Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Zipper Accidents (36 page)

I
n May 2011, on his very last day of high school, 18-year-old Tyell Morton of Rushville, Indiana, put on a hooded sweatshirt to hide his face from security cameras, entered his high school carrying a large cardboard box, and went into a girls’ restroom. He opened the package—took a life-size sex doll out of it, propped the doll up inside a stall, and left.

Security staff saw a hooded figure enter the school with a large box and leave again a short time later without the box—and immediately called the bomb squad and evacuated the building. It was several hours before the sex doll was discovered. An investigation led to Morton, and he admitted what he’d done, explaining that it was a senior prank. The response: Prosecutor Phil Caviness charged him with institutional criminal mischief—a felony that carries a sentence of up to eight years in prison.

After public outcry from all over the country—there were even “Free Tyell” websites set up—Caviness eventually agreed to a diversion program that would see Tyell’s charges dropped if he stayed out of trouble for one year. Tyell, who had never been in trouble with the law, met the requirement in August 2012—and his prank was finally over.

J
eff Buckley (1966–97).
The up-and-coming rock star was in Memphis, Tennessee, to record some new music with his band. On the night before recording was to begin, Buckley decided to take a swim in one of his favorite spots in the North River Harbor along the Mississippi River. A roadie, Keith Foti, was there with him, but opted to stay dry. Buckley was in a good mood, though, and jumped in the water fully clothed— heavy boots and all. He was doing the backstroke while singing Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love” when the wake from a passing tugboat approached. Foti turned away to shield a guitar from the wave. When he turned back around, Buckley was gone. His body was found five days later.

Chet Baker (1929–88).
Baker was an influential jazz trumpeter and singer whose life was marred by heroin addiction and prison time. After his career had stalled, he was making a comeback in 1988, and he was having a pretty good year—musically, anyway. Baker was still struggling with drug addiction. He was staying in an Amsterdam hotel room by himself…and a lot of heroin and cocaine. In the middle of the night, Baker opened the window of the second-story room. Somehow, he fell out and hit his head on a metal post and died. The
death was ruled an accident, not a suicide—there was no note. And who tries to kill himself by jumping out of a second-story window?

Les Harvey (1945–72).
Ever heard of the Scottish band Stone the Crows? They might have been a lot more popular had a stagehand at the Top Rank Ballroom in Swansea, Wales, been more careful. While setting up for 1972 show, he plugged a microphone cable into an improperly wired amplifier. During the sound check, lead guitarist Les Harvey, whose hands were wet, grabbed the microphone. It was not grounded; Harvey was. He was electrocuted and died instantly.

Terry Kath (1946–78).
In 1978 Kath, the original front man for the band Chicago, and his wife were partying at a roadie’s house in Woodland Hills, California. Kath loved guns, and he had two of his favorite pistols with him. At one point, he placed the barrel of a .38 revolver on his temple and pulled the trigger several times. Click, click, click. Nothing happened. Then Kath picked up his semiautomatic 9 mm pistol. “Don’t worry,” he assured them. “It’s not loaded.” He even showed them the empty magazine to prove it. But Kath didn’t check the chamber. There was bullet in it. He put the pistol up to his temple, pulled the trigger, and died.

Randy Rhoads (1956–82).
A guitarist for Quiet Riot, Rhoads was also Ozzy Osbourne’s lead guitarist. During a tour stopover at the Leesburg, Florida, estate where Ozzy’s bus driver, Andrew Aycock, lived, Rhoads reluctantly agreed to take a short flight in a 1955 Beechcraft Bonanza. Rhoads was afraid of flying, but he was persuaded to go up because the other passenger, hairdresser Rachel Youngblood, had a heart condition, so Aycock promised not to do anything too scary. But Aycock did do something scary: He buzzed the tour bus where several band members were sleeping. After two successful buzzes, Aycock looped back around for a third one. But he got way too close, and the Beechcraft’s wing clipped the back of the bus. The plane spun out of control, took out the top of a tree, and then crashed into the mansion’s garage. It exploded into a ball of fire, and all three passengers were burned alive.

Johnny Ace (1929–54).
Ace, a well-known blues singer in the 1950s, was touring with Big Mama Thornton’s band. Between sets of a Christmas Day gig in Houston, Texas, Ace, Thornton, and the rest of the band were sitting around a table. As he often did, Ace pulled out his .22 caliber revolver. He was drinking, which he also often did. According to bass player Curtis Tillman, “He had this little pistol he was waving around the table and someone said, ‘Be careful with that thing.’ And Johnny Ace said, ‘It’s okay! Gun’s not loaded, see?’ And he pointed it at himself with a smile on his face, and ‘Bang!’ Sad, sad thing.’ ”

Once upon a time,
there was a rock star who really liked having clean underwear when he was on tour. One night, in order to get to a gig early so he’d have enough time to wash his clothes, he skipped the tour bus and chartered a plane. He also footed the tickets for two of his tour mates, one who had the flu and another who won the last seat in a coin toss. It was February 1959. Ritchie Valens won the coin toss (over Waylon Jennings), the Big Bopper had the flu, and Buddy Holly needed fresh skivvies. The plane crashed; all on board were killed.

UP IN THE AIR

As it approached Singapore’s Changi Airport in 2010, operations were normal on Jetstar flight JQ57. Just before the plane began its descent, the pilot decided that he could turn his cell phone on and check his text messages. As the plane started to nosedive, the copilot warned his pilot that the plane was about to crash; no reply. With 392 feet left before sudden impact, the copilot realized that the pilot had neglected to lower the landing gear. It was too late to release it, so the copilot grabbed the yoke and pushed the plane back into the air, then circled and landed the plane safely. Jetstar officials plan to put warnings about cell phone use in all pilot training materials.

I
n early 2012, videographers Jonathan Vanegas and Vitaly Zdorovetskiy made a video called “Miami Zombie Attack Prank.” In it, Zdorovetskiy dressed in disheveled clothes smeared with red goop, walked around neighborhoods in Miami scaring people while Vanegas filmed. It was viewed more than 13 million times on YouTube. Their follow-up was another prank video called “Russian Hit Man Prank Gone Wrong.” Vanegas, dressed in a suit and tie, walks through a supermarket parking lot carrying a briefcase and talking on a cell phone. He approaches a middle-aged man, puts the briefcase down in front of him, and tells him he has 60 seconds to run away. The man, terrified, runs alongside Zdorovetskiy. Zdorovetskiy keeps acting like he’s talking to someone on the cell phone, stopping, then running again, the terrified man right there with him. After a minute or so he finally tells the man it’s a prank and that he’s simply filming him with his camera phone.

The man did not take it well. He kicked and punched Zdorovetskiy, then chased him to where Vanegas was still filming the two. “You trying to get a laugh?” he screamed at the two. ”I’m not a motherf— you laugh at!” He then landed a couple punches on Vanegas, yelling, “If you keep filming me, I am going to f— you up!” The video goes on
for a few more minutes, with the guy screaming profanities at the two pranksters, and the pranksters apologizing. It finally ends with Zdorovetskiy muttering, “We gotta go.”

Meanwhile, someone had called the cops—and they soon arrived with a bomb squad. Zdorovetskiy fled, but Vanegas was arrested on felony bomb hoax charges and spent the night in jail. Zdorovetskiy was later arrested on the same charges. The victim of the prank was identified as 51-year-old Air Force veteran Andre Brown. He told reporters that he thought Zdorovetskiy and Vanegas should not be severely punished, saying, “I think they need to think about what they’re doing more carefully.” Brown was not charged with any crimes.