Unforeseeable (20 page)

I saw Levi standing near the front door, staring at me with his mouth open. Fear almost made me turn and run, but instead I pasted a smile on my face.

“Levi! What are you doing here?” I asked. “The snow is so deep—”

“I came to check on you,” he said slowly. “And to make sure Lizzie and Noah are all right. I found the truck on the road.”

“I was just telling Levi about how you saved Noah,” Lizzie
said. She kept her eyes on me, not looking at Levi. Was there a warning on her face? Did she think I'd made a mistake?

“You . . . you must have ruined your clothes,” Levi said. I couldn't read his expression. His eyes were narrowed. Was he angry?

“I was pretty wet,” I said, “but my dress is dry now.” I walked the rest of the way into the room to find Noah sitting up, his gaze darting between me and Levi.

“Then why . . . ?” Levi frowned at me and shook his head. “Forget it. I'm just grateful you're okay. That all of you are okay.” He held out his arms, and I went to him. His hug was firm and reassuring, and I felt the tension leave my body.

“That tractor isn't made for snow this deep,” Noah said in a scolding tone. “I wish you'd stayed home where you were safe.”

Levi let go of me and smiled at his brother. “It wasn't that hard. With the plow in front of me, I was as safe as I could possibly be. It just took a long time to get here.” He sniffed the air. “I'm not sure if that's bacon I smell, but if it is, I could sure make use of a hot breakfast.”

Lizzie got a strange look on her face. “Oh, my goodness. The bacon!” She ran to the kitchen.

“How does burned bacon sound, Brother?” Noah said with a grin.

“Believe it or not, it sounds fantastic.”

“How long did it take you to get here?” I asked.

“I started this morning around four. What time is it now?”

“It's a little past eight,” Noah said, scowling. “You were out there for four hours? You could have frozen to death.”

“Nonsense. The cab's nice and warm.” He smiled sheepishly. “I did get stuck a couple of times though.”

Lizzie walked back into the room. “The bacon's okay. I caught it just in time. If you're hungry, Levi, get in here. I'll give you Noah's plate. It's all ready.” She pointed at her husband. “You stay there. I'm making a fresh plate for you, and I'll bring it to you. No sense in you getting up from that couch.”

Noah got a funny look on his face, and I was surprised to see him blush. “Actually, there's a very good reason for me to get off this couch.” He motioned upstairs with his head. “I'm really feeling better, Lizzie. If you don't mind, I think I'll go upstairs for a few minutes.”

She put her hands on her hips and stared at Noah as if she wasn't certain he should make the trip alone.

“Lizzie,” Noah warned. “You're going to have to trust me here. I might be a little sore for the next few days, but I'm fine.”

“Okay, but take it easy.” She pointed at Levi. “You watch him. Make sure he gets up and down the stairs okay.”

Levi smiled. “I'll stand guard until he returns. I promise.”

Lizzie cast one more serious look Levi's way before turning on her heel and heading for the kitchen.

“Don't let anything happen to him,” I said softly. “Lizzie would never forgive you.”

Levi grinned and nodded. Noah got up from the couch and walked slowly toward the stairs. I was relieved to see him moving under his own power. I followed Lizzie to the kitchen. She was getting eggs out of the refrigerator.

“I'm glad Levi made it here safely,” she said when she saw me. “I can't believe he spent four hours trying to make it through the snow.”

I slid carefully into the nook, my chest sore and aching. “I can't tell if Levi's upset about the clothes.”

She turned around to frown at me. “Callie, don't worry about it. Levi loves you.” She pointed at me with her spatula. “You know you have to talk to him, right? Just wearing different clothes doesn't tell him what's in your heart.”

I nodded. “I know.”

“I'm going to eat breakfast with Noah in the living room. That will give you two a chance to visit. I wouldn't take too long though. Charity will be up any minute.”

“What am I supposed to say to him?”

Lizzie put the spatula on the counter and sat down next to me. “You tell him the truth, Callie. Whatever it is. And you tell him about your father. What you've remembered.”

I couldn't respond. Tears dripped down my face and splashed on the table. Suddenly I was afraid. Would Levi understand? Would he still want me? A desire rose up inside of me to run upstairs, change my clothes, and turn back into the girl Levi had fallen in love with.

Lizzie leaned over and hugged me before she got up and went back to the stove. She finished the eggs and made toast while I tried to figure out what to say to Levi. By the time she'd made up two more plates, Levi came into the kitchen.

“Noah's back on the couch,” he said, shaking his head. “I think he's milking this as much as he can. He loves being waited on.”

Lizzie chuckled. “I know that. But after last night, I'm grateful to God he's okay. Babying him a little is fine with me. Everyone needs special attention once in a while.”

“It wouldn't be a bad idea to have him checked out,” Levi said. “Marvin broke a rib once. We had no idea he was badly injured until he passed out from the pain. Sometimes people feel fine until that broken part of the rib moves.”

“When the phone's back up, I'll call the doctor in Washington and make an appointment,” Lizzie said.

“Noah said you've been having trouble with it,” I said. “It keeps going out.”

She nodded. “That's true, but since last night, it's been deader than a doornail. I think all the phone lines are down in this area. Hard to know when they'll be up again.”

“Speaking of injuries, how are you feeling?” Lizzie asked me.

“Very sore,” I said. “My entire chest is turning dark.”

“You're hurting?” Levi asked.

“Just from the seat belt. It bruised me pretty bad, and it hurts worse today. But I'll be fine.”

Levi frowned at me. “We need to keep an eye on you too. If you start hurting more or if you have any other symptoms, you've got to let us know, okay?”

“I will. But really, I'm okay.”

Lizzie wiped her hands on her apron. “If you want a pain pill, let me know, Callie. They really helped Noah.”

I smiled at her. “I might take you up on that a little later, but I don't want to be sleepy right now.”

“Okay.” She pointed at Levi. “You sit down. I've got your food ready. Noah and I will eat in the living room.”

Levi started to protest, but Lizzie held up a hand to silence him. “No arguments. You need to trust me.”

Levi seemed puzzled and looked over at me. I couldn't read him, couldn't tell what he was thinking, but my stomach clenched with fear. I had to walk a path that would lead me to the truth, and Levi would have to deal with whatever waited at the end of that road. Would it be the end for us as well?

Lizzie picked up her plate and Noah's and left the room. The silence that followed her departure was so deep, I was
afraid to broach it. To disturb it. I knew my life would never be the same when the words I had to say finally came out.

“What's going on, Callie?” Levi's eyes searched mine. “And why are you dressed like that? Lizzie has more appropriate clothing you could borrow. You . . . you look like someone else.”

My heart sank at his words. “Levi, something . . . something has happened, and I need to explain.” With that, I began to tell him everything. The truth about my father and how I'd hidden from it all those years. That I'd been living in my father's shadow for so long I'd never allowed myself to have opinions or feelings that didn't line up with the church or with my father's strict teachings. When I finished, he just sat and stared at me.

“I'm sorry you were treated like that, Callie,” he said finally. “Really sorry. I had no idea—”

“Of course you didn't. We weren't close when we were kids, and my father didn't share his feelings with anyone else. Lizzie knew because she overheard some of the things he said to me.”

“One thing I don't understand. You actually forgot about his treatment of you? How is that possible?”

“I can't pretend to comprehend it all yet, Levi. Lizzie knows more about it than I do because she worked with abused women in Kansas City. I guess it was a kind of emotional protection. A way to keep myself from the pain inside. It started when my mother left, and from there, it got worse. Lizzie said it was like stuffing all the hurt into a closet. But it didn't really stay inside. Sometimes I'd get so mad. The other day when Ruby came into the restaurant, it all came to the surface. My closet burst open.” I shook my head. “The anger was so intense. Almost uncontrollable.”

“Ruby reminded you of your own situation.”

“Yes. I believe that's exactly what happened.”

Levi clasped his hands together, his breakfast forgotten. “What can I do to help you?”

I sighed and shook my head. “I don't know. Give me some time. I'm confused.”

His blue eyes were locked on mine. “But we're still getting married. This doesn't change how I feel about you.”

I reached over and grabbed his hand. “Oh, Levi.” I felt a tear slide down my cheek. “I'm twenty-two years old, and I've just discovered that I have no idea who Callie Hoffman really is.” I looked down at Lizzie's sweater. “I don't even know how Callie Hoffman dresses. If she believes in our Mennonite way of life or not.” I brought my face up and met his gaze. “Please understand that I love Kingdom. And I love you. But I've never been given the chance to choose. Even my relationship with God is based on what my father told me it should be. Shouldn't every person have the chance to decide what they believe? I mean, if they don't, how can their beliefs mean anything?”

Levi was silent, and his taciturn behavior frightened me. Why couldn't he sweep me into his arms and offer me reassurance? Let me know that no matter what, he'd stay by my side?

“Say something, Levi,” I said finally, unable to keep the impatience out of my voice.

“Callie, the truth is . . . you're right. Completely right. You do have the right to choose. No one should follow Christ just because their parents did.” He sighed deeply, as if releasing something painful from his body. “Nor should you marry someone because you think you should. Marriage should be out of love, no matter what our ancestors thought.”

“Levi, I'm not saying I don't love you. Please don't assume that. My feelings for you are the same. And I do love God. With all my heart. I'm just afraid that my choices will hurt you. You're a Mennonite pastor. Your wife should be . . . I don't know . . . the perfect Mennonite woman. I'm not sure I can be that.”

Levi stood up and walked over to the stove where he poured himself another cup of coffee. I could see that the muscles under his shirt were taut.

“I don't want you to be upset. . . .”

He brought his coffee cup over to the table and sat down again. “I understand what you're saying, but I'm not sure how you want me to respond.” He stared into his cup for a moment. “I love you, Callie. You. No matter what you wear or don't wear. I wanted to marry you before you told me these things, and I still want to marry you. We can work through all of this . . . together.” He gazed into my eyes. “But if you need some time, I will give it to you. I don't want us to be apart, but I have no desire to push you into something you're not ready for.”

“Thank you. Just give me a little time to process everything. That's all I'm asking.” I hesitated for a moment. I was grateful for his understanding and didn't want to make him angry. “Levi, there is one other thing I'd like you to do for me though. If it might help in any way, please go to the sheriff with what you know about these killings.”

He sighed deeply. “Callie, I told you very clearly that what I know has nothing to do with who killed those women. Why won't you believe me?”

“I do believe you. This is the last time I intend to bring it
up. I just think the sheriff should determine whether or not your information is important. Not you.”

“What I know has less to do with the murders than it does with . . . you.”

“What are you talking about?” My voice trembled with emotion. What in the world did he mean? “How could it have anything to do with me?”

Levi leaned against the kitchen cabinet and stared out the window. “Look, this isn't the right time to talk about this. I'll tell you all about it later, Callie. I promise. But not right now. You're going to have to trust me.”

“All right.”

He came over to where I sat and put his hand on my cheek. “I need some time to think, and so do you. I'm leaving. Let's talk again in a few days. But please know that I'm willing to work through anything. I love you, but you need to decide if you feel the same way.”

With one last, long look, he left the kitchen. I tried to get up and go after him, but pain stabbed me in the chest as I struggled to scoot out of the nook. By the time I got to my feet, I heard the front door slam. I hurried into the living room as quickly as I could.

“Where's Levi going?” Lizzie asked.

I stared at the front door, my body throbbing. I wanted to run after him and ask him to come back. Dresses and prayer coverings didn't mean as much as Levi did. I'd do whatever I had to do to make things right. I suddenly felt Lizzie's arm around me.

“He thinks we need time to ourselves, Lizzie,” I said, my voice breaking. “I don't want to lose him.”

“Let him go, Callie,” she said softly. “He's right. You both
need time to sort out your feelings. If you're meant to be together, it will only strengthen you. You need to be honest with each other, and I'm not sure you're ready to do that yet.” She hugged me. “It's all right, honey. Come over here and sit down. Everything will be okay.”