Truth Be Told (9 page)

“I take it you haven't said anything to Grace.”

Conner shook his head. “I can't even imagine saying these words to her. It's going to break her heart.”

“She's strong, though. You can help her to understand.”

“But how can I help her understand that I hid my relationship with Pilar? While she confessed what went on with her and Drew, I kept quiet.” Conner stood and leaned over the desk. “I feel as if I've been lying to my wife for years. It's like I'm a fake.”

Conner waited for his brother to tell him that's exactly who he was. But when Chandler stood and placed his hand on Conner's shoulder, all he felt was his twin's strength.

“I admit this is going to be tough. But we'll figure it out—through time and prayer.” Chandler paused. “I'll do whatever you need me to do, but bro', there is one thing you have to do.”

Conner closed his eyes and nodded. His brother didn't need to say anything more. Conner knew what Chandler meant. He had to tell Grace. He would do it tonight.

Grace gazed out onto the courtyard. Even though she had three months before she officially took office, she planned to use the time to read through the countless city proposals and referendums. But today she'd spent hours rereading papers, unable to keep her mind from drifting.

“Maybe I should just go home.”

“What?”

She swiveled her chair around. “Just talking to myself.”

Zoë smiled. “A lot of that going around,” she kidded. “I wanted to go over tomorrow's council meeting. You'll be certified, along with the other new members at nine. Then the mayor's reception begins at eleven. By the time we do lunch and the requisite schmoozing, we'll be out by four.” She paused and looked at her watch. “Need me for anything else?”

Grace shook her head. “No. Go on home.”

“Want to walk out together?”

“No, I want to clear my desk. I won't be much longer, and Frank is waiting. He'll drive me home.”

“Okay. I'll meet you at city hall in the morning.”

Grace heard the front door close, but a moment later it opened again.

“Zoë?”

“No, Grace.”

Grace stood. Before she could get to the door, Starlight appeared in front of her.

“Surprise.” Starlight smiled, but her tone was stiff.

Grace tried to smile. “How're you … Starlight?”

“I'm good.” She paused, looked around the office, then returned her gaze to Grace. “I came to congratulate you.”

“Thanks.” Grace hesitated. “Do you want to sit down?”

“Sure.”

The office was heavy with silence as both shifted to find a comfortable place in their seats.

“I hope you don't mind my dropping by.”

Grace shook her head.

“Mom said Tuesday night was wonderful.” Starlight paused. “She's proud of you.”

Grace took a slight breath and nodded. Silence filled their space again before Grace asked, “How have you been?”

“Good. I'm doing seminars, writing another book. I spoke at Greater Faith Chapel last night.”

Grace's eyes widened. Pastor Carey was one of the city's most influential and respected clergymen. Although he wasn't part of her district, she'd received a lot of campaign support from him, especially about returning prayer to school. Why would Pastor Carey allow Starlight to speak at his church?

“Mom didn't tell you,” Starlight said through Grace's thoughts.

Grace shook her head. “No, but …” Her voice trailed off.

Starlight tilted her head. “You still have a hard time accepting me, don't you?”

Grace looked straight into Starlight's eyes. “I accept you, Mabel. I just don't agree with what you do.”

Starlight's smile disappeared. “We do the same thing, Grace.”

No we don't, Mabel,
she thought.
You hustle people for money in the name of God.
But Grace held that thought inside since she had spoken those words to her sister many times in the past. Instead she said, “Let's not talk about this.”

Starlight's eyes narrowed. “I'm committed to helping people, just like you are,” she said, wanting to convince her sister. “You wouldn't believe the mail I get about how I've changed women's lives.”

Grace pressed her lips together, remembering the look in her mother's eyes when she told her that she and Starlight would never get together. And they wouldn't if she allowed this conversation to weave its way to its obvious conclusion.

“So you're still judging me.”

“No I'm not, Mabel … Starlight.”

Starlight looked away and wrapped the strap of her purse tighter around her arm. “I thought I'd come by …”

“And I'm glad you did,” Grace said quickly.

Starlight glanced up, her eyes hooded with hope. “We're both doing well, Grace. That's our common ground.”

We have nothing in common,
Grace thought, though she kept her smile in place.

Grace stood. Starlight followed.

“Maybe one day we can meet for lunch,” Starlight said.

Grace hesitated. “Maybe you can come by … one Sunday after church.” She waited for her last words to settle. “The girls would love to see you.”

Starlight grinned. “How're my nieces?”

“Fine. Jayde is talking about college, and Amber, well, she just wants Jayde's room when she goes away.” Grace chuckled.

Starlight laughed. “I miss them. But I stay away.”

Grace nodded.

Though they were just inches apart, it took a minute for Grace to reach through the space and take Starlight's hand. “Call me. We'll plan something.”

Starlight leaned forward. Their hug was more the wooden embrace of strangers. But for the sisters, it was closer than they'd been in years. And in that moment, it felt good to both of them.

Starlight grinned when she pulled away. “I'll call.”

Grace watched her sister walk to the door. Starlight was right. It was time to find common ground, even if just for twenty minutes once a month.

Conner took another sip of his chardonnay. He peeked through the curtains.
This is what the waiting was like for Grace last night,
he thought.

He looked at the clock. Almost seven.

When he had walked into his home two hours ago, his faith was strong. Chandler's encouragement had sustained him. But the passing minutes chipped at his confidence.

Conner stiffened when approaching car lights illuminated the darkened living room. He lifted his glass to his lips, relishing the last of the wine. He rested the glass on the table, then clasped his hands together.

It had been planned, but now he wasn't sure. Should he have on music? Should he sit on the couch? Should he be standing, waiting? Should he turn on more lights?

The opening door didn't give Conner a chance to answer any of his questions.

“Hi, sweetheart.” He stood under the living room arch. Her smile made his heart pound harder.

“Hey.” She kissed him. “When I saw only the foyer light, I thought you'd taken the girls out.”

“I'm here,” he said, because he couldn't think of any other words. The smile that he forced to his lips didn't stop the pressure building inside his head.

Her smile widened. “Where're the girls?”

“They're staying with Lily tonight.”

“Really?” She wrapped her arms around Conner's neck. “So you must have plans for us.” She paused. “I'm glad, because I was worried about you.”

He swallowed.

“But it seems you're just fine.” Grace chuckled.

Conner did not share her laugh. He turned away and walked to the table, filling his glass with more wine. “How was your day?” The question came from his lips, but it was the question in his mind that had his attention. How was he supposed to do this?

“Okay.” She sat on the couch, but kept her eyes on her husband. “Starlight stopped by.”

It took both of his hands to steady the shaking glass. He sat next to Grace. “Really?”

Grace said, “We had a decent chat, but …” She paused. “I still know who she is. Starlight's a liar. She's a fake.”

He nodded because he couldn't speak.

“She uses half truths to get women to follow her. If I felt that her message really helped,” Grace continued, “or even if she believed what she was saying, I could be more accepting. But it's all about money for her.” She sighed. “She's spiritually poisoning people. She doesn't care about anyone but herself.”

With one swallow, Conner finished the rest of his wine.

“I can't even imagine what she does behind closed doors,” Grace continued, shaking her head. “The worse part for me is that Mabel knows she's misleading people.” Grace sighed. “I don't want to be judgmental, but it's hard when I know my sister knows what she's doing. She's a liar.”

Conner stood and walked to the window.

“I don't want to talk about Starlight anymore.” Grace paused. “Honey, how was your day?”

He could hear the frown in her voice. He stood still, even when he heard her footsteps behind him. When she placed her hand on his shoulder, he was sure he'd stop breathing.

“Conner, what's wrong?”

He licked his dry lips, then faced his wife. In his mind, he heard her words again, “Starlight is a liar. She's a fake.” That's what he felt like.

Conner shook his head. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Is it a case?”

He nodded instead of speaking the lie out loud.

“Is it something that I can help with?”

He shook his head. “I think I'm going to go up to the office for a while. I've got a bit of work to do.” With two steps, he fled from the living room.

“Conner.”

When she called his name, his pace increased. Taking the stairs two at a time, he didn't stop until he was behind the closed door of their office. He breathed deeply, trying to calm the beating in his chest. He prayed that Grace wouldn't follow him.

When minutes passed, he took heavy steps to his desk and held his head in his hands. There was no way he could do this. No way he'd ever be able to utter the words that would permanently break his family. He'd have to find another way. He'd have to handle Pilar without Grace ever finding out.

“M
ommy, I think Daddy is mad at me.”

Grace lifted her eyes from the newspaper. She reached across the kitchen table and covered Amber's hand. “Honey, that's not true. Why do you think that?”

Amber pushed her spoon against the pink, turquoise, and purple circles in her cereal bowl. “He won't talk to me.”

“Your dad just has a lot on his mind, sweetie.” She paused. “He's been working on a hard case at work.”

Amber tilted her head to the side. “Like when Jayde was getting ready to play that tennis game?”

“That's right, sweetie. Remember how much Jayde wanted to win the championship?”

Amber nodded. “I thought she was mad at me, but she said she was just concentrating.”

“That's what your father's doing. He'll be finished with this case soon, and everything will be back to normal. You'll see.” Grace forced a wide smile and grabbed Amber's bowl. “Sweetie, go upstairs and put on your jeans. We'll take a ride over to Nana's house, okay?”

Amber's grin was back. “Okay, Mommy,” she said before she ran from the kitchen.

Grace placed the bowl in the sink, pushed her weight against the counter, and stared out the window. The Saturday sun dazzled against the backyard gazebo. But the morning's warmth was so different from the heat rising in their home. Outside, the sun brought promises of another glorious April day. Inside, there was only the promise of the emotional silence that had invaded their space. For more than a week, the weight Conner carried hovered over them, threatening to crash down. There were times when she could almost feel the words that Conner wanted to share. But he remained silent, shutting her out. Although it took more willpower than she was aware she had, she'd stopped questioning, knowing that he would have to come to her eventually or that whatever was troubling him would pass.

But now their children were being affected. She was able to placate Amber, but Jayde wouldn't be so easy.

“What's wrong, Conner?” Grace whispered the question that she'd asked at least a million times in the last week.

Grace rinsed Amber's bowl, then placed it in the dishwasher. She marched up the stairs and stood outside the office. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then stepped inside.

Conner was sitting at the desk, staring at the wall.

“I need to talk to you.” When he looked up, the weariness in his eyes was what she felt in her bones. She leaned against the edge of the desk, hoping to find the question that would give her answers. “Sweetheart, what's wrong?” They were the only words that came to her mind.

Conner looked away and closed the folder on the desk. “Grace, I don't know why you keep asking me that. I told you …”

“You haven't told me anything,” she said before he could finish, unable to keep the frustration from her tone.

“It's work.”

“What about work?”

“Grace, I don't know why you're giving me a hard time. I've had difficult cases before.”

“But nothing that made Amber think you were mad at her.”

He paused, then took her hand. “Grace …”

The weariness that she saw in him before shifted to sadness, and in that second Grace wanted to flee. She was filled with fear.

After a moment, Conner looked away, letting her hand slip from his at the same time. “I don't know why Amber would think I'm mad.”

Grace sighed. “Conner, you're different. You've been leaving early, coming home late. You didn't have dinner with us all week, and I can't think of the last time that's happened.” She softened her voice. “You didn't even go to church last Sunday.” She paused. “Whatever it is, I want to help. But I can't if you won't let me in.”

He kept his stance, as if he was stuck in place. His silence was his armor. After long minutes passed, Grace raised herself from the desk and left the room. She leaned against her bedroom door, closed her eyes, and pressed back her tears. She knew for sure now that it wasn't a case holding her husband hostage. There was something much more.

The image of Pilar and Conner in the restaurant popped into her mind, and she snapped opened her eyes. Did this have something to do with her? Was Conner having an affair?

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “That's not possible.”

“Mommy, are you ready?”

She hadn't even heard Amber in the hall. “Give me a minute, sweetheart. Watch TV in your room, and I'll get you when I'm ready.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

Grace watched Amber skip to her room. Just a while ago, Amber was concerned, but her assurances had made Amber feel better. Grace sighed. That's what she wanted—the heart of a child.

But what she needed were answers. And if she couldn't get them from Conner, she'd have to find another way to uncover what he was hiding.

Even though it was Saturday night, lights from inside the Century City office buildings still shone brightly. Conner turned from the window. He glanced at his watch, although he knew the time. It was only five minutes since the last time he'd looked—just a bit after eight. Time was slowly passing. It was still too early to go home. Grace would be there, waiting with her questions. Questions that he couldn't respond to because he didn't have the answers himself.

He returned to the desk and flipped through the notepad. Beyond work, he'd never been much of a writer, but for the past days, he'd put his troubled thoughts onto these pages. There was a boy in New York, a child who could be his son. On the other side of his life's ledger were his wife and the two children whom he'd loved before they took their first breaths.

Conner stared at his notes as if his glare could transform the words. But nothing that was before him was going to change.

The beeping of his cell phone startled him. He hadn't expected Grace to call. Days ago, she'd stopped trying to track him down. He glanced at the Caller ID and frowned.

“Yes, Pilar,” he said, his words and tone lacking any pleasantries.

“I haven't heard from you in a few days.”

“I've needed some time to sort this through.”

“I don't have time.”

“I know that, Pilar. But this is not easy.”

“Have you told Grace?”

His silence was his response.

“I need to see you,” she said.

“There's no need for that.”

“Tomorrow.”

He leaned forward in his chair. “You're in L.A.?” Questions swirled through his mind like a deadly tornado. What was Pilar doing here? Was she going to try to see Grace?

“Yes, I'm in L.A. I need to talk to you.”

“We can do that over the phone.” He paused, then added, “It's better over the phone.” He closed his eyes as he imagined meeting with Pilar and Grace seeing them again.

“This will be the last time, but I have to see you.” She hesitated. “You owe me this much, Conner.”

He wanted to be angered by her words, but she was right. He did owe her one more meeting. He needed to tell her face-to-face what he'd just decided. That he would do everything he could for Solomon. That he would pay any amount of money to make sure he was well taken care of. That he would make sure all was well with him, even after she was gone. He would do it all—except be his father.

He'd help her make other plans, find another home where Solomon would be safe and loved. But not with his family. Not with the Monroes.

“We can meet tomorrow,” he said. “After church. I'll call you in the morning to let you know where.”

“Fine.” A second later he heard the empty air of the phone.

He leaned back in the chair. Maybe it was good that Pilar had come back. Her call had helped him decide. Now he could move forward, handle this without Grace ever knowing. His secret would remain. The truth would never be told.

As he picked up his briefcase and stuffed his cell phone into his pocket, he tried to push aside the voice in his head. The one that said that the truth always came to light. But maybe this one time it didn't have to.