Unforgettable (4 page)

 
“Well, yes, I did, but I called her anyway.” He shook his head ruefully. “Maybe Dad will keep her busy.” He stood there in silence for a moment and I forced myself to speak.

 
“Can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Do I have a cat?”

 
“No.” He didn’t say anything else; he just looked at me like I had a head injury.

 
“Ethan, I need to ask you something else.” I gathered up my courage.

 
“Anything.”

 
“Do I love you?” He looked as if I slapped him.

 
“Yes.” It was barely a whisper. My throat constricted. I knew he would say that, but it seemed like it was physically hurting him.

 
I wanted to comfort him, and apologize for not loving him now, but I couldn’t say anything. I felt frozen. I was terrified. I swallowed around the lump in my throat.

 
“Yes, you love me, and I love you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” I could hear the conviction in his voice, so I knew that he was telling me the truth, but I wasn’t feeling it in my heart.

Chapter Three

 
Ethan left when my mother came back. I was conflicted. On the one hand I needed time to myself to come to terms with my situation to try to remember something. On the other hand, I felt like asking him to stay with me. Of course I didn’t because, in truth, I didn’t have much to say to him. I wanted to ask him questions, but Carrie was the better choice to fill me in.

 
Anyway, he left me with my mother. She didn’t have anything helpful to offer me. She knew nothing about my day to day life. She did know that I live with Ethan, though. That didn’t seem fair. She hardly knows anything about me but she still knows more than I do.

 
She sat with me for about an hour, until I told her I was okay, and that she should go on home, back to Yakima. I felt a little bad that she had driven all this way, but I got over it when she started talking about her vacation to Orlando last summer. Really, I just didn’t care, especially right now. She wasn’t giving me anything to work with concerning
my
life. It wasn’t like I was in Orlando with her and would remember something.

 
Shortly after she left, Dr. Turner came in and told me that I could go home tomorrow as long as I wasn’t getting dizzy or anything. I was happy and petrified in equal measure. Sure, I wanted to leave the hospital, who wants to stay here? Alas, I wasn’t ready to go home and face—I don’t know what.

 
After my freakishly early dinner tray was finished, Carrie showed up. I felt like it had been forever since I had seen her, but it was really just this morning. I needed to be around someone familiar, someone who I recognized as being a part of my life.

 
“Hey Juliet,” she sang as she strolled in with a purple duffle bag over her shoulder. “I brought you some pajamas and your toothbrush and stuff.”

 
Ah, wonderful Carrie, thinking about things I hadn’t even given a thought to. Now I could brush my teeth and get out of this super thin hospital gown. I smiled as I opened the bag but it quickly faded as I stared at the contents in confusion. I didn’t recognize any of the items in there. I pulled out the toiletry bag and unzipped it. I didn’t even recognize my toothbrush. I was pretty sure that my toothbrush was one of those spin brushes from the grocery store, but this one was some kind of high tech device that I couldn’t see myself buying. There was also a lotion I wasn’t familiar with. I was happy to see that I still used Colgate and Secret, but that was pretty much it.

 
I reached in and pulled out my pajamas, a matching set, and a pair of green boy-shorts panties. I looked at her, wondering where she got this from. I usually slept in baggy men’s boxers and a worn oversized tee shirt.

 
“They’re yours. I got everything from your house. Ethan even put your purse in here since he forgot to get it last night.” She reached in and pulled out a square bag of orange leather. I couldn’t identify it as mine, but it looked like something I would have.

 
“Is Ethan at my house?” I wasn’t sure how I felt about letting him just hang out at my house when I wasn’t there. He might be snooping through the closets or something. What if he found my vibrator?

 
“Yeah, he wanted to come back to the hospital but he didn’t want to overwhelm you. I told him I would bring this over for you so that we could have a little girl time.” She sat down on the side of my bed. I needed to know so much, but I didn’t know where to start.

 
“So um, what’s been going on the last couple of years?” I felt foolish for asking such an inane question, but I honestly felt like I had been on an extended vacation and had lost touch with everyone back home.

 
“Well, where do you want to start? What’s the last thing you remember?”

 
“Let’s see, it’s July and I work at Rio Verde, I broke up with John, that two timing douche a few weeks ago, and you and Nigel have just gotten engaged.” I gasped and looked at Carrie’s finger. Yep, there was a wedding band nestled beside her engagement ring.

 
“Oh my god, Carrie, I missed your wedding!” I was appalled. “I’m so sorry. Congratulations.” I didn’t know what else to say. She leaned forward and squeezed me into a hug.

 
“You didn’t miss it, honey. You were my maid of honor. Hold on a second.” She slid off of the bed and over to the huge tote bag she called a purse. After a few seconds she came back to the bed and pulled out a little square frame attached to her keys. She pressed a button and pictures started flashing across the screen. She flipped through a few and then stopped. “Here, this is us at the wedding.”

 
Sure enough, there she was looking luminous in a white gown and there I was in a navy blue dress looking happy and at ease. She flipped to the next shot and there were Ethan and Nigel in tuxes on either side of me, smiling at the camera in some sort of group hug. My chest tightened. How could I not remember such a wonderful moment? How could I forget my best friend’s most important day? I continued to go through the photos, pausing at one of Ethan standing behind me with his arms around my waist. My heart pounded in my ears.

 
“When was your wedding?”

 
“June 22
^nd
of last year. 2009.” Over a year ago. What else have I missed? I kept flipping through the pictures until I came back to where I started. I felt odd and strangely disassociated with the images I saw on the screen. That smiling woman in those shots weren’t me. They were of someone who didn’t exist yet, like a Juliet of the Future. I handed the photo frame back to Carrie.

 
“Why did I quit my job? I love it.” I did love being the head chef at Rio Verde. I got to cook the kind of food I loved and I finally had my own kitchen. I couldn’t fathom why I would have thrown that away.

 
“You didn’t love it when you quit. The new manager was a dick and kept interfering with your decisions. You actually hated working there by the end. It was a blessing your website took off. You’re kind of famous!” She was beaming at me, but I was reeling. My dream job had turned sour? Man, that sucked.

 
“What do you mean I’m kind of famous?” That was something I hadn’t heard before.

 
“Well, you do these web shows on cooking and you have a huge following. That’s why you got the offer for the cookbook.” I do a cooking show. That had always been my dream when I was younger. I used to do pretend cooking shows when Carrie and I got our first apartment—obviously when Carrie wasn’t home. Granted, my show was on the internet, but still. My life didn’t sound so bad.

 
There was something else I needed to ask, but I didn’t know how to broach the subject. I felt hesitant to ask Carrie, but there was someone alone in my house. I had to do it.

 
“I need to know about Ethan, Carrie. I mean, the last thing I remember about Ethan was the night he was over at your house for pizza and we watched a movie. How is it that we’re supposedly together now?” I felt uncomfortable talking to Carrie about Ethan. Surely she thought it was weird that I was having a relationship with her younger brother.
I
felt weird about it. I just couldn’t see myself as the older woman in a relationship. I was always drawn to older men. How can something that fundamental about myself change?

 
“Maybe you should be talking to Ethan about this, Jules. To be honest, I didn’t know you were together at first, I found out accidentally.” I couldn’t believe I hadn’t told Carrie about my love life. We shared
everything
.

 
“Accidentally? What, did you walk in on us having sex or something?” I joked. Carrie raised her eyebrow at me and I cringed. “Really?”

 
She nodded. “It was a shock, let me tell you. I wanted to bleach my eyes, but I don’t think that would have helped. It is forever seared into my brain.” She was smiling but I could feel my face flush in mortification.

 
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t explain myself because I had no recollection of that happening. Maybe talking to Carrie about this was a bad idea after all. There was still the problem of Ethan at my house, though.

 
“So, um, Ethan said we live together?” I asked hesitatingly. I still couldn’t accept that it was true. I had dated John the Asshole for almost two years and I never considered moving in with him.

 
I still felt the sting of betrayal about John. Even now, a month later, I couldn’t believe he had been cheating on me with my sous chef, Laura. I had introduced them when we had gone out for drinks one night. To my knowledge they had never seen each other again, but how wrong I was. I still had to work with that bitch, but luckily she knew better than to throw attitude at me in my own kitchen.

 
It suddenly occurred to me that I don’t work there anymore. I had to remember that. This day was giving me more than I could absorb.

 
“Yes, he moved into your house sometime in the middle of February. I know because it was super cold that day we were lugging his stuff over and I was wearing the new coat I had gotten for myself for Valentine’s Day.” She nodded to herself. “Yep, it was the first time I had worn it.” Carrie had always been able to recall dates by wardrobe.

 
So it was true. Ethan lived in my house. I had no idea what I was going to do tomorrow when I got home. Could I ask him to stay somewhere else until things got back to normal? I didn’t think I would feel comfortable with him staying with me before I got my memories back.

 
It would be different if he were a girl or maybe an ugly guy, but as I’ve mentioned before, young or not, he is
hot
. This wouldn’t be much of a problem for most women, but, due to a genetic anomaly, hot guys turned me stupid. I became a stuttering idiot, incapable of holding an intelligent conversation for more than a few minutes at a time.

 
Usually this was not a problem with Ethan because a) we were never really alone when we would see each other, and b) I never spent much time with him. Seriously, he’s just Carrie’s younger brother.

 
“I’m freaking out, Carrie.” I was finally about to break down. “I don’t know
anything
right now. I don’t know what I do, what I wear,” I pointed at the pajamas, “Nothing. I don’t even know who I’m in a relationship with. I don’t know what to do.” I started crying, I just couldn’t help it. Actually, I can’t believe I hadn’t before now.

 
“God Jules, I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realize how you were feeling. I know you must be terrified. I would be.” She leaned over and hugged me tight. “I’ll do whatever you need. Do you want to come and stay with Nigel and me? I can rearrange some things at work and we can spend our time trying to help you remember.” Carrie was a party planner, so she worked for herself, but she was good, so she was always busy. I wanted to say yes, to go to Carrie’s house and let her take care of me while I got my bearings, but I didn’t want to mess up her schedule. Even more importantly, something inside of me was telling me I needed to be home, around my own things.