Twist (Siren Publishing Allure) (17 page)

“Wow. That’s intense. I can’t even imagine my brother sharing his wife with anyone. If I can ask, did the three of you have a thing going on?”

“No!” replied Lana. “Enar didn’t want to share me while he was alive. I didn’t want to share him. It didn’t stop me from loving Rolf. I told Enar that I would do anything for him. He asked me to give Rolf a chance to see if we were compatible.”

“So you fell in love with Enar and married him. At some point you also fell in love with Rolf, and Enar knew this. Wasn’t he jealous?”

“He had nothing to be jealous about.”

“Do you still love Enar?”

She felt Rolf tense against her and snuggled into him. “Of course I do. I will always love him. I will cherish every day that we spent together. Enar knew that he was dying, and all he wanted was for me to love him more until the day he died. The scales were always tipped in his favor, and now I grieve his death. Hopefully over time, that grief will fade and the scales of my heart will shift to Rolf’s favor.”

He stared at her, tipping his head to one side and then the other as if the gears in his brain could be jarred into action with the motion. Lana couldn’t figure out if Ant was stupid or just dense.

Lee set a plate in front of Ant. “Please eat and stop asking stupid questions. From the look on my brother’s face, he is on the verge of choking you. Stop looking at them like they are demons. They are not. Lana is just a very intelligent, loving individual who is capable of loving two men at the same time. Enar understood that. He also loved her so much that he didn’t want her alone. He didn’t want her sitting around this house crying over his death. She made him very happy and he didn’t want her to die with him.” He slid a huge plate over before Lana. “You need to eat. You are ridiculously skinny.”

Rolf poked her in the ribs. “I agree with him. I was stunned when I picked you up earlier.”

Lana shrugged. “I haven’t had much of an appetite. I was more worried about Enar eating. I have lost a few pounds.”

“How many?” asked Rolf.

“I don’t know. Probably around fifteen. I always wanted to be skinny.”

“You are five eight. You didn’t have fifteen pounds to lose. How much do you weight?”

“Last time I stepped on the scale at Lee’s house, it said one forty-five. That is only five pounds below my perfect weight.”

“Lana, that was three weeks ago. You have lost weight since then,” snapped Lee.

Rolf stood, sweeping her into his arms. He carried her into the bathroom and set her down, tugging up her shirt. She had a thick tank top beneath it and he shifted it upward. Her ribs were obvious beneath the bottom of her bra. “Damn, Lana. I didn’t realize how skinny you were. Have you been to a doctor lately?”

“Yes. Enar made me go a month ago. The doctor yelled at me. He did a complete physical, blood-work and shit. Everything came back fine and he said that it was probably stress. I have been trying to eat more. I just haven’t been hungry.”

“I will not have you die on me!”

“I won’t. Watching Enar die just drained me. I’m so tired.”

He nodded, lifting her in his arms and taking her into the bedroom. Lee had changed the entire bed. The only thing that was the same was Enar’s pillow. Rolf laid her down, dropping down beside her. “Are you going to be okay sleeping in here?”

“Yeah.”

“Will you eat something?”

“No. I was picking at the eggplant and it upset my stomach.”

“Call me if you need me?”

She nodded and grabbed Enar’s pillow, snuggling up to it. It still smelled like him, the slightly citrus odor of the organic bodywash that she had bathed him with lingering in the fabric.

Lana lay back, resting her head on the soft, down-filled fabric as she considered the day. It had been extremely emotional and also enlightening. The sexual discussion with Rolf had been interesting, and she was glad that he was no longer hard-core. She was also extremely grateful to have such a sweet and caring man to hold her as she cried. She missed Enar more than she could ever put to words, but she really didn’t want to dwell on his absence. He had asked her to remember their time together, rather than grieve his death. Lana wasn’t sure how she was supposed to accomplish such a feat, but she was going to try. Had Enar really wanted her to be with Rolf? When he spoke, the words often had alternate meanings, but in this case, she didn’t think so. The choice had ultimately been turned over to her, and she really needed to decide if it was what she wanted. Rolf was an amazing man, and the idea was intriguing. Rolf was in her mind as Lana closed her eyes, wanting nothing more than to escape into the oblivion of sleep.

* * * *

Lana was surprised to find the room in blackness, except for the flicker of the multicolored night-light that she had kept plugged in for Enar. She had been dreaming about him, his blond hair blowing in an unseen breeze. His eyes were vibrant green, and the dark circles that had formed under them were gone. He had smiled, whispering, “Min sann kärlek,
låt mig gå
.”

She repeated, “Låt mig gå. What the hell does that mean?” Lana pushed herself from the bed, suddenly feeling uncomfortable to be alone in the room where Enar had died. She stopped at the bathroom and then wandered into the kitchen. The room had been cleaned spotlessly, and she sighed. She made herself a cup of coffee, taking the eggplant from the fridge and cutting herself a small piece. Lee had baked it with sauce and cheese, and although it was delicious, she threw most of it out. The house felt lonely and empty, and she took her coffee, wandering. Lana stopped at the back door, looking out into the garden. The ground shimmered with wetness, a light rain falling. The misery of the starless night did nothing to improve her mood, and she headed down the hall, cracking the door of Rolf’s room.

The television was on and he was lying on the bed. He instantly turned to her. “Are you okay?”

“I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I wasn’t asleep. Please come in.”

Lana wandered in, fluffing the pillow to use as a backrest as she sat on the bed. Rolf rolled to his side. He took her coffee, taking a drink and handing it back to her. “What’s up?”

Lana took a swig of coffee and set the cup on the floor beside the bed. “I had a weird dream. What does ‘låt mig gå’ mean?”

“Where did you hear that?”

“From Enar.”

“It means ‘please let me go.’ Enar and I used to talk in Swedish as a private language. It used to drive the kids who constantly spoke in Spanish insane, because they couldn’t understand us. We understood them, because we both spoke Spanish also.”

She smiled at the memory and then began to cry. “How am I supposed to let him go?”

“I don’t know. He is asking a lot considering he only died this morning. Enar always did want everything immediately. He has to understand that we are going to grieve for a while. Lie down and stay in here with me. Please.” She shifted her body down on the bed, rolling to face him. Tears dripped from her cheeks as she looked at him. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I feel as if every time I make reference to loving Enar, I hurt you. I don’t mean to.”

Rolf wiped the tears from her cheeks. “You don’t hurt me. I’m not an idiot like Ant. I know how much you loved my brother. I know that you also love me, and I am willing to wait for your grief to fade. Hopefully then you can love me more.”

Lana smiled. “You thought Ant was an idiot?”

“You have no idea. He just couldn’t seem to grasp the concept that you could love Enar and still love me. I wanted to choke him. Lee kept trying to change the subject, but Ant’s brain was stuck on us. I finally said that I was tired and going to bed.”

“I swore that I could see the gears turning in his mind.”

He laughed. “Me, too, especially when he tilted his head back and forth as if a gear was stuck.”

Lana giggled, nodding in agreement. “I had the same thought. What did he say when you came back from the bedroom without me?”

“Lee asked if you were okay, and I said that you had gone to sleep. Ant looked at me as if not having you in the room had suddenly given him license to be ruder. He leaned back in his chair, throwing his chest out, with his half-bent arms extended in front of him, as if he were some great bodybuilder. He dropped his arms on the table and harrumphed. ‘Dude, don’t you think it’s pretty fucked up for her to act so sexy around you? Her husband just died this morning and it isn’t very politically correct that she is in your lap. Do you think that if she really loved your brother, she would be hanging on you?’

“He lowered his voice as if it was a conspiracy. ‘I think that you better be careful about a woman like that.’ I asked him, ‘Like what?’

“‘You know. Kind of wild and easygoing.’

“By the time he finished his comments, I had a raging attitude. I think Lee saw it because he was fighting to keep his mouth shut.”

Lana rolled her eyes in irritation. She had spent her childhood worried about other people’s opinions and she wasn’t going to do it anymore. “So Lee’s boyfriend thinks I’m a fucking tramp. What did you tell him?”

“I tried to mimic his words and actions as I reversed them. ‘Dude, don’t you think that it’s pretty fucked up that you are making comments like this in my dead brother’s house on the day he died? Do you really think I am stupid enough not to know how Lana felt about my brother? I don’t give a fuck about politically correct. My twin brother asked me to take care of Lana. More importantly, he asked me to love her and never to hesitate to show her that love. Lana is an incredibly passionate woman who loved my brother in a way that you will never comprehend. You don’t know me, you don’t know my brother, and most importantly, you have never met a woman as magnificent as Lana, so don’t you dare judge her. If she feels comfortable enough to sit on my lap or hang on me, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We are honoring my brother’s final request.’ At that point I got up and came to bed. Lee came in before he left and apologized. I felt bad because I know that he likes Ant, but the man is a moron.”

“Thank you for defending me. Maybe we should curb the comforting in public.”

The instant expression of rage on his face made her shift back from him. Lana didn’t realize how close she was to the edge of the bed. She flailed her arms, leaning forward and grabbing for the blanket as she slid to the floor. She screamed, the coffee cup shattering against her rib cage, the hot liquid searing her skin. Rolf was off the bed and kneeling by her side a moment later. He rolled her, listening to her panting in pain as he unzipped her robe, peeling it back and grimacing. “Talk to me, Lana. Are you having trouble breathing?”

“No.”

“I need to get a better look. I’m going to have to roll you over further, okay?”

She nodded, her movements quick and jerky with pain. Rolf moved her gently to her opposite side, looking at the pieces of cup on the rug to see how it had shattered. She was lucky. The thin porcelain had broken into tiny pieces, nothing looking as if it was substantial enough to do anything more than surface damage. He examined the outside of her flimsy bathrobe for larger shards and found none. “I need to get the robe off.”

“Okay.”

Grimacing, he peeled the sodden fabric from her skin. Her side was oozing with blood, but it didn’t look as if any serious damage had been done. He examined it closer and saw only tiny colored shards of the cup imbedded in her ribs. “I can’t see anything that looks like it punctured too far past your skin. Do you think you can get up?”

He helped her as she rolled to her butt and then pushed her to her feet. Lana rocked against the pain and then laughed. “This is so fucked up.”

“What is?”

“The AC is blowing against my tits. The slight burn from the coffee reminds me of Enar dripping beeswax onto my body. The heat of your hands is insane. I am in so much pain I want to scream, but my pussy is fucking throbbing with need. It has been over a month since we had sex.”

Rolf chuckled in her ear. “Oh shit. Let’s get you into the bathroom so I can see how bad this is.” He helped her to hobble into the bathroom, keeping her steady as she stepped into the shower. Turning the water on, he took care that the pulse of the massage never hit the wounds directly as he washed away the blood and the fragments that were close to the surface. “Do you have any heavy-duty painkillers left?”

“No. He refused to take them, so I never filled the prescriptions. Why?”

“There are at least ten slightly larger shards that aren’t going to wash free. I can try to get them out with tweezers, but if they break, I’m going to have to cut them out with the tip of a knife. It’s either that, or I can take you to the hospital.”

“That would require that I get dressed. What a joyous trip that would be. Can you do this?”

“Yes. I was a volunteer paramedic for a while. It was my way of repaying some of the kindness that my parents had shown me. I received six months of emergency training. Plus I picked up some tips in my travels.” Shutting off the shower, he grabbed a towel and helped her back to the bed. She lay down with the towel beneath her, grunting from the prickly spikes of pain that movement caused. She was blowing out breaths when he came back with a magnifying glass, the tweezers, and a small, pointed fish-boning knife. He set the objects into a bowl and filled it with peroxide to make sure they were free of germs. “Ready?”

“Sure. Can you talk to me?”

“Of course,” he replied as he used the tweezers to pry out a piece.

Lana flinched. “What Ant asked made me curious. Did you and Enar ever have sex with the same girl at the same time?”

“A few times. Damn it!”

She inhaled sharply. “Ow.”

“Sorry, that one just snapped in half.” He showed her the tiny piece of ceramic in the teeth of the tweezers. “Maybe we should go to the hospital.”

“I don’t want to go to the hospital!”

“You are as stubborn as my brother.”

“Hospitals are full of antibiotic-resistant bacteria. I would rather deal with some pain at home than end up dead from a flesh-eating virus or the antibiotics. I’m allergic to most of them.”