Unchosen (Chosen #2) (16 page)

TWENTY SIX

I walked into my mother’s room alone. She was lying on the bed in her robe, looking off into space. I crawled in bed with her and for the first time since we lost Conner, I hugged her. Even though she didn’t hug me back, I felt her relax a little into my touch.

“I am so sorry,” I whispered, my nose starting to do that burning sensation. “I know you are hurting, Mom. I think it hasn’t sunk in for me yet. I feel numb some moments and angry the next. The only time I cry is when I am with Nick. It is really weird,” I babbled. She continued to look off in space and so I kept talking. “Nick is going to let me stay with him down in the city. He has a few extra bedrooms and we are going to set Niall up there, too. He wants to take care of us for a little while. We are going to interview a few nannies until you feel up to taking care of Niall again.”

She turned and looked at me. “You and Nick are moving in together?” It was the first time I saw emotion on her face. Was it hope? Was it wonder? Was it concern?

“Yes, Mom.
Nick is downstairs asking Dad if it is okay. We don’t want to do anything that will stress you out more. Nick and Dad are very worried that with Conner being gone, I will get lost again and I can’t do that. I have to stay strong. Conner would want that, I think,” I said. The anger started to bubble up again and I thought about how I didn’t even know who my brother was. Did he want me to not worry about his life? Did he just want to see me happy in my own life? Did he keep things from me because he thought I was too fragile?

I wanted to tell my mother about my dream the night Conner died but I thought it would upset her more. I wanted her to know I had been in love with Nick Sawyer since Conner kicked me in the ass and told me I was. I wanted to laugh at how Conner knew me better than I knew myself. I wanted to tell her I missed him every minute of every day.

“That’s good, Elizabeth. Nick is a very nice man. He adores you. Conner.” She choked up. “Conner liked him a great deal.” I smiled at her and she tried to smile back but it just wasn’t in her. I lay in her bed, rubbing her arm methodically until I realized she had fallen asleep. I found a piece of paper from her side drawer and left her a note.
“I love you, Mom. You are, and always have been, a wonderful mother to both of us. Love, Lizzie”

When I headed downstairs, I heard my father laugh. It startled me and I backed away from the kitchen to eavesdrop. “Now, you promise you won’t tell Lizzie about this, okay? I will never hear the end of it,” I heard Nick say. Hear the end of what? Why was my father laughing? I walked in and they both cleared their throats and started talking about my apartment. My dad put his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “Do what you have to do to move Lizzie and Niall’s things. I will take care of the lease,” Dad said.

“So, you guys have everything figured out? Glad I have a say in what’s going on.” I smirked and popped a green grape in my mouth. Wow, those grapes were really good. When was the last time I actually tasted food?  “Mom is sleeping. I talked to her a bit and she is okay with us staying with Nick for a little while. Dad, did you know my boyfriend is a Richie?” I asked, shooting Nick a playful look.

“A what?”
Dad asked, confused.

“You know, he has a lot of money. He has a penthouse, Dad. A frigging penthouse,” I said. Nick cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable. I loved it. “Yeah and he has this doorman who calls him Mr. Sawyer like he is this big shit. Nick commands him to do things. It’s weird.”

Dad started to laugh and then he was bent over laughing so hard that Nick and I gaped at him. “Lizzie, are you that blind?” Dad finally said. I looked to Nick and then back to Dad. “The guy drives the newest model Benz out there and it is fully loaded. He lives in Boston. Do you know how much it costs to actually live in Boston Proper? The guy was never the cubicle geek you thought he was. Your mom and I figured that out the day we met him.” He grinned.

“Oh,” I flatly replied. “Well, I guess I am the worst at figuring people out. Maybe I should just stick to music and finances because I obviously suck at people.” Nick put his arms around my stomach, right over my stretch marks. I cringed inwardly and wished I didn’t have them at that moment.

“I don’t know about that, Lizzie. You did let a total stranger sit down with you at lunch one day. You obviously got something right.” Nick smirked.

“A total hot stranger with the most beautiful…” I started. Dad cleared his throat. “Do I have to be part of this conversation?” Nick and I laughed so hard we doubled over each other. It felt so good to laugh with him again.

“So, if you two are done being silly. I was telling Nick that the nice young girl down the street is looking to move into Boston. She would be a great nanny for Niall. She was at the picnic a few months back and really took to him,” Dad said.

“Oh yeah, what was her name?” I asked. Nick took out his phone and started typing. I looked at him and then back to my dad.

“Her name is Lily. Lily Mason. She is real nice, Lizzie. I bet if you guys put her up in an apartment with a little stipend, she would jump at the opportunity,” Dad said. “Your mother isn’t going to be there for Niall for a while,” he said solemnly. I nodded and then gave him a squeeze. “Conner wouldn’t want her to suffer for long,” I replied. Dad nodded and I saw tears come to his eyes. He quickly batted them away and went to shake Nick’s hand.

“Thanks for taking care of our girl, Nick,” Dad said, more composed.

“With all due respect, Mr. O’Malley, she is my girl now,” Nick deadpanned. I rolled my eyes at him and started laughing. “Should I bring out the caveman costumes now?”

Nick and I left to pick up Niall. He was beyond excited to see me. “Mamama,” he blabbered all the way back to Nick’s apartment. I sat in the backseat with him and held his hand. “You know, I am so glad I named him after Conner,” I said to Nick. I watched my baby squeeze my finger and I started to sob for Niall. He would never know his uncle. I sobbed for my mother. I sobbed for me. I missed him so much, the pain in my stomach was excruciating. 

Nick pulled up to the valet and shook his head at the doorman. “I got it, Charlie,” he said. He pulled me from the car and put my head on his chest. I could hear Niall still calling out “Mamama” and I cried harder. Going to my parents’ house had been harder than I thought. It was gut wrenching. Like a burn, once the shock of it was over, I felt the throbbing pain. Nick grabbed Niall’s car seat and pulled both of us into his apartment. Immediately, my tears were overtaken by my gasps of amazement. Everything in the apartment was different. It was baby proofed. Kid’s toys were everywhere. A swing hung in one of the doorways. With my eyes wide, I walked through the bedrooms and saw someone had put up a crib and Red Sox emblems everywhere. It was a beautiful room for a baby boy.

The next room looked exactly like the room at my apartment. I saw all my pictures of our family and Niall. Then there was one of me and Nick at lunch. He was looking at me with adoration while I was laughing at the menu. “Who took that?” I asked. I don’t remember ever having lunch with anyone else but him.

“Drew saw us from across the restaurant. He said we were so immersed in each other; he didn’t want to bother us. I guess he thought we looked nice, so he took a photo. He had it developed when you got back from Ireland. He says he has other photos from the Phish concert but I didn’t really want to see those.” He laughed. I fingered the frame and smiled over my shoulder to him. “It’s beautiful. But, I think it belongs in our room,” I said. He looked confused and then it hit him. “You will sleep in my room?” he asked with a glimmer in his eyes.

I nodded my head. “I can’t look at this photo all night and know you are two bedrooms down. I think we should do this, Nick. If I don’t have you to cuddle with at night, I don’t know. Talk about torture,” I said blandly. He chuckled as he put his face in my hair. “Good because I was really wondering how I was going to make it through the night, too.”

The rest of the week was a whirlwind of events. We hired Lily and Nick rented a small studio apartment near ours for her. We went back to my apartment and grabbed the rest of my things. The place was immaculate. “How did you do this when you have been glued to me all week?” I asked, poking him in the stomach.

“I have friends in low places,” he purred into my ear. Purring into my ear had not been cool. He had been doing it all the time and he was so grabby. He wouldn’t let me out of arm’s length. It was incredible, alluring, and scary. I kept waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me and I told him about it. He understood my apprehension but he never said words to alleviate my concern. He just showed me how serious he was.

“Isn’t that a Texas country song?” I laughed. His wide-eyed surprised look was so amusing. I picked the guitar off its stand and tried to replicate the lyrics. He sprawled on the couch, watching me with smugness. “My southern gal,” he crooned.

One Friday night, Nick asked Lily to watch Niall for a few hours and took me to the bar in Allston that I had played on stage. I cringed when I saw the building and started to have a panic attack. I didn’t want to go in there and remember the night I sang with Conner or remember the night Freddie and I got together. Now, after all Nick and I had been through, the
memory of that night was tainted. “I don’t want to drink,” I whispered. “I’m not even sure it is a good idea I am here, babe. I could freak out. I mean, seriously break down.”

“We aren’t coming here to drink. I want to show you something,” he said. He took my hand and kissed it with eagerness. The last weeks had been so hard to sleep next to him and not do anything beyond cuddling against each other’s bodies. I watched him kiss my fingers with reverence and I melted. I would walk through hell and back with him if I could feel those lips on me anytime. In fact, I wanted to feel his body now and couldn’t understand why we were at a pub when we were childless for the night.

When we walked in, I immediately took in all the familiar faces. All of Conner’s friends were there. The band was there, his friends from college and even his friends from high school. When someone saw me, they started clapping until everyone in the place was roaring with applause. I was so confused and when I looked up to Nick, he smiled down at me with pride. “Will you play for them tonight?” he asked. I shook my head vigorously and started for the door. It was too soon. I couldn’t replace Conner on stage. I would never be his filler. He was too important to these people I hardly knew. Nick grabbed me around the waist and planted me on a stool. “Then do you mind if I play?” he asked, looking hopeful. I shrugged and just looked around bewildered.

The band took their spots on stage and Nick grabbed one of the old Gibson guitars he had bought for us. He went to the microphone with his beautiful swagger and sexy smile. God, I loved that man.

“Welcome. Tonight, we are here to celebrate the life of Conner O’Malley. For those of you drinking, please raise your glasses in honor. I am not an O’Malley and I am not sure what is in store for this awesome band that stood up with Conner all these years. I do want everyone to know he was so important to me because he convinced his beautiful sister to be with me. I will forever be in his debt. So as the closest person to an O’Malley, I want to sing a song Conner always played when Lizzie came to his gigs.”

Nick backed off the microphone and flicked his hand to start the song.

Tears poured down my face as Nick sang “Butterfly Girl” to me and me alone. No one else was there in the room. How did he know that was my song? How did he have time to practice with the band? I sat in awe watching him play the song perfectly. He understood this song. The lyrics put me in a trance and then I realized after all this time, the lyrics Conner wrote were meant for Nick to sing to me. They were perfect. They were about us. They were about me finally flying into the sun, to his warmth.

You are my butterfly girl.

You are my butterfly girl.

Spread your wings and fly.

Know you can always fly home to me.

When the song ended, Nick took the strap off his shoulder and went back to the microphone. “I love you, Lizzie O’Malley. Please always be my Butterfly Girl and marry me?”  I gasped and right then, I saw my mother and father and two other familiar adults come to my side. My mother had tears in her eyes and my father looked proud.

I turned back to see Nick in front of me, on his knee with the most gorgeous amethyst and diamond ring. It was exactly what I would have picked out. “Will you be my wife, Elizabeth O’Malley?” Nick pleaded with tears in his eyes. I nodded my head and he put the ring on my finger in such a fast motion, I couldn’t even register what was happening.

As he hugged me, I whispered, “But we haven’t even slept together yet. How will you know if you still want me forever?”

He chuckled. “Our love will be explosive like it was the first time I danced with you on that lawn.” I hugged him tighter and realized everyone in the bar was still cat calling and clapping. “
Good job, Lizzie. I knew he was it for you.”
Conner’s voice startled me. It felt so real. He had been there the whole time.

Later that night, I had a dreadful feeling about what people might think.  Were we moving too quickly? I turned in my seat to face him as we drove back to the penthouse.

“Do you think that we rushed our engagement? I mean I hadn’t even met your parents until tonight?” I asked cautiously.