could go in the apartment.
 

After a few minutes, I found her. She was curled up in a ball in the back of one of Logan and Lily’s closets. She rocked back and forth, mumbling to herself. I knelt down, reaching out to touch her arm, and she jerked away from me.

“Brianna? It’s me, sweetheart.”

No response.

“Brianna. Look at me.”

Still nothing. This wasn’t good.

I sat down crossed-legged in front of her, and waited. She’d come out of it. Eventually. I knew she would. I just had to be patient.

Brianna

Not real. Not real. Not real.

I squeezed my eyes shut, wrapped my arms around my body, and rocked. It would go away. It had to.

The voices. They were back. Screaming. Constantly screaming. And now there were sounds, too. Sounds of hitting and screaming and . . .
 

Grabbing fistfuls of my hair, I rocked harder.
 

Go away!

Please. Please! Go away.

“Brianna?”

I shook my head.
 

Eventually, the voices got quieter, and I could hear other things along with the sounds in my head. The first thing I heard was what I thought were pots and pans clanging against each other. It was far away, though.
 

As I calmed down further, I realized I was not alone. Someone was with me. I could hear their breathing.
 

Taking a deep breath, I caught a familiar scent. I opened my eyes cautiously.

My heart began to pound in my chest when I saw Stephan, and before I could question it, I launched myself from the floor and into his arms. He caught me and held me so tight it hurt, but I didn’t care.
He’s here. Right here
.

“Brianna.” My name came out on a breath, barely loud enough for me to hear it. “You had me so worried, sweetheart.”

I squeezed, holding him just as tight as he was holding me. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t . . .” I began to sob.

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”

We sat holding each other for a long time. The clamoring in the other room had stopped, and silence replaced it.
 

Stephan straightened his legs and situated me in his lap as he leaned against the doorjamb. For the first time, I took in my surroundings. We were in . . . a closet.

As my memory of why we were there came back to me, I began to shiver. “Come here, love.” He pressed my head down on his shoulder, resting his cheek on top of my hair.
 

Neither of us said anything as I did my best to remain calm. I wanted to leave this place.

“I want . . .”

He ran his hands through my hair, down my arm and back up again. “What do you want, Brianna?”

“I want . . . to go home.”

Stephan sighed. “You weren’t ready. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I pushed you too much.”

Sadness washed over me. The scene. He’d wanted me to watch, and I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it for him.

The tears returned. I clung to him as I cried. He just held me, brushing his lips over my hair every now and then.
 

There was movement behind me. The noise startled me.
 

“It’s okay,” Stephan said. “I’m right here.”

“I wanted to see if you were hungry. I made dinner.” At the sound of Lily’s voice, I turned.
 

She stood against the far wall, looking fearful. I’d never seen her that way before, and I knew I needed to do something.
 

Scrambling out of Stephan’s lap, I rushed to her side and hugged her. She lurched backward. “Lily. Are you okay?” I knew she was standing right there in front of me, but I didn’t know why she was looking and acting the way she was.
 

It took her a few seconds to react, but then she threw her arms around me and hugged me back. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”

I didn’t understand. “I’m . . . I’m fine. But . . . you . . .”

“I’m fine, Brianna. I promise.”

“I thought . . .”

She didn’t release me. “You thought what?”

“I thought he . . . I thought . . .”

“I think she thought Logan was going to hurt you,” Stephan said from behind me.
 

“Oh.” Lily stepped back and held both my hands. “No. Logan would never hurt me.”

She looked okay. The corset was gone, and she was now wearing a T-shirt and skirt.
 

“But he . . . he hit you . . .”

Stephan reached up to cup my face with his hand, forcing me to focus on him. “Is that what upset you so much?”

Stephan didn’t release me, so I couldn’t turn to face Lily. “Y-yes.”

“I’m sorry, Brianna. If I had known . . . it’s not something I think about anymore. I like it, and so does he, so . . .”

Moisture pooled in my eyes. “But . . . why?”

“Why do I like it?”

I nodded, my focus never leaving Stephan even though Lily was the one talking.
 

“I’m his. I like it when he spanks me. It’s something I get off on.”

I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. “Can . . . can we go home?”

Both Stephan and Lily immediately sobered at my question.
 

“Don’t you want to eat something?” Lily asked, sounding disappointed.

Stephan searched my face. “Thank you, Lily, but I think we’ll eat at home. I appreciate the effort, though.”

Without pause, Stephan ushered me back into the living room. Logan was sitting on the couch and stood as we entered. I halted my movements upon seeing him, and stepped closer to Stephan.
 

Logan stopped and looked at Stephan before nodding. I watched Lily walk to stand at his side, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She raised her hand and waved, a sad look on her face. I hated knowing that I’d put it there.
 

I couldn’t stop fidgeting on the drive home. Disappointment, confusion, anger, and a variety of different emotions ebbed and flowed through me. It was as if my mind couldn’t decide which feeling was the correct one.
 

Stephan didn’t say anything until we were back inside his condo. “Do you want to go freshen up while I make us something to eat?”

I nodded and absentmindedly went to my room. Looking around, I realized how little time I’d spent in there lately. It didn’t even feel like mine anymore. Then again, I wouldn’t trade the nights I’d spent in Stephan’s bed for anything.
 

As quickly as I could, I washed my face and hands, and then brushed out my hair. It didn’t help how I was feeling inside at all, but it did make me look better on the outside. At the very least, I could try to look my best for Stephan.
 

Walking back out into the main room, I saw he had made us each a salad.
 

“I wasn’t sure how hungry you’d be, but you need to eat something.”

“Thank you.” I took my seat at the island, the same one I’d used since I’d been living with him.
 

I ate the salad he made, but I couldn’t really taste it. When I was finished, I stood and took my plate to the sink like I always did. It was automatic.
 

“Come here, Brianna.”

When I was close enough, Stephan reached for me and had me stand between his spread legs. “Talk to me, sweetheart. Please.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, so I didn’t even try. Stephan hugged me for several minutes before he stood and picked me up. He carried me into his room and over to his bed, where he laid me down with so much care it made me weep harder.
 

Taking off our shoes, he crawled onto the bed with me and pulled me into his arms. I embraced him, unable to help myself. Even if I would never be able to be a good submissive for him, I still loved him. Nothing would change that. I didn’t ever want to let him go, but one day he was going to realize I was broken and I couldn’t be fixed. One day, he was going to realize I wasn’t the right one for him. I wasn’t ever going to be enough. And when that day came, he was going to leave me.

Chapter 29

Stephan

How could I have been so stupid?
 

I spent the night comforting Brianna as best I could. She wouldn’t talk to me, no matter how much I encouraged her to do so. That worried me more than anything did. I’d dealt with her fear, her nightmares, her panic . . . her silence was worse than all of those combined, and it was all my fault.
 

Brianna hadn’t been ready—nowhere close to ready—to view a scene. Not even a simple one. I should never have arranged it. I’d let what I wanted from her get in the way of what was best for her.
 

Sunday was supposed to be a fun and relaxing day. The following day, June 18, was her nineteenth birthday. I had no idea how she’d spent her previous birthday. Her eighteenth, the one that should have been a time of celebrating her step into adulthood, had been more than likely shrouded in pain and horror. I’d wanted her nineteenth to be as different as possible, and now I was afraid I’d ruined any chance of that.
 

My aunt had invited us over for dinner, but I’d turned her down. I wanted to spend this day with Brianna, and only Brianna. Although Monday was her birthday, I wouldn’t be able to spend the entire day with her, so Sunday was ours. I had plans to take her out to dinner on her birthday at a five-star restaurant. I’d rented the entire place and requested a female server to make sure she was comfortable. But that was tomorrow. Today I would let her choose.
 

“What would you like to do today, Brianna?” We were finishing our breakfast, and so far, she’d been as silent today as she had been the previous night.
 

She glanced up from her food and then quickly back down.
 

I sighed.
 

“Isn’t there anything you want to do for your birthday? I have to work tomorrow, but today you can do anything you want.” I paused and lifted her chin, making her look at me. “Anything.”

Sadness filled her eyes. “Can I . . . can I see my mom?”

Her request brought me up short for a moment, until I realized what she was asking. From what I knew, Brianna had been taken by her father to live in Two Harbors when she was fifteen, after her mother had died. To my knowledge, she’d never been back to Dallas. “You want to go to your mom’s grave?”

She nodded.

A sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. “She’s in Dallas, Texas?”

She nodded again.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. After what happened to my parents, I avoided planes at all costs. To fulfill her request, however, I would have little choice. The only way to travel from Minnesota to Texas and back in one day was to fly.
 

Anxiety bubbled up in my chest, causing my heart to beat faster. If anyone else had asked that of me, I would have said no. “Let me make a call.” I released her and went to get my phone.

Jamie answered on the second ring. “Hello, Mr. Coleman.”

“Morning, Jamie. I need you to do something for me.”

“Of course. What can I do for you?”

“I’d like you to charter a plane to take Brianna and me to Dallas, Texas, and back today.”

There was silence on the other end for a very long moment.

“Jamie?”

“I’m here, Mr. Coleman. Sorry. You . . . you want me to arrange a
plane
for you?”

I knew it was shocking. Since she’d been working for me, Jamie had only arranged two flights. She knew how I felt about flying. “Yes, and since we need to make this a round trip, the sooner the better.”

“I’ll make some calls.”

“Thank you, Jamie. Let me know when we need to be at the airport.”

As promised, Jamie called back twenty minutes later with instructions to be at the airport as soon as possible. The pilot needed about an hour to fuel up and go through a systems check, and then we could take off.