Unforgettable Embrace (37 page)

"Ooh, it's so good to get these shoes off my poor aching feet," she groaned, rubbing her soles gingerly.

"Why do you wear such high heels every day?" Rachel asked, "they must be agony."

"They can be agony at times," Trista agreed, "but I like the feeling of power I get from being so much taller than everyone else around me. I had a meeting with my bank manager today and he really is such an obnoxious little chap. I just love making him feel even smaller than he actually is." Rachel laughed at her friend. She lead the way into the kitchen and poured them both a white wine spritzer.

"I'm just popping upstairs to change into something more comfortable," Trista said, after taking a long sip of her drink. "Back in a minute darling, make yourself at home."

Rachel sat at the breakfast bar, watching the ice cubes dissolve into her drink, lost in her thoughts again. She checked her phone for the millionth time, another text from Scott asking her if she was alright and a missed call from Batt. She hurriedly switched her mobile off again, not wanting to deal with the situation just yet.

"What do you fancy for dinner?" Trista asked, breezing back into the kitchen. She looked like a completely different person to the woman who Rachel had seen only a few minutes earlier. She'd scraped her perfectly coiffed, blonde bob back into a tight ponytail on top of her head and she'd removed all traces of her makeup. Her glamorous outfit had been excha
nged for a slightly worn, baggy velour tracksuit and she had a pair of battered old sheepskin slippers on her feet. Rachel felt a little disorientated talking to her as she wasn't used to Trista's face without her usual coat of war paint.

"Whatever you fancy eating is fine with me," Rachel smiled at her friend.

"A chicken stir-fry I think," Trista said, "something fairly healthy, darling." Trista banged about with pots and pans and Rachel helped her chop vegetables and chicken breasts into tiny pieces. They worked happily together, chopping and stirring and Rachel entertained Trista with all her stories of the hen weekend.

"Oh to be young again," Trista sighed, "Jen must be so excited about her wedding, not long to go now until her big day."

"Not long at all," Rachel agreed, "a few short weeks."

"I suppose you'll be taking that gorgeous boyfriend of yours to the wedding," Trista smiled. "Yes, I will," Rachel said in a somewhat strained voice, which Trista picked up on straight away. She looked at the younger woman in concern.

"Everything ok?" she asked.

"Not really," Rachel answered hesitantly and proceeded to tell Trista about her drunken antics of the previous weekend.

"Well, we all do silly things when we've had a few too many drinks," Trista said, trying to console Rachel. "I'm sure Batt would understand if you explained it to him."

"What's to understand?" Rachel said, discons
olately. "I kissed someone else drink or no drink, there's no real excuse for what I did. I know I wouldn't be impressed if he told me that he'd kissed someone else."

"He did send you that text where you thought he was saying "I love you" to another woman," Trista continued.

"Yes, but I jumped to conclusions and switched my phone off. When I checked my mobile later, he'd texted me and said he'd meant to send it to his daughter."

"I know, but you'd also just had an argument, so it was understandable that you jumped to conclusions."

"I didn't waste any time though, did I?" Rachel said.

"You were a touch quick off the mark," Trista grinned, "but he'll appreciate you being honest with him, I'm sure. I think you should definitely te
ll him what happened."

"I know
I'll have to tell him," Rachel agreed reluctantly, "but I'm absolutely dreading it."

"He'll get over it, don't you worry," Trista advised, "he'll be hurt at first, of course, but if he loves you as he says he loves you then he'll forgive you. After all, it was just a kiss."

"Thanks for listening, Trista, you always know how to cheer me up," Rachel said, later that evening, as she hugged her friend goodbye. "I feel like I have a better perspective on the situation now. I'll call Batt as soon as I get home."

"Excellent idea," Trista agreed, "just be honest and get it out in the open."

Chapter 51

So much for my better perspective, Rachel thought miserably, as she sat eyeing her phone like it was a piece of radioactive material. She'd made several attempts to call Batt and failed. She'd composed several different text messages and deleted them before sending even one to him. Now she was sitting on her couch just staring at her mobile phone. Ok, I'll have one more cup of tea, then I'll call him, she decided, hauling herself up. She scrubbed all the old tea stains out of her mug, then dried it meticulously, then spent as long as she could squeezing the teabag, knowing that she was desperately procrastinating the moment when she would have to make the dreaded call to Batt.

"Oh Holy Night" blasting from the sitting room made her jump and spill her tea all down her front. What the hell is that noise? She asked herself, before realising it was her phone ringing. She still hadn't changed the ringtone since Christmas. She ran to grab it before the call rang out. It was Batt. Her heart skipped a beat as she picked up her phone and answered his call.

"Hello," she said, tentatively.

"Hi, Rachel, sweetheart," Batt's voice sounded happy on the other end of the phone.

"Hi, darling," she replied, feeling like a fake.

"It's so good to hear your voice, Rach," he said, smiling into the phone.

"It feels like ages since we've spoken. I'm sorry for being annoyed with you. I know you need space. I've missed you so much." Rachel let him chat away, telling her all about the farm and his daughter and how she was coming to stay for the summer holidays. "You're awfully quiet," he said suddenly.

"We had a very busy weekend," Rachel said quickly, "I think I'm still a little tired, that's all." "So when can I see you?" he asked, "shall I call over now?"

Rachel felt the blood drain from her face, but knew she couldn't face another day of guilt without confessing to him what she'd done.

"Ok, sure," she said. "Great, I'm on my way, I can't wait to see you," and with that he hung up the phone.

Rachel started to feel sick. Her heart was pounding. She went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She still didn't feel any better, then she went and poured herself a glass of mineral water from the fridge and tried sipping it slowly, which didn't help to calm her nerves much either. She momentarily considered turning off all the lights and going to bed and telling Batt that she'd fallen into a deep sleep, and didn't hear him knocking at the front door, but she knew she had to face him with the truth about what she'd done, and the sooner, the better. She couldn't live with the guilt much longer.

Batt's ringing of the doorbell interrupted her racing thoughts. She opened the door and he swept her into his arms in a big bear hug.

"I missed you sweetheart," he said, holding her tight and kissing her face. She clung to him for a few moments, hoping and praying that this wouldn't be the last time he hugged her.

"Let's go inside," he said, laughing, "it's a touch on the chilly side out here." He followed her into the sitting room and flung himself down on the couch. "Come and give your boyfriend a big kiss," he said, smiling up at her.

"I can't," she said. He looked at her quizzically.

"Why
ever not?" he asked, taken aback.

"I have something to tell you," Rachel continued, wringing her hands together.

"Whatever it is Rachel, I'm sure it's not that bad," he said, still smiling at her.

"It is that bad," she said desperately, "in fact it's very bad indeed. I kissed someone."

Batt suddenly went very pale. She saw anger then hurt flash across his face in a matter of moments.

They kept looking at each other for what seemed like an eternity to Rachel. She started to feel uncomfortable under his steady gaze.

"Are you going to say anything?" she asked eventually.

"I don't know what to say," he said quietly. "Why did you kiss him?"

"Oh, Batt, I was drunk and I thought you were texting another woman that you loved her and I assumed you were ignoring my texts," she replied plaintively.

"Thanks for your high opinion of me," he said.

"I know I got it all wrong, Batt, and I'm so sorry. The kiss didn't mean anything to me."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? It's ok that you go around kissing random men, as long as it doesn't mean anything." "Batt, that's not what I'm saying."

"What happens the next time we have an argument? Are you going to get drunk and kiss someone else, or even worse sleep with another man and then blame it on the alcohol?"

"No, Batt, absolutely not."

"I don't know if I can trust you, Rachel," he said, "once the trust is gone then that's the end of any relationship for me, whether it's platonic or romantic. I love you very much, but I don't know what to think. I have to go." He got up and made his way towards the front door.

"Please, Batt, don't let's leave it like this," she pleaded.

"I need time to think, Rachel, but I think we should take a break from our relationship for a while. Clearly, you're not certain if you want to be with me and I'm not sure anymore either."

Rachel stood at the front door as Batt got into his car and drove away. She watched his car until she could no longer see the lights in the distance. Then she turned around and went back inside, closing the door softly behind her. She slid to her knees, right there inside the front door and cried deep, heart-wrenching sobs. It was there and then that she fully realised how much Batt meant to her.

She knew then that she loved him with all her heart and that if he asked her to marry him at that moment that she would absolutely say yes. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, but now he didn't know if he could be with her anymore and all because of her own ridiculous assumptions and a stupid, meaningless kiss.

Eventually, she got up from her position on the cold tiles and made her way slowly into the kitchen. She boiled the kettle and made herself a cup of hot, sweet tea, which she sipped by the fire. She had never felt so desolate and empty in all her life. Please God don't let me have lost him forever, she prayed over and over again. Her mobile beeped a text message. It was Trista asking her if she had told Batt what had happened yet. She didn't respond to Trista, but instead tormented herself even more by scrolling through all the texts that Batt had sent her and she had saved. They were the sweetest, kindest most loving messages that anyone had ever sent her and of course they made her cry even more. She texted Batt again saying how sorry she was for the kiss. He didn't reply. She decided to sleep on the couch with only the roaring flames of the fire and the noisy television for comfort.

Chapter 52

Rachel was glad of the distraction of work. She hadn't heard anything from Batt in almost a week. When she wasn't doing something work-related then she was helping Jen and Liz finalise the last few details of the wedding, so she had very little time to dwell much on Batt. She told her friends about her confession to him and they were fully convinced that he would get over it in time and want to get back together with her. Rachel wasn't so sure.

Scott had been texting her very regularly, not that she was particularly interested in hearing from him, and she'd sent him a few short, polite responses, hoping that he'd realise eventually that she wasn't interested in him romantically.

"Any tips for helping me cover a dry, red patch on my chin that's taking it's time to heal?" Rachel asked Liz.

They were on the phone chatting about the wedding which was only a week away.

"I find most concealers are quite good," Liz advised, "just make sure you put the concealer on with a brush, under your foundation and set it with translucent powder."

"I'll give that a try," Rachel said, "I can't seem to get rid of this red patch. It's dry and flaky and a bit itchy too."

"How long have you had it?" Liz asked, "I didn't think you were prone to cold sores."

"I never get cold sores, that's why I'm getting worried about it," Rachel said. "I've had it since a few days after we came back from the hen weekend. At first, I thought I was run down from all my over-indulgences in Padstow, then I thought it was a pimple but it seems to be getting gradually worse."

"I think you should go to the doctor," Liz suggested, "she'll put your mind at ease. It's probably something simple that a cream or antibiotics will clear up in no time."

"Yeah, I think you're probably right," Rachel said, feeling better at her friend's suggestion. "It's so expensive going to the doctor these days," she continued, sighing.

"You can't put a price on peace of mind, Rach," Liz said. "What if it is something serious and you get a rash all over your face and body, that leaves you scarred for life?"