Unraveled (17 page)

My eyes fall
on the want ads at the end of the paper and it finally dawns on me that it's
time to get a job. I'd been here eleven weeks and if Tate didn't want me to go
insane, he was going to have to agree that it was time for me to start
supporting myself. Not to mention getting a job would relieve a lot of my
boredom. After partying all the time with Cole, it's next to impossible to just
sit around at home. That first week after the beating, I'd been relieved to
hide out to some extent. But now I need to focus on something. Something
positive.

I quickly
jump up from the sofa and hurry to the kitchen, my mood suddenly perking up. I
spread the want ads out on the island counter and search for a black marker.
Once I have one in hand, I sit down on a stool and begin circling all the
possibilities.

“What are
you doing?”

My marker
jerks across the paper as I start suddenly. My head swivels around to glare at
Noah, who is standing directly behind me. “Wear a bell or something. God,
you're sneaky sometimes.”

He smiles.
“Sorry.” His eyes fall to the paper and he frowns as he moves to the counter to
peer at the ads I've circled. “What are you doing?”

“I want a
job.”

“As a
stripper?
”
he asks a bit hoarsely.

“What?”

He points to
an ad I had circled. “What do you think that is?” he asks, looking back at me intently
as he watches my lips.

I frown and
peer at the ad. “It's an ad for a lingerie store. Isn't it?”

“No, that's
the name of a local strip club.”

“But they
don't have anything that flat out says exotic dancer. All it says it they are
looking for an outgoing, fun employee that is open to possibilities and moving
up in the business,” I point out.

“Trust me.
It's a strip club.”

My eyes
swing to his and I look at him curiously. “You seem awfully sure. Been there
have you?”

“Yes, for a
bachelor party.”

“Hm.” I peer
down at the ad and study it before turning back to him, my expression turning a
bit mischievous. “You don't think I could make it as a stripper?”

His eyes
darken as he meets my gaze. “Oh, you would. If you have a need to strip, my
bedroom door is always open,” he murmurs before his eyes narrow. “However, Tate
will likely kill you for even considering a strip joint for a job, so please
tell me you're just messing around with me.”

I laugh.
“I'm messin' around.”

He nods and
then turns serious. “I think you should wait on the job.”

“Why?” I ask
as I pick up the marker and put a large X through the stripper ad.

“Don't you
have enough on your plate right now?”

I sigh and
set the marker down before turning back to him. “Noah, I need this. I can't sit
around the house day after day. It's driving me nuts.”

“But what
about school?” he points out. “You are scrambling to do extra credit whenever
possible to get your grades up. Getting a job will take time away that could
have gone into doing your homework.”

“I can
handle both.”

“I think
it's going to be too much pressure for you,” he says simply.

“I am not
going to break!”

“You're
already on edge, Blayre, even if you don't know it yet.”

“I am going
out of my mind with boredom. You want me to start cutting just so it gives me
something to do?” I ask with irritation.

He gives me
a hard look. “That is
not
funny.”

“I'm going
crazy!” I exclaim with exasperation.

Noah sighs
and runs a hand through his dark hair. “You're that desperate?”

“Absolutely.”

“Fine,” he
says with resignation. “Soloman's has a waitress position available right now.
It's part time and it's close to the shift I work. I can't guarantee you'll get
it, but I'll take you there and vouch for you.”

“You're
serious?”

“Yeah.”

I fling
myself at him and hug him tightly with excitement. His arms wrap around me and
he hugs me back before I pull back, bouncing on my feet. “What do I wear? Do
you think they'll interview me today?”

Noah thinks
it over. “Go wear something nice. They'll be shorthanded today, so they might
rush the interview process and hire you immediately if they like you.”

It turns out
that all it took was for Noah to put in a good word for me at Soloman's. The
manager, a frazzled looking man in his forties interviewed me almost
immediately and said the job was mine. On Sunday, I worked my first shift and
it was a short one. Only about four hours but it was something and I felt good
having something to focus on. At the end of the shift, I was given my schedule
for next week and I saw that Noah was right, my shifts lined up with his. I
wouldn't see him much though since the bar was in a separate room. However,
knowing he was just on the other side of the restaurant would be nice.

By the time
I pull up in the driveway Sunday evening, my feet ache but my mood is decent.
The job wasn't high paying, but I'd made some tip money today. As I walk up to
the house, I scratch the back of my neck where the white collar of the polo
shirt itches the back of my neck because it's stiff and scratchy. I have a bag
full of uniforms in my hand and they are all going in the wash immediately. At
least the skirt wasn't half bad. It's black and almost knee length with a tiny
little slit in the back. I'd worn my black wedge sandals with the uniform today
and I knew I was going to have to find a different pair of shoes. The manager
didn't care what the waitresses wore for shoes, just as long as it matched the
simple uniform.

When I enter
the house, I find Tate standing in the living room, arms crossed. I take one
look at his irritated expression and grimace. After shutting the door, I drop
the bag to the floor and look at him warily. “You said two months and it's been
eleven weeks. What's a week matter?”

“With
everything that is going on right now, the last thing you need is a job.”

“It's not a
big deal, Tate! It's like four to six hours, three or four days a week. I need
something to do.”

He shakes
his head and motions for me to sit on the couch. He waits until I sit down
before he sits near me. “Blayre, you can't just pretend that nothing has
happened. Avoiding your issues is only going to make it worse.”

“You can't
force me to get help if I don't want it,” I say stubbornly.

“I'm aware
of that. But I'm not going to cater to your ignorance of it, either.”

I lean back
against the couch and cross my arms. “Well, where does that leave us?”

“I don't
know,” he says tiredly.

“How did it
go in Minnesota?” I ask, deciding to switch the topic.

My brother
is silent for a long minute. “It went,” he says, not giving anything away.

“What do you
mean, it 'went'?”

“That's all
you need to know.”

“Fine,
whatever,” I say before I note that Noah's not around. I turn back and look at
him expectantly. “Did you talk with Noah yet?”

“No.”

“I'm worried
about your friendship with him. The longer you put it off, the more damaged
your relationship will be.” I hate that they're in this funk because of me.

“I haven't
spoken with him yet, but we're good, Blayre. Don't worry about it.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. But
it really pisses me off you guys kept it a secret. I get why you did but it
still makes me mad,” he says pointedly.

I nod. “It's
not going to happen again.”

He gives me
a knowing look. “I've seen the way you look at him. Deny it all you want, but
you like him just as much as he likes you. Just be careful. I don't want to see
either of you hurt.”

“I've been
completely up front with Noah from the start.”

Tate shakes
his head. “I wish you were that upfront with yourself.”

I thought
life was complicating enough when I unloaded all my emotional drama on Noah.
That was nothing compared to my brother knowing most of my dirty little
secrets. He kept leaving me packets to find that contained information on
rehabilitation centers. He'd made it clear to me on a daily basis that he
didn't approve with my method of dealing with my past and he refused to make it
easy on me. He insisted ignoring my issues would make it worse in the long run.
I knew he was right but as a legal adult, I still refused to sign myself away
to rehab.

And I had
thought Noah was bad with all those little hot-line cards.

Thank God
for my job at the time. I swear, during that time, it was the only thing that
kept me sane. At least when I was working my mind was busy and there was no
chance of it wandering into dangerous territory.

As for
Cole...well, surprisingly enough, he left me alone. It wasn't long before I
noticed he had a pretty new girlfriend, a sophomore. I saw them in the halls
and the way she looked at him with stars in her eyes. It bothered me that he
had moved on so fast but I tried not to let it get to me.

I realize
now that Cole had been an addiction. He had been from day one. I didn't need
him in my life anymore because at that point, I had managed to finally break
that cycle. That didn't stop me from snooping though. His girlfriend, Jenna,
was a little petite cheerleader who came from a good Christian family.

I knew
what he was doing.

He was
going to corrupt her slowly until she needed him like she needed to breathe.
It's what Cole does. That's his high—his rush. He likes to destroy people and
that's all I had been to him. I'd been someone to conquer, someone to push to
their limit. In a way, I'd been his drug of the moment.

I wanted
to warn Jenna. I wanted to do something—anything—to save her the pain he'd
cause her. But I didn't. I figured it was pointless. Paige had repeatedly
warned me right from the start and I ignored all her warnings. Jenna, with all
those stars in her pretty blue eyes would ignore any warning I gave. She would
learn what Cole was the hard way.

I
remember wishing I could do more but I had my own problems to deal with.

Normally, I
take my breaks in the break room like the rest of the staff. Today, I head for
the bar room knowing that Noah is working this evening. Our relationship is
still a bit 'off' but we're working on it.

When I enter
the private room, I note that like the rest of the restaurant, it's slow. There
are only two people sitting at the bar and they are towards the far end,
drinking beer and watching sports on the flat screen on the wall. Noah is
behind the bar wiping down the counter. I walk over towards the opposite end
from where the men are sitting and hop up on a stool, waiting for him to notice
me.

Noah looks
at me with surprise before turning away and grabbing a glass. He fills it with
ice and water before bringing it over to me. “Break?” he asks, leaning against
the bar.         

“Yeah.”

“You do know
you're supposed to take your break in the break room, right? Phil doesn't like
employees out on the floor if they aren't working.”

I shrug.
“I'm new, I don't know any better.”

“Right,” he
muses.

I reach for
the glass and take a sip as I study him. The white polo makes his tan look
darker and it does great things for his shoulders and arms. Apparently, I'm not
the only one who thinks so. At that moment a waitress saunters in and walks
right up to the bar, her eyes narrowing on me briefly before she turns her
megawatt smile on Noah and flirts while she places a drink order. I watch Noah
act his normal, charming self but he doesn't flirt back.

Once the
waitress flounces out with her order, he turns back to me, his brown eyes on mine.
“Anything wrong?”

“Why would
anything be wrong?”

“You don't
normally search me out. Usually it's the other way around.”

I fall
silent because he's right. Our relationship isn't the same because I hadn't
allowed for it to go back to the way it had been before. It was hard to keep
things light when I saw the way he looked at me with a hint of disappointment
in his gaze. He wanted me to seek treatment and I was having no part of it. He
also wanted more from me and I wasn't willing to give it. It was hard being
around him sometimes, which would be why I stayed away as much as I could.

I have no
idea why I'm sitting here tonight.

“Nothing's
wrong. I just didn't feel like staring at the break room walls for fifteen
minutes. I see Tate is no longer outright ignoring you.”

“Took a
while for him to come around. Things aren't the same but they are slowly
getting there.”

“That's
good,” I murmur before taking another sip of my drink.

Noah glances
at his patrons to make sure they aren't trying to gain his attention before he
turns back to me. “What about us?” he asks lightly.

“We're
good.”

“Are we?”

“Just don't
bring up rehab and we are,” I say as I give him a pointed look.

“I see
Tate's hounding you enough for the both of us.”

“You've got
that right.”

He leans slightly
closer, his eyes serious. “Can I ask you a question, Blayre?”

“Depends on
what the question is.”

“Is Cole
leaving you alone? I know you tell Tate that he pretty much ignores you now,
but sometimes I wonder if that's the truth.”

“He has a
new girlfriend.”

Noah's gaze
turns penetrating. “Does that bother you?”

I wipe some
condensation off my glass with my finger before answering him truthfully. “It
did in the beginning, but now he's someone else's problem.”

He sighs and
after a brief moment of hesitation, says, “You might want to warn the new girl
about his temper. It's not really my place to suggest that, but I hate seeing
anyone go through what you went through.”

“I know, but
she wouldn't listen anyway. Paige warned me plenty of times and I had to figure
it out for myself. So will she. Besides, plenty of rumors went around the
school that it was Cole that beat me up and if that's not enough to put her
off, nothing will.”

Noah shakes
his head and glances at his customers before his attention shifts back to me.
“Christmas is only three weeks away. Tate's been putting off decorating the
house but it's not like him to not celebrate. I told him he needs to keep
things the same as it's always been and you'll have to be the one to adjust,”
he says carefully.

My eyes drop
to my glass. He's right of course. It wasn't right for Tate to not celebrate
because he knows I happen to have an aversion to the holidays. I'd noticed that
Christmas decorations were going up left and right for the past week. The
restaurant was decorated already with twinkling lights scattered all over. Even
above the bar were Christmas lights dangling down, casting a cheery glow in the
room.

“Blayre?”

“It's fine,”
I say finally as I look back to him. “I don't want to celebrate but you guys
should.”

“You should
at least try or you're not moving forward.”

I can't help
but sigh. I feel...stuck. I still cut and hide the evidence and it's getting
harder and harder to hide it from Tate. No matter what I do or what I want, I
can't seem to move forward at all.

Two days
later my world crashed around me with absolutely no warning. It's funny how
things spin out of control so fast. Looking back, I realize I'd been foolish to
think that Cole would give up so easily. I'd fallen into a routine...my
defenses down. I never saw it coming.

My shift is
over and as I walk past the bar, I catch Noah's attention and wave, letting him
know I'm leaving. His shift ends one hour later than mine and he nods at me
before turning his attention back to the customer he's waiting on.

I make my
way to the employee parking lot and fling myself in the driver's seat of my
car. My feet hurt tonight and I can't wait to get home and hop in the shower
because I can't stand the smell of fried food and grease all over my skin. The
drive is quick and when I get home, I shower quickly before climbing out and
wrapping a towel around my body as I head for my room.

After
digging out a fresh pair of pajamas, I drop the towel to change when my phone
rings from within my purse. Who would be calling me at ten-thirty at night? I
bend down and wrap the towel around myself before walking over to my purse. The
unfamiliar number that appears on the screen has me frowning.

Curiosity
has me answering it. “Hello?”

“We need to
talk.”

My entire
body goes cold as a chill sweeps over me when I recognize Cole's voice. This
definitely was not going to lead to anything good.

“I have
nothing to say to you,” I say calmly as I tighten my grip on the towel knotted
above my chest. He was on the phone and couldn't see me, but I felt eerily
vulnerable standing in my room, clad in nothing but a towel.

“I've caught
your brother following me twice in the past few weeks, Blayre.”

Damn Tate.

My eyes shut
and I mentally curse myself for thinking that Tate would let things go. If it
were any other guy, I wouldn't care if my brother was nosing around, making him
feel on edge. But Cole's an entirely different story. He has secrets that would
bring me down as well if my brother ever uncovered them.

“Are you
sure?” I have to ask.

“He's
fucking hard to miss. I'm at a frat party on Locust Street near the university.
Get over here,” he orders before he hangs up.

A furious
curse escapes me as I toss the phone angrily on my bed. The last thing I want
to do is meet up with Cole but I need to finish this conversation with him.
He's obviously worried that Tate's going to cause trouble and since I know my
brother well, Tate's already probably digging. Cole has a very real reason to
be sweating and I was going to have to figure out how to calm him down and how
to get my brother off his back.

“Shit,” I
curse again as I feel the urge to smack my brother. Didn't he realize that the
more he went after Cole, the harder it would be for me to get Cole out of my
life? He is literally putting me between a rock and a hard place.

My eyes
shift to my alarm clock. Ten-thirty-five. Noah will be coming home shortly and
I needed to be out of the house before he gets here. It suddenly dawns on me
that I'm going to pay for this little outing tonight. Noah will have questions
and I'm sure Tate will find out about it. No matter what lie I come up with,
both of them are going to be mad that I'd broken my stupid curfew.

With not
much time to duck out before Noah arrives, I quickly change and pull my damp
hair back into a messy knot before leaving the house. It takes a bit to
navigate the busy streets as I make my way towards the campus and I'm nervous.
Dealing with Cole would be testing my limit tonight. If he was acting the cold
bastard that he really is, it'd be easy. But if he's in the mood to tease me
and seduce, it was going to be tough to keep him at arm’s length.

So far it
had been easy to distance myself from him because I haven't seen him in weeks
but this would be different. He's a jerk, but he is also someone that I am
still very attracted to. I'd spent weeks with him and it's not easy to just
forget someone. Even now I can feel a hint of longing sweeping through me at
the thought of going to a party where drugs were right there, just waiting for
me to ask for them.

As I search
for Locust Street, I give myself a mental pep talk.

I've come
this far without Cole and I know I don't need him anymore. I have Noah and
Tate, no matter how much they both get on my nerves at times. Life is
good...sort of. I have a job and my grades are slowly getting better. Nothing
Cole has to offer could make me go backwards, I tell myself. Right now, things
might be a little monotonous but eventually it will get better. This is the
direction I need to be taking and I know it.

By the time
I park my car and climb out, I am feeling better and more confident about this
meeting. He can't sway me back to the old ways. I won't let him. As I make my
way down the sidewalk, I brace myself for the sight of him.

I can do
this.

I find Cole
waiting for me outside the frat house. He's leaning against the porch and there
are a few people mingling on the front lawn, but most of the party is inside.
He looks good in a tee advertising a heavy metal band. His jeans are torn at
the knee and I see he's holding a beer in one hand and a strong wine-cooler in
the other. Even in the dark, I can feel his eyes sweeping over me with
interest. I'd deliberately dressed in jeans and a long sleeve black hoodie. I
was never again dressing up for him.