Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader (62 page)

Modern cheaters are just as crafty in their methods. One type of trick dice are
trappers
: Drops of mercury are loaded into a center reservoir; by holding the die a certain way and tapping it against a table, the mercury travels down a tunnel to another reservoir, subtly weighting the die. Another trick is to fill a die with wax that melts
at just below body temperature: Held in a closed fist, the wax melts, settling to the desired side.

Today casinos spend millions trying to thwart cheaters in a high-tech war of wits using extremely sensitive equipment to detect even the slightest alteration in a pair of suspect dice. And to keep people from bringing their own dice to the craps table, all casino dice have tiny serial numbers. A more radical way of stopping cheaters: virtual dice rolled by a computer. This not only makes loading dice impossible, but also allows the craps player to “roll the bones” from the keypad of a cell phone. But nothing can replace the actual feeling of shaking the dice in your hands and letting them fly.

Dice made from the ankles of sheep are still used in Mongolia today. And they’re just one type of thousands that exist. Have you ever rolled a 30-sided die—the highest-numbered symmetrical polyhedron? Or how about the 100-sided die, called the Zocchihedron (invented in the 1980s by a gamer named Lou Zocchi)? There’s also the no-sided die—a sphere with a moving internal weight that causes the sphere to stop rolling with one of its six numbers facing up. There are barrel dice (roughly cylindrical, with flat surfaces), letter dice (like in the game Boggle), playing-card dice (often called “poker dice”), six-siders numbered zero through five, three-sided dice, doubling cubes (such as those used in backgammon), asymmetrical polyhedrons, and countless others.

And those are just the varieties used in gaming. Myriad other dice are used in
cleromancy
, the ancient practice of divining with dice. Tibetan Buddhists use a set of three dice made from conch shells to help make daily decisions. Astrologers use a set of 12-sided dice relating to the Zodiac signs. There are I Ching dice with trigrams and yin/yang symbols. And if you’ve ever shaken a Magic 8-Ball and asked it a question, you’ve practiced cleromancy: The responses—“Yes,” “No,” “Ask Again Later,” etc.—are printed on a 20-sided icosahedron.

Though rarely used in games since the Roman Empire, noncubical dice have made a resurgence in the past few decades. They were used for teaching arithmetic before they took the world of gaming by storm, most notably in the role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons. For that story, roll your way over to page 318.

Here are more tips on applying the traditional Chinese principles of
Feng Shui
to your “reading room.” In the East, as in the West, people like to go with the flow (of
ch’i
)! (Part I is on page 193.)

Y
OU’VE LOST THAT FENG SHUI FEELING
• Your house’s history can influence its
Feng Shui
. Was the previous owner a successful person who moved into a nicer house? Or did they lose money, or suffer family problems, illness, or even death? Their experiences—positive or negative—made an impact on the Feng Shui of your house that may linger to this day.

• Feng Shui is a finite resource that can be depleted over time. Were the previous owners of your bathroom blessed with good luck? They may have used it all up, leaving little for you to enjoy.

• If you suspect that your bathroom is down in the dumps, here’s a little trick to help freshen things up. Soak nine citrus peels—orange, lemon, and lime peels work well—in a bowl of water overnight. Then pour the water into a spray bottle and give the bathroom a good squirting, paying special attention to the floors. This is the Feng Shui equivalent of a dog marking its territory: Any bad spirits that are lurking in your bathroom will be forced to leave.

• Another technique is to make loud noises in the bathroom (so to speak). This establishes your presence and scares away any ghosts of previous owners who may still be lurking. The Chinese use firecrackers, but banging a metal pot and lid together should work just as well without the risk of burning down the house.

• Big doors should be reserved for big rooms. The bathroom door, because it opens onto a smaller room, should be small. The thinking is that if the door is too big, people will be drawn in and will spend too much time in there, either to indulge their vanity in front of the mirror or because the poor Feng Shui is making them ill. Either way, you can’t use the bathroom if there’s a crowd of
people in there. If you suspect your bathroom door has turned the room into an attractive nuisance, hang a mirror or picture just outside the bathroom to pull visitors back out again.

• Doors that don’t get a lot of use—“dead” doors—can be the source of argument in the home. If you have a bathroom closet that’s used to store items that are only taken out once in a while, you might want to consider moving the items to another closet and replacing them with items that will be used regularly, such as towels. Hanging a mirror on the unused door is another solution.

• Keep your bathroom door’s hinges oiled so the door opens without squeaking, and plane the edge of the door if it sticks. A squeaky door can upset the bathroom’s
ch’i
, and the stress of having to force a door open can disturb the user’s ch’i, harming the sense of well-being and even damaging their health.

• Believe it or not,
white
is the color of mourning in China, and the idea of painting any room in the house the color of death is considered very bad luck—the occupants may be made ill by it. But that doesn’t mean you need to repaint or re-tile; just be sure to fill the bathroom with as many bright, colorful objects—towels, shower curtains, bath mats, decorative soaps—as possible.

• If you’re planning to repaint your bathroom, colors that are conducive to good Feng Shui are red (the color of happiness, warmth, and strength), green (the color of spring), and yellow (the color of the sun). Blue’s not bad…but it’s not too good, either.

• The presence of water is thought to attract money, and because of this many companies in China take special care to locate their places of business within view of lakes, rivers, and the sea. Those that are unable to do so often install fish tanks in their offices, and some companies even make a point of assigning employees who deal directly with money to offices next to the restrooms.

• You can put this moneymaking power of Feng Shui to work for you. Where do you pay your bills? Move your table nearer to the bathroom. Do you play poker? Put the poker table as close to the bathroom as you can, and make a point of excusing yourself from the game often to wash your hands.

Here’s a look at three remarkable bras
.

G
UN BRA
Inventor:
Paxton Quigley, a Beverly Hills security consultant to the stars

Product:
The Super-Bra, “the world’s first combined brassiere and gun holster.”

How it Works:
The bra contains two extra compartments, one large enough to hold a .38 caliber snub-nosed revolver, and a second that holds a can of pepper spray for additional protection. “If a woman is attacked, her purse is the first thing taken from her, so she needs a backup,” Quigley says. “A good place to conceal a weapon is the chest area. Women like its ease of access.”

Agency:
The
Bundespolizei
, or German federal police force

Product:
A “police bra” made to be worn under bulletproof vests

How it Works:
The bra isn’t notable so much for what it has as for what it lacks: it has no underwire inserts, and no metal or plastic fasteners, either. Why? Because these features can cause bodily harm and even death when worn under a bulletproof vest. When a bullet strikes a vest, it does so with enough force to drive any rigid parts of the bra
into
the wearer’s body. The bra recently became standard issue to all 3,000 female federal police officers in Germany.

Company:
Triumph International Japan

Product:
The
NO! Reji-Bukuro Bra
(No! Shopping Bag Bra)

How it Works:
Created in response to a strict new environmental law that discourages the use of disposable plastic shopping bags, the
NO! Reji-Bukuro Bra
is a padded bra with a purpose: the padding in the bra pulls out and can be used to convert the undergarment into a shopping bag. Bonus: The bras are made from polyester fiber recycled from plastic bottles.

Sometimes, tragically, in the middle of shooting a movie, an actor dies. It’s actually happened many times. So what’s a director to do? Turns out they have quite a few options
.

A
ctor:
Oliver Reed
Movie:
Gladiator
(2000)
Story:
Reed had a well-earned reputation as an extremely heavy drinker and partygoer, and he died the way he lived. While shooting
Gladiator
on the island of Malta in 1999, he went to a bar and reportedly drank three bottles of rum, eight bottles of beer, and several shots of whiskey. At the end of the night, Reed, 61, dropped dead from a heart attack. Most of his scenes had been shot, but for the few that weren’t, director Ridley Scott used a body double and then, using digital technology, placed Reed’s face on the stand-in’s body (they were fight scenes). Cost of the re-creation: $3 million.
Gladiator
was released in 2000 and won the Academy Award for Best Picture.

Actor:
Frank Morgan

Movie:
Annie Get Your Gun
(1950)

Story:
Morgan (best known as the Wizard in
The Wizard of Oz
) was cast as Wild West legend Buffalo Bill Cody in the screen version of this Broadway musical. Just days into filming, Morgan died and was replaced by Louis Calhern. But in the scene where Buffalo Bill first rides into town, when the audience sees Cody from a distance, the actor on horseback is Morgan. The actor in the close-up—and from then on—is Calhern.

Actor:
Heath Ledger

Movie:
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
(2009)

Story:
Ledger died at the age of 28 in 2008, under the influence of a range of sleeping pills and antidepressants. At the time, he was on a break from shooting
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
, a fantasy about a magical traveling theater show. Director Terry Gilliam decided to keep going. The movie’s premise, in which Ledger’s character travels through different worlds, was adapted so
that the character’s
appearance
could change as well. Ledger’s friends Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell split the role between them (and donated their salaries to Ledger’s three-year-old daughter, Matilda).

Actor:
John Candy

Movie:
Wagons East
! (1994)

Story:
While filming the comic western in March 1994, the 43-year-old actor suffered a heart attack and died in his sleep in a hotel in Mexico. Almost all of Candy’s scenes had been completed, so director Peter Markle used a body double for the remaining footage.
Wagons East
! was released later that year and bombed with critics and audiences.

Actor:
Bela Lugosi

Movie:
Plan 9 From Outer Space
(1959)

Story:
Plan 9
is often called the worst film ever made, but Director Ed Wood was able to hire horror movie icon Bela Lugosi because the actor was 73, past his prime, addicted to morphine, and up for anything that paid. Wood cast Lugosi as “the Ghoul Man.” After compiling just a few minutes of footage (with no dialogue because Wood hadn’t actually written the script yet), Lugosi died of a heart attack. Not wanting to lose out on the publicity from having a recently departed screen legend in his film, Wood shot the rest of
Plan 9
with Tom Mason, a Los Angeles chiropractor, standing in for Lugosi. To account for the two men looking nothing alike, in all of his scenes, Mason held a black cape over his face.

Actor:
River Phoenix

Movie:
Dark Blood

Story:
In the fall of 1993, Phoenix (
Stand By Me
,
My Own Private Idaho)
was shooting
Dark Blood
, portraying a man who lived alone on a nuclear testing site and spent his time making strange dolls. With 11 days left to go on the production, Phoenix, then 23 years old, overdosed on cocaine and heroin, and died on the sidewalk outside The Viper Room, a Los Angeles nightclub. There were too many pivotal scenes left to shoot, so producers completely scrapped the movie.