Underworld (Dark Passage) (4 page)

You are going crazy. You’ll never get out of here and
end up rotting in these tunnels. Who cares about you
anyway? Do you really think anyone would miss you?
I put my hands over my ears and squeeze my eyes
shut. A flood of emotion comes and my legs feel as
though they will betray me and sink to the floor.

It’s not
real and you must keep going
. My mind is
racing now with thoughts- both good and bad and it
feels as though I am spinning out of control. Tears
spring to my eyes and I stumble forward.

“Someone. Anyone. Please help me”. I whisper to
no one in particular. No one can hear me in this
forsaken place. I wish that someone had come along.
If there was someone with me then my mind would
not be playing tricks on me. It can’t be tricks can it
?
The putrid smell is no illusion so it must not be my
mind playing tricks on me.
You can do this. You
have faced horrible things and somehow come out on
the other side. You will get through this too. You are
close to the other side now. Just a little bit further to
go and you will be out.
I pinch myself and the pain
on my arm is immediate. I focus my mind on
listening for the footsteps.

I stop, and strain my eyes in the darkness, to see
ahead. I think I see something dart across the tunnel
ahead of me. I try and slow my breathing down and
suck in air through my mouth and exhale through my
nose. It really doesn’t help and it feels as though I am
hyperventilating in this putrid air.

Out of the darkness there is smoky mist forming. I
try and focus on what is ahead and a figure
materializes out of the mist. It is about seven feet tall
and hovers above the ground. The long, sinewed
arms and webbed hands look unnatural in size. The
figure has eyes, the color of fire, peering out of a
hood. The fire of the eyes, illuminate a grey face that
is dwarfed by a sinister grin. It feels as though the
eyes are burning into me. There is something trying to
get inside my head. I try and clear my mind and
eradicate the fear. It must not know I am afraid.

Paralyzed by horror I am unable to move. I stare into
the hood and meeting the penetrating gaze full on.
The smell of sulphur and vomit hang in the air and it
takes all my will to keep the bread in my stomach
down.

I had forgotten about the footsteps behind me and am
taken by surprise when a powerful arm curls around
my waist. I am yanked backward, and a large hand
cups my mouth, and prevents me from screaming. I
pull at the hand but the pressure of the hold is
suffocating me. I am frozen by fear for a moment and
then the adrenaline finally kicks in and I began to
kick and fight. The arm around me tightens and I
struggle for air.
My mind flashes with images of Jeff
and then everything is dark.

My eyes slowly open, and wander around, trying to
figure out where I am at. The pounding in my head is
making my vision blurred and it’s nearly impossible
to focus on anything. I find myself in a world of dark
shapes, eerie looking trees and there are rows of
twisted elms in the distance. It appears to be night, as
the sky above is dark. There is a sliver of moonlight
shining through the darkness and I am surprised
because I didn’t expect there to be a sky or any life
here. The otherworld seems to mirror the geography
of where I came from-only muted.

The wind is whipping through the tree that is near
where I am lying. I strain my ears to listen for sounds
but it is eerily quiet. Off to the side I catch something
moving out of the corner of my eye. Two burning
eyes are peering out at me from the foliage and the
hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I can
make out the bulk of a creature, crouched low and
just hidden from my view. Then it moves. I hear the
foliage crackle and see the weeds sway as the creature
moves stealthily forward. A huge black dog steps out
of the brush and meets my gaze. There is an instant
connection of minds that comesthrough as a man’s
voice, very thin and far away.

The asphyxiation in the tunnel must have made me
delirious. Surely this animal is not talking to me? It
feels as though I am having another one of my crazy
dreams, and yet, when I sit up I can feel pain in my
side. I lift my shirt and survey a few choice bruises;
they are a deep purple, with orange on the outer
corners. I’ve never felt pain in a dream before. This
is something out of the ordinary, as far as dreams go.

The dog just stared at me with a hint of annoyance in
his eyes. I canhear the man’s voice again in my mind
but this time it is closer. “I told you we need to move
and we need to do it now. You’ll find out, soon
enough, who I am. If you don’t move now there
won’t be enough of you left to care. Stay here if you
like. You won’t get any complaints from me”.

The authority in the dog orders intrigues me. How
remarkable that some mutt is telling me what to do. I
have always been an animal lover, but this mutt is
over the top, and sarcastic at that. The crystal blue
eyes of the animal challenged me and the sheer size
of its razor sharp teeth are enough to motivate. I
typically am not one to take orders but the mutt has
some good points. Note to self; never trust a snarky
dog again.

My pace quickens as I try and keep up with the mutt.
I am climbing up a hill, and toward the top, I start to
fall backwards; and grab onto a scrub tree. My hair is
clinging to my damp neck and my head is pulsing
with pain. A gust of pungent wind blows past me and
beads of sweat drip off my nose.
I look down, and
there is a decaying rodent in front of me. His eyes
look like twin raisins that have withered in the sun.
My right foot brings me to the top of the hill. I scan
the area far below. It is preternaturally dark with a
grey cast to the sky. Trees and rocks are all I can see
in the distance of this endless wasteland. I become
distinctly aware that there is no fire or brimstone or
burning bodies here as I imagined as a child. It is
eerily quiet and has a sense of impending doom. It
feels like the kind of quiet that lingers in the air just
before a tornado touches down and causes mass
destruction.

A loud booming sound cuts through the haze in my
head and the mutt stops to look over his shoulder.
There is a certain air about him and a mournful
expression in his eyes. It feels almost familiar, in
some strange way. You know, the feeling you
sometimes get, that you have met someone before?

We push on for what seems like miles through a
desolate wasteland of scrub brush, rocks and hills.
The path we are following snakes its way up a steep
slope and vegetation begins to appear. Massive trees,
limbs hanging out like arms, stand like sentinels for
those who have lost their way. The deep woods soon
engulf us and decomposing leaves and the rich smell
of pine is a welcome change. It seems peaceful here
and yet I have the unmistakable sensation that there
are many eyes upon me. I feel like I am looking into
a two way mirror and I know with certainty, that my
every move is being analyzed. I glance over my
shoulder, half expecting to see someone standing
there but I am alone. I try and move soundlessly
through the giant trees. I have always loved the smell
of pine and find comfort walking in the forest.

White and brown specked lichen hold fast to a rotten
stump and I sit down on it to rest.I’d lost sight of the
mutt and reached a fork in the trail. While I had no
way of knowing which way to go it seems the fork to
the left is the easier way to go. It dawns on me that
anyone else on this trail would also take the easier
path and it was likely that the right fork is the best
option. The forest soothed me when life seemed to
become too much. Even so, I can’t shake the feeling
of terror, in anticipation of what is to come. I have
always pushed away my feelings through a boyfriend
or going out drinking but now it’s just me and my
thoughts. It’s not so much the things I did that haunt
me but the things I didn’t do. Courage is doing what
you’re afraid to do, and in it, the end justifies the
means.

As I rise up from the stump I catch sight of a figure.
From about100 feet from where I stand my baby
brother is staring at me. He smiles and the dimples in
his cheeks are just as I remember them. He is 8 years
old again and as alive as the day our father killed him.
He watches me for a moment, turns and scrambles up
the trail. I run after him calling his name and he stops
for a second and our gazes lock. He gives me his
sweet child’s smile and turns again to continue up the
trail. His shock of blonde hair disappears into the
side of a vine covered hill and there is no way for me
to follow.
All my life I’ve been telling myself “It’s done and
over and you need to forget” and it’s only now that
I’m realizing how stupid that is. It’s like telling
myself “Don’t ever think of him again. Don’t be
human. Go on as though nothing happened”. He
came into my life and went much too quickly. His
death left a hole in my heart that I have filled with
hatred for my father. People who are meant to be
together will always find their way back to each
other.

I feel like I have been awakened to a whole new
understanding. My pain has been destroying me
since the day he died. Maybe, it’s ok to walk away,
from the person who broke my heart, and get a new
start. The voices in my mind have always told me I
failed him. I stood there doing nothing and could
have stopped dad from throwing him down the stairs.
That one time I was afraid to react has brought me to
who I am today. The feelings of failure have swirled
around my head like ghosts, telling me I am worthless
and no good. I felt like I deserved whatever
happened to me and that nothing good could ever
come from anything that I did. Jeff is alive and he
smiled at me as though I had done nothing wrong.

The voices from the other realm had tried to tell me
all along but I refused to listen.
It amazes me that I
still believe my upbringing and the things that
happened to me are my fault. There are ambiguous
times, when I put myself in dangerous situations, and
make poor choices simply because of that belief. I
have been hard on myself and couldn’t allow myself a
chance at happiness or even easier life circumstances.
At this moment, I am painfully aware, that I have
lived with the conviction that I don’t deserve anything
good in life. Somehow this place has given me
closure on that chapter of my life. Jeff died in vain,
but it wasn’t my fault, and there is a purpose to my
life.

Somehow I know that it was meant for me to come
here. I don’t know why but I have a keen sense that
the mutt has something to do in all of this.
I try to
remember when I last saw him. It dawns on me that I
don’t know who or what he is. For all I know, he
could be out to kill me. But-if he wanted to do that he
had ample opportunity to do so before now. I feel
like I am at the end of a long tunnel with no way
back. There is no choice but to keep going until I’m
out the other side. I keep to the trail that Jeff was
going up and hope that I will find the dog.

A guilty thought flashes across my mind as I recall
that I am supposed to be looking for Lisa and Davidif that’s at all possible. Before now, I wouldn’t have
given them a second thought, or cared if they lived or
died. I mean, why should I care? Conflicting
emotions arise as I think about them.

The forest explodes with activity and my reflexes
have me on the ground in a moment. Suddenly, a
sharp sickly smell fills my nostrils. There is no
mistaking the smell of blood, and a lot of it. This
place had been said to be a place of savagery and
torture so the smell of death is not unexpected. Who
knows what strange and unknown creatures lurk here.
My heart quickenswith anticipation and I can’t help
but wonder if someone is being butchered.

There are screams coming from the distance and it
sounds as though someone is in great pain. It’s like a
horrible nightmare I had once when I came across
someone being murdered. I stood off to the side
watching as a man was dissected alive and his
agonizing screams are burned into my mind. Bits
and pieces of the nightmare come to me, in vivid
flashes, here and there. Have you ever had the feeling
of Déjà vu? You know, the feeling that you have
been somewhere before? I have this creepy feeling
that I have been in this exact moment before. The
events of the here and now are rolling out like a
movie that has been seen before.

I know instinctively that I must find cover quickly.
My legs somehow take action and I am running
toward the hill where Jeff disappeared. I run up to
some dense brush and there are thorny vines that I
can’t identify making a protective barrier. I know just
where there is an indentation along the hill where I
can inch my way behind the dense brush. I struggle
with the vines and push as close as I can against the
side of the hill as I inch foot by foot sideways.
Within a few moments I can feel an opening behind
me and feel my way down to find out what it is.
There is a hole just big enough for me to squeeze into
and offers visual protection from anyone in the area.
There are rotting leaves inside the shelter and I
somehow know to rub them on me and cocoon myself
into the leaves.

The eerie shadows slowly fade away as daylight
emerges, which is a huge relief, since I assumed it
would always be midnight-black in this place. As the
sound of screaming and groaning moves closer, I start
to wish it was still dark. I am well hidden here but
would feel safer in the cover of darkness. The
piercing scream of a woman rings out.