Unbroken (21 page)

“I won’t be out too late
,” he said.

“I’ll be
here,” she said a little breathlessly. 

Watching as the door
closed behind him, Britney reclined back against the pillows and sighed.  She missed him already.

“Hey,” Jake said, walking up to the office door.  They’d returned from Sun Valley a couple of days before and had immediately settled into their old routine.  But with only a few days
remaining before they were scheduled to return to Minneapolis, they still hadn’t discussed the future of their relationship, and he knew it was time.

Britney hit the power button
on her laptop and looked up.  They’d finished dinner a short while ago and she’d been checking her email one last time before shutting her computer down for the night.  “Hey yourself,” she replied with a smile.

Jake leaned against the doorjamb.  “I was thinking about taking a walk.  Care to join me?”

Britney studied his expression for a second.  It looked like he had something on his mind, and she had a sinking feeling that she knew exactly what it was.  “Sure,” she said, pushing her chair back from the desk and rising to her feet.

“Shall we walk down to the creek?” Jake asked as they made their way toward the front foyer.

“Okay.”  There was a narrow creek that ran through the backside of Jake’s property, about a ten minute walk from the cabin.  It was a lovely area and they’d shared an afternoon picnic on the grassy bank just the other day.

“I’ll bring the blanket in case we want to sit for a while,” Jake said, grabbing the multi-colored throw from the wooden bench that sat just inside the front door.

“
It’s so peaceful here,” Britney commented when they reached the bank of the slow-moving creek. 

“Y
eah.”  Jake nodded in agreement.  “Sometimes when I come here it’s like the rest of the world just kind of fades away,” he said.  Bending down he picked up a handful of gravel from the water’s edge and flung it outward, watching as the tiny pebbles bounced atop the water before settling to the bottom of the creek.

Britney
stood beside him watching the water for a moment, then turned and pulled the blanket out from under Jake’s arm and spread it atop the grass.  Sitting down, she waited for Jake to join her.

A few seconds later
Jake turned away from the water and moved to join Britney, sitting down next to her and stretching his legs out in front of him.

When he turned to look at her, Britney knew what he was going to say.  “I guess we can’t put it off much longer can we,” she said quietly.

Regarding her with a thoughtful expression, Jake shook his head.  “We leave for Minneapolis in three days.”

“I know,” she replied sof
tly.

“It doesn’t have to end, Britney.”

Britney clasped her hands in front of her and took a long, deep breath.  “Jake, these past weeks with you have been amazing, like a dream come true,” she said truthfully.  “But I…” she trailed off with a sigh.  The doubts and uncertainties that had been plaguing her for the past weeks, lurking inexorably in the back of her mind, could no longer be pushed aside.  The beautiful fantasy she’d been living was coming to an end.  And as much as she wished it otherwise, it was time to face the reality. But it was hard, even harder than she’d thought it would be.

“But what?”

“Jake, you’re a celebrity.”

He regarded her in silence
, allowing her to talk.

“If I’m seen with you
… if we continue our relationship… people, reporters, the media, they’re all going to want to know who I am.”

He nodded.  Unfortunately
what she was saying was true.  Fame had its share of benefits, but it came with costs as well.

“How long do you think it would be before someone
started digging into my background and figured out who I
really
am?”

He understood her fears, but that didn’t mean he was willing to let her go without a fight. 
“Britney-”

She cut him off.  “I just
… I don’t know if I can go back to that life,” she said quietly, feeling a sudden, overwhelming sadness.  “I don’t know if I can go back to being Britney Ellison.”

“Britney, I get that, I do.  But-”

She interrupted him again.  “No.  You don’t know what it was like before,” she told him, “to be recognized everywhere I went.”

“I don’t know what that’s like?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head.  “I mean, I know you do.  But that’s different,” she clarified.  “You’re different.  You’re a professional athlete, someone people look up to and admire.  People don’t look at
me
the same way they look at you,” she continued, feeling the sting of tears.  “They look at me like I’m a curiosity, an oddity, a freak even.  You can’t imagine what it’s like to see the morbid fascination reflected in some people’s eyes and the pity in others.  To them I’m that poor girl who escaped from a deranged serial killer, the girl who had to watch while her friend was raped, tortured and murdered right before her eyes.  I’m the girl who picked up a rock and bludgeoned a man to death to escape that very same fate.”  She was crying now, the tears running down her face unheeded. 

“Britney,” Jake reached for her
, but she shook her head.

“
And then there are the reporters, the journalists, the television and movie producers and the writers, who all want me to tell them about Randall Littrell’s
cabin of horrors
so that they can get rich writing their dammed books or by making it all into some horrific movie,” she continued, crying harder now.

“
Shh,” Jake murmured, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close.  She didn’t resist this time, hugging him back as he held her against his chest.  “Shh.  Please don’t cry.”

“I just…” she sniffled,
still crying as she buried her face against his shirt.  “I don’t think I can go through that again.” 
Not even for you
, she added silently, though it broke her heart to even think it.

“Shh.  It’s okay.  Everything’s going to be okay,” Jake murmured soothingly.  But even as he s
aid the words, he felt a pain that seemed to tear at his very soul.  He wanted to tell her to fight, to fight for
him
, but sadly, that was a decision she had to make for herself.

“I’m sorry
, Jake,” she whimpered as she clung to him, her heart seeming to break within her chest.  “I’m so sorry.”

He bent his head, placing a light k
iss upon her forehead.  “I know, I know,” he murmured.

They sat that way for a long time, even after Britney’s tears had stopped, just
holding each other as they listened to the peaceful sound of the water as it flowed across the rocky creek bed.

During their return to the cabin they were both relatively quiet, each preoccupied with their own thoughts as they walked side by side along the narrow footpath.  When they finally reached it, Jake quickly moved off in the direction of the exercise room leaving Britney to wander toward the kitchen. 

Perhaps a little comfort food would help to lessen the gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach, she thought
dejectedly, moving toward the refrigerator.  Opening the door of the freezer she scanned the contents, her eyes eventually settling on a carton of mint chocolate chip ice-cream.  Pulling it out, she walked to the cupboard.  Grabbing a bowl and a large serving spoon from the drawer below, she carried them over to the island and settled herself atop one of the barstools.  Then, prying the lid from the container, she dug her spoon into the midst of the frozen sweetness.

Stepping onto the treadmill, Jake began to run, pushing the up arrow and increasing the speed to a punishing pace.  Maybe if he pushed himself hard enough he could keep his mind from dwelling on his future, or rather his lack of a future with Britney.  Unfortunately, it didn’t work.  As he ran, thoughts of Britney and their relationship continued to plague him.  He understood her fears, he really did.  And though he was sympathetic, and as much as he hated to admit it, a part of him was angry too.  Britney had come to mean more to him than he’d ever thought possible, and for her to just give in, to let go of what they had, no matter the reason, was difficult to accept. But dammit, what choice did he have?  How could he ask her to go back to a life she’d fought so hard to leave behind?  Sadly, he knew that he couldn’t.

Britney was sitting on the couch watching the ten o’clock news when Jake walked into the living room.  She could see that he’d just showered, her eyes moving to his damp hair and the wayward lock that fell across his forehead.  “Did you have a good workout?” she asked as he dropped into his chair.

“
Yeah, it was alright,” he replied with a slight smile, and then turned his attention to the television.

Britney sat quietly then.  She didn’t know what to say.

Once the news was over, Britney expected Jake to pick up the remote and press the power button like he always did.  But instead, he
surprised her by changing the channel rather than switching the television off.  She eyed him curiously from the corner of her eye, but his gaze was fixed straight ahead, focused on the television screen.  “I guess I’ll head up,” she said, rising from her seat on the couch.

Jake
turned toward her then and nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll be up in a while,” he said.  “I’m just going to watch SportsCenter for a bit.”

“Oh, okay
,” she said with a faint smile, hoping he didn’t detect the sudden uneasiness in her voice.  Since they’d started sleeping together they always went to bed at the same time.

As Britney left the room,
Jake stared unseeing at the TV, listening to the sound of her fading footsteps. 

Reaching the top of the stairs, Britney stood quietly for a moment, suddenly uncertain.  She slept in Jake’s room now, and had ever since their first night together. 
But tonight?
  She hesitated, glancing down the hall in the direction of her room and then turning her head back the other way, toward the master bedroom.  A moment later she made up her mind, walking purposefully in the direction of Jake’s room.  They had three more nights together, and whether or not it was the right decision, whether or not it would make it even harder to say goodbye, she wanted to spend every last one of them in his arms.

It was nearly midnight when Britney finally heard the faint sound of Jake’s footsteps in the hall outside the master bedroom.  She lay motionless, listening quietly as he entered the room, hesitated for a few seconds and then moved across the floor toward the bathroom, closing the door soundlessly behind him a moment later. 

Standing at the sink, Jake brushed his teeth and then put his toothbrush back into its holder.  Shutting off the water he stood there
for several long seconds, his eyes closed, his hands pressed flat against the countertop as he breathed slowly in and out.  Finally he switched off the light, opened the door and made his way in the darkness to the bed.  Midway across the room he could just make out Britney’s still form beneath the covers, but it was too dark to tell whether or not her eyes were open.  Was she asleep?  No, probably not.

Reaching the mattress, he
avoided looking at Britney as he sat down, instead lying down and quickly rolling onto his side, facing away from her.  It’s better this way, he told himself.  The same thing he’d been telling himself for the past hour.  If they continued to be intimate it would just make it harder when the time came to say goodbye.  But knowing she was there, lying just inches away was a temptation nearly too difficult to resist.

Britney’s heart
seemed to constrict within her chest as Jake rolled away from her.  She couldn’t blame him of course, but it still hurt.  It’s probably for the best, she reasoned, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier.  She lay there as the minutes ticked by, wanting more than anything to reach out to him, to touch him, to hold him in her arms, but she didn’t dare.  She couldn’t blame him.  She’d made her choice.  And now, painful as it might be, she had to live with the consequences of that choice. 

Listening to the sound of Britney’s
uneven breathing, Jake became certain that she wasn’t asleep. 
Damn!
  He tried to ignore the voice in his head that told him to roll over and drag her into his arms, to relish every last moment that they had together, but with each passing second it became more and more difficult.  Finally, with a groan of submission, he turned and reached for her, pulling her into his arms.

Britney went willingly, pressing her body eagerly against his as he lowered his mouth to hers.  She
wanted to cry out her joy as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him with a desperate, aching hunger that seemed wrenched from the very depths of her soul. 

As they lost themselves to the passion of their union, there were no words, they didn’t need them.  As their limbs intertwined, t
heir bodies spoke for them.  There would be time for goodbyes later.