Unattainable (28 page)

“
Prez,” he rasped,
struggling to get a good breath. “He’s gotta go to
ground.”

Deuce’s grip on his neck tightened.
“Why?” he demanded. “’Cause he fucked with some bitch you’re
feelin’? How many bitches you fucked with, Dirty? You need to go to
ground too?”

Dirty stared into the eyes of the lone
person who’d ever shown him any sort of kindness, who’d given him a
family, friends, and a life, a man he respected and loved. A man
he’d gladly die for. A man who, if he killed him, Dirty would
consider it an honor to die at his hands.

“
Yes,” he choked out. “I
do.”

Deuce’s nostrils flared and his grip on
Dirty’s throat fell away. Dirty immediately backed away, grabbing
his neck and coughing. But before he could regain his bearings,
Deuce’s fist cracked into the side of his face and right before he
dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes, Dirty could swear he
felt his brain hit the top of his skull before settling back in its
place.

“
That’s once,” Deuce spat
out, standing over him. “You say it again and I’ll break both your
fuckin’ legs. Now, get your sorry ass up and get Cage the fuck
outta here.”

Deuce reached down and offered him an
arm. Dirty grasped forearms with the man and allowed himself to be
helped up. Once on his feet, Deuce shoved him in the direction of
his bike where Cox, Cage, Tap, and Mick were all staring at
them.

“
Stop standin’ around like
a bunch of assholes,” Deuce growled. “Dirty, get my drunk fuck of a
kid home and Cox, get your fuckin’ ass into sniper
position.”

Dirty looked to Mick, who gave him a
hard look that said to Dirty, “If you don’t get your ass into gear,
I will beat you the fuck into the ground and then piss on your
grave.”

“
Let’s go,” he said,
shoving Cage toward his bike. “But you fuckin’ touch me, asshole,
and I will boot you off the back and run you the fuck
over.”

“
Who the fuck would wanna
touch you?” Cage muttered drunkenly. “You think a shower and shave
makes a fuckin’ difference?” Cage burst out laughing. “Bitches
don’t give a fuck about any of that shit…and they’re all bitches.
Fuckin’ whores, actually. Don’t give a fuck ’bout anybody but
themselves. And you ain’t gonna know it ’til it’s too fuckin’ late,
’til you’re tellin’ ’em stupid shit and thinkin’ it’s the same for
them but it ain’t and then they’re gone and then—”

“
Brother,” Dirty growled
as he straddled his bike. “Shut the motherfuck up and just get the
fuck on.”

“
Fine,” Cage slurred. “But
don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“
I won’t,” Dirty muttered.
“Believe me.”

• • •

Ellie uncrossed her legs then
immediately re-crossed them and began tapping her foot on the
floor. Again.

Dirty had been gone for over an hour,
gone to meet with Daniel and whoever else they were meeting. For
what, she didn’t know, and Dirty wouldn’t tell her. All he would
say was that they had some club business to take care of and that
he would make sure Daniel never came near her again.

She swallowed hard. What if something
had gone wrong? How long did club business usually take in such a
small town? Better yet, what exactly was club business?

Never mind. She didn’t want to know
what club business was. If she were ever arrested as an accessory
to…whatever, she wanted to pass her lie detector test.

Glancing around the room, she couldn’t
help but wonder how everyone else was so calm. Weren’t they afraid
for the men who’d left? Ellie focused on Kami, who was talking
animatedly with Eva, complaining loudly about a pair of shoes as if
she didn’t care one bit that Cox had left to go do…club
business.

The same went for Eva. And for Mick’s
wife, Adriana.

They all seemed like being locked up
inside a heavily protected building for a week, only to have their
men suddenly up and leave to “fix” whatever business needing
fixing, was a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence to
them.

“
You okay,
girl?”

Ellie glanced up as a black-haired
woman with extraordinarily fair skin took the seat beside her on
the couch. She looked to be in her midtwenties, was beautiful,
curvy, had an arm full of skull tattoos, wore far too much eye
makeup, and had disturbingly long fingernails, painted bright blue
and filed to a menacing point.

“
Christina?” she asked.
There were so many people here, she couldn’t keep track.

Snapping the wad of gum in her mouth,
the woman nodded. “Yup. I’m Bucket’s girl,” she said, pointing
across the room to where Bucket stood. “When he feels like havin’ a
girl.”

Ellie wrinkled up her nose. When he
felt like having a girl? What did that mean?

Christina smiled knowingly. “You ain’t
feelin’ the life, huh?”

She nodded.

“
Yeah, girl, this shit
ain’t for everyone. I mean, Bucket ain’t no saint and his dick
ain’t eighty inches long, but he does this curlin’ thing with his
tongue…”

Seeing the look on Ellie’s face
Christina trailed off and shrugged.

“
But no matter what, if
he’s wantin’ an old lady or wantin’ to play, my man takes good
fuckin’ care of me so I’ve learned to look the other way, ya
know?”

Ellie didn’t know but she nodded,
watching as Christina reached down the front of her skull T-shirt
and emerged with a pack of cigarettes. Ellie’s eyes widened. Her
T-shirt was skintight; how had she fit the pack in there without it
being noticeable?

After lighting one, she offered Ellie
the pack. “You want? You look like you could use a little herbal
relaxation.”

Ellie’s forehead wrinkled. “Herbal
relaxation?” she repeated dumbly.

Christina’s answering grin made her
feel like the lone one in the group who hadn’t gotten the
joke.

“
Weed, girl. Pot?
Mari-fuckin’-juana?”

Ellie’s face grew hot. Now she really
felt stupid. “I’ve never tried it,” she said softly.

“
Figured that, girl.
Here.” She held out her joint and offered it to Ellie. “Try it,
it’ll help you relax.”

Ellie stared for only a moment before
taking it. She really did need to relax, and so she shrugged and
brought it to her lips.

When in Rome…or rather, when in
lockdown with a bunch of criminals.

• • •

Dirty left Cage stumbling around in the
parking lot and stormed inside the clubhouse. He took a quick look
around the front room, found no sign of Ellie, and immediately
headed for the back hall.

“
Dirty!” Eva called out.
“What happened?”

He didn’t bother turning around. “I
wouldn’t fuckin’ know,” he shouted. “I got sent the fuck
home.”

Reaching his door, he found it unlocked
and pushed it open. Ellie glanced up from her seat on his bed,
tossed aside the bag of potato chips she was eating, and scrambled
to her feet.

“
You’re back!”

Dirty stared at her. She was wearing
his Clutch T-shirt. His Clutch T-shirt that barely reached the
bottom of her ass. And white underwear. And that was it. Staring at
the outline of her pussy, his dick started to throb.

“
I gotta go,” he said
quickly, turning around.

“
Wait! What happened? What
happened to your jaw?”

Dirty turned back to her. “Don’t know
what happened yet. Deuce sent me back.”

With a silly smile on her face, Ellie
took several steps in his direction. He kept his feet planted
firmly on the floor despite the nervous itching in his veins,
begging him to run from her.

“
I’m glad,” she said, her
soft voice unusually breathy. She was nearly on top of him now,
looking up at him through those big blue eyes of hers. Big blue
eyes that were bloodshot as all hell. “I was worried about
you.”

Studying her, he frowned. “You
fucked-up?”

Ellie erupted in giggles and Dirty got
his answer. His thoughts took a nose dive into the gutter and he
started wondering just how fucked-up she was and what he could get
her to do in the state she was in.

“
You really are
beautiful,” Ellie continued in a whisper. Dirty watched her arm
lift, watched her hand coming toward his face, and went rigid. For
a moment he was unable to move, to blink, to so much as breathe and
then…

Her soft, slightly damp palm connected
with his cheek and his body involuntarily shuddered through
unfamiliar sensations of the joining.

“
You could have been a
model,” she said.

His eyes squeezed closed. He’d thought
he’d never wanted to hear those words again, but coming from Ellie,
it didn’t make him crazy with rage, instead it…

It hurt. It fucking ached.

It made him wish he could erase his
past, be a different man, one who was worthy of the face he’d been
given, one who hadn’t been chewed up and spit out repeatedly
because of it. One who hadn’t become everything he’d
hated.

He felt Ellie’s hand shift on his cheek
and his eyes flew open just in time to watch Ellie’s lips meet his.
Nausea rose in his stomach, causing Dirty to tremble. What the
fuck? What the fuck was he supposed to do? He didn’t know, he
didn’t fucking know, goddamn, he didn’t motherfucking
know!

A tear born from frustration and
self-hatred slid from the corner of his eye and down his nose,
landing on their joined lips. Ellie’s eyes opened and then she was
gone, her hand, her lips, everything, was just gone.

“
My God,” she whispered,
wiping her thumb across her bottom lip, seeing the moisture there
from his tear. “I’m so sorry, Michael,” she breathed as she turned
away from him. “I didn’t mean to…”

No. No, she couldn’t kiss him and then
nothing. His mind spun. He wanted her. He was aching for her. But
he didn’t know what the fuck he was supposed to do. He couldn’t
kiss her, he couldn’t keep letting her touch him.

He slammed into her from behind,
reaching immediately around her body, encircling her stomach and
slapping his hand across her mouth before her startled shriek
turned into screams.

Ellie whimpered under his hand and
Dirty felt the sharp pang of guilt spear through his
gut.

“
I’m not gonna hurt you,
baby,” he whispered hoarsely. “You trust me, right?”

Baby.

The term of endearment had passed so
easily from his mouth and yet he was frozen in shock. He’d never
once called a woman anything other than her name or some derogatory
term in place of it.

Until now. Until right fucking
now.

Several tense heartbeats passed before
she nodded quickly. Relief filled him. She trusted him. She fucking
trusted him. He wasn’t going to lose that. He would not betray
that.

He released her mouth and wrapped
another arm around her waist. Bending his head down to her ear, he
whispered, “I ain’t a good man. I’ve done shit…I’ve done some
pretty bad shit and now, it’s too fuckin’ late for me. I ain’t ever
gonna be a good man.”

Underneath his hold on her, Dirty felt
Ellie’s body tense. His heart rate increased tenfold. More than
likely she was going to want nothing to do with him after this. And
he would deal with that. He would release her, let her walk out of
this room, the club, and his life. It would be better for her if
she did. And he wouldn’t have to walk around terrified he was going
to hurt her.

“
What have you done,” she
whispered, “that you think you can’t be forgiven for?”

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath
before opening them again. “That’s the last time you’re gonna ask
me that. I’m gonna be straight with you, I ain’t never gonna tell
you what I’ve done, because I ain’t never wanna see you lookin’ at
me any different than the way you were when I first walked into
this room.

“
That said,” he continued
hoarsely. “I want inside you somethin’ fierce, baby.”

Ellie’s breath released in a hot rush
of air and he felt her stomach expand against his grip.

“
I think,” she said
softly, “that I want you too.”

Need, hot and heady, raced through his
already shaking body. He wanted to fuck her so damn bad; he wanted
to push her down face first into his bed and take her hard and fast
from behind.

But at the same time he wanted to feel
those lips again, against his mouth, down his body, wrapping around
his cock, taking him into her mouth.

And yet, he couldn’t do either. He
couldn’t fuck her the same way he’d fucked so many whores, on his
bed, half-conscious, refusing to look at them. And he couldn’t
allow her to touch him, not sexually, not without becoming violent
or sick, or motherfucking both.

“
I’m so fucked-up,” he
continued, his voice breaking. “I can’t be…with a
woman.”

“
Michael,” she said and he
could hear the choked-back tears in her voice. “We don’t have to
be…together. We can be friends. I want to be friends.”

“
Why?” he asked brokenly.
“Why would a woman like you want anything to do with a man like
me?”