Unfaded (9 page)

                                                        *              *              *

              Connor finally called me after six and the two of us went out for coffee over at Bean’s. I brought my jar of red sand in my bag, figuring I’d give it to him once he dropped me off at the end of the night. It would be the perfect peace offering.

My symbol of love.

              Friday night in Addison is hardly a happening social event. There wasn’t much going on as usual. Sometimes during the ski season there would be raging parties over at the mountain and just about everyone was invited. But tonight things were rather quiet. Bean Town was pretty packed when we showed up. The parking lot was full of older cars, the kind that just about everyone at my school drove.

             
We managed to grab a table by the door and we sat down. Connor went off to order us drinks. He still wasn’t in a particularly talkative mood. In fact, aside from greeting me when I got into the car, we’d driven to the shop in silence. I figured he was tired from basketball practice but a part of me was terrified. What if Breanna had cornered him in the halls and told him I was all over Kian? I’d like to believe that Connor wouldn’t be the type to fall for that sort of gossip but I wasn’t sure. He was being too quiet. Something was obviously bothering him. All I could do was hope it wasn’t about me and just some random thing that happened earlier in the day.

             
A couple of kids from class stopped by my table while I was waiting and told me that Donny Lee was having a party later and that Connor and I should drop by. I all ready knew about the party, Amber had called me earlier, wondering if Kian or Scott Myerson might be there. I wasn’t sure about Kian but I knew Scott wouldn’t miss a party unless he was dead. I told her we’d probably show. Maybe it would be a good idea. It might cheer him up.

             
“There’s a party tonight,” I told him when he came back to the table. He put my drink down in front of me and sat.

             
“Yeah?” he didn’t sound too thrilled. Opening three packets of sugar, he dumped them into his coffee and began stirring with a wooden stick.

             
I cupped my drink in my hands and enjoyed the warmth against my cool skin. “Did you want to go? We could show up for a bit. I’m sure Eugene will be there. Amber and Claire said they’d be there too. Do you want to go?”

             
“Maybe,” he continued to stir his coffee although the sugar had to be dissolved by this point.

             
“Are you OK?” I finally asked. “I know you’re mad at me for last night but I told you I fell asleep. I was really tired. I’m sorry.”

             
“I’m not upset about that,” he said.

             
“Then what?”

             
“Nothing.”

             
“Give me credit, Connor,” I said. “I know you better than that.”

             
“Breanna talked to me today,” he finally said. “She told me you were all over that new guy.”

             
“And you believed her?” I said softly. There was no point in getting hysterical about this. I wasn’t the type. “I met him at my Dad’s shop, remember? I was the only person he’d actually talked to before he enrolled in classes. And he sits next to me in English. We’re just talking.”

             
“She said you were doing more than talking.”

             
“She’s lying,” I said.

             
Part of me wanted to slap him. The other part of me wanted to go hunt down Breanna and give her a good smack or at least a slight hair pulling. A third part of me wanted to crawl under the table because deep inside I knew that the two of them were right and there was something more than what I was admitting to.

             
But I loved Connor. I knew this. He knew this. We’d been together four years. It’s not like a person could just walk away from that.

             
“You watch him,” he said.

             
This was news to me. “What do you mean?” Someone opened the door and came inside the shop but the cold running down my spine wasn’t from the outside wind.

             
“I’ve seen you watching him,” he said. “In the cafeteria.”

             
“Connor, everyone’s been watching him,” I said. “In case you didn’t notice, Amber nearly fell over herself trying to find out his name. He’s a new guy. Everyone’s curious. Why should I be different? Besides, he’s a nice guy. You should give him a chance. Maybe Amber and he will end up dating and we’ll all hang out.” I gritted my teeth as I said the last part.

             
The explanation wasn’t good enough for Connor. Why? Because I was with him. I could see it on his face. I wasn’t supposed to be looking at other guys. Whether or not he looked at other girls wasn’t an issue. There were no new ones to capture his interest. He looked out the window into the dark parking lot for a few seconds and when he turned back to face me, he had a small smile on his face. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small round ball filled with pink sand. A token of love. He handed it to me. The globe was perfectly soft and flawless. The sand was three different shades of pink.

             
“It’s a paperweight,” he said. “You can put it on your desk.”

             
“It’s beautiful,” I said. Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the shopping bag with his gift inside. His face lit up as he accepted it. Opening it, he pulled out the heart shaped bottle.

             
It was romantic beyond belief. If Amber had been there she would have been going off about how sappy the two of us were. In fact, I’m pretty sure the kids at the table beside us started making gagging sounds.

             
None of that mattered.

             
“We know each other too well,” I said.

             
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to Breanna.”

             
“I’m sorry too,” I said. “I didn’t mean to miss movie night.”

             
He grinned. “I’m sure you can find a way to make up for it.”

             
That was it. The world was good again and Connor and I were back to our old selves. We decided to skip the party and go back to his house and watch a movie.

But that’s the problem when there’s a crack in the hourglass
. You can patch it up for a bit but eventually the sand begins to slip through again.

             
It started the next morning. Connor called me around eleven to see if I wanted to go skiing with Eugene and him. He’d somehow managed to get free lift tickets to the mountain.

             
“I’d love to,” I said. I was holding my toothbrush in my hand and trying to clean my teeth while speaking. “But I promised Dad I’d help out in the shop today. There’s been a huge amount of fender benders since the last snowfall. He’s swamped.”

             
“Come on,” he said. “Ask Larry to let you go. I’m sure he would.”

             
Of course he would. Dad was always reasonable about letting me do things with my friends on weekends. In fact, I didn’t think he was planning on opening the shop that day. Granny had a check up at the doctor’s office and he was doing that instead. But once the lie was on the table I couldn’t take it back. And after last night there was no way I could be honest with him. If he knew I was planning on spending the day with Kian he’d probably break up with me, regardless of whether or not Kian and I were just friends.

             
Was this how relationships ended up? One lie after the other? Would I end up telling so many of them that I couldn’t keep track?

             
I was turning into someone awful and I couldn’t stop. The worst part was I didn’t
want
to stop.

             
“That sucks,” Connor said. “Maybe I should just give the tickets to Eugene. I could always hang out with you at the shop.”

             
“No!” It took every ounce of will power not to scream that into the phone. “It’s going to be busy. Besides, Dad said he’s going to get me to do some of the body work today. I’ll be in the back with a blow torch and you know its employees only. There won’t be much time to talk.” Oh, how the words were just pouring out of my mouth now. “Go with Eugene. Have a good time. We’ll get together tomorrow and do something.”

             
“OK,” he finally said but I could hear the disappointment dripping through the phone and mixing in with the toothpaste in my sink.

                                                        *              *              *

Kian drove up to my house at exactly noon. Fortunately, Dad and Marley were gone with Granny and there was no one around to witness my crime. I was out the door the second his car pulled to a stop: no need for horn blowing or coming up to the porch. I still had neighbours to think about.

             
“Hi,” I said, sitting down in the passenger seat and putting on my belt.

             
“Ready for action?” he asked. Glancing at me, he nodded as if he approved. “I’m glad you listened to me and dressed warm. I’ve noticed that most of the girls here seem to dress as if they’re ready for the beach. I saw a girl in shorts earlier. I kid you not.”

             
I was wearing my thickest winter jacket and a pair of boots. In my lap I held my fuzzy hat and a pair of matching mittens. I knew what he was talking about. I lot of kids my age seemed to believe that dressing warm was something that wimps did. It wasn’t uncommon to see a lot of girls at the mall dressed in summer clothing this time of year. Half the time their knees were knocking together and their lips were turning blue but if you asked them, they’d deny being cold. I never quite understood that. I liked not having frostbite.

             
“So where are we going?” I asked.

             
“It’s a secret.”

             
“Do I get a hint?”

             
“Nope.”

             
Putting the car in gear, he pulled out into the street. It didn’t take me long to realise we were heading out of town. There were only two ways out, one was past my Dad’s shop and the other was by taking the low road that circled around the town that only the locals used. It was a longer but more private. I was surprised that Kian knew about it and thrilled that he chose that route because it meant we were less likely to be spotted by anyone I knew.

             
“You’re really getting to know your way around,” I said to him.

             
“I like to know my exits,” was his response. Mysterious. Just like him.

             
We headed west on Route Seven which was away from the ski mountain. There was nothing out in that direction, the closest city was at least three hours away. The ocean was along the same route but I couldn’t imagine going there either. I had to admit, my curiosity was piqued. I leaned back in the seat and stole glances at him and tried not to look obvious. He seemed to watch everything at once. One second he’d study the road in front of him, the next he’d check the rear view mirror. Often he’d glance out into the trees as we zoomed by. He was very alert. But he didn’t say a word. I found myself wondering when he was going to talk. I raked my mind trying to come up with some conversation. It had been so much easier to talk in Ms. Gray’s class in front of all those students. Out on the road, being alone made it harder. The car filled with a thick air that I knew wasn’t coming out of the heating vent.

             
This wasn’t like me. Normally I could talk the ear off an elephant.

             
“You got a new car,” I finally said after a few minutes. It was the best I could come up.

             
“Yeah, the old one was kinda written off,” he said with a grin.

             
“This one’s much nicer,” I said. “I think it was even built during this century. It has a heater that works and everything!”

             
“Ha-ha. Keep it up and I’ll put you in the trunk.” He gave me a very wicked smile that warmed my toes.

             
We drove. Fifteen minutes became half an hour. There were little bits of conversation now and then but nothing major. I was beginning to think this was a bad idea when he slowed down on the brakes and turned on the signal light. I had been dozing a bit, driving always made me sleepy. I pulled myself up in my seat and glanced out of the front window to see where we were. It was a logging road in the middle of nowhere. There we no signs to indicate whether or not the road led anywhere. At least the plough had been down it, snow was pushed to both sides of the road so we could continue on without getting stuck.