Tudor Reunion Tour (2 page)

Six months after the shooting.

Zara

The Christmas holidays are now upon us.
Elizabeth is seven months old and getting cuter every day. She favors Amadeus
in so many ways it’s almost scary, a little carbon copy. Proud papa, of course,
loves to make sure she’s spoiled rotten. Amadeus and I have spent the past
months in seclusion…self-made seclusion. After everything we’ve been through
the past few years it’s as though we have nowhere we can call home. Peter
offered us one of his various other properties, but we refused, and after his
people thoroughly cleaned and did the repairs, we were back in our Scottish
cottage.

Amadeus has put his career on hold in
order that we may both get through this ordeal, both emotionally and
physically. You never really know until you actually do it yourself; you pull
the trigger and watch a person’s life end. No way would it not affect you, the
only way it wouldn’t would be if you were a trained professional like a cop, or
military personnel, or an assassin. And yes, sometimes in my darkest, bleakest
hours, I feel as though I assassinated Johnny. My mind whirls with ‘what if’s’…what
if I’d waited just a few more seconds, would he have perhaps stopped and
thought about what he was doing? Perhaps left Elizabeth and me alone? Couldn’t
I have aimed lower so he would have lived? Those are just a few of the many
things that burden me.

And how has Amadeus handled living
through all of these bleak times with me? The same way he always has. Quietly
and with the undying support he’s always given me, and that I’ve given him. No
judging, no pointing fingers, just a mutual love, respect, and trust. He
listens to me rant, tries to make things better by holding me through the
crying, but more than anything he’s there for me. For without him and
Elizabeth, I truly believe I’d be locked up somewhere to deal with my demons.

Peter and Grace, wanting as many of
their blended family with them as possible for the holidays rented a place on
an island in the Caribbean. No pressure, if you couldn’t make it for the actual
holiday, anytime the following week was equally as good.

We weren’t going to go, at first
deciding that we wanted to spend Elizabeth’s first Christmas as a family,
nothing huge, just the three of us. Grace, of course, changed that, using
wanting to spend time over the holidays with her latest grandbaby and alluding
heavily to the fact that Amadeus and I needed to start socializing again, even
if it was just with boring family.

So here we were, in a private jet Peter
sent to scoop us up, an hour outside the private island where everyone was gathering.
Knowing Peter and Grace, the place would be top shelf, five stars, everything
perfect. Christmas on a tropical island wasn’t sounding quite as bad as it did
a few weeks ago. The idea of sun, surf, beaches, lazing about had Amadeus
pumped and his enthusiasm was contagious. Even Elizabeth, as little as she was,
had picked up on the good vibes, babbling and being remarkably good during the
long plane ride.

I shut my eyes for the umpteenth time,
determined that this time I’d sleep, even if for no more than ten minutes.
Elizabeth was napping and Amadeus was reading something on his iPad, as he had
been throughout the trip.

“Zara! Zara! Wake up, babe, we’re on our
final descent.”

“
Hmmmmp
.
Elizabeth?”

“I’ve got her.”

And so the holidays began as we were
whisked from the airport to the private island estate Peter had rented for the
new McNichol/Tudor blended family. I had to smile thinking about all the people
involved within each other’s lives now. Not many families could claim such a
high rate of success as this one did.

Enjoying an iconic view of the Caribbean
from my lounger, I took full advantage of Grace giving Elizabeth her bath. I
seemed to have the large porch to myself as everyone else who had arrived were
scattered around the compound busy with whatever tasks they were involved in.
Amadeus included, though I am quite sure he and Angus were off somewhere on the
beach plotting some scheme. The two of them were thick as thieves, especially
right now. Angus made the trip to the Caribbean on his own. He and his wife, Ashleigh,
were still not seeing eye-to-eye. He looked like a lost dog when I saw him earlier,
and the two brothers hadn’t seen each other since before Elizabeth’s birth, a
long time in Tudor family time.

Out of the corner of my eye I became
aware of someone handing me a glass of wine. It was Peter. “Mind if I join you?”

“No, of course not,” I replied taking
the glass in my hand.

He sat next to me in one of several
wicker chairs lining the porch. For a man his age, it was evident how well he
took care of himself. “Everything all right, Zara? You’ve been rather quiet
since you guys arrived.”

“Just tired, Peter, it was a long trip,
and we haven’t been traveling much, so I was unprepared. Amadeus, on the other
hand, has been counting down the days until we left. I know he was getting
restless in that cottage alone with me and Elizabeth.”

“But that’s what he wanted, what he
chose, Zara.”

“True, but I’m sure you’ve noticed in
the little time we’ve been here how he’s opened up.”

“You’ve been through a terrible ordeal,
Zara. Don’t beat yourself up. I know you’ve heard this a zillion times already,
but you did what you had to do to protect yourself and Elizabeth.”

“I know, I know. Amadeus seems to think
this trip is a good thing, getting me, rather us, away from the scene of the
crime as it were.”

“Exactly, and I understand why you’ve
wanted to stay there, but you can’t live like a recluse. You both have too much
to offer.”

The sound of a very cranky Elizabeth
interrupted our discussion as Grace joined us on the porch. She held her
granddaughter in one arm, a bottle in her other hand, shaking her head and grinning.
“Young Miss Elizabeth seems to want nothing to do with her grandmother putting
her down. Every time I try to give her the bottle she takes it and throws it.”

“Your point is taken, Peter, time to
rejoin the world,” I said taking Elizabeth from Grace. “And you, young lady,
need to learn to play nice.” I handed her the bottle and settled back with her
while she drifted off to sleep.

“She hardly knows us, Zara. She’ll be
better tomorrow. I’m sure she’s tired and confused by the long trip.”

“I’m sure that’s part of it.” I knew
Peter was right, time to come back to the land of the living and quit being
selfish.

“Can I get you another glass of wine,
Zara?” Grace asked softly as I rocked my daughter.

“Please. I’ll go take her down to our
cottage in a few minutes. Once I’m sure she’s really down for the night.”

“Why don’t you let her stay here, Zara?
She’ll be fine. Besides, it would give you and Amadeus some long overdue time
alone.”

“I don’t know, Grace. I don’t want to
impose on you and Peter.”

“Zara…” I heard Peter begin out of my
line of vision. “Remember what we just talked about. Elizabeth will be just
fine. It’s not like neither Grace nor I have never raised children before, you
know.”

“I know, I know.”

“She’ll be right as rain in the morning,
you’ll see, Zara.”

“Okay, you two. I’m convinced.”

“Enjoy some time alone with Amadeus,
Zara,” Grace added.

“Speaking of kids, when are yours due
in, Peter?”

“Ah, not until the day after Christmas.
They’re all spending the holiday with in-laws. It’s fine.”

“Anyone hear from Damien and Julia? Are
they coming?” I asked. The look on their faces told me I was behind the times.

“They arrived yesterday, Zara. You haven’t
seen them?” Grace asked bewildered.

“No, I haven’t. I saw Angus for a few
moments, then he dragged Amadeus off. I simply figured Angus wanted some
company, since he came alone.”

“Well, Julia and Damien and the kids got
here yesterday.”

“I guess I’ll pop in on them as soon as
we get this one situated.”

“Yes, do. And I can put her down, Zara.”

“Thanks Grace, but I’d like to do it
myself just this once.”

“Of course, I understand. Whenever you’re
ready I’ll show you her crib.”

I said goodnight to Grace and Peter,
leaving Elizabeth in their hands for the night. Seeing a bonfire on the beach,
I began walking in that direction. As I neared the water, I made out Amadeus’s
familiar figure. From where I was, I thought I saw three other figures with
him, gathered around the fire.

As soon as I approached the four, all
conversation halted. It was as though whatever they were discussing was
something not for my ears. No one got up, although Amadeus did extend a hand to
me, beckoning me to join him.

“Where’s Elizabeth? You surely didn’t
leave her alone in your cottage did you, Zara?” Julia exclaimed.

“Nice to see you, too, Julia. No, I’m
not so stupid as to leave my baby alone. Grace and Peter insisted on keeping
her for the night so Amadeus and I could have a break.”

“Zara…” came Amadeus’s deep voice.

“Zara what? I’m not about to be accused
of being a neglectful mother. Not by anyone.”

“That’s not what I meant, Zara.” Julia
replied.

“Well, then why did you say it? It would
have come across better if you’d simply asked where she was.”

“Okay, you’ve made your point, Zara,” Amadeus
said flatly. “We’ve been discussing an idea Julia’s come up with.”

“What’s that?” I replied. My interest
was more than piqued now. She had never taken much liking to me or Amadeus’s
career until recently.

“A reunion tour of sorts,” Julia
announced. I noted a look of smugness on her face. “The three Tudor brothers
together, touring for the first time.”

“Interesting. I look forward to hearing
all about it tomorrow. Right now I’m tired from the plane ride and all.”

“Of course,” Julia replied. She wasn’t
finished and was not ready to be dismissed. “It will mean Amadeus will have to
spend a good amount of time in Seattle, Zara. I mean he can’t be expected to go
back and forth to and from Scotland. I hope you’ll be okay with that.”

“Like I just said, Julia, I look forward
to hearing all about it tomorrow.” I got back up on my feet. For the first time
I felt like an interloper. Knowing as tired as I was, I didn’t want to say
something I’d later regret. “Damien, good to see you. I’m glad you guys made
the trip. Amadeus? You coming?”

I was unprepared for his response, but
kept my cool and composure. “You go ahead, Zara. I’ll be along shortly.” He sat
where he was, looking straight into the fire and not at me. I wondered if he
was afraid of a major discussion about whatever it was Julia was planning or
what. It was unlike him, and I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“Don’t be too long. This is the first
night we’ve had alone since Elizabeth was born.”

Suddenly he sprang up from his place in
front of the fire, brushing any remaining sand off his pants. “If you three will
excuse us, I’m going to take my wife for a walk on the beach before we call it
a night.”

He strode over to where I stood, took my
hand and led us towards the water. His grip on my hand was so tight I almost
winced, and the look on his face was anything but romantic. We walked and
walked the long stretch of beach in silence for what seemed to be an eternity.
Finally, he let go of my hand, stopped, and faced me. The austere expression on
his otherwise handsome face told me I’d done something I shouldn’t have.

“Zara, don’t ever speak to me in front
of my family, or anyone else for that matter, in that tone.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I
didn’t say anything I normally wouldn’t have.”

“My point exactly, Zara! We’ve spent the
past seven months pretty much alone together so you could get your head
straight and past shooting Johnny. I’ve given up everything to help you get
through it, and the first time I get to spend some time around family, you have
to go and play the bitch.”

“Bitch am I? Well fine, you go ahead and
enjoy your family time. Plan out this tour, whatever the hell it may be with
Julia. Elizabeth and I will manage just fine without you.”

“See that’s my point, Zara. You can’t
stand for someone else to take an interest in my career or even make a
suggestion for something new. Hell, you didn’t even allow Julia the courtesy to
hear her out.”

“And if you listened to what I said,
Amadeus, you’d recall that I told her I’d love to hear all about it tomorrow
after I’ve had a good night’s sleep.”

“No, you just can’t stand it when you’re
not in charge of things.”

“Really? Because the last thing I’ve
felt is in charge. I’m using this trip for us to start our next journey. I
realize it’s time for us to come out of our seclusion, Amadeus, but I can’t do
it alone or with you pulling against me.”