Under the Cornerstone (43 page)

Some of the tension leaves her. I pull back enough to look at her face so I can gauge where she’s at. She’s looking at her shoes.

“Noe?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Baby, talk to me,” I ask her.

She sighs and looks around us as though she’s just noticing all the other people out here. She looks back up at me with her big blue eyes, “You’ve been calling me ‘baby’ lately.”

I get nervous, “I thought we were talking about Leo here.”

She searches my eyes, but I don’t know what she’s looking for and I’m afraid to show her too much.

“You usually call me Noely baby. You’ve never just called me baby,” she says.

“I’m sorry,” I try to save myself.

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you sorry?” she asks.

“I didn’t know it upset you,” I answer and the panic starts to rise.

She won’t leave you.

“It doesn’t upset me,” she smiles and looks away. “I like it when you call me that.”

I think I just forgot how to breathe.

“The way you look at me when you call me that… I like the way it makes me feel,” she continues.

Breathe man.

“Noe?”

She looks back up into my eyes and smiles sweetly.

“I’m safe,” she says.

“Yeah. You’re safe now.”

“I wasn’t though.”

“No. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“That’s just it. I should’ve felt safe when I beat his ass, but I didn’t. I paced the side of that long ass bus waiting to feel safe. I was waiting for you Johnny. I wasn’t safe until you put your hands on me,” she says.

I close my eyes, afraid to look into hers, so I don’t hope for something that isn’t there.

“Noe,” is all I can manage. “I’ll always keep you safe.”

“Why did you close your eyes?” she asks softly and her hand comes up to touch my cheek.

I instinctively turn my face into her palm.

“Open your eyes,” she whispers.

I shake my head. She’ll leave me. The panic rises.

“I’m not leaving, Johnny. Breathe easy.”

I nod, but still don’t open my eyes.

“I still love you,” she says.

“Noe.”

“Do you still love me? Because, it took me a while to realize it, but I can’t stand the thought of you loving someone else. I can’t stand the thought that you may not love me anymore, and that we won’t ever be what I thought we’d finally be when we were in Calif…”

I cut her off and press my lips to hers. I don’t want her thinking about California. I don’t want her to think about the day I walked out on her and that I left her screaming and begging for me. I want her to think about now and everything she just said.

I hold her face in my hands and slip my tongue past her lips. I start off slow and relish in her taste. It’s been too long. I deepen the kiss and show her I still love her. Her hands inch up my stomach slowly until they reach my neck. She rests her hands there while I hold her beautiful face in mine.

“Holy shit,” Jimmy says louder than he should, but he’s Jimmy.

“Nuh-uh,” Ryan says in disbelief.

“Get it, Johnny,” someone else says.

“You lucky motherfucker,” someone else says.

I flip that comment off, which causes everybody to laugh, but I return the hand to Noely and keep kissing her. I could do this all night. I could do this for the rest of my life. I hope I get to do this for the rest of my life.

“Get a room,” Rich yells.

I take his cue and reach down to pull her up my body. Her legs circle my waist and then I take us to the bus as my fellow rockers cheer us on. I climb the stairs without breaking the kiss, and take her to my bunk. I push her against the row of bunks and swallow her moans.

I break the kiss and look at her, “I love you Noe. Goddamn, I’ve never stopped loving you. I haven’t been with anyone since I was last with you. I stopped trying to replace you. Can’t you see how much I love you?”

She smiles, “As much as I love you?”

“I sure as fuck hope so,” I swallow hard.

“Then take your clothes off,” she says.

I set her down on the floor quickly and rip my shirt over my head. I do not need to be told twice. She pulls at my jeans and then pushes them down.

I press a gentle kiss to her lips, “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too.”

I pull her shirt over her head, and then stop her from taking her jeans off. I lean in and softly kiss her again as I finish undressing her. I push my briefs down and while I’m bent slightly at the waist, I scoop her into my arms and tuck her into my bunk. Climbing in between her, I lean down and kiss her again, never tiring of how she feels in my mouth.

She reaches down and grabs me, rubbing me up and down her clit.

“Shit,” I moan.

I realize I didn’t put a condom on, “Hold on.” I reach out of the bunk for my jeans and hope there’s one in my wallet.

“Stop,” she halts me.

“I need to get…”

She pushes my head into her entrance.

“Fuck, Noely.”

“I love you,” she whispers and places kisses along my jawline.

She runs her hands down my back and presses her hands into my ass to force me further inside.

“Easy,” I tell her.

She’s so fucking tight. I know we’ve done this before, but I don’t want to hurt her. I’m pretty sure it’s been just as long for her as it has been for me.

“I wasn’t safe without you,” she says with tears in her eyes.

“Shh, I’m here now baby. I’ve got you.”

“I know,” she replies and my chest fucking aches at her words.

She knows I’ve got her. She finally knows.

I take my time getting seated inside of her, making sure I stretch her a little more each time I push in.

We whisper back and forth. I say all the things I’ve ever wanted to say to her and she says everything I ever wanted to hear and more. I hate that Leo did this to her. I hate that another man tried to hurt her, but I’d secretly like to thank him for being an idiot. His idiocy made my girl realize how strong she is, and then it made her realize that I am her home just as much as she is mine.

Home is supposed to be full of people who love you. Sometimes they’ll hurt you, but only because they’re close enough to do so. They only have that power because love makes you so goddamn vulnerable. Sometimes we’re even guilty of being the ones who hurt loved ones, and most of the time it isn’t willingly or even intentional. Sometimes it’s because you want what’s best for someone you love. Still, hurt goes hand-in-hand with love.

I realize as I move inside of her that the Noely I slept with a year and a half ago isn’t the same Noely that’s lying beneath me. She’s been hurt and abandoned her entire life. We, mainly I, ran her life for her and she let us because she was afraid to do it. Then one day, when I hurt her, she took back control. I didn’t relinquish that control easily. I didn’t like the way it felt to have the rug pulled out from under me. I didn’t like the distance and the constant heartache, but it all led to her.

I’m inside of her now and she loves me. She’s not going to leave me, because she’s strong. So fucking strong, and it took a year and a half for her to work out twenty-seven-years’ worth of pain. Some of that pain I’m responsible for, but I can’t regret it. I never meant to hurt her, but all my mistakes, all the misunderstandings, all the half-spoken truths, brought us here to this moment. She doesn’t give groupies a second look, hell, she treats them with respect. She lives with me every day on the road chasing down this dream that is just as much hers as it is ours. She’s been in my arms every day, and now she’s underneath me because Leo made her realize she was a bad ass bitch who could beat a man to death with a chair. He also made her realize I was her safe place and that she didn’t want me to love anyone else. While I still want to see her filet him with a butter knife, I secretly want to thank him for what he gave us both today.

Each other.

“I love you, Noely. I’ve always loved you,” I tell her.

“And I’ve always loved you. Since the day you washed glue out of my hair,” she pants.

“Come, baby.”

I continue to work inside of her, but I’m not sure how much longer I can last. Going bare feels too fucking good.

“Come inside me,” she begs and then her eyes close as she calls out my name.

Her pussy clenches around me, pulling every ounce of me from the depths of my balls. I spill inside her as I whisper how much I love her.

I fall on top of her, but shift some of my weight onto my elbow. I lean down and place kisses all over her face.

She sighs and gives me a half-smile.

“You’re not freaking out on me,” I tease her.

“You want me to?” she lifts a brow.

“No. I just want to do that again, very soon.”

“Every day,” she adds.

“Twice a day,” I reply.

“But what if I want it more?” she asks.

“Then I’ll fuck you until you can’t walk,” I say and press a kiss on the tip of her nose.

“Shit. Then I’ll have to get a leg cast too,” she says and we both burst into laughter.

“Jenny only does that shit if you fuck her in the ass,” I remind her.

“I’ll buy a strap-on,” she says causing me to laugh even harder.

“How much longer are you going to let Jimmy play his fake broken leg game?” I ask her.

“Until the very last moment. I’m having too much fun pushing him around,” she giggles. “I bought some itch powder the other day. I can’t figure out how to get it into his cast without him knowing.”

I laugh some more and then silence grows between us for a while as we recover.

“Will you stay with me forever?” I ask.

“Well… maybe,” she answers.

“Maybe?” I raise my eyebrows at her.

“What if you start balding?” she asks.

“What if
you
start balding?” I throw back at her.

“I can wear all sorts of beautiful wigs. You can’t. You might be a rock star, but even you can’t pull off a wig,” she answers.

“What if you get fat?” I ask her.

“Then strap my ass to the treadmill,” she replies and once again I’m laughing my ass off.

“What if your dick stops working?”

“They make pills for that.”

“What if those don’t work?”

“I’ll pay to have a scientist make another pill that works.”

“Good answer. Then, I guess… yes, I’ll stay with you forever,” she finishes sweetly.

I look down at her, “Forever?”

“Yeah, just don’t start balding.”

“I love you Noe.”

“I love you.”

“You motherfuckers still bumping uglies?” Ray shouts from the front of the bus.

“Nope, but we’re naked as the day we were born,” Noe answers.

“Great. I’m glad you guys waited on me. I’ll take over from here, Rome.”

“Where’s that butter knife?” I ask her and she falls into a fit of laughter.

I woke up in the middle of the night and immediately knew I was alone, so I slid out of my bunk and went in search of Noe. I find her in the living area watching television, but she doesn’t really look like she’s paying attention. There’s a faraway look in her eye.

“Noe, baby,” I call out to her.

She brings her eyes to me and comes back to the present with a small smile on her lips.

“Couldn’t sleep?” I ask.

“Woke up, couldn’t go back to sleep,” she answers.

I pick her up and sit where she is, and then place her in my lap.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Under the cornerstone,” she says with a confused look on her face. “You said it the day you left Brooklyn for the tour.

I kiss her shoulder and tuck my face into her neck, so I can hide how pathetic I am when it comes to her, “I buried my love for you a long time ago, Noe. I didn’t think I would ever be the right man for you. For me there was always this intersection between a lifelong friendship and how I really felt about you. I stood at that intersection for a long fucking time, not sure which way to turn. I was buried under the cornerstone, waiting for… I don’t know what I was waiting on, but I was. I stopped standing in that intersection the night you didn’t show up for our going away party. I didn’t mean for it to happen, I didn’t mean for the fucking brick in the cornerstone to crack when it did, but it happened. Even after everything we’ve been through, I can’t be sorry it happened the way it did. We’re both here now, and there’s no intersection.”

Í hear her sniffle and try to pull my head from her neck so I can see her face, but her hand comes to the back of my head and holds me in place.

“Noe, don’t cry, baby.”

“They’re happy tears, Johnny love. I stood at that intersection for a long time too, but I think we both needed to go through all of that shit to be who we are now. We needed the brick in the cornerstone to crack and for our love to drift in the wind so we could be who we are now with each other. I wasn’t the woman for you until now,” she says.

“You’ve always been the woman for me.”

“No, but I am now though,” she replies.

“I fell in love with you in high school,” I confess.

“I fell in love with you when you threw a bottle of glue in that bitch’s hair,” she chuckles.

“I love you, Noe. I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Johnny. Take me back to bed.”