Unfaded (11 page)

             
I moved forwards along the path until I came across the tiny little paw prints it had left behind. “It’s pure white for camouflage. Come summer it will turn brown to match the forest floor.”

             
“Smart animal,” he said.

             
“I love rabbits,” I said. “When I was little, someone gave me a rabbit’s foot. I cried for weeks. I thought it was horrible that there was a poor little bunny out there missing a paw.”

             
“I never understood why people believe that dead animals bring luck,” he said. I was relieved to hear his answer. When I told Connor that story he complained that I was being too sensitive and that rabbit stew was really tasty.

             
“Connor goes hunting with his father every year,” I said. “They hunt rabbit and deer. I’m always secretly thrilled when they come back empty handed.”

             
“You don’t like hunting?”

             
“I suppose I understand it,” I said. “There’s nothing wrong with hunting if you’re eating the animal you catch. To each their own. I don’t like it when they do it for fun and I can’t stand people who seem to want to stuff animals and put them on their walls. Connor of course thinks I’m stupid. He says it’s better to be the hunter than the hunted. I guess he’s right. But I still feel bad for the jack rabbits. I’m allowed that.”

             
“Absolutely,” he said.

             
We walked on. There were no more animals but we found more prints which Kian wisely said were deer. Soon we turned a bend and came across the falls. They were frozen in time, giant cascades of ice that reached hundreds of feet up into the cliffs. Some of the rocks glistened with drops of water but I didn’t think the ice would break. It would take at least another week or two of nice days before that might happen.

             
“Wow,” I said. “I’ve never been here in the winter before. It’s beautiful isn’t it?”

             
Kian stepped forward and placed his hand on one of the long strips of frozen water. When he pulled away I could see tiny indents from where his fingers melted into the white ice. His hands were slender and graceful. They would be cold to the touch.

             
“There’s a cavern back here,” he said. “Look, you can see it.”

             
I looked and sure enough I could make out the tiny opening just beyond the ice. Moving along the side of the falls, Kian managed to twist his body enough to squeeze between the frozen water and the walls of the cliff.

             
“Come on,” he said.

             
I followed his lead and soon I was behind the ice and admiring the view through what looked like warped glass. The pine trees were green blurry shapes in a white background.

             
The entrance of the cave was narrow and it turned into a pathway that we followed for about twenty feet. Then the ice coated walls opened up into a large room. There was nothing astonishing about the area, no native paintings on the wall, no hidden skeletons. Only a candy bar wrapper and a few bottles of empty beer.

             
Kian ran his hand along the sides of the rock. “There’s another pathway here,” he said. “It goes downward. We could go in further if you’d like.”

             
I shook my head. I’d heard enough horror stories throughout my life about how dangerous spelunking could be if you didn’t have the proper equipment. Our parents riddled us with stories about children who went into caves and never came back. Some of them could go on for miles, straight into the mountain.

             
The thought of being trapped made the hair on my head stiffen and an icy wave shot down my back and into the tips of my boots. If I got stuck in a cave would anyone come looking for me? Or would I be destined to spend the rest of my time on earth trapped and lost, wandering around in circles, hoping to see sunlight one last time.

             
It’s not the end. Only we can say when it’s over.

             
“What’s the matter?” Kian was watching me from across the room.

             
“I don’t know,” I said. “I just heard this voice in my mind. You know how that happens sometimes. Like a strong memory trying to push through.”

“You’re cold,”
Kian said abruptly. Moving away from the walls, he was by my side instantly, his eyebrows furrowed, and a look of absolute concern across his face.

             
“I’m fine,” I said.

             
“You’re shivering.”

             
“Am I?”

             
He was beside me in an instant, looking deep into my eyes. Through the dimness of the cavern, I could see how his lips quivered as he breathed. Taking my hand, he wrapped his fingers around mine, his touch warming my icy skin.

             
“You’re freezing. Where are your gloves?”

             
“Huh?” I reached into my pocket with my free hand and pulled them out. “Here.”

             
When he let go of my hand a wave of disappointment poured over my body. He took my mittens from me and held one up.

             
“Give me your hand.”

             
I did and he covered it up with the bright green wool. I held my breath while he did the other. When he was done, he continued to hold onto my hand. He was at least half a foot taller and I liked the way his hair fell into his eyes when he looked down at me. Stepping forward, he moved closer until our jackets were pressed up against each other.

             
“Is that better?” His voice was husky and soft at the same time.

             
I nodded.

             
He leaned down towards me and I did the only thing I could think to do. I turned my face up towards him.

             
"No," he said. Stepping backwards, he blinked his eyes a few times as if waking up from a daze. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he gave me a guilty look. “This is wrong. We’d better go back.”

             
I started to say I was sorry but there really wasn't anything to apologise for.

             
I allowed him to lead me away from the brilliant icy falls with its hidden cavern. My stomach churned impatiently and I couldn’t understand why I was suddenly so disappointed. I'd done something wrong. I shouldn't have turned my head. Hell, I shouldn't have left the house this morning. 

             
But still I mourned as we moved further away. He had been right about one thing when he brought me here. It did feel just like paradise.

             
But no heaven is without snakes. It wasn’t until we came out along the lake and the parking lot came into view. Another car was there, pulled up right beside ours. Kian immediately grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back into the bushes. He knelt down and I had no choice but to plop down beside him in the snow. The muscles in his shoulders clenched and his jaw stretched and clamped down.

             
“What is it?” I asked in short gasps. Panic radiated off his body, I could feel it flow into the ground and up my legs into my body. My heart pulled up further in my chest and I could hear it beating rapidly in my brain.

             
“I don’t know,” he said. “It’s people. Could be nothing, I can’t see from here.”

             
“It’s probably just loggers,” I said. I tried to raise my head to take a better look but Kian gently pushed me back down. “Or a family. What kind of car is it?”

             
He didn’t answer me but continued to peek out through the bushes. I began to feel a little foolish sitting there with the cold snow soaking through my pants. Just like the jack rabbit, my legs yearned to stretch and after a few minutes I was ready to get up and leave him. There was no need for this sort of paranoia. Especially not in Addison.

             
“I think its fine,” he said as I was on the verge of standing. “You’re right. Just a family. I can see kids.”

             
His hand was deep inside the pocket of his jacket. I couldn’t fully tell but it looked like he was tightly holding something. Standing, he reached out his free hand to me and I didn’t accept it. Instead I pulled myself up and shot him an impatient glance.

             
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go. You’re soaked.”

             
“So are you,” I said. “Care to share this paranoia? You act like you’re being hunted.”

             
“Not me,” he said and after that, he refused to say anymore about the subject so I dropped it.

              By Sunday evening I was deeply saddened that I had no one to share my weekend with. Both Amber and Claire wouldn’t understand. Connor would never forgive me even though I hadn't done anything to betray him. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. Denial was turning out to be my newest friend.

             
I was the loneliest girl in the world. And there were too many emotions running around inside my brain.

             
For one thing, I made it through the entire weekend without fainting again. Three whole days without a single lightheaded feeling. Hopefully whatever I had was gone. Maybe I’d eaten something nasty or caught some sort of weird flu bug. I hadn’t felt feverish but I hadn’t taken my temperature either. There was a good possibility I’d been sick and just didn’t realise. Either way, I was positive I was cured.

             
The other thing was Kian. I'd almost kissed him. That wasn't cool. I was not a cheater. Not boring, predictable Mai. What was it about Kian that made me lose all normal thought? Why did he have to be so damn easy to like?

             
Sunday afternoon I really did have to work at the shop and Connor came over for a bit to keep me company. He talked about the skiing he’d done (he ended up taking Eugene) and that kept the conversation going for a while. He good naturedly tried to rub it in by mentioning several times how the powder had been fantastic and that I’d missed out on some good moguls. They’d stayed on the mountain for the entire day and then went to a party hosted by some university students at the chalets. Apparently Breanna was there and got pretty drunk and passed out in the bathroom. Someone snapped a picture that was currently making the rounds on Facebook. Connor promised to send me the link. He didn’t ask me about my day which was good. It meant he believed I’d spent the day underneath a car, covered in oil or some other engine fluid.

             
I felt guilty about lying to him and swore to myself that I wouldn’t do it again. Kian was going to be my friend and nothing more. I decided I’d have to be more assertive if I wanted to keep Kian in my life as a friend and it meant I’d have to get Connor to accept him. If not, I'd have to give up Kian. I couldn't throw away four years.

             
I gave it a try.

             
“He’s a nice guy,” I said after Connor frowned and rolled his eyes over the mention of Kian’s name. “I want you to meet him. I think the two of you would get along.”

             
“Why are you making such a big deal about this?” Connor asked, narrowing his eyes.

             
“I’m not,” I said. “I just think he’s cool and a lot of people like him.”

             
“Yeah, yeah, he’s Mr. Popularity. He’s just a flavour of the week. Like that will last. Give him a week or two and no one will remember his name.”

             
I sighed. Since when did my boyfriend become so jealous? Was this something I’d never noticed before or was it new? I tried to remember other times when he’d been annoyed with me talking to guys? I couldn’t think of any but that didn’t mean a thing. But most of the guys I knew were Connor’s friends. That was the problem. If only I could get him to open up with Kian. Once he got to know him things would be different. I was sure of it.

             
“Just give him a chance.”

             
“Does he play basketball? Maybe we could get him on the court.”

             
“I don’t know,” I said. “You could ask I guess. I was thinking more about bringing him out for coffee at Bean’s. I mean, Amber really likes him...” I bit down hard on my cheek after I spoke those words. “It might be a good opportunity to get the two of them together.” I didn’t think that Kian was interested in Amber in the slightest but I’d do anything at that point to make him appear neutral. I wanted Connor to like him. I didn’t want to be sneaking around every single time my new friend asked me to hang out. If I could make him completely nonthreatening I knew I stood a chance.

             
Connor nodded. “Yeah, I suppose.”