Truth Be Told (5 page)

But it seemed then that her luck had run out. She still wondered what she was trying to do during that time. Why she was trying to destroy everything good in her life? Why she couldn't stay away from Drew? But even though she behaved as if she had made a deal with the devil, God had other plans.

It was her sins that had led her to the Lord. And it couldn't have been more appropriate that Devry and Chandler played a role in leading Grace and Conner to Christ. The two had been inviting Grace and Conner to church for more years than Grace could count, but she and Conner had believed that Sundays were best spent in bed recharging for the coming week.

It wasn't that she didn't believe in God. Her earliest memories were of being awakened on Sunday mornings and she and Mabel being forced to go to church with neighbors while her parents slept. But there was little that she could speak about on God from those days. She knew God was a Higher Being who controlled everything from his estate in the sky. She knew that God was mad at just about everything. There was nothing humans could do to please Him. And she knew that she would never make it to the nirvana that was promised to those who lived a holy life. So it was easy to turn away from a God she couldn't please.

But it was the hell that she was living in this life that sent Grace searching for salvation. And it was Devry who took her hand, helping her find peace, on the day that Conner found out about her affair with Drew—for the second time.

“I'm afraid I'm going to really lose Conner this time,” Grace had sobbed.

“Well, you may.”

Grace was shocked at Devry's words. In the past, her friend had comforted her, always reassuring that all was going to be fine.

Devry continued, softening her voice. “Grace, something's wrong. If this was the first time, I'd say you'd made a mistake, that you were just lonely. But how many chances do you think a man will give you? Many men would have left after the first time.”

Devry's truth twisted like a wasp's sting. “What am I going to do?”

Devry had moved to the couch and sat next to Grace. She lifted Grace's chin and stared into her eyes. “Come with me to my Women's Recovery Group at church.”

“What is that going to do?” Grace wailed.

“It's going to give you a chance to talk. It's going to give you a chance to listen. There are many who have been through the same thing. And you'll meet Pastor Ford. Not only does she understand, but she'll counsel you.”

“You want me to talk about my problems to a stranger?”

Devry had looked at her as if she'd asked a stupid question. “The judge in divorce court is going to be a stranger too, Grace. And he's going to be all up in your business.”

It took everything inside of her for Grace to go to that meeting. But although she didn't open her mouth, she had walked away enlightened. She felt as if she was at an AA meeting for cheaters. As Pastor Ford directed the women through the discussion with an understanding that made Grace suspect that she had once been in the same place, the participants talked about what they'd been willing to throw away—family, careers, money—all to be with a man who was giving them something they didn't think they were getting at home.

As tragic as they were, those weren't the stories that moved her. It was the small group of women who attended because they were trying to understand their husband's infidelity. Their tales of misery rammed a hole through her heart. Is this how Conner feels? she had wondered? She didn't want to believe that she had caused him that kind of pain.

Grace had returned to the next meeting, then another, and another, while Conner slept in the guest bedroom. The first words they exchanged came three weeks from the day that Conner had found her in the motel with Drew.

She'd spoken first. “Conner, I love you. And I finally understand what's going on with me. I know I've hurt you, and I know I don't have a right to ask, but will you come with me to counseling? I want to save our marriage, and I think Pastor Ford can help us.”

He had stared at her with dark, blank eyes, and she shuddered inside. But the victories she'd heard about in those meetings gave her courage. “I will do anything to make this up to you. I pray that you'll forgive me.”

His stare continued until he turned and walked away without saying anything.

She had slumped into the kitchen chair and laid her head down on the table. An hour passed before she moved, first checking on three-year-old Jayde who, blessedly, was oblivious to the ongoing saga in her home. Then Grace went into the bedroom, sliding under the covers without changing from the leggings and T-shirt that she wore. As she lifted her hand to turn out the light, the bedroom door opened.

Conner stood with his arms crossed. He looked so good in his black T-shirt and boot-legged jeans. All she wanted to do was run into his arms. But she stayed, locking her eyes with his, though inside she prayed for his words.

“I'll go to counseling,” he said. Then he disappeared.

Even when she no longer heard his footsteps, she remained fixed in her space, not wanting to jar his words from the atmosphere.

Her heart was heavy now as she remembered that time. It was over twelve years ago, but the emotions she recalled were as fresh as yesterday.

Grace turned off the water and stepped from the shower. She pulled a towel from the heated rack, shook the shower cap from her head, and ran her hand through her short curls. When she looked in the mirror, Grace couldn't tell if the water that dampened her face was from the steam that still filled the room or from tears that filled her eyes. If they were tears, they were ones of joy. After months of counseling with Pastor Ford and finally giving themselves to the Lord, Conner and Grace had reconnected in ways that she had never dreamed possible. It was as if God was glue that couldn't be purchased but was more powerful than anything found in the best of stores.

She looked in the mirror and smiled. Yes, she had much to be thankful for, but right now, she had to get ready for lunch.

“C
ongratulations, Ms. Monroe. I guess that should be Councilwoman Monroe.”

Grace chuckled and handed the keys to the valet. “How are you, Stanley?”

He smiled. “I'm fine, knowing that voting works.”

She laughed.

Inside the restaurant, the congratulations continued, until Grace wanted to beg for mercy. She exhaled when Devry rushed in just minutes behind her.

“Sorry. I got stuck on the phone, “Devry gasped.

They hugged before Grace motioned to the hostess. “I asked for a table near the back, so we wouldn't be disturbed,” she whispered over her shoulder to Devry.

They followed the hostess, zigzagging through the table maze filled with the lunch crowd. As they moved toward the restaurant's center, Grace's steps slowed.

Devry's glance followed Grace's. They stood for a moment, staring at the man and a woman, hovered close, deep in conversation.

Grace stepped toward the table. “Conner?”

His head rose slowly. A thin layer of water covered his eyes, as if he was having difficulty focusing. Their gaze froze on each other until Conner jumped from his chair, pushing himself from the table. He collided with the man sitting behind him. “Excuse me,” he said, though his eyes never left his wife. “Honey.” Conner kissed Grace. “What are you doing here?”

Her eyes asked the same question. “I thought you were going to the office.”

“I … was,” he stammered. “But, this … something came up.”

Devry said, “Grace, I'm going to our table. See you later, Conner.”

Neither noticed Devry's exit as Grace stared at her husband. Her eyes made a slow descent to Conner's lunch partner. “Hello, Pilar.” Grace didn't know why she trembled.

Pilar smiled. “It's been a long time, Grace.”

She nodded, and then turned back to Conner. When he offered no explanation, she gave him one. “Devry and I are having lunch.”

It was Conner who broke their eye-lock, his eyelids becoming too heavy to hold her gaze. When he finally looked at her a few seconds later, he kissed her again. “I'll see you at home … later.”

She was dismissed.

“At two, right?” She felt the need to remind him. When Conner nodded, she smiled her good-bye to Pilar. She moved toward the table where Devry was sitting, though she didn't know how she made it without turning back. She didn't breathe until she sat.

“Girl, I am famished.” Devry's head was buried in the menu. “It's the baby's fault.”

Grace's gaze drifted across the room. All she could see was the stiffness of Conner's back.

“I think I'll have the crab cakes.” Devry frowned when she looked up. “What's wrong?”

It took a moment for Grace to stop staring at her husband. “I'm surprised to see Conner. He didn't even want to go into the office and now …”

“Who's that with him?”

“Pilar Cruise. She used to work for Conner.”

“Oh, yeah.” Devry almost sang the words. “When they first opened the firm, right?” Grace nodded. “Is he handling a case for her?”

“I don't know.” Grace picked up her menu, and studied every item, though she ate at Encounters at least four times a month. “I'll have the barbecue pasta.” She put down the menu and smiled at Devry. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” she asked with cheer she didn't feel.

“I have an idea for a true abstinence and drug-free program and you're the council member who can help me get it implemented.”

“Are you thinking about what we tried in the schools?”

Devry nodded. “But I want to raise the stakes. Instead of adults lecturing kids, we need to have children talking to children.”

Grace nodded and kept her eyes planted on Devry with all her might.

Devry continued, “Teenagers who have dropped out to have a baby can be paid to speak at assemblies. Students who are in twelve-step programs can visit classrooms.” Devry took a portfolio from her briefcase. “I've made a few notes …”

Grace's glance wandered back toward Conner against her will. He and Pilar held their stance, heads so close together that Grace knew neither of them was aware of the sights or sounds of the Wednesday lunch crowd.

“Grace!” Her head snapped back to Devry. “You're not listening.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Then why didn't you say anything when I said you should dance down Crenshaw Boulevard naked at noon.”

Grace smiled. “Because that's a good idea.”

Devry laughed, but only for a moment. She covered her sister-in-law's hand. “You're not bothered by Conner meeting with Pilar, are you?”

She shook her head. “No, but their meeting looks serious, and Conner never mentioned this.”

Devry leaned forward. “You're not thinking they're involved?”

Grace sat back. “Of course not. That's my style, not Conner's.”

“That's not your style anymore.”

As Devry spoke, Grace watched Conner get up. Then Pilar stood, and they rushed away from Grace's view.

“So what's bothering you?” Devry asked. “I don't want to sit here and not know what's going on.”

Me neither,
Grace wanted to say. But she smiled. “They're gone, so I won't be distracted anymore,” Grace said just as a waitress came to their table. But even as they gave their orders and Devry presented her proposal, Grace couldn't focus. All her mind's eye could see was Conner with Pilar. A few hours before, she had been reveling in how wonderful their lives were. Now she had a feeling deep in her center that the wonder of their lives could be in danger.

Grace rushed into the house and began unbuttoning her blouse as she raced up the stairs. Although she was finally able to concentrate on Devry's proposal, she'd been bombarded with the image of Conner and Pilar as she drove home. She didn't know why their meeting had upset her so. Maybe because it felt as if it were shrouded in mystery.

“Stop it, Grace. It's just your imagination,” she scolded herself.

She was not going to allow those thoughts to interfere with this special time she and Conner had planned. She glanced at the clock as she stepped into the bedroom. In fifteen minutes, her husband would waltz through the front door and make her forget all thoughts of Pilar Cruise.

She wiggled into the fire-red teddy and robe Conner had bought for her last week when the polls for the first time had showed that she was ahead in the race. They'd planned this celebration then.

Fourteen minutes later, Grace sauntered into the living room. She wanted to be waiting at the door when Conner entered. She wasn't going to waste even a minute.

She sat in the chair by the window, picked up an
Essence
magazine, and flipped through the pages. A half-hour later, she peeked through the curtains, wondering if Conner had run into traffic.

She was speed-walking from wall to wall by the time the clock in the foyer chimed three times. “Where are you, Conner?”

She picked up the phone and dialed the office. “Hi, Marilyn. Is Conner there?”

“No, Grace. He said he was going to spend the day with you. You'd better hurry home.” Marilyn giggled. “I'm sure he's waiting for you.”

I am home!
Grace wanted to scream.
I've been waiting for him for an hour.
But instead of saying anything else, she hung up and dialed Conner's cell.

“Honey, I'm just checking to make sure everything is all right,” she said when his voice mail came on.

She returned to the chair where just an hour before she'd been filled with the promise of an afternoon that she wouldn't soon forget. But instead, her heart pounded. “Nothing's wrong, Grace,” she said aloud. “He just got held up a bit. He'll be here.” But she was not convinced by her own words.

In the next hour, she called his cell phone every few minutes but stopped leaving messages. When the clock in the foyer chimed five times, she returned to their bedroom. The girls would be home soon, something she couldn't say about Conner.

Just as she slipped the teddy from her shoulders, she heard the three beeps from the opened front door. She held her breath, but a second later, she heard, “Mom, I'm home.”

“Okay, honey. I'll be down in a moment.”

“Mom, I need to tell you about a group thing we want to do on Saturday.”

Grace knew that Jayde was standing at the foot of the stairs yelling. No matter how many times she'd been told that it was more civilized to use the intercom, she preferred her vocal cords.

Grace pressed the intercom button on the wall for the foyer/kitchen. “I'll be right down, Jayde, and we can discuss it.”

A moment later the front door opened again.

“Hi, Mommy.”

“She's upstairs,” Grace heard Jayde yell to Amber.

“Mommy!” Amber's voice grew closer.

A moment later, Amber knocked. Grace slipped into her robe a second before she opened the door.

“Hi, Mommy.” Amber smiled, then frowned. “Are you sick?”

“No, honey. I was changing my clothes.”

Amber's smile returned. “Can I go with Nicole to the museum on Saturday?”

“I don't know. We'll see.”

“But, Mommy, Nicole's mother is waiting….”

“Amber, let me get dressed. Then we'll talk about it. You can call Nicole later.”

“All right,” Amber mumbled and turned away.

Grace jumped into her jeans, then tucked a white T-shirt into her pants, all the time praying that she would hear Conner's car enter the garage. This wasn't the first time plans changed because of work. Their schedules were hectic, so this wasn't different. But it
felt
very different to Grace.

She brushed her hair, glanced in the mirror, and then went to her children. Both Amber and Jayde rushed to her.

“Mom, I need …”

“Mommy, I want …”

Grace held up her hands. “One at a time. Amber, what do you want?”

“Why does she always go first?” Jayde pouted. “I never get anything around here.”

“Jayde, I am not in the mood.”

“But I was home first and …”

Grace held her hands to her head. “Jayde, go to your room,” she yelled.

Jayde's eyes widened. “I didn't do anything.”

“I said …” Her expression completed her sentence.

Jayde picked up her backpack and CD player and stomped up the stairs.

Grace took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator and took out a package of chicken wings. “Now, Amber, what do you want?” Amber stood in the doorway with her hands clasped behind her back. She pressed her lips together and looked away from her mother. Grace sighed. “Come here,” she said in a softer voice, and sat at the dinette table.

Amber followed her mother's command.

“You wanted something.” Grace took Amber's hand.

Amber nodded, but kept her eyes lowered. “Can I go to the museum with Nicole on Saturday?” she whispered. “Her mom said it was okay and that you could come too.”

“I think it'll be fine, but let's check with your dad.”

“Okay,” Amber agreed weakly.

Grace lifted her daughter's chin with her fingers. “I want to make sure that your father didn't make any weekend plans. He could have something fabulous planned, and I wouldn't want you to miss it.”

“What are we going to do?” Amber asked, now meeting her mother's gaze.

Grace smiled and shrugged. “I don't know. Let's just check and see, okay?”

Amber hugged Grace. “Okay, Daddy is the best.” She kissed Grace's cheek. “And you are too, Mommy.”

Grace laughed. “Go upstairs and change for dinner.”

Amber ran toward the stairs, then turned back to the kitchen. “Mommy, do you want me to tell Jayde that you're sorry?”

Grace pressed her palm against Amber's cheek. “Thank you, but I should do that.”

Grace waited until she no longer heard Amber's footsteps before she looked at the clock. It was almost six. A plethora of scenarios paraded through her mind, none of which stopped her heart from sinking. She shook her head, ridding the images from her mind, and then stood and trotted up the stairs. She knocked on Jayde's door and opened it. “Can I come in?”

Jayde continued shifting the electronic solitaire cards across the computer screen.

Grace sat on the edge of the bed. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you.”

Jayde clicked the mouse again, moving the ten of spades beneath the jack of hearts.