Unbound (30 page)

I pull away from his lips with a sob and lean my head back and groan as I come, trembling, letting myself be swept up and carried away by the waves of release which are so much stronger than I am.

“Are you serious?” Jonathan asks, when my breath has calmed again. He’s let his finger slide out of me, but he’s still holding me tight, which is good, because my legs can’t hold me up properly yet. I look at him questioningly.

“About what?”

He looks at me skeptically. “You want everything?”

I nod greedily, feeling his heartbeat under my hand.

“And you’ll do anything?”

I swallow hard, but I nod once more. Whatever it is, I’m prepared to try it. It’s my one chance to have a future with Jonathan Huntington.

“We’ll have to talk about that.” He gets dressed again and pulls my dress back on then he takes my hand and leads me upstairs to the bedroom.

I spend the next few days living in a kind of bubble. I haven’t yet started to deal with the question of the future and what will happen when my stay here in England comes to an end. And Jonathan hasn’t talked about it either. For now, I’m just happy to be with him—even though nothing essential has changed, except that our affair is now common knowledge.

The press left us alone again astonishingly quickly. The announcement of a marriage among the European nobility really did prove to be more important than the picture of me in front of Jonathan’s house. Alexander was right–unless you’re a member of the Royal Family, the journalists and paparazzi will take only a fleeting interest in you–which is good, because it means less pressure on Jonathan and me. It almost feels as though this has become my everyday life. It’s just a different life from before. We work together, I accompany him to his appointments—but we also have an incredible amount of sex. I spend most of my time with Jonathan: at the office during the day and at his house in Knightsbridge in the evenings. He’s clearly decided that if he’s going to acknowledge this affair publicly, he might as well get something out of it. I haven’t given up my room in the apartment, though—and Annie has assured me that I don’t have to. It provides me with a safety net, a plan B, since I still don’t know where all this is leading.

People at the office are still talking about us, but I’ve decided to ignore it. Annie’s the only person I talk to much anyway—apart from Alexander and, of course, Sarah, who we visit at the hospital regularly. I avoid all other conversations and hardly have time for them anyway because Jonathan monopolizes all my thoughts and feelings. His attitude toward tenderness hasn’t changed. He doesn’t show any signs of affection and he won’t let me get close to him. He still doesn’t take me in his arms after sex and he never just kisses me or holds my hand.

He hasn’t said another word about what he meant when he asked if I would do anything for him, but I can’t stop thinking about it.

“Jonathan,” I ask him one afternoon, when we’re lying on the bed in the bedroom next to his office, both breathing heavily as we recover from the climax we just experienced together. This happens often. As soon as there’s a small gap between two appointments, it only takes one look from him and the reports we were working on are immediately forgotten. Then I find myself in the bedroom next door once more—or in some other place where we can have sex. Jonathan is very creative in that regard. On our way home from work, we hardly ever make it all the way back to his place, we usually end up doing it in the limousine.

“Hmm?” he growls, rolling onto his side, and stands up and disappears into the bathroom.

“Why don’t you take me with you to the club sometime?” I ask him when the water has stopped running and it’s quiet enough for him to hear my question without any problems. I wait for his answer with baited breath.

He comes back and sits down on the bed. There’s a strange expression in his eyes, which I can’t interpret. He doesn’t seem totally surprised by my question; he’s clearly been expecting it.

“Do you know what kind of a club it is, Grace?”

“A sex club?” I say carefully, suddenly unsure about having brought this up.

“It’s not some seedy swingers’ joint,” he says. “It’s a meeting place for men and women who want to be free to enjoy sex without emotion, discreetly and anonymously, without any strings attached. Who like to feel free.”

He holds my gaze and I swallow when I understand his unspoken question. But if I really want to understand him, I have to try it out. I want to try it out.

“OK,” say I. “When shall we go?”

He smiles and stands up, pulling his shirt back on, and fastening his cufflinks.

“It’s not that simple. Not everyone can go.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, confused. “Is it only for the aristocracy?”

He grins. “You could say that. It’s certainly pretty exclusive. You can only get in once you’ve been through various security checks. And membership is also very …expensive.”

“I see.” This is news to me and makes me uneasy.

“Does that mean I won’t able to get in?”

“Yes, you will,” he says. “I’ve already applied to have you accepted, and since I’m going to vouch for you I’m sure it will be fine.”

I look at him in astonishment. So he’s wanted to go there with me this whole time? “You could have asked me.”

He grins and my heart skips a beat—as it always does when he smiles like that. “Yes, I could have.” He looks at me. “We’ll go tonight, if you like.”

I nod and feel a strange sensation take hold of me, a mixture of excitement and fear at what’s in store for me. But I’ve been in that state pretty much constantly since I met Jonathan. I don’t know if I can trust him, and I don’t know how far I’m willing to go. But I won’t find out unless I give it a try.

When I return to the office fully dressed shortly afterwards, Jonathan isn’t there. I know he has another appointment shortly, with the Japanese man Yuuto Nagako, so I assume he’ll be back in a few minutes. He’s probably talking to Alexander.

Lost in thought, I go up to the large window behind the desk and look out at the city. The sky is gray, and cloudy, and it’s raining, as it has been all day. After all the sunshine of the past few weeks, London has clearly decided to show me what British weather can be like.

“Miss Lawson?”

I suddenly hear a deep voice behind me and turn around with a start.

Yuuto Nagako is standing in the middle of the room, right in front of the desk. I didn’t hear him come in. Catherine Shepard clearly must have skipped having him wait for Jonathan and let him come right in. I was too absorbed in thought to hear him.

He’s wearing a very elegant gray suit and his black hair, slightly greying at the temples, has been combed back with gel. He looks quite normal actually, like a well-groomed businessman. But his strange fixed look gives me the creeps and I immediately get that bad feeling again, the one that always steals over me when I’m near him.

“Hello, Mr. Nagako” I quickly return his greeting. “Jonathan should be right back.” I step behind the desk and indicate the visitor chair on the other side of it. “Please sit down.”

“I’d prefer to stand,” he replies, which I interpret as a request to remain standing myself.

We look at each other in silence for a moment. It’s the first time we’ve been standing so close to each other since that day at the airport. Up until now, Jonathan always sent me away when he was here. Or I’ve only caught sight of him briefly, like the time he had that argument with Jonathan, when Alexander and I were there.

“Are you in London for long?” I ask, because I really want to fill the silence between us, which I find uncomfortable.

“A few days.” He somehow seems angry, but since his face always appears so impassive, it’s hard to tell.

“Jonathan told me how much he loved his stay in Japan,” I say and regret it immediately. It’s true, but it’s a stupid thing to say all the same. He seems to agree because he doesn’t respond; he just keeps staring at me.

I can’t think of anything else to say and I’m squirming under his gaze, tugging nervously at my slate gray blouse, which I’m wearing with the black skirt he saw me in at the airport.

“I heard that you’re not just Jonathan’s assistant anymore,” he says in his not quite accent free but extremely correct English. He really does have considerable mastery over our language.

I don’t know what to say to that, so I remain silent.

“And has he asked you yet?” he probes.

I look at him, puzzled. “Er, I don’t understand—asked me what?”

“Has Jonathan asked you if you want to come to the club with us?”

I swallow hard. I’ve just remembered that Annie told me back then that Yuuto Nagako goes there too, when he’s here. And it finally begins to dawn on me just exactly what I’ve gotten myself in for. It seemed thrilling to me because I saw it as a kind of adventure. But suddenly it seems tasteless and sleazy.

I somehow assumed that Jonathan and I would go to the club together and something would happen there, which only involved the two of us. The fact that we might have sex with other people there—that he would have sex with other people there—was something I blocked out.

The Japanese man is still waiting for an answer, so I nod uneasily.

“It was high time,” he bursts out. “And—are you coming?”

His words sound like a challenge, almost like an order—but I can’t answer because my head is in a whirl. It was high time? How long has he been waiting for Jonathan to ask that question? When did they discuss it? As far as I know, the last Jonathan saw the Japanese man was when they had the argument outside his office. And I wasn’t officially with him then, that’s more recent.

Unless …

I feel the blood draining from my face as I remember the ride from the airport to the Huntington Building back when I had just arrived. The strange looks Jonathan gave me and Jonathan’s questions—and the remark that Yuuto Nagako wouldn’t mind at all if I came with them.

Were the two of them already talking about it back then, how great it would be if I came with them to the club? Was that the reason why Jonathan didn’t even ask me if I wanted to work for him? Because he wanted to find out if I was up for sexual escapades?

I’m about to broach the subject and ask the Japanese man when the door opens and Jonathan comes in. He crosses the room with long strides.

“I’m sorry, I was held up,” he says. “Alex had a problem with …” He breaks off mid-sentence. He was on his way toward me, probably planning to sit at his desk and offer Yuuto a seat too, but the tense atmosphere between his friend and me clearly hasn’t escaped his notice. So he stops level with the desk and looks questioningly from Yuuto Nagako to me, and back again.

“What’s going on?”

The Japanese remains silent, but I can’t hold back any longer, I need to know the truth.

“How long have you known that you wanted to take me to the club with you?” I ask. I can’t prevent my voice from sounding cutting. But at least it doesn’t crack. “Or was it your friend who wanted that?”

Jonathan shoots the Japanese man an angry look. There’s clearly still some friction between them—and I feel pretty sick at the thought that it might have been about me the whole time. He turns to him and says something in Japanese, it’s only a few words and it sounds very harsh. Yuuto nods in his brusque way and bows briefly in my direction with a condescending smile, before turning around and leaving. I don’t pay any more attention to him. Instead, I stare at Jonathan.

“Tell me the truth, was that the reason why you made me the offer of working with you? Because you wanted to test me, to see how far I’d be willing to go?”

A muscle twitches in his cheek and his gaze grows hard.

“You attracted Yuuto’s attention at the airport, so I sought an opportunity to get to know you better, that’s correct,” he says. I have to hold on to the armrest of the desk chair when he confirms my suspicions. “You’re a very sexy woman, Grace, even though you don’t seem to be aware of it. I fancied you at once, very much in fact. But I was soon convinced that you were too young and too inexperienced.”

I’m livid with anger and despair, and I clench my fists because I want to hit him so badly.

“And then you took care of it, you made sure I got the experience I was lacking? Was that a kind of training course for the club you two wanted to get me into?”

“No,” he immediately contradicts me. “It is what it is, Grace. Great sex. Which, if I remember rightly, you enjoyed a lot, too. Which you wanted just as much as I did.” He gives me a penetrating look. “And the idea never was to force you into anything. It was just a thought, a possibility—which I’d already ruled out. I thought you wouldn’t like the idea at all—I was sure that the mere idea of the club would horrify you. But you were so determined, Grace, you were one big temptation. You’ve always said that you could play by my rules.”

“And your rules include having to sleep with your friends?”

He shakes his head. “You don’t have to do anything. But I thought you realised what happens at the club. You yourself asked me if you could come along.”

I stare at him. His hair has fallen onto his forehead and he pushes it back with his hand, looking at me with those blue eyes of his that I find it so difficult to escape.

He’s right, I think. He’s been up front with me about how he operates all along. He even warned me about it.

Several times. He gave me a chance to leave. I was the one who asked him to make an exception for me. The one who wanted to stay at all costs—on his terms.

“What if I don’t come with you to the club?” I ask quietly.

“What if I’ve changed my mind?”

He shrugs his shoulders and I see something blaze in his eyes for a moment. But it’s over too quickly to interpret.

“Then I think there’s little point in being together any longer.”

He doesn’t look happy about this, but he sounds determined. He’ll break up with me.

I swallow hard when I realize what my decision would entail. And that he’s quite serious. I can’t have exclusive rights to him—he told me that from the beginning, and I’ll have to live with it or leave. It’s an unresolvable conflict for me. The thought of not being with him anymore is also completely unbearable. But can I stand the possibility that he’ll never fully belong to me?