Uncharted Fate (16 page)

“Let’s talk.” He sat down on the edge of her bed with her, until the tears and shudders subsided.

In the restaurant dining room, Jeff removed Anna’s shawl, folded it, and laid it on an empty seat as he helped her into her chair. Then he sat opposite her, his eyes warm and glowing.

Anna’s gaze held his for a long moment before she turned her head to smell the roses pinned to the bodice of her dress. “I can’t remember the last time I was given a corsage. College, probably. This is beautiful.”

Resting his chin on his folded hands, he said with a laugh, “Truthfully, I can’t remember the last time I gave a corsage to a woman. College, probably. This morning I thought of it all of a sudden, and couldn’t resist. You must bring out the romantic in me.”

“I got the impression the romantic side of your nature was pretty deeply buried.”

“Once, maybe. Not anymore.”

She smiled shyly and opened her menu. Everything sounded delicious and she wasn’t sure what to choose.

“Like lobster?” Jeff asked.

“Of course. I was thinking of a small steak. It's much more reasonable.” It was a lot less expensive than the double lobster tail.

“Then get both. The surf ’n turf is excellent here.”

She hesitated. Though that sounded incredible, the surf n’ turf definitely wasn’t less expensive than the double lobster tail.

“Come on. Live it up. I want this to be a night you’ll remember for a long time.”

“In that case, I guess we ought to do it right. I’ll have the surf ‘n turf.”

Jeff gave the orders to the waiter, and asked for a bottle of
Pinot Blanc
to go with it.

The dinner was superb. It’d been a long time since Anna had eaten lobster and she enjoyed every morsel. After lingering over coffee, Jeff led her onto the dance floor. A small combo was playing soft music in a corner of the dining room.

She settled against him, her head on his shoulder. He smelled good, and his hand at the small of her back was warm and firm. Before long, her eyes closed as they drifted, almost as one, across the floor. Anna felt her senses stir as his long legs brushed hers rhythmically, in time to the music.

No more waiting. She wanted him—no, needed him—tonight, and found herself anxious to leave the restaurant.

He must have sensed her changed mood, as he paused and glanced down at her. “Would you like to go for a short stroll down by the river?”

“Um. That would be nice.”

He paid the bill, laid her shawl around her shoulders, and led her out the terrace doors, down the slight incline to the river. Soft moonlight and gently stirring trees camouflaged the lazy Susquehanna. The night was mild and the sky clear with a myriad of stars shining over the water.

They stood, arm in arm, watching the stately river flow slowly by, until finally, Jeff turned her in his arms and her lips met his halfway. Anna felt a passion roar through her she’d thought was gone forever. With her arms around his neck, she kissed him back, reveling in the feel of him against her.
Jeff
.

She stilled, realizing this was the first time she'd instinctively thought about Jeff without first having to push Mike out of her mind.

He lifted his head. “Let's go back to my apartment where we can have some privacy.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

At his apartment, he offered a glass of champagne and a toast. “To you,” he whispered. She blushed and took a sip of the sparkling wine. He leaned back, pulling her against him, and they sipped quietly, not feeling a need to talk.

When the champagne was gone, he set their glasses on the coffee table and reached into his pocket. “I haven’t given you your birthday present yet.”

She smiled delightedly at the small box he handed her. “Ohh. I like small presents. They’re always the best.”

“I hope you still agree after you open it up,” he said, loosening his tie with a nervous look on his face.

“I will.” She removed the tiny bow and the paper. It was a small, blue velvet jeweler’s box. Her heart beat faster as she opened it up. Inside was a beautiful gold ring with a large sapphire surrounded by small diamonds. The blood was pounding in her ears and she felt faint as she realized what it really was.

"It’s an engagement ring,” Jeff prompted. "I thought it would be better, since this is the second time around for both of us, to go with something less traditional. Still, I wanted it to have diamonds on it, too."

She stared at the ring, sparkling in the amber glow of a nearby lamp. She hadn’t expected this, not in her wildest imaginings. Stunned, she had no idea what to say.

He watched her anxiously. "Will you marry me, Anna? I’ve never felt so alive since I met you. I want to be with you, always. I want to marry you."

“I don’t know what to say.” She shook her head in confusion, her teeth chewing her lower lip. “You’re a wonderful man, and I enjoy being with you more than I can say. But it’s been only about a year since Mike’s death. I’m not sure I’m ready for this.”

“I love you, Anna. You know that. We’d make a good couple. I know we would.”

“Maybe we would—someday. But not now. I’m only just beginning to be really comfortable with you and I don’t want to push things. I’m not ready for marriage. There are still too many painful memories, too many times when five-thirty rolls around and I glance automatically at the clock to see if it’s time for Mike to come home yet.”

He leaned forward, clasping her shaking fingers. “We’ll make new memories. Life goes on, and the joy of our lives together will erase any pain you feel. You’ll see.”

Studying his strong, long-fingered hands wrapped around hers, she tried to think about what he was saying. In some ways, it would be nice to be able to rely on his strength, his kindness, his presence. And she did like being with him. However, she'd only begun to learn to stand on her own two feet without someone else to lean on. She'd let herself lean on him too often already and it was for that very reason she knew they must wait.

After a lifetime of dependence, she was beginning to be her own person. She had a ways to go. She was trying to learn how to do things herself. Being married to him would make it difficult for her to earn her independence. It'd be like her parents or Mike all over again. And she needed to try to stand on her own, for her peace of mind.

She looked up at Jeff. “I think there are some things you don’t understand about me. You see, as much as I loved Mike, I realize now he dominated me and the whole family. He had a very strong personality and he controlled every one of us." She frowned as she thought of the ways she'd simply given in to things and not stood her ground.

"He was good and intelligent and charming, and while we weren’t exactly unhappy or downtrodden, the fact remains he was a controlling influence on us. I didn’t even realize how much until after his death. And I let it happen." Her voice was serious and tinged slightly with guilt.

"Maybe part of the reason I was dominated so easily was because I was a horribly sheltered only child who stayed here to go to college and live with my parents. I went directly from my parents' sheltering to Mike’s protection." She pounded her fist into the palm of her other hand, in emphasis. "Now I understand these things, I’m learning to overcome my handicaps. I’m getting stronger with every passing day, and more independent with every decision I make. Life is good again, and it’s getting better.”

“I hope I’m part of the goodness.”

“Oh, yes, you are, a big part. There’s more to it, though. I’m sorry I’m talking your ear off, but I want you to understand, to know why I’m making this decision. I want a career—one I can be proud of and live with for the rest of my life. It's what I went to college to achieve and I let myself be sidetracked by marrying Mike. I have to go back and get my degree and I want a career in social work with the elderly. I need to have that accomplished, or at least within reach, before I make another commitment."

She looked down at the beautiful velvet box with its gorgeous ring inside with regret. "I’m sorry, Jeff. I can’t marry you. Not yet, anyway.” She frowned, not sure if she'd managed to explain to him something almost too difficult to put into words. Gently, she closed the blue velvet box, and watched his face fall.

“So you don’t love me like I thought you did.”

“That’s not it.” Her eyes pleaded with his. “I think maybe I do love you. Or almost do, anyway. But sometimes love isn’t enough. The bottom line, really, is that we’re only beginning to get to know each other, and I’m only beginning to learn to stand alone all by myself. After losing so much when I lost Mike, I need to rebuild my life on a more solid foundation. I can’t let myself be vulnerable and helpless again. If I learn to be independent, I’ll be stronger, and be a better wife for you someday, if we decide later it’s what we both still want.”

He squeezed her fingers. “You’re right. I was married to one insecure, weak woman, and I saw her turn vindictive and cruel when she couldn’t cope. I don’t think anything like that would ever happen to you, but you mean too much to me to take a chance. I want us to be two equally strong, self-reliant people. If you think you need more time, you’ve got it.” His fingers caressed hers with a feather touch. “You know, I think I love you more right this minute because you refused me. Weird, huh?”

“No, it’s lovely.”

He took the box from her fingers, and stared at it. “If I got you a chain, would you wear the ring around your neck until you’re ready? Sort of as a promise?”

She was tempted. It was a beautiful ring, but that didn’t feel right. She shook her head gently.

“Okay,” he whispered, putting it back in his pocket. “I—ah-suppose you want to go home now.”

“No, not really.” Anna leaned her head back against the back of the sofa, studying the brown depths of his eyes. “How can I go? You haven’t even kissed me yet.”

A hesitant smile broke out on his face. “No, I haven’t. I figured if you refused my proposal, you’d want to get the hell out of here.”

“I don't want to go—at all. I want to stay, so you can make love to me.”

His smiled widened. “Good, because I don't want you to go.”

With his arm along the back of her shoulders, he leaned over to kiss her. The burst of passion she’d felt earlier came back twofold, and before long she was pinned by his lean, strong body as his hot kisses pressed her into the black leather.

“Would you think I was a horrible, depraved sex maniac if I told you I’ve wanted to bring you back here for this ever since the first night we went out on a date?”

She laughed. “No. In fact, as I recall, you barely had the nerve to run back and give me a peck on the lips that night. You couldn’t have been too depraved.”

“It was fear. Fear of losing you. Also, if you'll recall, we were going at it hot and heavy that night at your house when Brian burst in."

“Yes, I remember. And your vast experience almost got us in big trouble with my son.”

“Not vast. But enough.” His eyes burned into hers.

She buried her fingers in his hair to pull his head back down to hers. Their lips met with hunger and craving, each drinking feverishly from the other, unable to get close enough to satisfy.

He lifted his head. “Do you—ah—”

“Yeah.”

He led her into the bedroom at the back of the apartment and then laid her on his bed. He stood for a long time, simply staring at her lying there, and she smiled at him. "Aren't you going to join me?"

"As soon as I get over the sight of you in my bed, where I've dreamed over and over of having you."

Her smile became a little tremulous. "I'm here, Jeff. And I think I want you to make love to me now."

"You think you do?"

"Why don't you start and I'll stop you if I don't like it?"

He laughed. Then he slid the drawer of the nightstand open and took out a condom.

"You don't need a condom, Jeff. I'm on the pill."

He tossed it onto the stand with a grin and lay down beside her. Within moments their mouths were locked, their tongues seeking and sliding. Jeff leaned over her and her heart jackhammered against her chest. She loved doing this with him, feeling his strength and the warmth of his personality. He made her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. Heat filled her body and it came alive again after such a long time. Both of them gasped for breath, refusing to stop kissing each other, even to take in desperately needed oxygen.

Finally, his lips left her mouth to run kisses down the soft column of her throat. His tongue laved the top of her breasts after unbuttoning the three buttons on her bodice. She could hear his murmur of surprise when he encountered no bra. Anna moaned as he pulled the material aside to free one breast and his own moan followed hers as he licked it tenderly. His hand slid up her leg and caressed her before stealing underneath her dress to run his fingers over the soft, warm skin at the top of her stockings.

"Can we take some of these clothes off, do you think?" Without waiting for an answer, he swept her dress over her head.

"You do that trick like an expert."

"I'm lucky I can do anything with all the blood rushing out of my brain," he admitted with a chuckle.

"Don't you think you should take your clothes off, too? I know it's been a while for you, but if you try hard you'll recall the way it's done."

He glared at her. "You're gonna pay for that."

"Promises, promises."

He stood to pull off his dress shirt and then unzipped and shucked his trousers, taking his briefs with them. She lay there watching him for a moment before he joined her once more. He was a tall man, so he was longer and thicker than Mike had been. Her breath hitched as she thought about accommodating him inside her.

His body covered hers and his weight felt wonderful. Then he moved to his side next to her so he could kiss her entire body to her toes. Those he licked lightly, making her giggle. After kissing down one side of her, he started back up the other side, ending at her breasts, which he attacked with lips, teeth and tongue. Anna’s back arched helplessly and she cried out at the overload of sensation. His fingers found her sensitive spots and rubbed with light feathery touches. Before she could process what was happening, Anna came quickly with a breathless shudder.