Read Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader Online
Authors: Bathroom Readers Institute
Uncle John’s Unstoppable Bathroom Reader (55 page)
HOBO LINGO
Accommodation car:
The caboose of a train
Banjo:
A small portable frying pan
Big House:
Prison
Bindle stick:
A small bundle of belongings tied up in a scarf, handkerchief, or blanket hanging from a walking stick
Bull:
A railroad cop (also called a “cinder dick”)
Cannonball:
A fast train
Chuck a dummy:
Pretend to faint
Cover with the moon:
Sleep out in the open
Cow crate:
A railroad stock car
Crums:
Lice (also called “gray backs” and “seam squirrels”)
Doggin’ it:
Traveling by bus
Easy mark:
A hobo sign, or “mark,” that identifies a person or place where one can get food and a place to stay overnight
Food fights? Most arguments in the home take place in the kitchen.
Honey dipping:
Working with a shovel in a sewer
Hot:
A hobo wanted by the law
Knowledge box:
A schoolhouse, where hobos sometimes sleep
Moniker:
Nickname
Road kid:
A young hobo who apprentices himself to an older hobo in order to learn the ways of the road
Rum dum:
A drunkard
Snipes:
Other people’s cigarette butts (O.P.C.B.); “snipe hunting” is to go looking for butts
Spear biscuits:
To look for food in garbage cans
Yegg:
The lowest form of hobo—he steals from other hobos
HOBO ROAD SIGNS
Wherever they went, hobos left simple drawings, or “marks,” chalked on fence posts, barns, and railroad buildings. These signs were a secret code giving fellow knights of the road helpful tips or warnings.
“Angel food” found here—you have to sit through a sermon to get it. | |
This homeowner has a gun—run! | |
Beware of the “bone polisher” (a mean dog). | |
It’s safe to camp here. | |
The people who live here are rich (a silk hat and a pile of gold). | |
Be prepared to defend yourself. | |
Townspeople don’t want you here—keep moving! | |
Police around here don’t like hoboes (handcuffs). |
Can you taste them? The secret recipe for Dr Pepper is said to contain 23 fruit flavors.
Better living through bathroom technology
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NVASIVE ADVERTISING
Company:
Captive View (Britain)
Product:
Viewrinal, a “digital display for the washroom”
How It Works:
It’s actually a urinal with a TV built into it—one that shows nothing but 30-second commercials. As of August 2003, the company had installed 150 Viewrinals in the men’s rooms of bars, clubs, and movie theaters all over Britain, serving an audience estimated at 400,000 viewers per month.
So why would any company want to pitch their product
there
? “Viewrinals offer a captive audience to advertisers,” the company explains, “and they have the ability to target the elusive 18–30 age group in a trendy environment using cutting-edge technology.”
Not to Be Confused With:
Picturinal—the urinal billboard that talks. “The motion-activated picture frames are positioned above urinals in soccer stadiums. Once triggered, the frame speaks its message—to its now-captured audience.”
RISE TO THE OCCASION
Company:
Urilift (Holland)
Product:
The Urilift, the world’s first telescoping “pop-up” urinal
How It works:
The Urilift is intended to address the problem of public urination without being too much of an eyesore. During the day when it’s in the closed position and not in use, the Urilift looks like a manhole cover built into the sidewalk. But at night, when the bars are open, all a city worker has to do is walk past the manhole cover with a remote control, and voila! Up out of the ground pops an open-air,
pissoir-
style urinal that’s about six feet tall and can accommodate three people at a time. Then in the morning when the bars are closed, drinkers have gone home, and respectable people don’t want to look at a public urinal, the Urilift sinks back into the ground and disappears out of sight.
SPIN CYCLE
Company:
TheCleanSeat.com
(United States)
A lifetime of bathroom reading: In the early 15th century, Chinese scholars compiled an 11,095-volume encyclopedia.
Product:
Universal Clean Seat
How It Works:
Picture a toilet seat that is perfectly circular instead of the traditional oval shape. If the Universal Clean Seat is dirty, you just wave your hand over a special sensor. A cleaning tool then pops out of the back of the seat, makes contact with the toilet seat ring and spins it like a phonograph record for 15 seconds, during which time it washes, disinfects, and dries the seat.
THE POT THICKENS
Company:
TravelJohn Products, Inc. (United States)
Product:
Personal Disposable Urinal Pouch
How It Works:
“Our revolutionary patented
Liqsorb
pouch absorbs, deodorizes and disinfects while it solidifies liquids instantly into an odorless, spill-proof gel that won’t leak! A specially-designed spill guard prevents back flow, and a unisex adapter makes it perfect for that much needed relief—whether sitting or standing. Reusable until it’s full.”