Unforeseeable (22 page)

“I'm sorry.” I reached out my hand, and Lizzie clasped it. “I'm grateful to have friends who love me. Who want to take care of me. I really am blessed.”

“My, that was a quick turnaround,” Levi said. He looked relieved and dubious all at the same time.

I sighed. “Being upset isn't going to help anything. I might as well deal with the situation.”

Lizzie grinned. “Good for you. You're facing some challenges, but we're all here to help.”

“That's right,” Levi said. “No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you, Callie. Always.”

Overcome by another rush of emotion, all I could do was nod. Those were the words I wanted to hear. They gave me hope. In my heart, I knew my love for Levi was real. With God's help, we had a chance of finding our way through whatever changes came. And I wanted that chance. More than anything.

Lizzie leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. “Everything will be all right, Callie. I know it.”

“I'm beginning to believe it,” I said, looking past her and catching Levi's eye. “I really am.”

At that moment, a nurse opened the door and came into the room. She smiled when she saw me. “So you're finally conscious. Your friends have certainly waited patiently for you to wake up.” She walked around to the other side of the bed and lifted up the covers. Then she pulled my gown up. Thankfully, I was hidden from view. “You're looking pretty good,” she said. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore. Very sore.”

She nodded. “And you will for a while. I'm going to give you a little medicine to help the pain. It will make you sleepy but not like the last time.”

I grunted softly, but even that hurt. “I hope not. Sleeping for three days is rather disturbing.”

The nurse took a syringe out of her pocket and started to inject it into my IV line, but before she did, Levi stopped her.

“I'm sorry, but could you wait just a little bit? Someone's coming to visit Callie, and she needs to be awake for it.”

The nurse, whose name tag read
Ellery Adams
frowned. “We need to keep ahead of her pain, sir. How long . . . ?”

At that moment, Noah walked into the room. I was thrilled to see him and smiled at Levi. “Is this who you wanted me to—?”

Someone else stepped from behind Noah. I was taken aback to see Margaret Harper, the odd woman from the restaurant, standing there.

“I don't understand,” Lizzie said.

“I don't either,” Noah said. “I'm just following instructions.” He pointed at his wife. “You and I need to leave. Levi will take Margaret home after her visit with Callie.” He shook his head at his brother. “You're going to have to explain all the secrecy later, Brother. This isn't like you.”

Lizzie crossed her arms and stared at Levi. “I hope you know what you're doing.”

“I do,” Levi said. “Now if you don't mind . . .”

Lizzie shrugged. “I'll see you tomorrow, Callie. If you want to talk to me before then, you can try to call me. The phone still isn't working all the time. I wrote our number down and put it next to the phone in case you don't have it already.”

“Thank you. I don't.” I nodded at her and said good-bye. After Noah and Lizzie left, Levi asked the nurse to leave too.

“I'll be back in fifteen minutes,” she said. “I'll have to administer her medication. She needs to rest. Understood?”

Levi nodded. “I understand.”

When the door closed, Levi grabbed a nearby chair and pulled it near the bed. Margaret sat down in it. She looked frightened, and for some reason, I was too.

“I'll be in the hall,” Levi said to her. “You can do this.”

“No, Pastor. Please stay.”

Although he looked reluctant, Levi closed the door to my room and stood next to it.

Margaret wouldn't look at me and didn't say anything. She just stared down at her hands, which were folded in her lap.

“Margaret, I don't understand,” I said slowly. “Please explain what's going on. You and Levi are scaring me.”

When she looked up, her eyes were full of tears. “First of all, my name isn't Margaret Harper,” she said, her voice trembling. “It's Esther. Esther Hoffman.”

At first her words didn't make any sense. I opened my mouth several times, but nothing would come out. Finally I managed to croak, “Mother? Mother, is it really you?”

The woman I'd known as Margaret
stood slowly and came up next to my bed. “I felt sure you'd recognized me,” she said, her lips trembling and her eyes brimming over with tears, “even with the scar. I even tried to drop hints. Like about my sensitivity to milk—just like yours. But no matter what I said, you didn't seem to make the connection.” She shook her head slowly. “I wanted to tell you, Callie, but I've been so afraid. Afraid you would tell me to leave before I had the chance to explain.”

Levi stepped up next to her. “Esther came to me the other day and told me the truth,” he said. “I couldn't tell you, Callie. She had to do it herself.” He sighed. “It's been so hard, keeping it from you.”

“But then I found out you'd been hurt,” my mother said, “and I realized I couldn't wait any longer.”

I felt stunned—as if someone had just slapped me in the face. Yet there was a part of me that wasn't surprised. As if I'd suspected the truth all along. “Who else knows about this?” I asked Levi.

“I haven't told anyone,” he said. “After the doctor reduced your pain medication so you'd be more awake, I decided
Margaret should see you right away. Maybe it would have been better to wait a few days until you were stronger, but I was afraid Margaret—I mean Esther—would lose her resolve. I couldn't take the chance. You had to know the truth. I didn't want to keep it from you any longer.”

“I felt I had to come now,” Mother said. “What if something happened and I never got the chance?”

Levi gave me a quick smile. “You
are
getting better. Please don't see this as a death-bed confession.”

“Ruth Fisher recognized me,” Mother said. “I was surprised. I've changed so much. That's what we were talking about the other day in the restaurant. She threatened to tell you if I didn't. Ruth said it was wrong to hide it from you.” She shook her head. “I don't think anyone else knows who I am.”

“Esther came to me after her talk with Ruth,” Levi said gently. “She didn't know what to do.”

I kept my eyes focused on the bathroom doorknob. Although I wanted to respond, my emotions were exploding in so many directions, I couldn't seem to sort them out. I honestly had no idea how I felt about my mother—or toward Levi. He'd kept this from me for days. Whether it was right or wrong, a sense of betrayal overwhelmed me.

“You should have told me,” I said to him. “This was a secret you shouldn't have kept. It involved me, and I had a right to know.”

He stepped up next to the bed and took my hand. Although my first reaction was to pull it away, I didn't.

“Callie, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I was trying to do the right thing. For you, and for your mother. Finally, the only solution I could find was
to get Esther to confess the truth herself.” He squeezed my hand. “You know I love you. Please believe me when I tell you this was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.”

I took a deep breath. “I believe you. I know this isn't your fault.” I turned my head to stare up into my mother's face. “I blame you, Mother. You should have come to me when you first got to town. Instead, you hid the truth. Then you forced Levi to carry your secret. One more example of how you always put yourself first. I had the right to know. And the right to tell you I don't need you anymore. I don't want you in my life.”

The color drained from her face. “I . . . I understand how you feel, Callie. I really do. But please . . . please give me a chance to explain. It may not make any difference, but after you hear me out, if you still want me to go, I'll go. And I promise to never bother you again.”

“It's too late, Mother. Fourteen years too late.”

She swayed a little, and Levi let go of my hand. He reached out to steady her. Then he helped lower her back into her chair.

“Callie,” he said, “if you don't want to talk to your mother, that's okay. I understand. It's your choice. But I'm asking you to listen to her. Just this once. Then, as she said, if you want her to leave, she'll go. I'll even help her get out of town.”

I started to refuse, but the look on Levi's face stopped me. My love for him overshadowed my anger.

“All right. As long as you both stick to the agreement. After you're done, Mother, you'll leave and never come back?”

“I promise,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion. She stared down at her hands and clasped them together before she spoke again. “A friend in Kansas City who knows all
about me found your father's obituary online. It was posted in the Washington paper. I decided I had to see you. I wrote to the Kingdom church elders with a story about being related to a man I knew used to live here who had died. I assumed they couldn't confirm the truth and would let me come. I was right.”

“Another lie,” I mumbled.

“Yes. Another lie,” she repeated. “I was afraid if I told the truth, they wouldn't allow me to live here.”

“Why wouldn't the elders let you move back, Mother? That doesn't make sense.”

“It does, because of what happened,” Mother said quietly. She wouldn't look at me, kept her head bowed. It made it harder for me to hear her.

“Life with your father was . . . difficult,” she said. “But I want you to know that I'm not blaming him for my actions. I'm responsible for the bad choices I made. At the time, I was confused. If I could go back and do things differently, I would. But that's impossible, isn't it?”

“Yes, it is,” I acknowledged. I sighed. “The nurse will be here soon, Mother. You need to say whatever it is you feel you have to say.”

Her head bobbed up and down. “Yes, you're right. I'm sorry. I want you to know that when your father and I first came here, we were looking for a safe place to raise you. A place where you'd be content and secure. The world seemed scary and dangerous. We were happy then. Excited about you. Excited about our lives together. But after we got here, things began to change. The pastor of the church was a harsh man. A man who believed in rules. A man who taught that God was always angry with us. I watched your father change
before my eyes. Nothing I did was right or was good enough. I tried to be a good wife, I really did.”

She finally looked up. There were tears running down her face. “I loved him,” she whispered. “I didn't want to give up on our dream of having a wonderful life together. But after a few years, I could tell it wasn't going to happen. James became someone else. Someone I didn't know.” She took a deep shuddering breath, her thin shoulders trembling. “At first it was just verbal abuse. But then he began to hit me.” She shook her head and gazed at me. “He never tried to hit you, Callie. I was thankful for that. His anger seemed directed toward me.”

“He never struck me, Mother. And I don't remember him hitting you. Not once.”

“No, you wouldn't. I made sure of that. When he got angry, I sent you outside to play.”

A memory flashed through my mind. Something I hadn't thought of for years. My father's face red with rage. Mother telling me to go play at Lizzie's house. I'd forgotten all about it.

“Your father kept a tight rein on me,” she continued. “I was rarely allowed out of the house, except to go to church. But there was a man . . .” She sobbed and covered her face with her hands.

Levi reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. There were tears in his eyes.

Mother looked up at him and seemed to gather strength. “There was a man,” she said again. “A veterinarian from Washington who cared for our horses and cows. He was a kind man, and he overheard your father and me . . . arguing. He knew your father was abusive, and he tried to help. I . . . I began to have feelings for him. Your father figured it out
and fired him. James also threatened to kill this man if he ever came around me again.” Her tear-filled eyes locked on mine. “Nothing happened between us, Callie. I swear to you. Nothing. But your father went to Pastor Linden and told him we'd had an affair. Pastor Linden ordered me to leave town. That's why I left. It wasn't my choice.”

“You could have fought to stay,” I said. “Or you could have taken me with you.” The anger I'd felt earlier was turning into something else. A kind of deep grief.

“They never gave me the chance. Your father and Pastor Linden drove me out of town and dumped me off on the road with nothing. Just the clothes on my back and not a dime to my name.”

“In all these years, no one ever told me about this, Mother. Why am I just hearing this story for the first time?”

She shook her head slowly. “I don't know. If anyone else knew about it, maybe they didn't tell you because they didn't want to hurt you. They didn't want you to know that your mother had been branded an adulteress. But my guess is that your father and the pastor kept it to themselves. I wasn't called before the elders, nor was I allowed to speak to anyone before I left. Not even you.”

“I-I'm sorry you went through that. But it doesn't explain why you never tried to come back and see me.”

“I planned to, even though I was told the church would never allow me to get near you. My plan was to sneak back and get you. Take you with me.”

“Then why didn't you?” I glanced at the clock. The nurse would be back any moment. But I realized to my surprise that I wanted my mother to finish her story.

“This . . . this is difficult,” she said, her voice catching. “I
ended up in a women's shelter for a while in Kansas City. At first, all I could think about was coming back here and finding you. But I didn't have any self-esteem, Callie. In the end, I became convinced I wasn't worthy of you. That leaving you in Kingdom would be better for you. I couldn't support you. I had no job skills. No money. But being without you devastated me.

“Another woman at the shelter gave me drugs. At first, they made me feel better. Happy for the first time in years. Eventually I became hooked. I was thrown out of the shelter and lived on the streets, doing anything I could to get the drugs I craved.”

The horror in my mother's eyes brought tears to my own.

“I even—”

“Stop, Mother. You don't need to go any further.”

She nodded and pointed to the scar on her face. “This was caused by a drug dealer I couldn't pay. My life was a nightmare. I wanted to die, and in fact, I tried more than once to take my life. Then one day a church opened a ministry downtown. I went there for food and ended up finding God. The real God.” A look of wonder crossed her face, and for the first time since coming into my room, she smiled. “The loving God. Not the angry deity your father believed in. And I changed, Callie. I really did. I'm a new person. A better person.” She blinked hard, trying to control the tears that ran down her face. “Once I was clean, I decided to come back to Kingdom, but I was so afraid. Then my friend showed me that obituary. I took it as a sign.” She gulped and wiped her face with a tissue Levi handed her from a box on the nightstand next to me.

“My plan was to take you back to Missouri with me, but
when I got here I discovered you were planning to be married. My number-one goal was to stop the wedding. I didn't want you to experience the kind of unhappiness I had. I didn't know Levi then. He seemed different from your father, but I didn't know if I could trust him. Then I went to see him. Got to know him. And finally, I told him the truth. I found him to be a wonderful man who truly loves you. He counseled me to tell you who I was, and he promised to stand by me when I did.” Mother let go of a sigh so heavy it seemed to come from somewhere deep inside her. “I'm not blaming anyone but myself for my life, Callie.” Her eyes searched mine. “I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I wish I'd been a better mother. All I can do is hope that someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me.” She grasped the railing on my bed so hard her knuckles turned white. “You don't need to say anything today. I've told you everything I can . . . for now.” She stood to her feet. Levi grabbed her arm to support her. Her body was limp, as if all the strength had gone out of her.

“I'm sorry for you, Mother. Really. But right now I can't promise anything. You have to give me time. I need to think.” Suddenly a wave of weariness swept over me, which seemed silly, since I'd been doing nothing but sleeping lately.

“You're tired,” Levi said. “Get some rest. I'll come back after church.”

I nodded. “All right.”

He started to say something else, but just then the door to my room opened and Ellery came back in. “Sorry, folks, but that's it for now. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.”

“We're going,” Levi said to my nurse. Then he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “I'll see you tomorrow, Callie. I love you.”

“I know.”

After they left, Ellery checked me over and added the contents of her syringe to my IV line. As I drifted off to sleep again, a disturbing thought jumped into my mind. Was my mother's revelation the thing that had upset Levi so much the other day? If so, what could it possibly have to do with the murders?