Under Ground (29 page)

“I can’t,” I say, my voice
shaking.

“I know. You don’t need to
explain.”

He sits next to me, with his back
against the headboard, and he pulls me to him with concern. He
presses my head against his chest as he caresses my hair, softly. I
sigh in relief. I’m not sure I could have taken the blame if he
hadn't understood.

I’m tired of William hurting us
over and over again. I’m so mad at him that my heart aches. But I’m
even more upset with myself.
Why do I let him hurt me so?
Even when he’s not here. I want to forget, to let it go, but the
constant rage inside me just won’t let me. All the things I wanted
to tell him, to yell at him—that I never was his property, that I
never gave him permission to touch me, that he had no right to
force himself on me—all the words died on my lips before I could
shout them in William's face, and now they are coming back to haunt
me.

My repressed emotions drive a deep
wail from my throat. I lift my face to the ceiling and let a
guttural sound escape my mouth, more animalistic than human. I grab
my face with my hands and let the tears come out hard, pouring and
melting like lava down my cheeks, turning my hopes to ashes. I’m
never going to feel better. I’m never going to be okay.

“Shhh.” Chi rocks me in his arms.
“Thia, we’re okay. As long as we are together, we’ll be fine.” But
Chi has repeated this so many times before that I’m starting to
doubt it.

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry!” I feel
so hopeless. Desolation crushes me like an anchor.

Chi is clearly worried, but
different emotions are flickering through his eyes now. I identify
them almost instantly: resentment and anger. Chi is furious, and
William is the object of that wrath. The line of Chi's jaw is
tightly set, his lips pursed with rage. He's shaking his head, his
face clouded with dark feelings.

He leans over the edge of the bed
to grab my shirt. He asks me to lift my arms so he can help me put
it on. When I'm dressed, he kisses the crown of my head and lies
down on the bed again, pulling me to him. He looks up straight at
the ceiling and doesn’t say anything. I snuggle against him. I
can’t stop weeping. He caresses my hair as I cry myself to
sleep.

Somewhere in my slumber, I hear a
light murmur in my ear. “I love you so much, Thia. William will
never hurt you again! I will kill him myself if he ever tries to
touch you again!”

His lips brush my temple in a
delicate kiss, just as I whisper “I love you” and darkness takes
over for the rest of the night.

***

When I touch the
pillow
next to me the following
day,
Chi is no longer in bed. The sounds of running water
coming from the bathroom tell me he hasn't gone far. Then footsteps
hit the living room floor before he opens the door to our bedroom,
wearing nothing but pants. He's put a new bandage on his arm and
he's shaved. His chest is still bruised in some areas where he got
kicked. His hair is wet, darker than usual, making him look so good
that it hurts just to glance at him. His face splits into a grin of
mischief and I know it’s directed at me. I’m not sure what I did
that seems so amusing to him. Last night remains a blur. I had that
dream where I told him I loved him.

Chi looks like he has won the
lottery. His eyes sparkle at me playfully, and his mouth spreads
into a larger smile, beaming, but he doesn’t say anything. He runs
his eyes all over me, devouring me whole with renewed force. He's
reinvigorated, joyful. I bite on my index finger and smile back at
him. A blush rises to my cheeks.

He comes to the bed, bends over,
and kisses me fully on the mouth. Then he pulls back and gives me
another kiss, a soft one this time. He grabs a duffel bag and
rummages through it to find a black tank top that he puts on. It’s
slightly tight on him, but he manages to look gorgeous in
it.

I jump out of bed, grab some
clothes, and head to the bathroom. I inspect myself in the mirror.
I’ve lost weight. I look tired, but my face is glowing. I take my
clothes off, step into the tub, turn on the water, and grab the
showerhead to spray my face. The cold drops make my body tense up.
It’s been hot in the building for days, so the coolness feels good
against my skin. I clean myself and wash my hair.

When I’m done, I get out of the
tub, dry myself, and put on one of my school uniforms. When I exit
the bathroom, Chi walks up to me. He takes my hand in his, and we
head out of the apartment. We join the others in the dining room
where we have breakfast every morning. We grab some cereal and some
powdered milk—all brought here from Taylor's personal reserve—and
sit at the table.

Taylor and Kayla are standing to
the side, caught in a heated conversation. They’re arguing through
clenched teeth while trying to keep their voices low. Apparently,
Taylor doesn’t want Kayla to come to the camp with us, and she’s
upset he’s being so macho about it.

"I'm just concerned about you,
babe. I can't do the job if I have to worry that you'll be in
danger," he tells her.

Kayla narrows her eyes at him. "I
guess I'm not supposed to worry about you," she hisses, with her
arms crossed over her chest. "Double standards much? Every time you
leave to meet the other leaders, you're risking your life out
there. But my feelings don't mean shit to you."

Taylor frowns at that. "I don't
have a choice, Kayla!"

I cast Chi a quick glance. He’s
eating and focusing on his cereal, pretending nothing's going on.
After a few angry words, Kayla pushes Taylor away and storms out of
the room. He just stands there, dumbfounded for a second, his arms
dropping to the sides of his body. Then he shakes his head, rolls
his eyes, and is quick to recover. He acts as if nothing has
happened and joins us at the table.

“I think everyone should rest this
morning and resume practice in the afternoon," he says. "It's been
an exhausting week and we need our strength if we want to make it
to the camp.”

Chi nods but doesn’t respond.
After that, Taylor doesn’t try to engage in conversation again.
When we’re done with breakfast, we stand up and head back to our
apartment.

“What are we going to do this
morning?” I ask Chi as we step into our living room.

“I’ve wanted to show you
something,” he says, pulling me to the bay window. “Look, the river
seems so peaceful. I like to look at it and relax.”

I follow him. When I’m close
enough, he wraps me in his arms as I stand in front of him. He
rests his chin on my shoulder and kisses my neck. I look outside
the window. The sight really is beautiful. The current flows around
the building in an everlasting movement. We remain like this, with
me warm and comfortable in his arms, and silence surrounds
us.

That’s how we see it—a motorboat
making its way toward the building.
Why would someone come here
with such a loud, conspicuous boat?
We watch as it approaches
closer, and we wait until we know for sure that it's a civilian and
not patrol officers. Then Chi takes my hand and leads me to the
entrance of the apartment. But when we open the door, James is
standing right there. His presence surprises me so much that I
almost topple backward.

“Thia, could you come with me for
a minute?" he asks. "There’s something Taylor wants to talk to you
about.”

He's secretive, and when Chi
starts following us, James interferes. “It’s okay, man, you can
wait here. Taylor would like to talk to Thia alone.”

Chi's eyes narrow, but he doesn’t
protest. I look back at him. He shrugs though his forehead has
turned into a deep frown. I follow James through the hall and turn
around to see Chi closing the door to our apartment, his
aggravation clear.

James leads me to a condo I've
never been to before. We get in and the scene inside shocks me into
standing still. Taylor is upset, with anger visible on his face,
almost seeping through the pores of his skin. He’s holding someone
by the collar, pinning him against the wall.
What's going on in
here?
Taylor suddenly pushes the person back, hard. He gives
him a shove and the person comes into view—William.

William is here!

I take one step back and lock eyes
with him. It looks like Taylor has roughed him up a bit.
Good!

Taylor turns to me again, hissing
like a snake, “Thia, why the hell is he here?”

I freeze, shocked into silence.
Surely he doesn’t believe I led William here! I’m so shaken up that
I can’t speak. But Taylor’s voice comes out, harsh.
“Thia?”

“I...” I begin. “I don’t
know.”

“I told you. Thia didn’t invite me
here,” William interrupts.

Taylor is out of control; he grabs
William by the throat and glares at him with vitriol. “Don’t you
open your mouth again, or I’ll remove your jaw!”

I look at them both, my eyes
darting between them. I’ve regained a bit of control over myself. I
don’t know why or how William got here, but I want some answers
too.

“Please, let him talk, Taylor," I
say. "Why are you here?” I ask William.

“When Chi escaped, the authorities
knew he got help from the inside and they found the leak really
quickly,” William explains.

“Yeah, we already knew that,"
Taylor snarls, raving with rage. "Thanks for the useless piece of
information, asshole! We don’t have all day. How did you get
here?”

Panic crosses William’s face. He
starts talking, fast, “They linked the leak to Bryan Harris. My
family has ties with the authorities. I managed to get an audience
with Harris. He was really hard to crack. I had to threaten him,
but after a while, he gave in and told me where to find
you.”

“What?” Taylor shakes his head
with disbelief and obvious distaste. “Damn it!”

“
He refused to reveal anything
else though. I don't think the authorities know where you
are.”

“Well, he opened up to you. That’s
bad enough. Is there anyone I can trust in this damn
Underground?”

I’ve had enough of his
interruptions, so I kindly ask Taylor to please shut up. “Can I
have a moment alone with William, please?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? After
what he did to you! After he attacked you and tried to rape you! I
don’t think so, Thia. I’m staying here. James, get out and guard
the door. Don't tell the others anything and don't let Chi in here
yet.”

I look at William, and wrath wraps
itself around my heart upon remembering what he did to my mother.
The anger steams through my veins, fogging up my brain. I lose all
control.

“You betrayed me!” I yell at
him.

He looks like I just punched him
in the jaw, and his shock brings me pleasure.

“
I could understand your betraying
Chi and trying to get back at me," I snarl at him. "But you took it
out on my mother! She was taken away! Do you understand what that
means? Do you understand what could happen to her?”

I’m fuming with rage now.
Everything that William did to me is surfacing. The words I didn’t
dare speak to him are making their way up my throat, pushing
against my tongue to be let out. My whole body starts shaking. I
can’t help myself.

I take a step toward William and
grab his shoulders. I shake him as hard as I can and he just stands
there, startled by my behavior. The sweet, calm Thia he thought he
knew is gone. Instead, a banshee has taken her place and he doesn’t
seem to know how to react. He looks at me as though I’m hurting his
feelings, and some sick, sadistic joy fills my heart. I want to
damage him, so badly he can never get up.

“I…” he starts.

I think he’s about to cry, but
that would be unlike him. William is a cold person; he doesn't have
feelings for anyone but himself. His eyes wet slowly, but I
couldn't care less how he feels. I want to hurt him so much that I
don’t know how I manage to restrain myself from ripping his face
off. I’ve never felt so much hatred for anyone before, and the
violence of it scares me. I shake my head and push him away
violently. He stumbles backward, and his back hits the
wall.

“Go away!” I shout. "Get out of
here! I never want to see your face again."

He takes a step toward me, which
upsets me even more.

“Go away, you coward!” I scream at
him while shoving him again. I turn my back on him and start
walking out, but he runs after me. Taylor reacts and stands between
us.

I'm holding the doorknob when
William speaks again, “Thia, wait! I know how to get into the camps
safely.”

I stop in my tracks and freeze. I
turn around in time to see Taylor gawk at William with confusion
and horror on his face.

“What did you just say?” I
ask.

“I know how to get into the
camps,” he repeats.

“How did you know about that?” I
ask.

“Oh shit, Bryan told you, didn’t
he?” Taylor exclaims, shaking his head.

“No, he didn’t. I asked about your
plans, but he refused to answer. I know Chi’s parents weren’t put
in a regular prison, and I figured that he might be trying to reach
them. That’s what I'd do if I were him. If I managed to figure it
out, you can be sure the authorities have also, and the camps will
be harder to break into.”